Christmas and Forever (5 page)

He took strength in her presence. “Sarah would have wanted me to do what I feel is best. Tell Barbara I said hello. I’ll talk to you later. Oh, and Simon, Happy Holidays.” Liya closed the door quietly and leaned against it. Unasked questions flickered in her eyes, seeking to know the cause of his distress.

“That was my father-in-law.”

She inched closer. “Did you argue?”

Aidan stared at her unsure what to say. Were her eyes always that large and luminous? Suddenly it became hard to think. Question. Right, she had asked him a question. Yes, of course. He blinked and looked away.

“We didn’t argue.” Her eyes were rapt with attention. Aidan wanted so much to confide in her. Not now. He didn’t trust himself to open up to her this very second. The emotions were too new and raw.

Maybe later he would accept her offer to lend an ear. Much later, when his heartbeat no longer pounded in synch to the roar of blood rushing to his ears—he would think on it.

She adjusted the gold-plated reindeer headband, which also appeared to be partially tangled in her riot of curls. “All righty, then.” She smiled at him and tapped the clipboard. “You know the deal.”

He steeled himself against the warmth of her smile although the question niggled at him— did Liya flash that smile to everyone around her? A selfish part of him hoped not, that they were meant solely for him.

“Who am I seeing?” He coughed into his fist, fighting for composure and hoping his traitorous cock wouldn’t spring to life because of her proximity.

“Dennis Banks. Six years old and scared to death of doctors, according to his mother, that is.” She wrinkled her nose and whispered conspiratorially. “Aidan, of course I had to let the little guy know you’re the best doctor in the world. Nothing to be afraid of, right? Dr. Keegan is completely harmless.”

Something plummeted inside of him. What it was, he couldn’t say, only that Liya thought of him as harmless. An eighty-five year old man was harmless, and apparently so was he. Truth be told, he was. Past his prime, with a messed-up hand and a sometime limp. Innocent as her comment was, he had to wonder if Liya’s speech and behavior to him was so candid because she didn’t think he posed a threat to her sexually or emotionally.

His male ego charged to the forefront. Stalking closer, he grated. “Nothing to be afraid of?”

“I didn’t mean it like that,” she stammered. “I-I don’t see you like that.”

Aidan swallowed, knowing he would later regret making a fool of himself. “No? How do you see me?” Old, lame, pathetic. He should have kept his mouth shut.

Liya opened her mouth to answer, but Aidan refused her the chance. Terrified of what she might say, he straightened and reached for the clipboard. “I’ll have a look at the patient now.”

He strode past her as Liya snagged a hold of his arm, her eyes soft, pliant and pleading. “Aidan. What’s wrong?”

His name falling from her lips would surely do him in and make him forget about his past, the treasured memories he shared with the only woman he could ever, would ever love. Ignoring her, Aidan brushed off the offensive hand. He lumbered into the examining room, haunted by the stunned expression on her adorable face.

An hour later, after attending to the six-year-old boy and his mother, and two other patients, Aidan watched from the backroom as Liya wrestled the reindeer headband from her hair and shoved it into her handbag then shucked into her coat. Yanking the white wool hat from off the rack, she placed it over her hair. A few strands of curls rebelled at the motion and clung to her nape. His fingers itched to tuck them back in. He couldn’t. Tonight he wanted to go over and say goodbye to her, and not just with a nod at a satisfactory job done today. Also impossible. The muscles in his injured leg tensed, resulting in a white-hot fire pain that set him on the edge. Aidan shifted his weight, but it was too late. Liya had the handbag slung across her shoulder and was halfway out the door. Pivoting slowly, her eyes perused him, while her back went ramrod straight, her delicate jawline taut with undisclosed anger and hurt. And then her gaze lowered. He dare not move an inch. Liya had noticed his awkward stance. He braced himself and waited for the pity he knew would inevitably eclipse her features.

It never came. She looked up just as quickly and spoke, her tone flat. “Good night.” Without another word she disappeared out the door. Aidan pushed to the front door, shoulders squared, and watched her walk into the frosty night, hands jammed inside her pockets to combat the cold. She must have forgotten her gloves again today. He wrenched the door wider then thought better of it. It was best to let her go. Seconds ticked by before he released the doorknob, satisfied by the flashing on her car’s blinker that she had merged safely onto the main street.

