Claimed by the Alpha Celebrity (Rockstar Romance, Alpha Male Erotic Romance, Billionaire Romance) (The Star Struck Trilogy) (9 page)

I really cared for Christoff, in a way that I wouldn’t have e
ven been able to imagine had I not experienced it firsthand. But I couldn’t pack up and move overseas with him. I worked in the entertainment industry, and the heart of the entertainment industry was here in the United States. I was right on the brink of a really big breakthrough with my career. I was certain of it. I couldn’t just throw it all away for some guy, even if it was Christoff Diemacht Hartmann. Besides, Chicago was my home, and L.A. was my home away from home. I felt alive in my cities. I couldn’t wrap my head around giving it up.

A rush of mixed emotions flooded my psyche. Part of me was overjoyed that Christoff felt the exact same way about me as I did about him. But there was part of me that was angry with him for putting me in such a difficu
lt position so soon. I felt myself start to grit my teeth. I had no idea what to say. Luckily, I didn’t have to say anything at the moment. The waiter interrupted the quiet tension between us, and served our food. We ate in a long, uncomfortable silence.

E
ventually Christoff cleared his throat. “How’s your food?”

“I can’t really taste it... too much on my mind.”

“You’re not the only one,” Christoff empathized. He and I were connected even when there was a disconnect.

“Christoff, how am I supposed to move wi
th work?”

“Can’t writers technically work from anywhere?”

“Well yeah, but I’m not just a
writer
. I’m a
journalist
. And I need to be where the stories are. I don’t want to be writing for this B-list magazine for the rest of my life. I want to get a spot on TV, so I need to be here.”

“So you’re not going to even think about moving back with me?”

“Can you give me a solution as to what I should do about work?”

“Gia, if you move back with me you will never have to work a day again in your life. I have more than
enough to take care of both of us. You could just write for fun. And you can hang out with all my cultured musician friends, and talk about the arts and writing. You would love it. You could explore all of Europe and we could always fly back here for long vacations so you can see your friends and family. I have a lot of friends in the States too. I know you’re scared but trust me, it would be really nice.”

“It all sounds great Christoff. It does. But in that scenario I’d be completely dependent on you. I
would have no source of income and no contacts in Germany. I just can’t put myself in that position.”

“Do you not trust me?”

“No, that’s not it. I just enjoy my independence.”

Christoff leaned back in his chair and folded his arms across his chest. He star
ed at me without saying a word. His piercing blue eyes penetrated me to the point that I had to look away. “Well then it’s settled. It sounds like you already have your mind made up, and it’s not open for discussion.” Christoff’s jaw clenched.

“Are you oka
y Christoff?”

“I’m fine,” he said flatly.

“Are you sure you don’t want to talk about it?”

“There is nothing to talk about.”

“I want you to know, this doesn’t mean I don’t care, Christoff. I really care about you, more than I’m able to express under these circumstances.”

“Drop it.”

“Are you mad at me?”

“Gia, please drop the issue. This conversation is over.” His heavy German accent and his deep baritone voice always gave his words more authority.

I sighed and let it go. I could tell he wasn’t going to hear anything I was saying anyway. We waited for the check, in silence, for what seemed like forever. After Christoff paid the bill he looked up at me. “Hey, do you want to take a walk to the lake as the sun sets.” Christoff’s tone was more relaxed than it had been ten minutes ago. I appreciated the shift.

“Sure, I would love that.” I smiled at him and his eyes lit up.

We walked down to the lake with our arms interlocked. I could tell Christoff was lost in thought but the silence wasn’t uncomfortable. I felt like he was hurting, and I know he felt my pain too. We were able to be there for each other without saying a word. We sat on my favorite bench and admired the scenic view before us. The sky was navy blue with wispy pink streaks, and the water was a gentle turquoise. It looked perfect against the city skyline, all lit up. I continued to gaze out at the lake, as the horizon slowly swallowed the sun, and the sky became dark. I always sat on this bench and looked to the lake for answers, but tonight all I could see before me was a dark, empty void. I rested my head on Christoff’s shoulder and closed my eyes, to calm my frazzled nerves.

