Chasing Hope (22 page)

B
randy stumbled into the house from her Friday evening training run. As she walked inside on spaghetti legs, she heard Mrs. Springer’s voice coming from the kitchen. She rushed forward in spite of her wobbling. “Hi, Mrs. Springer. Is everything all right?”

“About as all right as it can be right now. Sabrina’s getting ready to go back to Atlanta on Sunday for another interview Monday morning, and she’s worrying herself to death over it.”

Brandy crumpled into a chair between the two older women. “She never seems to catch a break, does she.”

Mrs. Springer shook her head. “She’s had a rough road, there’s no doubt about it.”

Brandy looked at Mrs. Springer and her grandmother, who she knew shared the same deep faith. “Can I ask a question—without being rude, I mean?”

Mrs. Springer leaned forward and squeezed Brandy’s hand. “Of course you can—you’re among family here.”

“Why is it that someone like Kayla Ratcliff is so convinced God
blessed her hard work and dedication, and eventually showed the world that she was superior to Sabrina, that lazy pretender? I mean, we all know better—Sabrina wasn’t slacking. Yet Kayla goes around everywhere giving her talk, dissing Sabrina, and she makes it sound like she and God are real tight, but I know part of what she’s saying is not really the truth. How can she be so convinced she’s got God on her side?”

Mrs. Springer nodded her head slowly, thoughtfully. “I think about things like that a lot. The only thing I can figure is that’s what happens when we try to take our own ideas about the way things should work out and make ’em God’s. I don’t doubt that she has a real desire to know God and that she’s doing her best to follow Him. Seems to me, she let herself become so convinced that God was going to give her a scholarship, she stopped listening for His voice about anything else along the way.”

She took a sip of the iced tea on the table in front of her. “I imagine she knew how she thought things should work, and when God didn’t work that way, she looked for someone to blame. Sabrina was the easy target.”

“That makes sense, I guess.” Brandy shook her head. “But why doesn’t God just shut Kayla up—at least where Sabrina’s concerned?”

“Those are the kinds of answers I don’t suppose we’ll ever get this side of glory.”

“I guess not.”

“Truth be told, I’m not sure but that Sabrina has made a bit of the same error. After she lost her running, well, she gave up the call to do mission work. She assumed how God was going to work things out, and He had other ideas about how things should go.” Mrs. Springer’s voice grew quiet. “I’ve always thought she was missing something there, but she doesn’t see it that way.”

Grandma, who had been sitting silently, nodded. “Maybe this
is part of God’s plan to make her see it, then—her getting called back to Atlanta, I mean.”

“I think you may be right, but to tell you the truth, I’m hoping if that’s the case, He’ll show Sabrina the truth and let her come to the same conclusion. It feels like so many things have been taken out of her control. I’m praying that He’ll show her the right path, but give her the option of whether or not to choose it.” She took another sip of iced tea. “And I’m praying like crazy that she makes the right choice when the time comes.”

The sunset reflected red and pink against the windows of downtown Atlanta. One look at the sky said this wouldn’t last long—a thick mass of dark clouds hovered nearby.

Sabrina hung up her clothes for tomorrow, then spent a few minutes settling in for her brief stay. After that, there was nothing left to do but think. And wonder.

This did nothing to settle her already raw nerves, so she turned on the television in an attempt at distraction. The local anchorwoman was talking about plans for lengthening the northbound MARTA line further into the suburbs. Try as she might to pay attention to the story, Sabrina could not stay focused.

The first flash of lightning was followed quickly by a second and a condo-rattling peal of thunder. That got her attention. Sabrina watched the lightning zigzag a random pattern through the black sky. It felt so out of control, so random. Just like her life.

“Stop it. Quit being a whiner and get to work.” She shook her head hard, then went in search of her Grace Rose file. For the past year, she’d been collecting all sorts of information about them. There were clippings, articles, and links to publicity campaigns they had created. Top-notch work, all of it. As she had long ago
memorized all the pertinent details, there was little to keep her attention.

She reassembled the paper work and thumped the edge a couple of times on the coffee table to line it all up before sliding it back into the file. Then she opened her backpack, considering to which school project she might devote some time.

The pink edge of a small book caught her attention. Her old journal. She’d thrown it in on a whim. She pulled it out. “Okay, naïve Sabrina who knew nothing about the harsh realities of life, let’s see what else you have to say.”

She pulled it open where the satin bookmark noted her last stopping point. What she found was more notes about the children of Israel leaving Egypt. “I was really stuck on a theme.”

Seems to me, the people of Israel were too quick to look at their circumstances and come to an assumption on what that meant. Thing is, they never knew beforehand how God was planning to work on their behalf. Who would have ever thought He’d part the Red Sea? Or bring water from a rock? Or send something unheard of, like manna, to feed them? This is a good reminder to avoid letting circumstances alone direct my life. God may have bigger or better plans for me.

Sabrina closed the book and shook her head. A heavy, guilty kind of feeling pressed against her stomach, but she refused to allow it. “The person who wrote that had never lived through having her entire life plan taken away from her, by something far beyond her control.” She tossed the book onto the bed. “You thought you were so smart back then. So full of faith.”