Chapter Three

“Why are you so quiet tonight?”

Liya turned to face her friend, Shawn. What was there to say, that she hadn’t been able to pay attention and enjoy the movie because instead of focusing on Ben Stiller’s latest antics, she was too preoccupied thinking and worrying about her boss? Neither Shawn nor his girlfriend Tasha, another longtime friend, would understand. While they both supported her decision to postpone attending university for two years, neither understood how painful it was to leave a family member alone in the hands of the medical system. If they didn’t understand something as delicate as her need to remain at her brother’s side, then chances were they’d be completely blindsided by her desire for Aidan.

“I’m all right.” Liya shrugged. “I know it’s not Christmas yet but I guess I’m just already over the holiday season. It’s so played out. I can’t really see much to be cheerful about this year.”

Shawn playfully bumped his shoulder against her. “C’mon. I could have sworn Tasha said you were excited about going on some kind of camping trip up at Bear Ridge.”

Liya rolled her eyes and bumped him back, a smile tugging at the corners of her lips. At least she had two good friends to count on. “Not a camping trip, dummy. It’s just a little get-together at a cabin with some of the medical staff from the clinic.”

Shawn threw his arms around her in brotherly affection. “Ahh, so it’s like that, eh? What, some kind of big ol’ Christmas orgy going up there? Get that raise, Liya. ”

Liya laughed aloud. “You’re sick. That would hardly be my idea of making my grand entrance in the world of the sexually act—” Laughter ceased as the words suffered a quick death on her lips. Her heart skipped a beat. Liya sucked in a breath of air, reminding herself to breathe.

Seeing him here felt like ice water dousing her veins. Why did she choose this movie theater, less than a block from the hospital? Her eyes sought his and once again, the breath lodged in her throat as Aidan’s gaze slammed into hers. So cold, they revealed nothing, making it impossible to decipher his mood. Her first reaction was to jump away from Shawn so Aidan wouldn’t get the wrong impression, but the memory of his coldness from yesterday clawed its way to the forefront. Screw Aidan Keegan. In fact she could care less at the way his eyes roved between her and Shawn.

“Liya?” Shawn nudged her and whispered, “Why’s that dude looking like he wants to kill me?”

Liya pretended not to hear him. Shawn was the least of her concerns right now. Straightening her shoulders and ramping up her brightest smile, she greeted Aidan. “Dr. Keegan, good evening.” She
would
be the bigger person in this.

He shoved a hand inside his light blue surgical scrubs. She had never seen him in anything but the pressed shirts and ties he wore at the clinic. This had to be a night of him working with the medical students, demonstrating and allowing them to practice their surgical skills by his lead.

He shifted his weight again. The movement was so subtle, she knew he hoped it would go unnoticed. By Shawn, yes, but definitely not her. Anxious, Liya waited to hear what words would befall his lips. True to form, Aidan remained silent, despite the glint of curiosity evident in his eyes and facial expression as he stared at Shawn’s arm still draped across her shoulder. A devilish happiness blazed inside her. She was glad he had seen her with another man. Good.
Let him think I’m with someone
.

“Ms. Emerson.” He issued a curt nod, quickly averting his gaze. “I’ll see you at the clinic on Monday.”

Liya seethed, fists clenched at her sides.
Absolutely nothing from the man
. Was it that hard to show some emotion, something…anything to hint at his feelings for her? She laughed inwardly. Why was she even surprised? Angered and unable to temper her stupid concern for him, Liya bit out, “Take care of that leg, sir.”

His head jerked upward. Shards of ice glinted in his blue eyes. She swallowed a dose of regret at the attention she had brought to his leg. God knows the man tried hard to pretend it didn’t affect him. She braced herself for the backlash, the acerbic sting of his tongue and her dismissal as the clinic’s receptionist.

“Thanks for your concern, Liya. I hope you enjoy the rest of the evening.” He looked like a man who had just received an eye opener.

Disappointed, Liya watched him wading through the bodies on the sidewalk until the top of his head was no longer in her line of sight. If it wasn’t for that damnable virtue called pride, she would have run to him, taken a hold of his hands and forced him to bare his soul.

