Chasing Trouble (15 page)

Chapter Eighteen

Colt refilled Jenna’s wineglass. Though they sat on the living room floor, the sound of crickets singing and bright moonlight beaming through the window surrounded them.

“Tim Jenkins? Really? The kid with braces?”

Jenna smiled as she took a sip of wine. “Yeah. We were in eighth grade. He walked me home and as soon as we hit the porch he just went in for it. His Big Red gum fell into my mouth and I nearly choked. To this day, I can’t stomach cinnamon.”

Colt chuckled. “Poor kid.”

“Now your turn, Mr. Rodeo Romeo: Who was your first kiss?”

She watched Colt look at the ceiling, scratching two fingers along his jaw. “Marina Monroe. She was a senior when I was freshman.”

Somehow Jenna wasn’t surprised Colt managed to wrangle in the older ladies even as a teenager.

“And…?”

“She knew what she was doing, I’ll say that.”

Jenna rolled her eyes and took a long swallow of wine.

“Careful there, sugar. I wouldn’t want to bring forth that jealous wrath of yours.”

“Jealous? Me?” She shook her head. “No, I’m practical. I know you’ve been with your fair share of women.”

Didn’t mean Jenna didn’t want to suddenly punch all those nameless, faceless hussies in the face.

“I’ll tell that to Yvonne Taylor next time I see her.” Colt winked and took a drink from his longneck.

“Hey! She was being handsy and rude and, honestly, who has the right to just walk up and start pawing all over you?”

Colt leaned over and kissed Jenna on the mouth. Quick but deep with just the slightest hint of tongue. “You do.”

“I—what?” Crap. She was on her third glass of wine and her brain was slow to catch up.

“You have the right to paw me anytime you like.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.” She smiled.

“Please do. And know that I start to get whiny when I feel I’m lacking attention.”

Jenna burst into laughter, mostly because Colt looked so serious.

“So, with all this shit—your mama, Yvonne, and everyone nosing their way into everyone else’s business—why do you stay?”

Colt’s question caught her off guard. Yes, there was a lot of stress that came with Diamond, but there was a lot of love too. The answer was simple. “It’s home. You can’t run from your home every time something gets hard.”

Colt’s jaw clenched. “Sure you can.”

Jenna stared at him for a long moment. “Yeah. I suppose you’re right. But I don’t think happiness can ever catch up to you if you keep moving around, never giving it a chance to set in.”

When Colt just looked at her, Jenna felt her heart speed up. “You ever think about settling down? Home, family, all that?”

She tried to sound easygoing, maybe put a more lighthearted spin on the conversation, but deep down she was truly curious.

Colt’s blue eyes burned into her like he was peeling back every piece of who she was and seeing straight to her soul. “Yes.”

Jenna took a deep breath and an even deeper swallow of wine. “What about the circuit?”

Colt shrugged. “I’d give it up.”

“What? You can’t just give up something you love.”

“I agree. But who said I loved the circuit?”

Jenna’s mouth hung open. “You just…you’ve worked so hard to get where you are.”

“Yeah. I have. And I got to where I wanted. Got what I wanted out of it. But no matter how many times I tried, Lily and Alex won’t leave Diamond.”

Jenna’s heart swelled. She knew Colt had offered to take in Lily and Alex, wanting them close. But just as much as he didn’t want to be in Diamond, they didn’t want to leave. “Are you considering staying in Diamond?”

“When something won’t work with you, sometimes you have to work with it.” His words reached across the room and settled over her ribs. That was Colt’s whole outlook on things. He adapted, the best way he knew how. “What about you? You want kids?”

“Oh, God, no,” Jenna blurted out.

Colt looked shocked. “But you love kids. You teach, for Christ’s sake.”

“Yes, I do. But being a mother is very different. I wouldn’t—I just don’t think I would be good at it.”

Colt frowned. Really frowned, like he was gearing up to yell. After a moment, his eyes softened and he reached out to tilt Jenna’s chin up, forcing her gaze on his.

“You are not Miranda Justice, do you hear me?” Jenna had to clench her teeth to keep her chin from quivering. “You. Are not. Your mother.”

She sat there, staring at the man she’d grown up with. The man who saved her from a childhood she could barely handle and offered her refuge. A man who made her feel like who she was and what she wanted was okay. The truth toiled through her brain clear as Colt’s baby blues.

