Christmas and Forever (9 page)

When the last spasm wracked his frame, Aidan turned to her, disgusted with himself and praying she would understand. “I couldn’t do it, sweetheart. I couldn’t.” He lowered his head then looked back up. “Sarah. The baby.” It felt as if he was being choked, just uttering the words.

Frowning, her large brown eyes searched his face. He swallowed and touched his throat. Yeah, he was still breathing. Now he just needed to explain his actions to her. “It wasn’t the car accident that killed my wife. It started before that day. We just didn’t know. I’m a doctor and I didn’t know my wife was hemorrhaging. The crash only compounded it.” His voice cracked. “There was nothing they could do for Sarah or the baby. She was only six months along.”

She threw her arms around him. “I didn’t know, Aidan. I didn’t know.”

He hugged her, comforted by the simple gesture. “I’m sorry I ruined it for you. That I couldn’t, didn’t…” He paused and thumbed her chin. “You have no idea how much you deserve. How terrified I am when the time comes for you to meet someone special and get married.”

She burrowed her face into his neck. “I don’t want to think about anyone else. I don’t
want
anyone else.”

He closed his eyes, pleased beyond measure by her words. But it was wrong all the same. In time Liya would move on and forget him. She would be on her back with some other man pumping between her thighs, filling her with his sperm—something he would never be able to do.

He gave her a wan smile as his fingers threaded into the ringlets of curls. “Come next year, sweetheart, you’ll forget all about me.”

“Is that the amount of time it’s going to take you to push me and our time here out of your mind?” she asked, a defiant rift to her tone.

He let go of her hair. She reacted to his movement. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. I told you I wouldn’t have any regrets and I won’t. I meant it. It was my suggestion and I’m a big girl. I can take it. Also, I’m getting something out of this too.”

She covered her lips over his and cut him off. What could he even say to that? She was right. There was no future for them beyond this cabin and Christmas.

His gaze flickered downward on the tiny curls between her legs that he would never see wet and sticky with his semen. “I wish it could be different.”
Understatement of the century, Keegan
.

“I know,” she echoed. “I know.”

Chapter Seven

Liya rolled onto her side, huddling into the blanket until it was all the way up to her chin. Why was it suddenly so cold? She blinked once, then again. Aidan was gone. She had fallen asleep in his arms, fully expecting and anticipating awakening in the same position. She touched the empty spot on the side of the bed. Eyes squinted, she launched upright. The distinct sound of running water trickled into the bedroom. He was in the shower. Liya glanced at the windows. The faintest hint of the looming sunrise stirred below the horizon. She doubted the hour had struck six, which was way too early to be up on a holiday. Concern for him struck her. Perhaps his leg was hurting and he needed the hot water to help relax it.

Clambering out of the bed, Liya grabbed her shirt and underwear. After slipping into the clothes she gave a single knock on the bathroom door. The flow of water ebbed, yet he returned no answer. She knocked again. She didn’t want him to be in pain, but a selfish part of her desperately hoped that was the reason and not because he wished to rid himself of the memory of last night. Liya bit her lips and pressed the pad of her fingers to her pussy. If anyone had a reason to feel dirty and direly in need of a shower, it was she.

“Aidan?”

The door jerked open. His hair dripped with water, and beads of moisture clung to his lean abdomen. Brows raised, he glowered. “What is it?” Liya flinched, but not before her eyes landed on the towel tucked around his hip. She had hoped to get a view of his leg.

“What are you doing in there?” she asked, feeling awkward and girlish.

A muscle ticked in his jaw. “I was taking a shower. Is that not allowed for the three days we’re here together?”

Liya blanched. Huh? Was he serious? “Does that mean you usually get up this early and shower after every woman you sleep with, or is it just me?” She glared at him. “We didn’t even return to the city yet and already you want to keep this a secret. Can’t stand knowing you made love to me? A woman, who looks nothing like your wife? You don’t like knowing that you can still feel pleasure? Well, you’re not dead, Aidan, and last night more than proved it.”