“I really do care about you Christoff.”

“I know that Gia.” He stoked my hair.

We sat and looked at the stars and he sang to me in
German. I was able to translate some of his lyrics on my own and he taught me the rest. In his song that he wrote for me right there on the spot he said I was wunderschön, which means gorgeous in German. I loved it. He also said I was supergeil, which has a double meaning when translated. It can mean super cool, and it can also mean super horny, depending on the speaker’s intention. It made me giggle. My laughter made Christoff smile. We both welcomed a break from the melancholy tension that plagued our evening together.

It was really late and the park area was about to close. Christoff summoned a town car with his smart phone, and he carried me up the lake front trail, piggy-back style. When we got to the road he put me down. A black car was already waiting
for us. We were both in good spirits and we made small talk with the driver. Arman wasn’t available tonight so we had a different driver. He was nice, and he said his kids listened to Christoff’s music and they would get a kick out of the fact that their dad gave him a ride. Christoff seemed to love his money and his power, but he never seemed too prideful about his fame. That being said, I think the driver made Christoff smile.

Once we got up to my apartment, I took my new dresses from Christoff and I hun
g them in the closet. I thanked him for them, for what had to be the hundredth time. He assured me it was nothing.

“Where did you put the ibuprofen?” Christoff asked as he wandered into the living room. “I have a headache.”

“On the coffee table. Here.” I darted in front of him and grabbed the ibuprofen. “One or two?”

“Three.” I poured three pills into his hand as he requested. I gave him a glass of water, and he swallowed the handful of pills in one gulp. “Let’s get to bed. It’s been a very long day.”

“Agreed. Luckily, we get to sleep in tomorrow.”

“Excellent.”

Christoff stripped down to his boxer briefs, and I changed into on one of his t-shirts that was on the bed. I crawled beneath the covers and Christoff shut off the lights and crawled in bed behind me. He pulled me in close and held me tight. There was a longing in his touch and a vulnerability in his embrace. He held on to me like a frightened child clutching a teddy bear. I grabbed both of his hands and squeezed as I nuzzled my back into the broadness of his chest. For the next couple of hours I drifted in and out of sleep, and it felt like Christoff was awake too. After a ridiculous amount of tossing and turning, I finally got comfortable and fell asleep.

When I woke up, for a moment I thought it was
morning, but then I realized it was still dark out. I glanced over at the clock and saw it was a little past 3 AM. I had only been asleep for about an hour. I looked over to see if Christoff was still awake, but he wasn’t there. I figured he must have gone to the bathroom so I waited. Over ten minutes had passed and Christoff hadn’t returned to bed. I was starting to feel uneasy. I got out of bed and turned on the bedroom light. The light irritated my eyes, so I welcomed the darkness as I stumbled into the living room in a daze. Christoff was sitting on the couch in the dark just staring blankly into space.

“Christoff, what’s wrong? Why aren’t you in bed?” At first he didn’t respond. “Christoff?”

“I need to get back to L.A. I want to spend some time with the band before our performance. And the guys are stressing out about the nominations. They really want to win. I should get back and spend some time with them.” Christoff’s voice was flat.

“Okay, then I’ll come with you. I just need to pack.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“What about the Awards show?”

“I don’t think it’s a good idea, Gia. I need to go now.” Christoff got off the couch and gathered his bags never once looking in my direction. “I’ve got to get out of here.” At this point Christoff was talking more so to himself rather than to me.

“What’s going on? Are you breaking up with me?” I couldn’t even pretend to play it cool. My voice was shrill and tense.

“How can I break up with you when we aren’t together?” There was no emotion in his voice.

“Wh
y are you doing this?” My voice cracked and my entire body began to shake.

He pummeled me with his words. “My home is in Germany, and you belong here. We both have very demanding careers and crazy schedules. It would never work between us. I was foolish to
ever think otherwise. I just wish I had figured it out before I wasted both my time and yours. I should have never let things go as far as they did.”

“You really think our time together was a waste?” I struggled to speak. I felt like I had just had the wi
nd knocked out of me.

