Christmas and Forever (12 page)

Her lips stretched into a painful smile. “I’m glad I could help.”

For the remainder of the day she tried hard to combat the glumness that shadowed her enjoyment of Christmas and being tucked away for a few more hours with Aidan. Sometime after lunch, when Aidan plucked her out of the armchair she had curled in beside the fireplace and led her outside to the sled he had chopped out of a fallen tree, surprise was an understatement. She had stared at him in astonishment and joy despite her sadness. He really meant it, about enjoying life. The old Aidan Keegan would never have suggested traipsing down a snowcapped hill, like a ten-year-old.

As the day went on, the sorrow grew tenfold, yet she showed no hint of it. Liya glanced over her shoulder as he added more kindle to the fireplace. Everything about him was more relaxed and he had said she was responsible for it. Sighing, she placed the last of the dishes inside the dishwasher and set it to run.
Well, you did get what you wanted
,
she told herself. Or at least what she thought she wanted three days ago, when she made the brazen suggestion of using sex to bring some joy to Dr. Keegan. It did nothing to lessen the pain or ebb the tide of her disappointment.

“Come with me outside.”

She wiped her hands on a towel and followed him out into the snow. The air felt thick and balmy, misting with each and every breath. Aidan clasped her hand to his. “So tell me, what did you really think of this place, and being up here with me?”

Huh? He had to ask that. Weren’t her face and her words enough of an open book for him to read and sample at leisure? Maybe that was indeed her problem. She had been too open and honest with him, leaving no air of mystery or enticement.

“I thought I made it clear on so many occasions.”

He stopped beside her. “You made a lot of things clear, sweetheart, including the fact that you spent years taking care of your little brother and when he passed you had no one else to focus that energy and dedication on.”

“What are you getting?”

“I don’t harbor illusions about myself, Liya. I’m much older than you. I have a damaged arm and leg. It shouldn’t come as a surprise that I wonder just how much of your need to be a caretaker is driving you to think what you feel for me is more than friendship.”

She allowed her hand to fall from his grasp. “Caregiver, Aidan? Is that what it means when you have sex with someone?” She laughed without mirth. “I suppose now that we’re about to get back to reality and the rest of the world, I’m relegated to chubby girl who can only be a friend or twisting my hands worrying about someone to take my mind off my own sad state, right?”

He scoffed. “You’re perfectly fine.”

She shook her head, half groaning and laughing. “If I pitied you that much because of your flaws, there’s no way I would have slept with you. If you don’t want to move on with me, that’s fine, but you don’t have to find excuses for it.”

His hand shot out, capturing her wrist in a steely grip. “Look me in the eyes and tell me you don’t pity me. That you won’t feel a shred of embarrassment introducing me to your friends on my worst day with this leg?”

“I’ll give you an answer when you can swear to me from this moment, this second forward I’m the only woman in your heart, that I won’t be second place, a stand-in, because you’ll never experience that ‘once in a lifetime’ love. I don’t want to be the woman you pass your time with until the day comes when you reunite with Sarah.”

His features became impassive. If a stranger were to pass by they might think she had just requested that he lasso and bring her the moon.

She broke away and walked slowly in the fresh snow. “Save your answer.”

Footsteps quickened behind her. “You’re the only woman I want. I swear to you. You’re the only one.” Aidan’s voice sounded frantic, like a man terrified of losing again.

Her heart ached for him. One thing was for sure—Aidan cared about and thought he needed her. Love. He was at the point of desperation and still he couldn’t bring himself to say the words. She touched his face and brushed her lips across his jaw. Although her face felt frozen and chapped from the tempestuous wind, her eyes stung from the pressure of holding in the tears. Aidan thought he needed her, but he didn’t. She had told him once that he made her feel safe, and now it seemed as if the situation was reversed. Aidan wanted her because she made him feel safe. With her there were no risks involved. He would have to lay himself bare, because she already knew what was inside him. She chuckled and wiped at her cheek with the side of her forefinger, chuckling when he looked at her in question.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. Nothing. I think we’re both experiencing some lessons this holiday.”
Except mine is going to hurt us both. You for a short time, me forever.

