Christmas in Eternity Springs (35 page)

“Which brings me to the reason for my visit. My dear sweet granddaughter just had her visit with Santa Claus in Davenport Park. She asked Santa for that Christmas angel doll, Starlina, from
The Christmas Angel Waiting Room
. I heard on the news that it's going to be one of the year's hottest toys, so I thought we'd best get one while we still can. Will I find it in your Angel Room, dear, or somewhere else in the shop?”

Claire whipped her head around. Her eyes went round and wide and wild. In a high, shrill voice more befitting the Wicked Witch of the West than Miss Christmas, she said, “I don't carry that doll. I will never carry that doll. It's ugly. It's a bastardized commercialization. It's everything that's wrong with Christmas. You just said it, Mrs. Petersen! You're spending, spending, spending! That's not what Christmas is supposed to be about! Who cares about gifts? It's supposed to be about love, family, and charity. But one look at that bug-eyed Starlina and everyone forgets that part. She is the worst of all. You know why? Because she's a fake. A lie! The message of that story is bullshit. I hate that doll! I hate that story! And I! Hate! Christmas!”

The women in the shop gasped as one.

“Well, I never!” Janice huffed. “Who do you think you are, talking to me like that?”

Claire burst into tears and ran into the storeroom. A moment later, the back door banged open and slammed shut.

Jax headed after her, pausing only long enough to instruct Liz. “Call the other worker in. Do the best you can. If it gets to be too much for you, close up shop.”

“Okay. I will. What just happened, Mr. Lancaster?”

“I'm afraid Miss Christmas just got outted.”

*   *   *

Claire fled Eternity Springs. She might not have stopped at Baby Bear had she not left Tinsel snuggled in her bed this morning. Claire might be willing to walk away from the responsibilities of her shop, but she couldn't abandon her dog.

She sniffed back tears all the way to the valley, but when Tinsel met her at the door of the little cabin, tail wagging and jumping happily, Claire broke. She sank onto the floor, cradled her dog against her, and sobbed. She cried for herself, for her sister, for her parents. She cried for all of the losses in her life. She cried for the self-destruction she'd just visited upon herself with her outburst in Forever Christmas.

Tinsel mewled and licked the salty tears from her cheeks. But then, like everyone else, she abandoned Claire, trotting away toward the kitchen where a moment later, lapping sounds arose from the water bowl.

Lonely. I'm so blasted lonely.

Lonely and alone.

Lost in misery, she wasn't aware of being lifted from the floor or carried to her bed. She didn't make a conscious decision to lay her head against the broad chest and sob, but that's what she did. Claire clung to the silent offer of compassion, the comforting stroke of a gentle hand, and cried until her tears ran dry.

Only then did Jax speak. “Want to tell me about it, sweetheart?”

No. It was a humiliating story. She didn't want him to know. She didn't want anyone to know. So why she opened her mouth and started babbling, she absolutely couldn't say.

“I volunteered at a local hospital. I held storytime. I read to the kids who were like me, the siblings who sat in hospital waiting rooms while their parents dealt with their sick child. I wrote the story for them, and when a few of them asked for a copy of it, I self-published it so I had copies to give away.”

She closed her eyes and recalled the moment she'd first noticed the handsome man who had taken a seat near her story circle. “He was there one day. Landon. He listened and afterward told me how much he loved the story.”

She'd been so flattered. So … easy. “He invited me to dinner and after that—it was a whirlwind romance. I slept with him. I fell in love with him. I believed him when he told me he loved me. We got engaged, but never quite managed to set a wedding date.”

Jax murmured a soothing sound and pressed a kiss against her hair.

“He was so slick. I was so trusting, stupid, and naïve. I have terrible instincts. I signed the partnership agreement without getting independent advice.”

She'd signed it without even reading it, that's how stupid she'd been.

“You're business partners with him?”

She nodded. “He's an entertainment lawyer. He got the movie deal, and I was so excited. I thought all my dreams had come true. I didn't like that they changed her name. She's Gardenia, not Starlina. He convinced me to listen to the marketing gurus. I resent that so much. He convinced me about everything. The only good piece of advice he gave me was to use a pseudonym. I used my sister's first name.”

