Claiming His Fire (13 page)

“Oh.” I pushed away from him, sick to my stomach.

“Scarlett, that’s not to say—”

“No, I get it. I even kind of understand it.” I rolled out of bed and grabbed my clothes from the floor, refusing to look him in the eye, giving in to my urge to flee. “I’ve got to get my day started.”

“Scarlett, wait.”

I paused at the doorway to the bathroom, keeping my back to him. “Really, Shadow, I get it. You’ve never had anything more than a hookup with a woman, but then I come along and all of a sudden you’re supposed to get all forever and only with me. Maybe…depends on which side of you is in control at the moment.”

“I—no—that’s not—”

“Yeah, it is. That’s exactly what this is.” I hurried into the bathroom and shut the door. My eyes burned and my hands shook, sparks of heat tingling under my nails. Fate was a cruel bitch, but I wouldn’t fall to her. Not this time, not with something as important as my heart…as Shadow’s.

Running a hand through my hair and wiping off my smudged makeup, I shook my head. This was such a mess. Right as I was ready to let the Fates win, he throws out this game changer. I had no idea what to do next. Accept him and hope all three sides of him eventually accepted me? Give him a chance to break my heart? Or run for the fucking hills before the thread became too tight to escape…if it wasn’t already.

I sighed, wiping away the single, tiny tear too persistent not to escape. I needed time, room to breathe, space to think, and I couldn’t find it in his apartment…smelling like him, wearing his shirt.

I ripped the garment over my head, tears falling freely, my throat tight and my face burning. Damn it, dressing took way too long. Bra, shirt, pants…too long, too long, too long. I couldn’t breathe, could hardly see. I needed to just go.

The second I was covered in my own clothing, I rushed out of the bathroom and into the living room. I had to leave before he pulled me back under his spell. Needed to go this very minute. That urge to escape completely overwhelming and unavoidable. Pure protection instinct, though whether I was protecting his heart or mine, I had no idea.

As soon as I grabbed my purse, I strode for the door, but Shadow blocked my way. Eyes flat, hair mussed and straggly, sweat pants low on those bitable hips, he looked as if he’d been worked over, like a man after a beating. And maybe he was…though the bruises I’d leave were buried too far inside to see.

“Talk to me,” he said, his voice quiet, filled with hurt. My heart panged, but I couldn’t falter. The longer I stayed, the smaller the apartment seemed, the harder it became to catch my breath. To keep my thoughts clear.

“I have to go.” I tried to move past him, but he grabbed my arm. Loosely, not forcing, asking. Just one more thing about him that made me want to smack myself for not jumping at a chance to be with him. One more reminder of how much he deserved someone to truly care about him. Even if that person wasn’t me.

“Scarlett, please wait.”

I shook my head and pulled my arm from his grasp, swallowing hard as my eyes burned again. “No, I don’t think that’d be a good idea right now.”

He let me go, stepping back, giving me space. I walked past him, desperate to go, just as desperate to stay. Buried in doubt and confusion.

“Am I going to see you later?”

My stomach dropped and my heart cracked. I wanted to say yes, to exchange numbers and talk about how we’d meet up later, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t lie to him or give him false hope when I had no idea if I’d be able to be near him without freaking out anytime soon.

Unable and unwilling to back down, I opened the door, avoiding his eyes. “Doubt it. I have plans tonight.”

“Plans.” The ice in his voice stopped me, almost forced me to turn around. “You mean a date.”

“I mean plans, which are none of your business.” I strode down the hall, my steps quick, running away from what he represented. Escaping something I’d never realized I wanted before it wrecked me…or I wrecked it.

When I reached the stairs, I tossed out a casual, “Thanks for letting me stay.”

His reply came harsh and in a tone I’d never once heard from him. Not one he’d ever used on me. One filled with anger. One that told me how much I’d just hurt him. “Yeah, right. Anytime.”

And then he slammed the door.

“Shit.”

My legs locked, feet planted to the floor as I growled, fighting back my inner tiger who was trying his damnedest to take control. He wanted to shift, to chase Scarlett, to hunt her down and claim her whether she liked it or not. He was the side of me that had to be contained. The one that could do some serious damage if he got out. The one I fought against the hardest.