She slung her arm across his back as they continued on the jaunt. She wondered if he would return to the cabin in the near future. Out of the corner of her eye, a large tree trunk caught her attention. For a brief second she had the childish urge to carve her name into it, leaving a physical presence so he would always be reminded of her. She averted her vision. It was too silly anyway, and Aidan did not need another person haunting his memories. Come tomorrow she would leave in silence, keeping to the deal they had struck. For now, she melted into him and allowed herself to be swept up in the emotions that would no doubt linger for years to come.

Chapter Ten

A month later

Liya rubbed her hands together, seeking heat against the biting cold nipping at her skin. She quickened her steps away from the playground, briefly turning around when an excited voice called out, “Hurry up Ms. Em.” Liya grinned and waved to the little girls standing at the end of the slide waiting for her to help them build a snowman.

Liya smiled to herself. Everything seemed to be moving so fast since the Christmas holiday. Well, everything except the love she felt for Aidan. That tender emotion was still a constant, refusing to budge an inch or diminish in light of their parting. She thought of him and the smirk that would shape his lips if he knew she were hurrying back into her classroom because, as usual, she had forgotten her gloves on one of the coldest days of the winter season.

Liya sobered and dug her hands into her jacket pockets. It was still hard to think about him and the way she had left, sneaking away in the wee hours of the morning the day after Christmas, while Aidan slept. She wasn’t proud of it, but what other choice was there? She wanted Aidan to know she had meant every word she’d spoken at the onset of their arrangement.

In the beginning, she hadn’t held out much hope that he would awake with a startling epiphany and realize he was in love with her as she drove down the bleak mountain path and a month later she knew the chance of ever hearing from or seeing him again was slim to none. As for Aidan, he was probably relieved to have awoken without her presence on the bed and in the cabin. No tears, awkwardness or false promises to assuage whatever guilt or regret he was feeling because of her admission of loving him.

A dull ache settled in Liya’s chest as her mind strayed toward Aidan and how he was faring at the clinic with the little ones. She hoped he had found a new receptionist and that the clinic was running well. With her thoughts a mile away on Aidan and not the slickened walkway, Liya felt her feet skidding, losing grip on the ice. Arms flailing, she struggled to grab a hold of the brick barrier the children loved to walk across pretending to be acrobats. It was no use. The front of her boot slammed against a snag and Liya felt herself hurling forward. Everything happened so fast, there was no pain, no time to contemplate the possibilities. Her head slammed against the stone and the world went pitch black.

****

Aidan picked up the phone then set it down on his desk. This was the third time today he attempted to call Liya and lost his nerve. That morning, when he awoke to an empty bed and no sign of the woman he was losing his heart to, he’d been unable to keep at bay the hurt brought on by Liya’s abandonment although the rational part of him knew she was upholding her promise because he hadn’t been man enough to give her a reason to stay longer than the three days. Knowing Liya, she probably assumed he was happy now that she was no longer a physical fixture in his life. Happy? Never, but he was confused. Liya scared him and he was terrified to be with her. Waking up to the empty bed, however, and knowing she was gone made him realize that the connection they had would not fade into nothingness, no matter how much time had passed. Liya was officially ingrained in his heart and soul. And yet, he hadn’t worked up the courage to change the course of his life and put Sarah in the past.

“I have to call her,” he said firmly. Aidan picked up the phone and dialed her number again. Instead of ringing, the phone went directly to voice mail. Aidan grimaced. It would serve him right if he wasn’t able to contact her. In fact, it would serve him right if every day for the rest of his life her face continued to haunt him, every single image of her and their time in the cabin. He never wanted to forget the sight of her on her knees in front of him, his penis brushing against her luscious lips as she told him, ‘I love you.’