“M. C. Kelley,” Jax murmured.

“We both went by our middle names. I'm Mary Claire. Stupid Mary Claire because I never suspected Landon. That's what is so hard to take. He told me he traveled a lot, and I took him at his word. I didn't suspect a thing—until I met his wife.”

“Ouch,” Jax said. “The men in your life have certainly let you down, haven't they?”

“I have terrible instincts. I'm stupid.”

“What you are is stubborn. You have to let me apologize, Claire. I was an ass. I'm sorry. Money was a hot button in my marriage, and I let that experience color my relationship with you. Please forgive me.”

She pulled out of his arms, a wave of despair washing over her. She couldn't do this. “It doesn't matter.”

He reached for her hand and held it. “Yes it does. You deserved better than that from me. Hear me out. I was gun-shy. And I let my past and my pride get the best of what is usually my good sense. I shouldn't have reacted the way I did. I should have listened.”

“Jax…”

“Hush, now. Listen. You were right. You don't owe me an explanation about your finances. Hell, you don't owe me one even now. It was stupid to make you think I was comparing you to Lara, because you're not remotely like her. And you know what? I'm not the guy I was back then, either. I've changed, too. For the better. I don't care if I'm a handyman for the rest of my life. Nicholas is happy here. I'm happy here. We can stay here, but I can be happy anywhere—as long as you are part of the picture. I want you, Claire. I don't care if you're a billionaire. I want to be with you. You make me happy. You make me believe.”

“No. Truly. It doesn't matter.” Agitation propelled her from the bed. She stalked nervously around the room. “It was a fling. We said it from the first. That's all it was. All it can be.”

Jax rose and faced her. “I want more than a fling, Claire. I want you. I want a future with you. I am in love with you.”

Claire held up her hands, palms out. “Don't say that. Don't you say that to me! Not today. Not ever!”

“Honey…” He took a step toward her. “It's going to be okay.”

“No! It's not going to be okay!” Hysteria added a shrill note to her voice. “I just humiliated myself in front of all of Whoville. News of my meltdown has probably made it to Gunnison by now! There is no coming back from this. I can't show my face around here anymore. So I won't. I'll leave town. I'll close up Forever Christmas and just go.”

“Claire, you can't do that.”

“Yes, I can! This is America. I'm free and I'm the boss.”

“Honey, it's time you stopped running away. Run to me. To us. We need you.”

“No. I can't stay in this town. I can't be Miss Christmas. I tried. I tried to take it back, but I can't do it. I failed. I have to leave.”

Jax slowly shook his head. “That first instinct of yours is a killer to overcome. Okay, Claire, if you're determined to go, then we will go with you.”

“What?”

“Nicholas and I will go with you. We aren't anchored to Eternity Springs. Where do you want to go? We will go with you.”

“What? Why you say that? You can't say that.”

He braced his hands on his hips. “Yes I can. I love you.”

I love you. Oh, God.
She was too raw. It was too risky. “You promised Nicholas you'd stay until school is out. You can't go back on your word. Nicholas is happy here. You can't uproot him.”

“Okay, that's a problem. However, I'll bet on my son. I'll bet if given the choice, he'll choose you.”

“No. You can't bring him into my crazy world. He found Christmas. You can't take it away from him.”

“You're being irrational, Claire. No one has taken Christmas from you! You can get it back. Don't let that bastard ruin this for you. So you had a public meltdown. I'm sure it's not the first one that's happened here in Eternity Springs. And you don't have to go read your book at the White House. You're right. This is still America. You have the freedom of choice. I get it that it's a big deal and it's sick children, but if that lying loser is going to be there, too, then the hell with that. You don't have to go. None of that matters, anyway.”

Her heart was breaking. Crumbling into pieces. It was too much. She couldn't think. “Please go, Jax. I need to be alone.”
I'm always alone.
“Please, just leave me be.”