“There’s no need to remind me of last night,” he said, voice toneless.

Liya pulled the shirt tighter about her middle, wishing she wasn’t standing in front of him in her tiny underwear. “That’s fine. I may be a lot younger than you, but we have more than you know in common. For instance, I also have feelings. Feelings you seem to think you now have a right to shit on. Yeah, I suppose I might have come across as a little tramp making this suggestion and actually sleeping with you last night, but that’s no reason to disrespect me and ignore my feelings.” She stared at him, unwilling to let him see the actual hurt. “I’ve never been in the mountains before, so I’m going to take my time and look around. After that I’ll head back home. The deal is off, which I’m sure you’re happy about since I practically forced you to fuck me.”

He stood at the doorway, gaping at her. “Liya. You have to understand this. I enjoyed what we did together, but—”

Liya shook her head and yanked the jeans over her hips. “Save it. I was fooling myself thinking this was a good idea.” She tugged the boots over her calves and turned to him, hating herself for the question spinning in her mind. “Was it because I didn’t really know what I was doing?” She finish tugging the last boot over her ankle and laughed quietly, waving a hand in the air. “Forget I asked that. Now I’m turning into one of those pathetic women seeking approval. Have your privacy. I should be back soon to get my things.”

“Liya, please don’t be hurt.”

“I’m not. It’s fine. It was just a silly experiment. Anyway, I suppose you want to be alone now with your memories and all. I can understand that. No hard feelings, right?” She was babbling now. It had to stop.

“You don’t have to go.”

“I do.” If she didn’t go, Aidan Keegan was about to witness her fall, tears and all. Last night meant nothing to him. The sad thing was, her offer might even have made him lose respect for her. Would he ever be able to take her seriously from here on out? What sort of decent woman did that: acquiesced to no-strings-attached sex for the weekend? She shuddered at the thought. He and his wife probably had even waited until after they were married to sleep together. Sarah hadn’t needed to open her legs for Aidan right away, but Liya had done and still hadn’t been able to impress him.

Liya bolted through the door. The wind blustered and blew, whipping at her face and lashing at her lips. Freezing cold and it never felt so good, giving her something to feel apart from the hurt. She ventured farther away from the cabin. Despite her feelings, Liya took the time to appreciate her surroundings. There was such beauty to behold up here in the forest. Was it any wonder Aidan had chosen this location? And since the chances were she would never get another peek at Nature’s finery, a bit of exploration was needed. It would give her the time to mend her frayed ego, which was shot to pieces after the lowdown version of
Pretty Woman
she’d pulled with Aidan.

With the snow flurries kissing her damp lashes, Liya stole a glance at the cabin, windswept and covered with snow. She shook her head. That man. He said one thing, yet his actions from last night suggested otherwise. Hadn’t she felt how hard he came inside her—that is, before he realized what was happening and withdrew? Hadn’t she also felt the bruising grip on her shoulder as he held onto her like a drowning man clinging to a lifeline? She had also seen the utter peacefulness on his face before the impact of their exquisite joining toppled their bliss. Throughout the entire night he had held her close. At one point she had felt his warm lips on her shoulder, and heard the delicious murmur of her name while he was fast asleep. Now…now Aidan pretended as if she had fabricated their encounter like some sort of a schoolgirl fantasy.

Pausing in mid-stride, Liya did an about-face, bringing the cabin once more in her line of sight. Aidan’s voice hummed in her ears. So many times he had called her sweetheart. She didn’t want to grasp at straws, but if she knew anything about Aidan the man, he would not dole out a superficial endearment without meaning. It had to mean something. Determined to confront him once more, Liya hurried to the cabin, her footsteps welding into the abundant layer of snow with each step. She dashed across the steps and eased the front door open. She stuck her head inside the bedroom. It was empty, save for the towel discarded on the floor. She sprang about the cabin, searching from room to room. No Aidan. She squared her shoulders. Like her, he had sought refuge in the cold. She would give him his time.