Raking a hand through his hair, Aidan checked the time. He had no idea what Liya’s days were like, but maybe there was the off chance that she was at her apartment. He had never visited it before despite driving by the building on a few occasions, hoping to get a glimpse of her without having to make up his mind about the future of their relationship. Another despicable and selfish move.

He rose from the chair and went to grab his jacket off the rack when a single knock sounded at his door. Whoever it was pushed the door open without awaiting his approval.

Aidan turned to face a stoic and worried-looking James. Aidan frowned. As much as he envied James, he felt panic rising in his gut that something had happened to a loved one. The pain he went through, he didn’t wish it on anyone. Including James, who was much more than a colleague.

“What happened?”

James closed the door quietly behind him and braced his back to the frame. At the man’s hesitancy, Aidan raised his voice a pitch. “Did something happen to your family?”

Liya. His mind spun out of control. Aidan felt his heart drop to the floor. He knew that look all too well. Aidan was in front of James in an instant. “What’s wrong with her? Is she all right? Damn it. Tell me.” His heart was racing a mile a minute and adrenaline pumped through his veins.

“I don’t know the details of how it happened,” James began slowly. “She must have fallen on the ice or something.”

Fallen. Aidan grabbed his friend by the shoulders. “Is she dead?’ Oh God. He let go of James’ shoulder and planted his hands on the desk before his knees gave out. If James said she was…Aidan tried to catch a breath. If Liya was dead, then he might as well be, too.

“She’s not dead, but she’s hurt pretty badly, man. Like I said, I don’t know what happened. I was on my way out when I saw her being brought in. She was unconscious. Head injury, I’d say.”

Aidan allowed himself to breathe again. She was alive. Liya was alive and he would have the chance to tell her everything he hadn’t, including how much he loved her.

Without another word to James, Aidan sprinted through the door and within minutes he had all the information he needed, included which doctor was in charge of her care and the room she had been assigned to.

A quick trip into the elevator and down to the urgent care ward, Aidan found the room door and entered, hospital protocol the last thing on his mind.

He saw her then. Lying on the narrow bed, eyes closed, an oxygen tube below her nose and the side of her head shaved, a line of stitches visible on her scalp. So many things about the scene felt familiar. The fear and helplessness at watching the woman he loved lying injured in a hospital bed and knowing there wasn’t a damn thing he could do about it. Settling in the seat beside her bed, Aidan took her soft hand between both of his.

“Liya.” No response. Not the even the faintest flutter of eyelashes. He traced his fingers across her brow and kissed her lips. “Hey now, sweetheart. Open up those bright eyes for me.” Knowing full well the anesthesia hadn’t worn off, Aidan was desperate for a sign that she was truly all right.

He stroked her hand and continued to talk, hoping deep down she could hear him even if she assumed it was a dream. “What happened to you? I thought you knew that when I’m not around you have to be extra careful and take care of yourself? I never wanted anything to happen to you, sweetheart. This is exactly what I was always afraid of.”

Silence greeted him. Aidan cast his gaze toward the wall then back at Liya. Anger rose deep within him. Anger at directed at himself. Liya was lying there, had hit her head and fell unconscious. His throat closed up. She could have died, believing he didn’t love or care about her. He felt physically ill.

“I love you,” he whispered, praying harder than ever she could hear him. Aidan tightened his hold on her hand and repeated the words. “I love you so much and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. I’m sorry for all the times I was cold to you and ignored your feelings.” Tears burned at the back of his eyes and he choked back a sob. He loved Sarah, but now looking back he saw how much he had hurt Liya by constantly mentioning the love he had for Sarah and that no one including herself could compare. It simply wasn’t true. For months now, Liya had secured her place at the center of his heart until finally she had claimed it completely.

He laid his head to hers and whispered another apology. So engrossed in being next to his woman, Aidan didn’t hear the opening of the door.

“Keegan?”