She stood up and began to pace around the apartment again, trying to clear her head of the unpleasant thoughts that burned
inside her. Try as she might, she couldn’t, because a single word had solidified into a chant that would not be quieted.

Faith.

Faith.

Faith.

She turned on the television and flipped through the channels.
The Biggest Loser
finale was just wrapping up, so Sabrina stopped to watch. The woman who won was crying. As they showed her before and after pictures, it was an astounding difference. The hostess asked her what she had learned this season. “When things are at their hardest, that’s when you stop looking at the hard things and keep your focus on your goal.”

Sabrina thought that sounded a little too similar to the thought she was trying to escape. She took a quick shower and climbed into bed, setting ice packs on her knees, knowing that she needed to be well rested for tomorrow.

Sometime in the middle of the night, she woke up, wide awake, and could not get back to sleep. In desperation she reached for the little journal, still on the bedside table.

Like the Israelites when God called them to the Promised Land. They finally made it where they were supposed to be, but they saw how big the people were who lived in the land and they didn’t want to go to war against them. They made the assumption that somewhere along the way Moses had messed up—they were talking about killing him. Now, these same people had been following God all through the desert, they had followed God back when they were slaves, but they had maybe assumed they would just walk in and take the land easily. Their assumption cost them forty years in the desert.

Don’t assume.

“Okay, God, if there is something I’ve been assuming, then please show me what it is. I think I’ve done everything I’m supposed to and more, but if you see it differently, then I’d like to know about it.”

It was said as more of a challenge than a prayer. But after she said the words aloud, she turned out the light and fell back into a deep sleep.

T
he elevator of the Kershaw Building was packed full this morning. It seemed to stop at every other floor, making the trip up excruciatingly slow. Still, after alternating ice and heat all night long, Sabrina’s knees felt better than they’d felt in over a week—something for which she was truly grateful. At least she wouldn’t be hobbling through her interviews.

As the crowd thinned, Sabrina noticed another young woman about her age. She was dressed in a perfectly fitted blue dress and designer heels, and her hair could have been a photo taken straight from the pages of
Vogue
. Everything about her reverberated confidence, poise, and success.

At each stop, more people left the elevator, but the young woman made no move to do so. At the twenty-first floor, everyone got out but the two of them. The only remaining lit button on the elevator panel was twenty-five. She looked at Sabrina and smiled. “Looks like we’re both on our way to Grace Rose.”

“Yes.” It was bad enough that Sabrina suddenly felt underdressed
and dumpy, but why couldn’t she think of one intelligent response? She finally managed to blurt, “Do you work there?”

“Not yet, but that’s my plan. What about you?”

Just then the elevator doors opened, relieving Sabrina from having to give a firm answer. She mumbled something about this summer then made for the woman at the desk. She looked up.

“Good morning, Ms. Rice, so good to see you again. Ms. Davenport is expecting you. Right this way please.”

As she walked away, Sabrina heard the other young woman say, “I’m Tessa Roseman, here about the intern position.” Sabrina cast one more sideways glance before following the receptionist down the hall to Candace Davenport’s office. Had all the interns been called back in for an interview? Or was this girl a possible replacement for her slot?

Somehow, she knew in the back of her mind that the answer was the latter. Had they decided that she didn’t have enough killer instinct after all? Or were they concerned about her health? Either way, Sabrina was not going to let one bit of a limp be apparent today. This was one thing her arthritis was not going to take from her.

The receptionist knocked once on the office door and then opened it. Candace was on the phone, but she waved for Sabrina to come inside and take a seat, holding up one finger to indicate she would be done with the call soon.

“As I explained to Mr. Sumners yesterday, in spite of the fact that he may consider
Noonday With Leslie Franks
 less exciting than the Jerry Litton show,
Noonday
appeals to his target market. The majority of Leslie’s viewers are young mothers, which is obviously your chief demographic. I believe that you will all be more than pleased with the response.”

She went silent for a few seconds, occasionally nodding her agreement with whatever it was that was being said on the other
end of the line. “Exactly. I’m so glad we are in complete agreement on this. Rosalee will call you back with the final numbers this afternoon.” She pressed the button on the phone, stood from behind her desk, and leaned forward to offer her hand. “Sabrina, so good to see you again.”

“It’s nice to see you, as well.”

“So, I hope we didn’t throw you for too much of a loop with this second interview process. Occasionally it happens when there are changes with our clientele or our needs, so we have to redouble our efforts to make sure our interns are exactly what we need for an upcoming season. This year especially, our choices were particularly difficult, so we thought it wise to look at things with laser focus.”

“Not a problem at all.” Sabrina thought about the healing but still present sores on her nose. She thought about Tessa Roseman in all her perfection. Was she her direct competition? Well, she was here to make certain that whatever it took, she would retain her intern slot. “I’m thrilled to be back here.”
And no one is going to take the right away from me. I’ll see to it this time.

Brandy groaned when she saw the name on the caller ID. “Grandma, it’s Mrs. Lauderdale calling again.”

“Well, answer it.” Grandma sounded as irritated as Brandy felt.