“Irrational and overwrought,” he murmured. “All right, honey. I'll give you time alone this afternoon—as long as you give me your word that you won't pick up and run on me. Promise me you won't disappear.”

“I have to leave Eternity Springs, Jax.”

“Not today. You don't have to go today. Promise me.”

“Jax, I—”

“Your word, Miss Christmas.”

She closed her eyes. “Okay. Okay. I won't leave today.”

He walked toward Baby Bear's front door, pausing at her side long enough to give her a kiss on the cheek. “I'll stop by the shop and check on things, make sure your girls are handling it okay.”

Guilt fluttered in Claire's stomach. Poor Liz. What a horrible way to begin a new job. “Thank you. Please tell her I'm going to give her two weeks'—no, a month's—pay as a bonus.”

“Will do.” At the door, Jax paused and glanced over his shoulder. “You can trust me, Claire. I am a man of my word.”

When the door shut behind him, she buried her face in her hands. She wanted to believe him. She wanted to believe
in
him. Would she never learn?

Claire spent the rest of the day huddled in Baby Bear, curled up with a historical romance novel. Nothing like a good old Viking love-story fantasy to make her forget all about the realities of her own existence. Her phone rang off and on all afternoon, but she didn't bother to check the numbers. When a knock sounded at her door just before dark, she tried to pretend that she didn't hear it.

Tinsel put the kibosh on that by perking her ears and thumping her tail.
“Woof. Woof. Woof.”

That particular three-bark hello invariably announced that Nicholas had come to call. No matter how badly Claire wanted to ignore the knock, she couldn't refuse to respond to Nicholas. She opened the door.

The boy beamed up at her. “Hi, Miss Claire.”

“Hello, Nicholas.”

“Can I come in?” Without waiting for her to respond, he strode inside. “Dad told me your secret! He said you wrote
The Christmas Angel Waiting Room,
and that you have the original version, that it's different from the one Mimi read to me. Daddy said it's about Gardenia from your Angel Room instead of Starlina, and that he saw the book when he saved it from the fire. I want to see it, Miss Claire. That's the coolest thing ever! Will you show it to me? Will you read it to me?”

“Oh, Nicholas.” The maelstrom of emotion that she'd quieted with Viking tales came roaring back. “Nicholas.”

“Were you maybe saving it for sometime special? Today is a pretty special day. It's Deck the Halls Friday, and I helped decorate the town just like any other kid.”

“Nicholas.”
You're breaking my heart.

“Please, Miss Claire? Read to me about Gardenia. Read to me about how she learned to have faith. To believe.”

Believe.

Claire closed her eyes and surrendered to the power of a child.

*   *   *

Jax stood in front of his bedroom window staring down at Baby Bear's front door. It had just about killed him to send his son alone into battle, but strategically, he believed it the best approach. He didn't think Claire had it in her to refuse Nicholas's request. Based on the fact that seventeen minutes had passed since the boy disappeared into her cabin, Jax had guessed right.

Thirty-seven minutes after he'd knocked on Claire's front door, Nicholas stepped outside and headed toward Mama Bear. The boy's furrowed brow and worried frown gave his father pause. That didn't look good.

Jax hurried downstairs and met his son at the door. “Well?”

“She showed me the book. I couldn't get her to read it to me, though. She tried, but she would read a couple of sentences and then she'd get choked up, and finally, I took it and read it for her. I don't think it worked, though, Dad. She told me she has to leave town.”

Jax swallowed a curse.

“She said that tomorrow she was going to close down Forever Christmas and leave Eternity Springs.” Lip quivering, he added, “She told me good-bye, Dad.”

“Damn,” Jax said, unable to hold that one back. “Was that before or after you read her book?” The book whose theme about believing was so wonderful and strong that it had struck a chord in the hearts of millions.

“After.”

“Stubborn, stubborn woman.” He rubbed the back of his neck.

“She's just scared like me, Daddy.”

From the mouths of babes,
Jax thought. “Okay, well. Did you bring up the Christmas pageant? Remind her of her promise?”

“Yes. She promised she'd come back for it.”

“Good. If she said she would, then she will.”