Making her way outside, a door held partially ajar caught her attention. She looked to the side and back, unsure Aidan would want her to go in there. Her eyes scanned the room. Clear plastic boxes of Christmas decorations were stacked one on top of the other. She drew her brows together. Had Aidan and Sarah spent the previous holidays here? Liya felt even more like an intruder, yet her curiosity was piqued and boundless. She swiped her finger over one of the boxes, leaving in its wake a thin line, clear of dust. She wiped it off on her jeans and walked aimlessly about the room. On the floor in a corner by the window, a golden star adornment rested at a slant beside a pair of dusty ice skates, store tag still visible. Unable to help herself, Liya bent and admired the pair, blowing ineffectively at the smatterings of dust. It didn’t matter. A childish longing bloomed within. Flashes of the past winters she had spent with her parents at the ice skating rink incited her. She admired the skates and smiled. It always felt a bit like flying, like all her problems rushing to the wayside, along with the breeze that caressed the side of her face the faster she skated amid pleas from her mother to slow down. The skates proved too tempting to resist. Liya tugged the right foot above her ankle. A half-size too small, but she couldn’t complain. She replaced the boots and rushed outside. Below her fingertips, the pair of ice skates dangled by their laces as she took off for the frozen pond.

She would skate for just a few minutes, Liya reassured herself. Afterward she would see once and for all where she stood with Aidan, before leaving to spend yet another holiday alone. Lacing up the skates, she glided onto the ice-covered sheath. Not two steps forward and she had landed flat on her bottom. At least the ice didn’t crack, Liya thought wryly, massaging the sting. It didn’t take long after to regain her balance and circle around the edge. Closing her eyes, she whipped off her jacket and flung it onto the snow as she twirled, ice crystals sparkling in the air as the morning sunrays homed in at an angle. Liya was unsure for how long she skated, except that when she opened her eyes, Aidan stood beside her on the snow, simply watching. Her steps faltered but she regained balance and skated away, maneuvering a figure eight to show him he didn’t affect her in the least. Oh, if only that were true. Finally, when it proved too difficult to master her emotions, she skidded to an abrupt stop before him. His gaze drifted to her feet and recognition shone in his eyes. She straightened her spine, lifted her chin and skated away. Nothing good ever came from being so close to that man. She had given him her virginity and he’d thrown it in her face. So what if the skates belonged to Sarah Keegan? The least the woman could do from above was give her blessing so Liya could enjoy a few minutes’ peace. What was that compared to Aidan’s heart, which she already held a monopoly on?

She spun around and issued him a backward glance. His eyes captured hers and to Liya’s surprise Aidan spoke, clear as day.

“Be careful on the ice.”

Liya narrowed her eyes.
Be careful on the ice
. Was he purposely trying to drive her to the asylum? She scowled at him, one hand on her hip. “Afraid I’ll fall, hit my head and you’ll have to explain why you’re up here all alone with a half-dead black chick?”

Aidan moved closer to the ice with a pronounced limp, more evident than before. “Will you stop acting like that? You know damn well you’re not just some black chick.”

She folded her arms. “Did you come out here to tell me to hurry up and leave?”

“No. I came to apologize. I’m sorry for my behavior this morning. It was inexcusable. I never intended for you to feel cheapened. Quite the opposite.”

He was sucking her in again. One apology and she was softening toward him. “It’s hard not to, when you run into the shower before the crack of dawn and tell me you don’t want to remember that we made love.”

“I didn’t want to leave that damn bed with you in it, all warm and soft.”

“Then why did you?”

“I woke up and saw you next to me. It’s been such a long time since I’ve awoken beside anyone. It terrified me, Liya, and wasn’t sure how to react. And that’s the problem with this, with you. I like being with you too much.”

She nodded and touched his face. “And you felt bad about it, didn’t you? Like you were cheating on her?”

“I’m sorry, Liya. I’m so goddamn sorry. I wish—”

Liya kissed him hard. “Sarah was one lucky woman, Aidan. Don’t ever feel bad for having that once in a lifetime great love.” She peered at him and after a minute, asked, “Do you think that will ever happen for me?”