My wolf remained quiet, barely a presence in my mind. Hiding. Our mate had refused us…again.

I ran my fingers through my hair, pulling and fisting the long strands as my heart crumbled in my chest. What had I said this time? What had I done? We’d finally been alone together, made physical contact, had a conversation. She’d let me in. But without warning, she’d built those walls back up faster than I could stop her, higher and more guarded than before. She’d completely locked me out. Why was that girl always hiding from me?

The answers didn’t magically appear, which meant I only had one option. I’d have to ask her. I chuffed a sad laugh and shook my head at that idea. Right, because she was always so willing to talk to me. The woman had the whole unattainable and uninterested thing down to a science, one my brain simply couldn’t wrap around. She’d gone from soft and snuggling to hard and indifferent before my very eyes. And I had no clue why.

Fuck me, I needed to clear my head.

I crept into my bedroom, holding my breath, almost afraid of what her scent would do to me. My mate had spent the night in my bed, in my shirt, and my room was going to be filled with her enticing smell. It was going to hurt to breathe. Hurt deep and hard. I needed to just man up and take it in. Suffer through it. Rip it off like a Band-Aid.

So I did.

The snarl that left my lips as the cool fire scent of her swept into my lungs was louder and stronger than my wolf ones. More roar than growl. Oh, our little firecracker had truly enticed the beast. The one who didn’t mate for life, who wasn’t tied to her by fate.

“Easy, kitty,” I whispered into the empty room, hard and aching from nothing more than Scarlett’s smell, the pain in my chest overriding the need in my groin. But she’d been pressed up against me all night, been soft and sweet and
there.
And goddamn, she’d been so warm.

But she’d left me in the cold, alone, and unsure of what to do next.

Before I could clear my mind enough to think things through, my phone pealed and jittered across the nightstand. I dropped my head and sighed, honestly almost grateful for the distraction, knowing there was no way it was the person I most wanted to talk to.

“Yeah?” I said as soon as I swiped to accept the call.

“We need to meet up.” Jameson’s growl came through the line, the sounds of the denhouse in the background. “Get your ass downstairs pronto.”

“On it.” I hung up and tossed the phone on the bed, glaring at the device. Useless piece of plastic. I didn’t have Scarlett’s phone number to call or text her and attempt a conversation. I had no idea how to get in touch with her. And I’d be an idiot to ask Phoenix for the information. If she wasn’t ready to tell anyone I was her mate, I’d honor that. I had enough secrets of my own, I could respect hers. Even if it did add a heaping pile of salt to my wounds.

Surrendering to the fact that I’d have to wait on her to reach out to me, I made my way into the bathroom for a quick shower. Planning, riding, fighting, saving the Omegas…those things needed to be my focus. At least for today. At least until my inner beast took over and tracked her ass down.

“Fuck fuck fuck fuckity fuck.” I slammed my hand against the steering wheel, sending sparks flying as my emotions took control. I’d never been more furious with myself. What was I thinking? Why didn’t I stay with Shadow and give myself a few minutes to calm down so we could talk about things like adults? Why did I have to be such a bitch?

“Yeah, right. Anytime.”

How much damage must I have done to make him talk to me like that? Not so much his words, which could be taken different ways. No, the sickening guilt in my stomach was caused by the tone he used. The anger and hurt that came through. The flatness, the clipped words. And oh Goddess, the door slam.

What had I done?

“Are you planning on coming inside, or should I bring your breakfast out here?” Amber stood on the porch, arms crossed, giving me her sarcastic calling-you-a-dumbass face. And I was; I absolutely was a dumbass for this one. Still, I flipped her off and grabbed my keys, trudging past her when I reached the porch.

“Don’t ask me about my night. You don’t want to know.”

“Oooh.” Amber followed me inside, positively giddy at my foul mood. “If you tell me I don’t want to know, that means I do. I really, really do. So spill.”

I shook my head. “You’re going to call me immature.”

“No, I won’t.” Her innocent act came on strong, all high-pitched voice and wide eyes. But I knew her better than that. Way better.

I snorted, pointing at her as I scrunched up my face. “Yes, you will.”

She rolled her eyes and tossed up her hands. “Fine, I will. But why don’t you get it over with? You know you’ll talk eventually.”

