Claiming Noah (36 page)

Catriona kissed her fingertips and placed them on the plaque, below Sebastian's name.

‘I'm sorry I wasn't a better mother to you,' she said as tears pooled in her eyes and then spilled on to her cheeks. ‘But I always loved you.'

She hoped that he heard her, and she hoped he knew it was true.

Brushing the tears from her face and the grass from her knees, Catriona stood and walked back to the car, steeling herself for what she had to face in the coming week. She had now said goodbye to one of her sons; she wasn't prepared to do the same to the other.

•  •  •

The day of the final hearing was suddenly upon them. As her lawyer instructed, Catriona wore an unassuming business suit, as she had done for the interim hearing. Her lawyer had told her it would make her appear successful and well-educated, which would help to prove that she was the most capable parent for Noah. Catriona spent much longer than usual getting dressed that morning. She made sure her outfit was free from creases, her make-up was perfect and her hair looked neat without being severe. So much of this custody hearing was out of her control, but her appearance was the one thing she was determined to get exactly right.

Spencer whistled his approval as she walked down the stairs towards him.

‘You look fantastic,' he said. ‘I feel underdressed now.'

‘You look great,' Catriona said, taking in his striped shirt and suit pants.

‘Do you want toast? I've just put a couple of slices on.'

Catriona shook her head. ‘I can't eat; my stomach is in knots. Just coffee, please.'

But even the coffee was too much for her and after a few nauseous sips Catriona pushed the cup away.

Catriona and Spencer drove to the courtroom alone, though her mother and father had promised they would meet her there. Her lawyer, Langdon Murphy, met her at the entrance to the courthouse. Like her, he wore a grey suit with a white shirt. She wondered whether they should have spoken about their outfit choices earlier; they looked like they were wearing a uniform. They even had matching blonde hair and both carried black leather satchels. But it was too late for either of them to change now.

‘How are you feeling?' he asked.

‘Not great,' Catriona said. ‘I just want this to be over with.'

‘It will be, soon enough.' Langdon gave her a reassuring pat on the hand.

‘Will Noah be here, at the hearing?' Catriona asked him. ‘I really want to see him.'

‘No, he won't be, I'm sorry. But if you're awarded custody, there will be strict orders for the other party to deliver Noah to you. It's usually within twenty-four hours.'

Deliver.
It made it sound as if Noah were something she had bought online. If she wasn't home when he was delivered would she find a slip under her front door telling her to pick him up from the post office?

Catriona's parents were already seated in the courtroom. Initially they had been shocked when she told them she was suing for custody of Noah, but once she explained to them why she thought she had a case they had been incredibly supportive. Her father had even offered to help out with her legal bills.

Spencer gave Catriona's hand a surreptitious squeeze of encouragement before he slid on to the bench next to her parents. Catriona hadn't told them about the relationship, and they hadn't asked, but she was sure they had worked it out from how involved Spencer was in her life. She knew she would have to tell them she and Spencer were living together, but that could wait until after the hearing.

Catriona smiled at her parents, even though it felt forced, to let them know she was okay and then she sat where Langdon indicated and faced the front of the courtroom. The other couple had not yet arrived and neither had any of their family and friends; that side of the courtroom was still empty.

Five minutes before the hearing was due to commence, Catriona watched the other party arrive. There was the couple, Diana and Liam Simmons, as well as the lawyer who had been with them at the interim hearing. He was a thin, neatly dressed man with a haircut that reminded Catriona of a Lego figurine. There was also a younger man with a full beard whom Catriona hadn't seen before. She wondered who was looking after Noah while they were here, and if the couple had a large family with aunts, uncles and grandparents to dote on him. Besides her parents, that was something she couldn't offer Noah. James's parents hadn't been in contact with her since he was arrested. She didn't know whether they had visited James in prison, or if they knew she was trying to win custody of Noah.

As they walked into the courtroom each of the group glanced at Catriona and Langdon, though none of them met her stare. This time, Catriona didn't shy away from looking at the woman who was fighting her for the title of Noah's mother. She was a slight and attractive woman, with long dark brown hair that was tied back into a ponytail at the nape of her neck with a blue ribbon that matched the colour of her shirt. The woman's husband was dark-haired as well, as of course was Noah, and Catriona wondered if, when Noah was born, they had decided not to tell people he wasn't their biological child, because he could easily have been their own. The woman looked over at her then, and Catriona was surprised that the look on the woman's face was not one of anger, but of pity. Did this woman pity her for bringing forward a custody application she thought Catriona couldn't win? Catriona wanted to intimidate her, to make her realise that the hearing was not a foregone conclusion, but the poignant look in the woman's eyes caused her to look away instead.

The judge entered the courtroom and commenced the formalities. He explained that Catriona would be the first person to take the stand, because she was the person who had instigated the custody hearing. Then Diana and Liam Simmons would speak separately. The last part of the hearing would involve testimony from the psychologist who had met both parties, as well as Noah. The judge said there wasn't a jury for the hearing and no external witnesses other than the psychologist would be called. Catriona was glad that Langdon had already explained all of this to her, because she was too nervous to pay much attention to what was being said.

