Christening (8 page)

He was downplaying his own misery, so she wouldn’t feel bad, but Erin felt bad anyway. Felt terrible. Felt guilty. And her face must have reflected it.

Seth frowned. “You’re not feeling sorry for me, are you?”

“Of course not. I wouldn’t dare to do something like that.” She moved her hand back to once again caress his familiar face. “But I can’t help but want to take care of you. You look tired.”

“I am tired,” he admitted, reaching up and pulling her hand off his face, but then twining his fingers with hers once again. “But I’m all right.” Shifting the elbow that was supporting his head, he continued, “I know you didn’t leave to prove something to me or to make a point. But I think…I think maybe it did help me see something that I had somehow neglected to see before.”

Erin’s brows lowered as she listened, feeling like this might be important.

Seth hesitated. Looked down at the blanket. Shifted again, self-consciously, proving that what he was trying to say was hard for him to admit. “Those nights I spent this week, alone in our bed, were so much harder than the nights I’ve spent in hotels. I could sense you all around me, and so I could feel your absence even more. It should have felt like home, but it didn't. It felt so empty.” He finally looked up. Met her eyes. “And I realized how you must have felt—all those nights I was gone. It had never occurred to me before. I just always thought of you as safe and happy with the girls. I always thought of you as…home. But now I realize that it’s not the same home when one of us isn’t there.”

Erin’s throat had constricted as she realized what he was saying.

On a roll now, Seth went on, his voice unusually thick, “I’m so sorry, Erin. That I’m only now thinking about how hard it must have been for you. For you and the girls. Not just when I was out of town but when I was in town but not really home. And it’s not just an empty gesture of appeasement when I say I’m not going to let it happen again.”

All of the emotion in Erin’s chest and belly was flooding up into her throat and eyes. Unable to speak, she nodded at him, to let him know she’d understood.

“And I know that doesn’t address all of our problems, and there are some unavoidable work issues that we’ll have to try to deal with, but I wanted you to hear this from me now.” He raised his hand then, to brush one of the tears from the corner of Erin’s eye.

“Thank you,” she managed to say.

She’d sensed that Seth had been holding back his urge to really touch her during their conversation. And, now, as if he couldn’t hold himself back anymore, he lifted her hand and pressed a soft kiss into her palm.

She relaxed back on the blanket and gazed up at him. Didn’t pull her hand away.

He met her eyes deeply. Kissed her palm again. Then pushed another warm kiss into the heel of her hand. Another on the pulse in her wrist.

And everything felt so warm, and safe, and simple. Like a dream or a story. Like a quiet summer afternoon.

She knew what the smolder in his eyes meant. She knew why his body was starting to tighten.

He was moving slowly. Giving her a chance to stop him, to decide what she wanted.

She didn’t need to decide. Things weren’t perfect between them. Weren’t even close to perfect. There was a lot they needed to deal with. A lot of painful, conflicted issues that would take a long time to work through.

But they didn't have to do it all at once. Didn't have to do it all now. He was still her husband. And she loved him. And it had been almost six weeks now since they’d made love.

She didn’t want to wait anymore.

“Erin,” Seth murmured, his lips trailing deliciously down the sensitive skin on the underside of her forearm. “You know I love you, don’t you?”

“Mmm hmm,” she murmured, shivering in pleasure as he tongued the crease where her arm bent.

“I’ve never stopped loving you. There’s never been anyone but you.” He had to lean over now, as he mouthed his way up to her shoulder. “I haven’t had sex—or
wanted
to have sex—with another woman since you were pregnant with Mackenzie. You know that, don't you?”

Erin sighed, her hands fluttering up to unconsciously settle on his shoulders. “Yeah. Me either. I mean another
man
,” she amended, as she thought about his last words. “Or woman, for that matter.”

