Chosen (9781742844657) (41 page)

‘Because she's so powerful,' I said, shrugging. ‘Doesn't it make sense to find a student with a power level close to yours? And besides that, she's good at everything.'

There was a knock at the door, and Renatus sighed, closing his eyes briefly.

‘Who is it?' I asked him softly, but he shook his head. He sat up straighter and flicked his hand irritably in the direction of the door. I turned to look.

Three older girls stepped inside the office, smiling and emanating nervousness and delight. One was Khalida Jasti from my scrying class, and the other two were her roommates. The Asian girl was clutching a pink diamante-covered notebook. All three had gone all-out on their hair and make-up this evening. Hair curled, straightened, pinned up – you name it. How they'd managed those styles without access to power points was beyond me. They all wore tight, dressy jeans and trendy black tops. They looked grown-up and glamorous.

‘Good evening, girls,' Renatus said, professional as always. ‘What can I do for you?'

‘I'm not sure whether you really know who we are,' Khalida gushed, ignoring me completely, ‘but I'm Khalida, and this is Suki, and Bella. We were hoping to talk to-'

She was interrupted by the girl I assumed was Bella, a pretty European with shiny brown hair and eyes so heavily lined with black kohl that I couldn't guess the colour. She had just dragged her sultry gaze from Renatus to take a quick look around the office, and spotted me.

‘What's
she
doing here?' she demanded haughtily. Khalida and Suki turned to stare at me with the same demanding, expectant air. I felt a spark of indignation – what, they had a right to be here and I didn't?

‘I'm in detention,' I said, deeply annoyed. ‘Why?'

The three beautiful teen queens blinked almost in unison, looking uniformly stupid, and then relaxed, sharing snide, smug looks.

‘Oh, that's right,' Khalida said airily. ‘Sterling told us about that. Anyway,' she turned her attention back to Renatus, ‘the three of us are interested in starting a student events committee, with your permission, Sir. Our tasks would involve organising social events for the students here, as presently there's not a whole lot to do here outside of classes.'

‘I see,' Renatus said, nodding once.

‘It would require
some
collaboration with you, Sir,' Suki said, looking positively enthralled by the notion, ‘but mostly we'd organise everything ourselves. We've come up with a few ideas already.' She showed him the book she held.

‘We thought you might like to have the worry of arranging these kinds of events off your shoulders,' Bella added.

I quickly turned away so the girls wouldn't see me struggling not to smile. Like Renatus had
nothing
better to do than arrange movie nights for a bunch of bored teenage drama queens.

‘Yes, that would definitely be a weight off my mind,' Renatus said, absolutely seriously, and I tried my hardest not to roll my eyes and smirk. I bit my tongue and flipped open Anouk's book to a random page.
…councillors continued the then-common tradition of taking an apprentice to ensure succession of talent and skill within…
I could tell without looking that the girls were beaming with pride. ‘Who would this committee consist of?'

‘Us,' Khalida, Bella and Suki answered all at once, as though the answer was obvious.

‘Of course.'

‘These are some of our ideas,' Khalida said sweetly, positively wrenching the pink and sparkly notebook from Suki's jealous grasp. She stalked forward, earrings jingling, until she was standing right beside me, pretending I didn't exist, and leaned past me to hand Renatus the book. ‘We'll give you some time to have a read over what we've got, and perhaps we'll come back in a couple of days to talk about what you think?'

‘That will be fine.'

Khalida smiled widely, an expression echoed by her friends. I was vividly reminded of a documentary I'd seen on lionesses, and envisioned a pack of hunters, trying to close in on their prey.

Except these girls had no idea what they were hunting.

‘Thanks so much,' she said graciously, slowly backing away to rejoin the other two. ‘Goodnight, Sir.'

‘Goodnight, Sir,' Bella and Suki said together. As one, they turned and left, each taking a moment to cast triumphant looks my way. I watched them leave. I supposed they thought they had won a round. I supposed they thought I
cared
if they'd just made complete fools of themselves. The door closed behind them.

Renatus didn't say anything for a long moment – he just stared at the back of his office door. Then, abruptly, he snatched the list from me and slapped it down before him. I watched as he found a pen and crossed out the third name: Khalida.

I couldn't have said what made me do it – what made me think I had any right to do it – but I reached across the desk and took both the pen and the list from him. He didn't try to hold onto either one. I scanned the list quickly, and drew a line through Xanthe's name.

Actually, I knew exactly what made me do it. Xanthe had been nasty to Hiroko and I couldn't bear the thought of her getting a privilege so undeserved. As to where I got off thinking it was my right to influence Renatus's decision as a result, well, I'm not so sure. He didn't seem offended.

‘I thought she was your friend?' Renatus asked, his tone hinting at amusement.

‘She's not.' I still had Anouk's book open, and flicked the cover to close it. Renatus's hand snapped out and caught it, maintaining my page.

‘Don't,' he said. ‘No page is random for people like us.'

‘What are you talking about?' I asked. He pushed the cover back so the book fell open again.

‘You opened the book without thinking. There is information on this page for you. Maybe not for today, but for one day. You should memorise the page number and come back to it.'

‘How do you know I didn't?' I teased, knowing it was a stupid question – of course he knew I hadn't committed the page number to memory! I looked around for a bookmark, or something to use as one, and Renatus unlocked and opened his drawer.

‘Use this,' he suggested, offering me a strip of red ribbon. My eyes lingered on it as I took it.

A beautiful teenage girl with very long black hair sitting in the library…She uses the red ribbon to secure her plait…Loneliness, resentment, hurt…She has tears on her face…

I whipped my hand back instantly. Renatus blinked, surprised by my reaction.