Christoff made his way to the door. “I’m sorry. I really need to leave now. I just can’t do this anymore.” There was a vacant look in his eyes. He seemed cold, and completely devoid of any emotion.

I raced to the door and threw my arms around him. He placed his bags down and returned my embrace. I felt him take a deep breath and hold it inside. After a long intense moment he finally exhaled and released me from his embrace. I continued to hold on to him.

“Let go Gia. I need to get out
of here. It will be better for both of us.” I buried my face in his chest as I broke down and cried uncontrollably. “Gia, don’t do that. It really isn’t necessary,” he said coldly, as he removed my arms from around his neck. I let myself crumple slowly to the floor as he turned his back to me and hurried out the door. I sat in the doorway and looked out after him as he walked down the hallway that led to the elevators. When he was halfway down the hall he stopped and turned to face me. “You’re not the only one with hurt feelings here.” His voice was low and tense but I heard him loud and clear.

As he rounded the corner to the elevator I continued to cry. I waited there in the doorway after he was long gone. I secretly hoped he would spontaneously change his
mind. After sitting in my doorway in a crumpled heap and crying for almost an hour, I crawled back inside, closed and locked the door, and threw myself onto the couch. I laid there, completely exhausted but unable to sleep, for what had to be a couple of hours. I eventually dragged myself to the kitchen and poured a double shot of whiskey. I never did shots, not even at parties, but I needed to make the pain go away and I needed to sleep. I threw back the entire double shot in one gulp. I poured another double shot for good measure, and took it down in four slow sips. It burned going down, and it numbed me almost immediately. I sauntered back into the bedroom, closed the door, drew the blackout curtains and turned off the light. My mind shut down, and I blacked out into a deep slumber within minutes of my head hitting the pillow.

* * *

When I woke up my room was completely dark. I instinctively reached over for Christoff, but he wasn’t there. I sat up in bed and memories from last night flooded my mind, causing my head to spin. I felt dizzy and nauseous so I laid back down. I glanced over at the clock. It was 5 PM. I’d slept for almost twelve hours, but I didn’t feel like getting out of bed. I curled into fetal position and took a deep breath. Christoff’s scent was still on his shirt I was wearing. I let the scent overtake me as I got lost in memories of our time together. I wept silently in the dark until I fell back asleep.

Chapter 6

W
hen I opened my eyes, I was disoriented by the depth of the darkness that greeted me. I glanced over at the clock. It said it was 7:00. My vision was too blurry to decipher if it was AM or PM. I had no idea what day it was or how long I’d been sleeping. I reached for my phone that was on the floor. It said it was Sunday morning, 7 AM. I had been in bed for over twenty-four hours. It was time to get up. I crawled out of bed and opened my curtains to let in some light but the sun was just rising, and it was an overcast day.

I was really thirsty, and I had a headache from not eating
. I made my way into the kitchen and opened the refrigerator but I didn’t have any food, and I didn’t really feel like eating anyway, even though I knew that I should. I poured a tall glass of water and went to sit on the couch. I stared at the television, even though it was off, as I chugged my water. When the glass was empty I went back to the kitchen for a refill, even though I wasn’t that thirsty anymore. I took a few sips and laid across the couch, not quite sure what to do with myself. I wasn’t sad anymore, just tired, drained and numb. Ordinarily at a time like this I would let go of my frustrations by getting lost in really heavy music, like Aus Deutschland, but I knew that wasn’t the best idea right now. I used the remote control for my surround sound stereo system and turned on my CD player. A beautiful classical piece filled the room. It was a piece I played for Christoff. I closed my eyes and listened to the whole thing. It made me feel nostalgic and slightly melancholy. I got up and searched my entertainment system for my 90s break up mix I had put together years ago. After going through almost every CD I found it. I read the back of the CD case, and it was a better compilation than I remembered. There were twelve amazing tracks, including Natalie Imbruglia's “Torn,” Lisa Loeb's “Stay,” and Sinead O’Connor's “Nothing Compares 2 U.” I laid back on the couch and closed my eyes, as I sang along to some of my favorite tracks. I cried cathartic tears as Sinead closed out the CD.