Chinese Ghost Fables 1 (10 page)

Mr. Shi sarcastically asked, "Are you stalking me? Why do you come here? Maybe you
prefer stink and sordid stuff? How could I disappoint you this time?" With alacrity, he
abruptly jammed the used toilet paper down the monster's throat and ran away. Throwing
up, the otherworldly creature was horror-struck, hopelessly howled and merged itself into
the soil. From then on, the monster never attempted to approach Mr. Shi again.

My tutor periodically quoted this episode while he was lecturing us. We were reminded
that the universe has numerous known or unknown species. Ghosts and otherworldly
creatures may or may not exist. The virtuous are often the most courageous. As long as
you have no misdeed and no evil-though toward others, your energy becomes pure,
vigorous, and robust. None of those devils dare to pester or molest you.
43
SEEKING A GRAVE GROUND

In traditional China, the selection of the location of a grave was considered paramount
of importance. They believed that it would affect a family's prosperity. Wealthy persons
often had spent years on the discovery of a fortunate site for themselves. This is a story
about Mr. Soong occurred in the Ming dynasty.

He visited Yi County and went into a deep mountain in order to find a blessed site as
his future graveyard. At dusk, black and thick clouds edged in and gradually block the
crescent moon. The wind howled and raindrops started violently falling on the trees. Not
having an umbrella or a raincoat, Mr. Soong was in an embarrassing situation. Looking for
a shelter, he vaguely detected a deserted temple and went there to stay away from the
rain.
At the entrance, he heard a hollow sound, from deep inside of the temple, "Sir, please don't
come any closer. A ghost has lived here."

"How could you know that?" With amazement and confusion, Mr. Soong, whose clothes
was thoroughly soaked with rain, asked.

 

"Because I am he." In a timid tone of voice, the resident apologetically explained.

Mr. Soong was an educated and upright gentleman. Broad-minded and virtuous, he was
not afraid of and was interested in those oddities. Out of curiosity, he politely requested to
meet with that otherworldly creature, "We belong to different worlds. You shouldn't see me
at all," With hesitation mixed with uneasiness, the ghost reluctantly admitted him in and
advised, "You must not come near me. You can stay on the corner and build a fire to warm
yourself. We might exchange a few words from a distance."

"Why do you live in this pit, an ill-maintained and dilapidated place of nowhere?" The visitor
initiated a question, revealing his puzzlement. "As a ghost, you must have a grave of your
own somewhere. You should stay with your kind."

"How sophisticated you human beings are!” Obviously irritated and aggravated, the lonely
otherworldly creature jeered and elucidated, in great length. “Why do I need to mingle with
those snobbish superiors, crafty colleagues, unreliable friends, troublesome neighbors,
and selfish folks? Am I living for myself or my peers? I often contemplate with and
perplexed by such big questions. Whom or even, what am I living for? My existence is
certainly not for them, at all. If
I stayed with the herd, I will naturally develop a
herd-mentality: For the welfare of the group, I have to cut back my ambition, down size my
ideal, reduce my goals, and hold back my potentials in order to comply with their mundane
norms. My individuality will be compromised. Otherwise, mainly due to jealousy, they will
gang up against me. In compliance with others’ mediocrity, I could never become my own
master, probing the limits of my ability. In fact, three hundred years ago, I was a small town
mayor in your world." Recalling his past, with excitement tinged by a trace of melancholy,
the ghost passionately narrated. "Fed up with political cronyism and racketeering, I
resigned myself. Returning back to my native land, I became an ordinary, but respectable,
citizen until my death. Due to my high status and integrity, I was constantly pestered by
trivialities and didn’t have an easy life there, either. Villagers would ask me to solve
disputes, settle differences and smooth disagreements for them free of charges. I was
irritated. Furthermore, in my big family, I was exhausted and aggravated by my relatives'
complicated interpersonal relationships which involved flattery, cheating, double-crossing,
intrigue, and back-stabbing. As a fresh soul rendezvousing with the ghost master, in the
underworld court, I zealously denounced the opportunity of returning back to the earth. I
had enough of that kind of dog-eat-dog lifestyle. They appointed me to be a petty officer in
the underworld. Well! I didn't know that I have to suffer a similar misery again. I resigned
and retreated to my grave where there also have been the same issues among those
otherworldly creatures. With frustration and amazement, I left those intrigue-minded ghosts,
and relocated myself to this remote and deserted temple, far away from either human
beings or ghosts.

