Christmas in Eternity Springs (32 page)

He'd probably screwed up big-time. Claire was the best thing that had happened to him in years. She wasn't Lara. She wasn't anything like Lara. Why had he reacted to her news as if she were?

Because you're a too-proud SOB, that's why.

In the front passenger seat, Nicholas stirred and rubbed his eyes. Jax was glad for the distraction from his troublesome thoughts.

“Where are we?” the boy asked.

“About ten minutes out of town.”

“Can we stop by and see Miss Claire? I want to tell her about my new Christmas book. I thought she had every Christmas book there is but Mimi gave me one Miss Claire doesn't have. I want her to read it to me tonight.”

Well, crap.
“About that, Nicholas. I'll be the one reading Christmas stories from now on. Miss Claire moved back to Baby Bear.”

“What?” The boy's brows knitted. “Why?”

“It's her place, and I finished all the repairs.”

“But … I like having her with us. Does that mean she won't fix me breakfast anymore? And dinner? And take me to school?”

“Probably not, Nicholas.”

“That stinks. So, she's not your girlfriend anymore?”

Jax whipped his head around to stare at his son. “What makes you think she was my girlfriend?”

“I'm not stupid, Dad.” Nicholas folded his arms. “I saw you kissing her.”

Busted.

“I like her. A lot. I was hoping that … well…” He shrugged and added, “Miss Claire would be a really good mom. Did you make her mad?”

Just plunge the knife into my heart, why don't you?

Better nip this in the bud right now. “Nicholas, remember our deal when I agreed to bring you to Eternity Springs? It hasn't changed. We still have to move when school is out.”

His son turned his head away from Jax and sat staring out the side window. They rode in silence for a few minutes, then Nicholas asked in a timid voice, “Couldn't she come with us?”

Jax sighed. “Nicholas, here's the deal. Just because grown-ups kiss doesn't mean that they're ready to get married and leave their friends and business and move across the country. I'll be honest with you. I may never want to get married again. The first time I did it, it didn't work out so great.”

“Did you hate my mom?”

“Oh, buddy, no. I loved your mother. I truly did.”

“So why did you break up with her?”

She dumped me for another man
was his immediate response. But Jax couldn't say that to his son about his son's mother. Besides, honesty made him admit that it wasn't as straightforward as that, either. “That is a simple question with a complicated answer. I think your mother and I were too young and too selfish to love unconditionally, and that's what it takes to make a marriage work.”

“And you don't love Miss Claire that way, either,” Nicholas said in a mournful tone.

Apparently not.

The black mood that his son's return had dispelled returned. Nicholas remained quiet after that insightful remark, so Jax didn't have a distraction from his brooding. He hated this. Maybe he was too proud and stubborn and gun-shy to love Claire the way a man should love a woman, but dammit, he'd needed … they'd needed … more time. He'd no sooner begun to start thinking long-term when she went and threw a grenade into the works. Hell, if she'd told him she had five ex-husbands it wouldn't have thrown him as bad as learning that he'd gotten tangled up with another wealthy woman.

Jax didn't realize he'd exhaled a heavy sigh until Nicholas reached across the seat and patted his knee. “It'll be okay, Dad. It's like what Miss Celeste says. You just have to think positive and believe that good things will happen, and they will.”

Jax's mouth twisted in a crooked smile. Eternity Springs was definitely rubbing off on the kid.

Nicholas launched into a story about his friend Trevor that lasted until they approached the outskirts of Eternity Springs. At that point, the boy said, “Could we go by Forever Christmas before we go home, Dad?”

“Nicholas, did you hear anything I said about Miss Claire?”

“I'm still her friend, aren't I? Besides, I want to get Mimi a present and mail it right away. I want to get her something from Miss Claire's Angel Room. I have my allowance money. Pops and Mimi didn't let me pay for a thing.”

Of course they hadn't.

Jax considered his son's request. The kid had just given him the perfect excuse to see Claire. He realized he wanted to see her. They had some unfinished business between them.