I’m in love with Colt McCade.

“Say it.”

Jenna looked up to see Colt staring at her. She realized she was caught overthinking again. But this time, could she really put it all out there? If he rejected her, Jenna knew deep down that she’d be left empty and always searching for the kind of rightness she felt with Colt.

That was a lot of power to give someone, and while Colt saw the good in her, Jenna didn’t trust herself. And that was the problem. That would always be the problem.

“Today has been perfect, Colt.”

He took her glass and set it down. He reached for the hem of her shirt and pulled it over her head and tossed it to the floor. It was the only piece of clothing she had on. Colt undressed, then in one slow movement, swooped over her.

Jenna lay on her back, the soft rug tickling her skin. Colt hovered over her, his big body caging her in. He reached for a condom from his discarded pants and rolled it on before placing himself at her entrance. Resting his forearms by her face, he looked down at her as he slid into her body.

It felt right. Too right. A tear stung behind her eyes and before Jenna could think better of it, the bead of sorrow slid down her temple and into her hair.

“Oh no, sugar. What’s this?” He wiped the tear away with his thumb and eased out of her. “Am I hurting you?”

She clutched his shoulders and wrapped her legs around his waist, urging him back inside her. “No. I just…the real world is right outside those doors. I don’t want to leave this.”

Colt kissed her. Soft, deep. As if every emotion he was feeling came through in that one heated stroke of his mouth against hers. “We’ll make it work.”

Jenna hugged him closer. Deep down, she had a feeling she was going to lose Colt. And nothing had ever terrified her more.

Chapter Nineteen

Jenna knocked on her mother’s front door. After a couple wonderful days with Colt, she braced herself for what she knew was coming: reality.

“Hey, what are you doing here?” was all Miranda said. Thankfully she wasn’t drunk, but she didn’t look well. Come to think of it, Miranda Justice hadn’t looked well in quite a long time.

“I brought you a few more groceries,” Jenna said and handed her mother the bag, which she took and didn’t slam on the floor this time. “There’s some red licorice in there too.” It was Miranda’s favorite.

“You sucking up to me, little girl?” She put the bag inside and returned to face Jenna at the doorway.

“No, I just came by to say hi and—”

“And check on me.”

“You’re my mom,” Jenna said, because that was her reason behind her feelings for Miranda. So many times she had let her down and Jenna had more than a dozen good reasons to hate her. But she didn’t. “I just want you to be okay, Mama.”

Something sad flashed in her mother’s eyes, and it made Jenna’s sting in return. For years she watched her mother struggle. Chase something she deemed better than her life, something better than Jenna.

“I’m sorry I’m not enough, Mama.”

Miranda frowned, but nodded, confirming what Jenna had always known: her mother was constantly looking for something more than what Jenna’s existence could provide. Sixteen was young, and that was when Miranda became a mother. Jenna knew she’d never been happy since, and it was likely her fault. The two things she’d seen her mother value were men and alcohol. Until the effects of both wore off and she was looking for the next high.

It wasn’t until Jenna had spent time with Colt that she started understanding. Love was a high. The feeling of being needed, wanted, desired…it could mess with your mind. Because it had started messing with Jenna’s. She’d never been as happy as when she was with Colt, and yet, it wasn’t real. Everything about their relationship was flawed and secret. Their lives didn’t match, and yet…she still chased. Chased a man who may never be catchable. Then what? Would she be where her mother is? Miserable and depressed and looking for the next guy with wheels and promises to take her away from all the pain and provide something better?

Jenna swallowed hard.

Was she staring at her future? Because the thought of not having Colt made her chest hurt so badly it scared her.

“And what about you?” Miranda examined Jenna’s face. The usual viciousness wasn’t behind her eyes. “Are you okay, little girl?”

“I try to be.”

“Something going on?”

Jenna shrugged. This was the first sober, nice conversation she had with her mother in a while and despite knowing better, Jenna jumped on the opportunity. “I have this job I’m going for that the school board has to vote on coming up.”

Her mother nodded, not seeming to be convinced. “That all?”

Jenna glanced at her feet. “And there’s this guy.”

Miranda grinned but there was nothing amused in her expression. “There always is.”

“I…I don’t know what to do.”

Miranda cocked her head to the side and Jenna may have imagined it, but she could have sworn she looked concerned. For her.