At first, living here alone is very lonely. I have to tolerate the insufficiency of all kinds of
material. Nevertheless, as a master of my own fate, I have a tranquil life and my mind is in
peace. I don't need to kiss up my superior or to worship the affluent. My heart became pure
and won’t be tempered or allured by greed, selfishness or fame. I am content." The
otherworldly creature concluded and was silent.

Mr. Soong attempted to continue this conversation by asking a few more questions.
Besides the rain hitting leaves and wind lingering among trees, generating humdrum
monotone noises, there was no response from the secluded ghost. The silence remained
till daybreak. Searching the whole temple, he couldn’t find any trace of the otherworldly
creature. Mr. Soong was deeply touched by that statement. When he took out a brush pen
and ink, he stood on the tips of his feet, respectfully brushed two large words, 'Hermit
Ghost,' on the top of the entrance and departed.
44
FIREWOOD STACK

On the backyard of my grandfather's mansion, on a remote corner, a deserted
firewood stack had been there for many years. Nobody knew when it had been constructed.
Due to its old age, otherworldly creatures could reside in it. Villagers had a rumor that site
was taken over by a pack of fox spirits. Keeping themselves away from trouble, people
dared not to approach there especially, at night. One time, a servant was vastly intoxicated
and inadvertently slept near that possessed site. At midnight, due to deep drunkenness, he
unconsciously started to remove the firewood, one stick at a time.

Suddenly, he heard a voice of complaint, "I know that you are under the influence of alcohol
and I will overlook your rudeness this time. Now, you may go back to your family."
Regardless of this warning, he continued his mischievous behavior. After a few moments,
he was exhausted and dozed off on the ground.

A few days later, the servant stayed in the middle of a melon field, guarding the almost
ripped melons at night. His wife brought dinner for him. Under a dim dusky light, she
vaguely observed his husband cuddling and flirting with a young female. From afar, with
amazement and aggravation, she noticed that girl was rather attractive and she even wore
red clothes, which was very conspicuous and unusual under such circumstances.

Without hesitation, she furiously dashed forward, picked up a stick, pushed that girl
aside and continuously beat her husband. Surprised and overwhelmed by this assault, the
victim crossed his arms, hopelessly trying to fend it off. After many hard blows, the wife
began to cuss and curse him. With bruises, the husband was seriously injured, moaning,
and murmuring. He couldn’t explain himself in clear terms due to this severe attack.
Suddenly, they heard a giggling sound from the top of a tree. Then, they realized that they
had been deceived by a fox spirit in response to the husband’s prior misdeed.
45
SEVEN THOUSAND PENNIES

Rustic but astute, an eighty-year-old man slept over seven thousand pennies. The
copper coins were evenly spread over his wooden bed. Without leaving a written will, he
had passed away quietly. However, his autumn-leaf yellow face showed a trace of remorse
and sadness. He had a conference; his friends and colleagues discussed and interpreted
the meaning of his unconventional arrangement. After a heated debate for hours, they
finally reached a concurrence. The coins were used for the purchase of an above-average
coffin and the organization of a decent funeral ceremony. The mystery was settled.

Several days later, Mr. Wu, who was a close friend of the deceased, confronted him in
his dream.
Obviously irritated and aggravated, the ghost browbeaten him, meticulously instructing, “As
a guard of the state pagoda for over forty-years, I am entitled to a few benefits. According
to the law and regulations, I could have a coffin free of charge. The local government is
also required to provide a simple funeral ceremony for me out of the public coffer. Those
coins are my lifetime saving. They must be loaded into my coffin and bury with me. Who
know how much money I need to spend in the underworld….”

In a tedious monotone, the ghost periodically reminded him how to arrange the
ceremony, dispose his personal belongings and budget all related expenses thriftily. In the
next morning, Mr. Wu disclosed this unique rendezvous to their friends and colleagues.
With embarrassment and uneasiness, they abruptly turned down the prior solution and
complied with the ghost's instructions faithfully.