Not that they could finish said business in front of Nicholas, but a visit to her shop could be a good icebreaker. Besides, think of what a huge step his son had just taken! Nicholas nonchalantly asked to go to a Christmas store. How could Jax possibly say no?

“On one condition. Don't say anything to her about the girlfriend stuff. Let me work on fixing this in my own way, on my own time. Okay?”

“Okay.”

Jax found a parking place right outside of Forever Christmas. The moment he switched off the engine, Nicholas grabbed up his backpack from the floorboard and scrambled out of the truck. He didn't hesitate a second, but ran right past the planters with their lighted Christmas trees, pushed open the door, and ran into the shop. Where … oh, hell … Claire had Christmas carols playing.

Jax bolted for Forever Christmas, fearful he'd find his son in the midst of a panic attack. But when he rushed inside, he heard his son's animated voice saying, “… Trevor's dad will bring him skiing over the Christmas holidays. And my Mimi and Pops want to come, too, but they don't want to intrude so we have to wait to see if Dad invites them after they come for Thanksgiving.”

Well, what do you know.
Jax breathed a sigh of relief. “What Child Is This” wasn't bothering him one bit.

Claire shifted her gaze away from Nicholas long enough to send him a look he couldn't interpret. He said, “Hello, Claire.”

She might have nodded imperceptibly before turning her attention back to his son, but he couldn't be sure.

Nicholas unzipped his backpack and pulled a couple items from inside as he continued to talk. “I want to show you what my Mimi gave me to keep as a special treasure to remember my mom.”

Jax's throat went tight. He recognized the music box that his son removed from his backpack. He'd given it to Lara, the first gift he'd ever given her.

Nicholas twisted the key, and the music box began to play “Lara's Theme” from
Doctor Zhivago.
Jax closed his eyes as the memory of his wife … a good memory, for a change … washed over him.

“The song has the same name as my mom. It was one of her favorite things. Mimi said my dad gave it to her as a present. So whenever I get missing her, I can play her song, and it's like she is with me.”

“That's a lovely idea, Nicholas.”

“I like it. So, I told Mimi about your sister and we got a present for you.” He pulled a box from the backpack, one covered in Valentine's hearts like the one she'd given to Nicholas with his ornaments.

“Oh, Nicholas.” Claire's expression went a little weepy.

“Open it.”

She set the box on her checkout counter, but before she managed to remove the lid, the boy spilled the beans. “It's a music box, too, only it's a snow globe and the song it plays is called ‘Michelle.' Mimi said you'd know it.”

“By the Beatles. Yes. I do.” Claire pulled back white tissue paper and lifted a snow globe from the box. Jax saw a model of the Eiffel Tower before she turned it over, wound the key, then set it on the counter. As the haunting notes of “Michelle” rose on the cinnamon-scented air, Claire traced the sphere of glass with her index finger.

“Do you like it?” Nicholas asked.

“Oh, Nicholas.” Claire went down on her knees and took him into her arms. “I love it. I just love it. It's the nicest present anyone has ever given me. Thank you so much.”

“I thought you'd like it. Now we have to find something for my Mimi. I need a present for her, Miss Claire. An angel present for the bedroom. It used to be my mom's room, but Mimi is redecorating, and she let me pick the paint color so I picked blue because heaven is blue. That's why I want to send her an angel present because my mom is an angel and when Mimi looks at it, she will think of Mommy. Will you help me find the perfect present, Miss Claire?”

“I'll be proud to help, Nicholas. Let's go see what we can find.”

Neither Claire nor Nicholas paid any attention to Jax as they went into the Angel Room. He hung back, his gaze on the music box, memories of Lara drifting through his mind. They'd been happy for a time. Young and in love and blind to the differences that would prove too significant to overcome. Jax had been exactly right when he told Nicholas that they'd been selfish. They'd been selfish, both of them. Both unwilling to compromise.

But he'd loved her. Once upon a time, oh, how he'd loved her. He'd asked her to marry him during a romantic, after-dinner walk on the beach in Cabo. She'd worn a filmy white linen dress, carried her sandals in her hand, and she'd gazed up at him with such love in her eyes it made him feel ten feet tall. And the morning when he came home from his run to find her standing in their bathroom, her expression filled with surprise and awe and happiness, her hand holding the positive pregnancy test, he'd never known such joy.