Seth chuckled against her throat, and the vibrations sent luscious shudders through her body. “That’s good to know.” He’d rolled over until he was halfway on top of her, and his body was tense and hot. But even his intensity seemed to melt into the warm afternoon. “Erin?” he asked thickly. “Baby, do you want to…”

“The girls aren’t here?”

“They’ll be gone for more than an hour.” With an effort, he pulled his mouth off her skin and held himself above her on straightened arms. “Are you sure? I know things aren’t right between us yet—”

She raised her arms to cup his face. “I know. But we still love each other. Why shouldn’t we make love?”

Seth wasn’t about to object. With a groan, he lowered himself over her again. Kissed her deeply and hungrily. Then began to caress her body, sliding his hands along her sides, hips, and thighs, over the fabric of her clothes. He was kissing her again when one of his hands dipped under her loose top to cup and squeeze the swell of her breast.

She was moaning softly into his mouth, her body responding as it always did to his touch. Her own hands were moving over his shoulders, back, and butt urgently, needing to feel the hard lines of his body beneath her fingers.

There was a noticeable bulge at the front of his pants, pushing against her hip in a way that made her inner muscles clench, when he asked, “Did you want to go inside or stay here?”

“Here is fine,” she answered, not wanting to move from where she was. On a blanket in the grass, on a beautiful day in August. Spread out beneath her favorite tree, beneath her husband.

Seth’s expression was tight with desire when he pulled up again to stare down at her face. “Are you ready?” he asked hoarsely, pushing up her skirt with one hand so he could feel between her legs.

“Yeah,” she told him, squirming restlessly as he cupped her over her panties, as he felt how hot and wet she’d become. “I’m ready.”

She spread her thighs and pulled up her skirt all the way as Seth unfastened his pants. Then he positioned himself between her legs, bringing one of his hands down to his freed cock.

He was poised at her entrance, and she was holding her breath in anticipation when he met her eyes one more time. “Erin?” he asked.

“Yes, Seth. I want this. Hurry up.” She rocked her hips up, rubbing her arousal against the tip of his erection.

He made a long, guttural sound, holding himself above her with one arm, and then began to guide his erection into her body.

She was surprisingly tight, from going without for so long, so the pressure of his hard length pushing inside her was unusually uncomfortable. At the way her muscles were forced to stretch, resisting the penetration, Erin raised her upper body on her elbows in automatic defense and whimpered out a long, “Eh-hey.”

Already panting erratically, even though they had barely started, Erin tried to relax and adjust.

Halfway in, Seth had frozen, his head jerking to the side and his eyes squeezing shut. Now, however, he muttered out, “Oh, fuck,” and then pulled his cock out of her body all the way.

Erin let out a huff of surprise as their bodies disconnected. “Seth?” she asked, blinking up at him in surprise. “Why did you pull out? It was a little uncomfortable at first, but it’s not like I’m a trembling virgin. I've had two kids. I’m pretty sure I can handle it.”

Seth chuckled tensely.  Still had one hand on his cock and now squeezed the base of it briefly. “I’m sure you can. But I’m not sure
I
can.” When he’d gotten himself under control enough, he opened his eyes and gave her a dry look. “You’re so much tighter than usual, and it’s been so long. I really don’t want to embarrass myself.”

Erin’s mouth curled up in a teasing half-smile, although she was feeling quite tender. “All right. Do you have another plan then?”

Lowering himself over her enough to give her a sweet kiss on the mouth, Seth murmured, “Of course, I have a plan.”

He reached between her legs with the hand that had been on his cock. Slid one finger inside her, stroking her most intimate flesh.

Erin was still supporting her upper body on her elbows behind her, so she had a good view of Seth’s ministrations. Sighing in pleasure at his touch, she teased, “That feels very nice. But it’s not a very flattering reflection of your girth.”

Seth let out a surprised burst of laughter. Then gave her a very significant, smoldering look. “Just wait.”