After the ceremony, in a melancholy mood, Mr. Wu sighed profoundly and remarked, "How
could he be so short-sighted? Money is valuable only in a human being’s mundane world.
How could he expect to use them in another domain? Bury with those coins will only allure
troubles. Learning his stupidity, tomb-burglars will raid his grave, and chop up the coffin,
looting those pennies. His skeleton and bones will be exposed and violated. How sad it is.
He had saved all those coins for this utter humiliation."

"I am afraid that I couldn't agree with you," Another friend politely, almost with feminine
delicacy, interrupted. "I don’t think that anyone one will dare to get anywhere near his grave
at all. Nobody in the earth will touch or even pull those coins out of his rotting body. He had
been a cantankerous person and should be a ferocious ghost. When we misunderstood the
usage of those odd-placed coins, he appeared in your dream and reprimanded you
severely. This episode is now well-known. Whoever attempted to dig up or even to smirch
his coffin for those seven thousand pennies, he will certainly pursue that thoughtless
intruder from heaven to hell forever. Furthermore, those copper coins are heavy to carry.
Comparing with gold and silver nuggets, they don’t have that much value at all. For such
meager gain, who would like to cross with a vicious ghost?" Nodding their heads
courteously, all of his friends and colleagues smiled and agreed with him.

This fable teases the religious blockheads, whom had ignored the carnal pleasures of
the present world, reserving all of the wealth for the unknown one.

 

46
UNDER A HIGH FEVER

My friend Mr. Sun once suffered a high fever and fell into a deep coma. He could
sense that his spirit was out of his body, wandering and floating in the air. Traveling in the
sky for hours, he noticed a grand, well-decorated building, with many souls hastily entering
and leaving.

According to legend, that must have been the underworld court. It’s the starting point
for a new ghost. The main functions of this court are to assort, categorize, judge and assign
those ‘new-born’ ghosts’ destinations. Out of curiosity, he lowered his head and raised his
long sleeve. Covering most part of his face, Mr. Sun cautiously glanced at the ground.
Trying to avoid direct eye contact with the flagrant, sturdy ghost guards, he sneaked into
and successfully mingled himself with a long line of the souls. Under careful supervision,
those newcomers proceeded forward with dead silence, entering that grandiose building
from a small, side entrance. With impatience and self-importance, several stern-face ghost
officers, yelling and scolding all the time, conducted the traffic. They overlooked Mr. Sun, a
half-human spirit. He timidly followed them to a huge hall and sat in the audience. With
prudence, he looked at the stage. The dignified ghost master was seated behind a desk.
His hairy right hand held a brush pen and left hand thumbed through a big book. After
asking one or two questions on a new ghost, he mindfully listened to his responses and
promptly jotted down the verdict. Without delay, two muscular ghosts stepped in and
escorted the defender to his assigned location. The procedure was both speedy and
effective.

He observed a full-dressed, high-ranking ex-government official whom approached the
center of the stage without announcement. That behavior was a breach of the underworld
protocol. In aggravation, that highly-cultivated soul annoyingly sat in front of and glanced at
the judge, with a touch of paternal contempt. Vigorously gesturing, he complained about
his subordinates’ deception. Before the ghost master could utter a word in response, the
well-learned ghost indignantly named several intriguers and demanded him to punish them
severely. The ghost master patiently listened to his uproarious protest, with a grin and a
face full of skepticism. Out of professional courtesy, he frequently nodded and sighed in
according to the ex-government official’s emotion.
After a moment of tolerance, he interrupted and remarked, "I believe that you tell me the
truth. But is your complaint reflecting the whole truth? It is easy to fingerprint others. Could
you do a soul-search and find fault on yourself? Their behavior reflects your leadership.
Due to your favoritism, you will naturally attract and have sycophants as your subordinates.
They will be very compliant in your heyday. And they will backstab you in your downtime.
Why would you expect them to be loyal to you all the time? At best, they are fair-weather
friends. They are crooks, whose specialties are flattery and treachery. You have no position
to blame them whom you had handpicked them all by yourselves. They will be ultimately
held responsible of their misbehavior. Our Almighty will take care of them. The decrees of
their misdeed are faithfully recorded on this thick book of underworld judgment. I will meter
out their punishments accordingly. Now, you may leave."