“That’s impossible, Jen. You always know what to do.” The softness in her mother’s voice made that sting behind her eyes she’d been fighting prick harder.

“Not this time. Being with him isn’t simple. There’s a lot at stake, a lot I’ve worked really hard for and—”

“Do you love him?”

Jenna’s head snapped up. The question was so simple and not at all what she expected to hear from her mother. But Jenna nodded. “Yes, I do.”

Miranda tsked. “That’s a tough one then. No matter what, you will always give up something for the love of a man.” Her mother’s eyes bore down on her. “Always.”

Seeing the last several years flash across her face, Jenna knew that her mother spoke the truth. Had lived it.

“You just have to figure out what you want more, and if it’s him, hope to God that he’s worth what you’d lose by choosing him.”

“What if I could find a way to not lose something?” Maybe if Colt could just hang in there with her for a few more days until after the vote, then maybe they could give their relationship a real, public, try.

Miranda shook her head. “What’d I just say? You always lose something.”

“What did you lose?”

Miranda ran a hand through her ratty hair and glanced at the sky. It was then that Jenna saw tears in her eyes.

“I lost myself,” she whispered. And thus, confirmed Jenna’s fear.

Jenna pinched the bridge of her nose. Her stomach hurt and her mother’s sadness was something she didn’t know how to fix, but she wished so much she could.

“Well, I just came by to drop those off. I have to get home. I’ll see you later, Mama.” Jenna walked to her car and before she got in, her mother yelled at her, but not in the way she was used to.

“Make sure that guy is good enough for
you
, little girl.”

Jenna’s eyes snapped to her mother, who nodded once quickly and shut the trailer door. All her life, she had never known how badly she sought her mother’s approval until that moment.

…

When Jenna pulled up to her house, she didn’t expect to see Abigail sitting on her front steps.

“Hey, you okay?” she asked, getting out of the car and hustling to the waiting seven-year-old. Abigail instantly stood up and hugged Jenna. “Oh, honey, what’s wrong?” Jenna hugged her back.

“I get to go to play at Cindy’s in the mornings since it’s summertime, but then go home for lunch. I…I didn’t want to be there so I came here.”

Jenna sat Abigail down on the stoop and took the spot next to her. “Why don’t you want to be there?”

Abigail shrugged.

“Are you hurt?” Jenna asked. She’d asked this same question several times over the years. While Jenna knew Abigail’s mother wasn’t great and didn’t treat her daughter well, she’d never seen bruises on the girl, nor had Abigail ever admitted her mother hurt her. There was little Jenna could do, other than provide a safe place to go. Because Jenna knew firsthand that verbal abuse could be more destructive than physical.

“No, not hurt.” Abigail hugged her knees. “Mama is just being mean today.” Jenna patted Abigail’s shoulder. “I came here yesterday and before that, but you weren’t home so I just sat here. Is that okay?”

Jenna’s eyes went wide. She had been off with Colt when Abigail needed someone. Needed her.

“You can come here anytime. I’m so sorry I wasn’t here, honey.”

“It’s okay. Domino kept me company.”

“Domino?”

“It’s what I call the cat that comes around here. I think he’s a stray, but he lets me pet him.”

“I see.” Jenna felt terrible. This seven-year-old girl was wandering around, looking for somewhere to go where she felt safe, and Jenna had run off with a man instead. Even though Abigail wasn’t her kid, it still made sickness rise in her gut thinking of her sitting out here. Alone.

“Does your mama know where you are?”

Abigail shook her head.

“Well, why don’t you come inside and I’ll fix you something to eat and we’ll give her a call.”

“Do we have to?”

“Yes, we do. You can stay as long as you want, but we need to let your mother know you’re safe.”

“Okay. Can I come here tomorrow? And the next day? If that’s okay?”

Jenna’s heart lurched when she saw the sparkle in Abigail’s eyes. To think that she could actually be there for this girl, maybe make a difference, was something she had to do. Wanted to do. And there were other kids who needed something extra in their lives, which was the reminder Jenna needed. The reason why she was pushing so hard to get the after-school program up and running
.

“You can come over as much as you want, let’s just make sure it’s okay with your mama first. Okay?”

Abigail nodded and they both stood. Jenna let her inside and pulled out her cell phone.