I plopped on the couch and let my head fall back. I couldn’t relax, couldn’t even close my eyes without seeing the pained expression on Shadow’s face. Hear the echo of his door slamming. My entire stomach was one giant knot, twisting and expanding, making me nauseous. Making me sick with myself for what I’d done. Stupid hot shifters with red threads wrapped all around them…and the idiotic ways I reacted to them.

Amber sat next to me, so I rolled my head in her direction. Her light eyes met mine, calm and patient as the air around us. For all her bluster, she was my friend, one-third of our sisterhood along with Zuri. If ever there was someone I could trust, it was my sisters. I fought for them, supported them, kept secrets for them. I left my home and my coven and the only life I’d ever known for them. I could tell either one of them anything, especially Amber, the little mother. The responsible one. She’d listen, and she’d tell me what to do. How to fix things if I could.

Besides, she’d know soon enough anyway if she didn’t already. Privacy and air witch didn’t really go together.

I blinked, my eyes burning with tears threatening once again to fall. “I was with Shadow last night.”

“About damn time,” she said with a grin.

I shook my head, ending up staring at the ceiling. “Not
with him
with him. We were supposed to talk and he was late, so I slept at his place. Totally PG.”

“Oh,” Amber said, frowning. “Well, that sucks, but it’s not that big of an issue unless he couldn’t get it up.”

I squeezed my eyes closed and rubbed my temples, groaning. “I can’t even talk to you right now. This is about so much more than sex.”

“Fine, fine, I won’t talk about his malfunctioning penis. So you spent the night with him, sans sex. So what?”

“So,” I said, drawing out the word. “I screwed up.”

She stared at me, her face going from slightly mocking to serious. Amber was a lot of things, and not all of them good, but she was my sister to the end. It may have taken her a few minutes, but by the look on her face, she finally recognized how upset I was. How much pain I was in. How messed up I felt inside.

“You freaked out,” she murmured, her eyes soft and without a hint of judgment. Only understanding. Knowing.

I sighed, staring at the ceiling once more. “I didn’t freak out…completely.”

“Ah, so a minor freak-out. Just enough to put a huge speed bump in the middle of your future.” She snuggled close and tugged my hair out of my face. “Scarlett, he’s a nice guy.”

I turned toward her, that knot in my stomach growing bigger with every second, forcing me to fight back the sick just to keep talking. “Amber, he’s never had a girlfriend.”

She paused, taking that in, but then she shrugged. “So what? That’s kind of admirable considering the whole mating dilemma.”

“Sure, admirable.” I wiped my eyes, punishing the traitorous tears making their escape. “Until he realizes he’s only with me because his—” I paused, biting back the truth about his inner beasts, knowing she’d figure it out but not wanting to betray his trust “—animal side wants him to be. Not his human one.”

“You’re amazing, Scar. Any man would be lucky to have you in his life.”

I shook my head, my voice rough when I finally spoke. “I’m not. I’m not anything special, but he is. He’s so fucking amazing. He’ll stay with me because the Fates tell his wolf to. But what if that’s not enough? What if I give myself to him and he…”

I cried unknowingly, tears of fire running down my face, dropping to my lap, singeing the fabric. As Amber shushed me and rubbed her hand over my hair, trying to calm the swirling emotions I couldn’t control, I took a deep breath and released the negative energy within me into the world, praying to the Goddess to make it go away.

“He’ll stay until he decides to check out greener pastures because mine isn’t the right color green or the right kind of pasture. He’ll stay for a while, but the different sides of his nature may not always agree, and then he’ll cast me out.”

“Scarlett, come on.” Amber gripped my shoulder, still cuddling against my back. “He’s your red thread. He’d probably rather chew off his own arm than cheat on you.”

“You don’t know that.” I sat up, turning and tucking one leg underneath me to face her. “He didn’t pick me, the Fates did. He knows absolutely nothing about me. His wolf could be all,
Ooooh, a mate,
while he’s all,
Fuck, a mate
.”

Amber held my gaze, her face giving nothing away as she said, “You know that’s not what’s going on here. You’re just scared.”

I rolled my eyes, visions of Shadow and wolf packs and lone tigers berating my mind. “I am not.”