She no longer found the joke amusing. “No. He’s the head of the clinic I work at. My boss, and the chief of the cardiology department at Mansfield. He definitely won’t be there.”

Shawn eyed her quizzically. “But you want him to be there, don’t you?”

“Is it weird? I mean, he’s a lot older than me and he was even married before. His wife and baby died six years ago. And well, there’s the obvious. He’s white.”

“Yeah, there’s that. Which one of those things you want my opinion on?”

Liya pursed her lips and raised her brows. “All three?”

Shawn smiled at her. “You don’t want or need my opinion, Liya. I saw the way you were looking at him, like you wanted to run after the guy.”

“It’s that bad?” Oh, God. Had she been that obvious about it?

Shawn must have noticed the panic on her face. “Yeah, it was that bad, but don’t sweat it. Your doctor friend didn’t notice. Dude looked like he was a million miles away. He’s clueless about your feelings, or the extent of it, I should say.”

There was some relief to be had, she thought. If Aidan was in the dark then she could continue to work alongside him. Sure he might simply view her as the nice chubby girl fussing over him, but her concern was genuine and that was all that mattered. Yet Shawn’s assessment unnerved her. Until five minutes ago, Shawn had never seen or spoken to Aidan, and somehow he could tell right off the bat that Aidan was oblivious. The realization caused a sinking feeling to settle in the pit of her stomach. Was it because he had a hard time seeing her as a potential lover… girlfriend?

She tried to blow it off. “Well, it’s not like I ever intended for him to know of my feelings.”

“Then what was the plan? Give ol’ dude puppy eyes for the rest of your life?”

Ignore them
. Pretend her body didn’t react every time he was nearby. That she didn’t want to feel his arms around her, know what his laughter sounded like, or what he would say if she got him to open up to her.

“Keep them to myself,” she answered carefully, “like any sane person would do in this situation. I don’t see anything good that can come out of me revealing my feelings.” She laughed quietly, trying to lighten the mood. “Anyways, it’s not like I’m in love with him. I never said that.” In desperation, she glanced up at the stars. Where was a meteor when you needed one falling out of the sky to halt even the worst and most depressing conversations? No meteor, but Liya found herself breathing a sigh of relief to see her other friend Tasha bounding toward them. She moved aside, allowing the pixie-haired woman to slip in between her and Shawn. Slightly uncomfortable, she watched as the couple locked arms and kissed.

Jealousy reared its head and for good reason. She had never held hands with anyone, at least not in intimacy. Being her brother’s main caregiver had left little time to concentrate on finding love. After his death, all she had wanted was to grieve and focus on getting her life in order. Developing an attraction to Aidan was the last thing she had expected or seen coming.

“What did I miss?” Tasha asked.

Shawn leaned forward, glancing at Liya. She returned his unvoiced question with a shrug. She didn’t expect him to keep secrets from his girlfriend. Instead, she waited for him to spill everything she had confided. Shawn held up his hands, palms outward. “Not my story to tell, T. You’ll have to drag it out of Liya.”

Not wishing to remain the ever-constant third wheel, Liya excused herself and settled behind the steering wheel of her car. The drive though the city was as much peaceful as it was somber. Festive lights, each centered with a dazzling wreath or silver bell that stretched from one end of the street to the other, made the city come aglow. The gigantic Christmas tree glittering with tinsel and a golden star in front of the Walcott Hotel brought home the fact there was no Christmas tree or family waiting to spend the holiday with her. The last memory Liya had of sitting around the Christmas tree and celebrating was ten years ago. The summer afterward, both of her parents were killed in a train wreck while traveling overseas, leaving her and her brother in the care of a distant relative who had a life of her own and didn’t appreciate the presence of children.

Although she had never, probably would never, say this to Aidan, the work that he did, continued to do despite his injury, was among one of the many reasons she was attracted to him. Liya wondered if he took pride in the amount of lives he had saved and touched. Sure, he was paid for it, but with life, there was no price tag. It was the greatest gift. She only wished her brother could have had a longer one, much like that of Aidan’s— that Sarah could have been here to share a life with him.