“Good afternoon, Mrs. Lauderdale. And how are you today?” Brandy used her best smart-aleck voice, adding an equally fake smile, even though it was a phone call.

“I would be much better if I had your mandatory paper work sitting on my desk in front of me. There are several weeks’ worth of reports that are missing.”

“Sabrina would be better if you had all those, too, because it
would mean that she hadn’t been sick and in the hospital. Which, unfortunately, she was. You’ll get the new stuff, ’cause she’s out and coaching me again.”

“So you’ve said before. I need to speak with your grandmother.”

By this time, Grandma had made it into the living room and was standing at the ready. Brandy handed her the phone, rolling her eyes in the process.

“Mrs. Lauderdale, what can I do for you?” Grandma listened for only a few seconds. “No, my granddaughter is not making up stories. That poor girl spent almost a week in the hospital and was sick as could be for a long time after that. She’s still not up to full speed. Now, you listen to me. I don’t ever want to hear you accuse my granddaughter of lying again, and especially about something like that. She’s been worried sick about Sabrina, and for you to even insinuate . . .”

Listening to her grandmother, Brandy’s fake smile turned real and it took every bit of strength not to reach over and hug the woman. Instead, she simply thought about the warm feeling she had inside her chest. It felt good.

Grandma shook her head as she listened to what was being said on the other end of the phone. “That’s because Sabrina is out of town right now. She’ll be back late tonight and I’m sure you’ll be able to reach her at her grandmother’s house tomorrow.” She paused for a moment. “You wouldn’t dare.” Grandma listened for another few seconds and then hung up the phone. “That lady is just looking for a fight, is what she is. I think she’s just mad that she’s actually having to do something.”

“What wouldn’t she dare?”

Grandma shook her head. “Don’t you worry about it. She’s doing nothing but blowing a bunch of hot air. No judge in the world would blame you because your coach got sick and then got a little behind on mindless paper work.”

“I hope not.” Brandy toyed with a button at the hem of her shirt. “Thanks, Grandma. For standing up for me like that.”

“Well, of course I’m going to stand up for you. I’m your grandmother and I love you to pieces.”

Brandy’s eyes stung, but she was certainly not going to succumb to any sort of sniveling. “I’m glad you’re on my side.”

“’Course I am. So are lots of people.”

Brandy started to say something like
Yeah, right
, but she didn’t. Instead, she choked out, “Like Sabrina.”

“Yep. And Louise Springer, too.”

“I guess so.” She paused, then said, “Sabrina is such a strong person.”

“You’re right. She has overcome so much and yet she still remains upbeat and positive, when it would out and out crush most people. You know what, though? I know Sabrina would say the same about you.”

Late that night, Brandy tossed and turned for as long as she could stand it. With less than a week to go before the Nashville race, her nerves were on edge. Now, even more than the last time, she knew she needed to succeed for Sabrina. After all she’d been through she couldn’t bear the thought of letting her down. Not this time.

She climbed out of bed, made quick work of getting dressed in her running gear, and slid open her window. Just a quick run. She knew if she woke up her grandmother she would be worried, or more likely all-out forbid it, but Brandy had to do something. She wouldn’t be gone long.

Instead of heading toward Sabrina’s house as usual, she turned toward town. She took off in a slow jog, picking random streets
without giving it much thought. At least she didn’t give it much thought until she heard the car slowing behind her.

What were the odds that once again Janie would be out and about on the same street at the same time Brandy was running off some nerves? She forced herself to turn, preparing herself to face this challenge head on.

But this time, she didn’t see Janie’s car behind her. It was a family sedan that had pulled into the driveway just behind her.

She exhaled a sigh of relief and took off at a slightly faster pace. As her feet moved her forward, she couldn’t help but ask herself the question,
What would I have done?

Resisted, of course. That’s exactly what she would have done. But then again, she’d done that the last time—at first. When it came right down to it, when it was time for the final decision, would she have held firm, or would she have caved in to pressure again? In fact, was that what this run was all about? Was she hoping for the small chance that she would once again run into Janie?

In that moment, she knew that she was. That’s why she’d come out tonight. The search for something that would, for just a little while, relieve her of the pressure.

She turned the next corner to move her closer to town, closer to any action that might attract one of her friends. They were likely around here somewhere. All she had to do was keep running and she’d find them. As she made the turn toward McDonald’s she saw several cars she recognized in the parking lot. A good time was less than a half block away. It would feel so good to— Stop!

Brandy locked her feet in place, refusing to take even one more step forward. Up ahead of her was the promise of almost instant relief. But she knew now that it came with too high a price. She pivoted and ran back the other way. With each step that hit the pavement, she reflected on the hard workouts she had put in, all the times she had wanted to quit, and all the sacrifices so many
people had made to help her with her running. She would not take all that and make it nothing by throwing it away on a quick but temporary fix.

Just to remind herself, she aimed toward Sabrina’s house. That would keep her focused.

When she jogged past, all the lights were off and Sabrina’s car was back in the driveway. She had made it home from Atlanta, then. She’d already made some excuse about not coming to the race this weekend, probably afraid to.

This time, though, Brandy was going to prove herself worthy of sticking around for.