Jax reached out and flipped open the music box.
Somewhere my love.

When she'd left him, it had ripped his heart out.

That's what he couldn't forget or forgive. The soul-wrenching pain. The hollow sense of loss. The transformation of love into something dark and ugly that sucked the soul from a man.

Jax closed the music box and followed the sound of Claire's voice to the Angel Room. His gaze was drawn to the angel in his son's hands. The hand-painted face on a round wooden ball was simple and sweet, her dress made of something shimmery blue beneath a tan muslin overskirt. Her wings, six white feathers, three on either side.

Not the fanciest angel in the room, for certain. Not the angel he'd have chosen with Lara in mind.

As Nicholas handed his choice to Claire and she carefully wrapped it in white tissue paper and placed it in a gift box, Jax's throat closed on a lump of emotion and his eyes grew misty.

His son had come into Claire's carol-blaring Christmas shop today. He'd talked about his mother. In memory of her, he'd bought an angel to send to the grandmother who'd finally redecorated her late daughter's bedroom.

Nicholas had defeated his demons. His heart had healed.

Why hasn't mine?

Suddenly, Jax needed to be out of that shop, away from Claire, far away from her Angel Room. “Nicholas, I'll wait for you at the truck.”

Taking two long strides, he reached Forever Christmas's front door, yanked it open, and barreled out onto the street. He shoved his hands into his pockets. He gritted his teeth. He was breathing hard, and he didn't know why.

He almost ran right over Celeste Blessing, who had her arms overfilled with bags from the Trading Post grocery store.

“Sorry,” he said as she lurched out of the way and her bags went swinging. He dove for the bags, catching one of them just before it hit the ground. “So sorry, Celeste. I wasn't looking where I was going. Here, let me help you.” He scooped the other three bags from her arms. “Are you heading home?”

“Thank you, Jax. I'm on my way to Lori's house to stock her refrigerator. Since you're keeping Captain, I'm sure you know that she and Chase are due back from their honeymoon late tonight? I'm afraid I bought more than I'd intended. I'm happy to have the help.”

Lori's house was two blocks away. Jax smiled at Celeste and said, “After you.”

She and Jax made small talk as they walked, and he was glad for the distraction from his thoughts. By the time he followed Celeste up onto the newlyweds' front porch, he'd begun to relax.

So he had absolutely no explanation for what he did next.

He set the grocery bags on Lori's kitchen counter then met his companion's gentle, blue-eyed gaze. The question came out of nowhere. “Celeste, how do people earn their wings?”

Her smile beamed right into that dark part of his mood. “You are referring to the official Angel's Rest blazon awarded to those who have embraced love's healing grace?”

“Yeah.” He'd noticed a handful of people around town wearing them, and he'd asked what they were.

“The path is different for everyone, dear, but in order to walk it, you must find your way onto it to begin with. You can do that by listening to your inner angel.”

Angels, again. He couldn't get away from them. They were everywhere he turned and, frankly, it was getting a little creepy.

“Unfortunately as we grow older, we often have trouble tuning in to them. Luckily for you, you have an angel hearing aid.”

“Excuse me?”

“A child. Angels don't use an inside voice to speak to children, so they hear the message better. Learn from your Nicholas, Jax. Soak up his truth and you will find your path. Then…”—she reached up and patted his cheek—“walk it and be a raindrop.”

“Be a raindrop?”

“Moisten the parched heart of someone around you with your love and watch her flower before you. Together you will walk in beauty, light, and love.”

“Celeste, I suspect you just said something important, but I don't have a clue what it could be.”

She laughed and reached into one of her bags and pulled out a box from Fresh bakery. She handed it to him saying, “Here. This is a new product we're going to be selling in the gift shop at Angel's Rest. I want you to have the first box.”

Jax read the label aloud. “‘Angel's Rest Fortune Cookies'?”