‘What is it?' he asked.

‘Whose is this?' I demanded, startled. I could still feel the girl's pain. ‘She's upset.'

He stared at me, apparently lost for words. His face didn't say much, but his eyes told me that my words and my distress had brought up a hurt deep inside him. His whole energy shifted, and something seemed to break. I could suddenly feel everything he was feeling, whereas usually he was in complete control of his emotions. His fingers closed over the ribbon, tighter and tighter, mirroring the feeling of tightness in my chest.

‘She's…' he began, but couldn't continue for a very long moment. He looked to his window, as he often seemed to do when he was lost in thought. This time, though, I wasn't going to leave him to his thoughts. I was worried for this girl, distressed by what I'd felt, and I wanted to know what was going on.

‘She's what?' I asked, not caring if I sounded pushy. ‘Who is she?
Where
is she?'

‘She's been dead for seven years,' Renatus said finally, clearly struggling. I had never seen him so distraught. He wouldn't look at me. ‘Her name was Ana. She's…' He wiped his brow with his hand, upset. He paused for another long moment, and this time I allowed it. I was trying hard not to cry. He finally dragged his gaze back to me, and to my surprise, there was an apologetic look in his eyes. ‘She's why you're here.'

I closed Anouk's book, losing my place, but I was finding it hard to care. My head was swimming – all I could feel was grief, powerful grief, and it was clouding my thoughts. I stared at Renatus, trying to make sense of his words. The parts of my brain still functioning began producing outlandish and improbable possible meanings. Was this Ana a prophet who had foreseen my coming to this school and my eventual ascension into the White Elm as the Scrier? That would be too nice and convenient. Perhaps she'd died as a part of some psychotic ritual, and I had been selected as the next sacrifice? Did Renatus have contact with the other side? Was that the sort of dark magic the council let him use? Had I been tricked into coming here?

Could I possibly think up a crazier prospect?

‘I don't understand,' I said, making an effort to keep my voice even. My heart was hurting. His pain was too intense, too real to block out. Renatus held my gaze.

‘She was my sister,' he explained softly, ‘and you remind me of her.'

I stood suddenly, not really knowing what I was doing. My heart felt broken. All I knew was what he was feeling, and I was connecting so deeply that I was completely unable to block it. It was overwhelming. I realised how much it must have hurt him to get to know me, having grieved for his lost sister for seven years and suddenly meeting a living reminder. I wondered briefly why he had bothered with me if that was the case. This was
my
fault. I'd brought this up. For the first time in my life, I couldn't stand myself, and I knew this wasn't my own, personal feeling. I could feel tears welling in my eyes, blurring my vision.

‘I'm sorry,' I blurted, backing away. Distance usually helped whenever this happened to me.
I'm sorry that you lost the person you loved most in the world. I'm sorry that I remind you of what you lost. I'm sorry that I'm here and she's not
.

‘Aristea,' Renatus said, standing also, ‘that isn't what I meant.'

His voice was calmer, and he was making a conscious effort to rein in his emotions, but I had already felt it all, and I was still drowning in it. I didn't know any way of calming down other than simply running away from the problem. It was the only way that always worked – I didn't seem to have the self-control to wait it out.

The last thing I wanted was to burst into tears in front of Renatus and completely lose control to a bundle of powerful emotions that weren't even mine. I'd backed almost all the way to the door by this point, and Renatus, his expression one of concern, raised a hand and the door opened. I turned to leave, but managed to make myself pause in the doorway and look back quickly.

‘I really am sorry,' I said, then left.

Renatus watched her leave. So much potential, all wrapped up in the form of an overly-trusting, uncertain teenage girl. She could so easily go astray, with demons like hers, and she could be so easily led down the wrong path, so willing was she to follow anybody who was nice to her.

Who is she? She's upset.

Renatus had once been like Aristea – young and ignorant of his true potential. He had, thankfully, known himself better, known his gifts, but he'd been short-sighted and unable to imagine himself as he now was. He'd been much, much further away from the light than she was, though, when Lord Gawain had brought him back.

Most of the way back, anyway. Apparently some of his own demons still haunted him.

‘Apparently,' he muttered bitterly, locking the ribbon back into the drawer. There was no apparently about it. He
knew
. He
knew
how ridiculously messed-up he was and he
knew
that this deep unresolved pain lay at his inner core. What he hadn't known until now was that there was a person – other than Lisandro – who could open him up and shine painful, nasty light on that core.

Renatus had found that stupid ribbon years ago, a few days after he'd officially inherited the mansion. He'd picked it up accidentally, tapped into the impressions left on it by his sister's touch and reacted similarly to Aristea. He'd thrown it back into the drawer. Years later, on a whim, he'd found it again and grabbed it…and received nothing from it. Some faint impressions dissolved over time, or after they'd been accessed. Renatus had assumed the ribbon had shared all it would.

He'd dropped her straight into that. He should have at least suspected Aristea would read more into it than he had. She was an incredible scrier, and so shockingly like Ana. He should have been more careful with her.

Aristea had no idea who or what she could be in five years' time. Less, even. Properly instructed, she could become an incredible force.

And who said you'd properly instruct her
?

She wouldn't necessarily become like him. She was stronger than she knew, and with his knowledge, she could perhaps be better. Perhaps she wouldn't break, like he had.

Renatus shook his head firmly and got up, restless, ashamed and anxious. He'd expected his search to take a long time – he'd imagined compiling list after list, observing quietly, taking notes, eliminating names until there was only one option left. That name, he'd decided, would belong to the
one
.