Then, as Erin watched, he joined the one finger with a second, curling them up and rotating them around so he could massage all of her inner walls, the moisture of her arousal making the motion smooth and slippery, and causing a slightly wet sound as he pumped his fingers inside her.

The friction was lovely, and Erin was gently rocking her hips with the pressure. It wasn’t anything too urgent or overwhelming—just felt like he was stroking the deepest parts of her.

Her lids were getting heavy with pleasure when his slid out his slick fingers and added a third. Pumped them in and out, curling them and stretching her as he did.

The tighter feeling heightened the sensations, and Erin’s breath started to come out in eager little huffs. She bent her legs at the knees and tried to angle her hips so he could get deeper.

“How’s that?” he asked, his hungry eyes devouring her flushed face.

“Good,” she gasped, as his three fingers slid against the clench of her inner muscles, sending out tingles and jolts of pleasure that were building into a deep pressure at her center. “Good, oh, oh, there.” She whimpered as he curled his fingers precisely enough to find her g-spot. “God, Seth, I want it right there.”

He pushed against the spot a little harder. Bent the arm he was supporting himself on to lower his body over hers even closer. “Did I find something good?”

“Yeah,” Erin rasped, all of her lethargic pleasure coalescing into a sudden urgent need for release. Her pelvis pumped up against the pumps of his fingers, and her head fell back helplessly, as she panted, “Yeah, Seth. There. Right there.”

Since her eyes had fallen closed and she was focused on the slow swelling of an orgasm, she had no warning when Seth added a fourth finger to penetration.

This was much, much tighter. So tight her pleasure was mingled with a significant amount of discomfort. “Ah!” she gasped, her back arching instinctively and her thighs trying to press together around Seth’s arm.

“Too much?” Seth asked.

“Try,” Erin gasped, blazing hot and urgent and trembling.

Seth pumped his fingers a few times, and—while she could handle it—it just didn’t feel as good. Since he couldn’t comfortably get in the position to find her g-spot.

“Three is better,” she mumbled, opening her eyes to make sure Seth wasn’t disappointed.

He didn’t look disappointed. He looked flushed and tense and aroused and like he wanted to swallow her whole.

But not disappointed.

He used three fingers again, curling up and connecting with her g-spot in a tight, delicious pattern.

“Oh, oh, God,” Erin could feel the muscles in her belly and thighs tighten as the pressure kept building at her center.

Then suddenly, she wanted to feel him inside her. All of him. Wanted both of them to feel this good.

“Seth,” she pleaded, clawing at his shoulders and trying to pull him farther up and over her. When he didn’t move, just kept thrusting into her with his fingers, she tossed her head. “Seth, want you. Inside me. Now.”

He groaned desperately and levered himself up—not even trying to argue at this point. In fact, he was in such a state that she wondered, if she’d have come from his hand, whether he would have come too…whether he’d wanted to or not

Pushing her thighs farther apart, he poised his cock at her entrance once more. Then he pushed into the emptiness his fingers had left, and Erin moaned long and loud at the much more substantial length of his cock. It still felt tighter than he normally felt inside her, but his fingers had stretched her enough that his girth was no longer uncomfortable.

He pulled back and stroked in, in the long, slow thrusts he always began with. And soon Erin was gasping out wordless expressions of need and effort again.

The friction from Seth’s long strokes inside her was pleasurable, but the angle wasn’t as precise as his fingers, and Erin began to squirm in frustration. She moved her arms so she could lie back once more on the blanket, planted her feet on the ground, and tried to raise and angle her hips so he’d come closer to hitting her g-spot.

Despite his hot haze, Seth must have noticed her restless squirming. “Baby, what is it?”

Erin made a broken, sobbing noise as she writhed without success. “It’s good,” she gasped, not wanting to hurt his feelings. “But can you…I need…the right spot.”

He reared up immediately, tense, perspiring, and breathing heavily through his nose. Situating himself on his knees, he grabbed her hips and raised them slightly, giving himself more freedom to sustain an effective angle.