At the judge's request Catriona stood up and walked over to the witness stand. It was just as intimidating as she had anticipated. Langdon had advised her to try to come across as calm as possible, even if she felt the opposite. He said something that worked with him when he first started out in law and had faced extreme nerves was to pick a song and sing it in his mind to calm down. In her nervous state Catriona couldn't think of a song she knew all the lyrics to; all that came to mind were the nursery rhymes she used to sing to Noah. She had a terrible singing voice, but he loved hearing the rhymes and would laugh in all the right spots.

Catriona sat in the witness stand and watched as Langdon approached her. She took slow breaths, glad he was going to be the first one to ask her questions.

They ran through each of the questions they had rehearsed over the past few months: the home and family life she had provided for Noah while he was living with her, the opportunities she would be able to provide him, and the relationship she had with Noah before he was taken away from her.

Then it was time for cross-examination. The opposition's lawyer approached her and gave her a tight smile. She wasn't sure if it was meant to relax or alarm her.

‘Mrs Sinclair,' he said. ‘Three and a half years ago you and your husband, James Sinclair, signed documents allowing the adoption of an embryo you had created during an IVF procedure on the basis that you didn't want to use this embryo yourself. Were you aware at that time that the adoption was a legal process and you were thereby giving up your legal rights to the embryo?'

‘I was, yes.'

‘And can you please explain why you feel that the legal rights of these adoptive parents, the couple sitting behind me, should no longer be valid?'

‘It's not that I don't think they're valid, it's just that, given the circumstances, I feel I'm the more appropriate person to provide ongoing care for Noah.'

The lawyer tipped his head to the right slightly, as if questioning her response. Catriona glanced towards Langdon to see whether her answer had been sufficient, but the expression on his face gave nothing away.

‘Mrs Sinclair,' the lawyer continued. ‘You say you feel that you're the more appropriate person to care for Noah Simmons, but how do you propose to care for him while your husband is incarcerated? How will you manage to care for Noah and earn a sufficient income to support both yourself and him?'

There it was. Catriona wasn't at all surprised that the topic of James being in prison had come up already. She started to sing to herself in her mind.

Sing a song of sixpence, a pocket full of rye. Four-and-twenty blackbirds, baked in a pie.

‘Well, I'll have help.' Catriona looked over at her mother, who nodded in response. ‘My parents will help me look after Noah and there are plenty of good day-care centres close to us. That's where he went, you know, before . . .'

‘Before he was returned to his legal parents?' the lawyer asked her.

‘Before he was taken away from me. He went to day care while I was at work and he loved it there. Usually I'd drop him off in the mornings and my husband would pick him up in the afternoons.'

‘But your husband isn't available to look after him any more.'

It was a statement, not a question, but Catriona decided to answer it anyway. ‘No, that's correct.'

‘I understand your husband is still awaiting trial.'

‘Yes.'

‘Are you in contact with him?'

‘I've visited him once, just after his committal hearing. We haven't spoken since then.'

‘Mrs Sinclair, after your husband is released from prison – whether that's following the trial or after serving a sentence – do you intend to resume your relationship with him?'

When the pie was opened the birds began to sing. Was that not a dainty dish to set before the king?

Catriona tried to meet Spencer's gaze, but he was looking down into his lap.

‘No,' she said.

‘But he's the child's father. Are you saying that if you are awarded custody, you would deny him the opportunity to see his son?'

Catriona didn't know how she was supposed to answer that question. She was sure that James would receive a prison sentence after his trial, but she didn't know how long it would be. Spencer had told her that it could be as short as eighteen months, although that was unlikely since he had a prior offence. She knew James would want to see Noah if she had custody of him, and she knew she would most likely let him. He wasn't a dangerous man, even though he had acted in a way that was unfathomable to her.

‘It's something we would have to work out at the time, but I would be the primary parent to Noah.'

She hoped her answer was sufficient for the lawyer to move on to a new line of questioning and was relieved when he returned to his table and took his time to shuffle through a pile of papers. He selected a page, scanned its contents, and then turned back to Catriona.

‘Now, Mrs Sinclair, I understand you had some difficulties with motherhood with both your own son, Sebastian Sinclair, as well as with Noah Simmons while he was in your care. Is that correct?'

Langdon had told her that if she was confused by a question, she should ask the lawyer to clarify. Not only would it buy her some time, but it would show that whatever the lawyer was trying to hint at wasn't obvious to her.

‘I'm sorry, but I'm not sure what you mean,' she said.

The lawyer nodded and pursed his lips. ‘It is my understanding that you suffered from a condition called postpartum psychosis, also known as puerperal psychosis. Is that correct?'

She reminded herself to breathe. Langdon had told her she might be asked questions about her psychosis, but she had hoped he was wrong.

‘It is, yes,' she said.

‘Can you please describe the condition to me?'

‘It's a rare and temporary condition that can affect women after childbirth,' said Catriona, making sure to emphasise the word
temporary
.

‘Thank you, Mrs Sinclair, but I'm more interested in your personal experience with the condition. Can you please describe some of the symptoms you exhibited?'

The king was in his counting-house, counting out his money. The queen was in the parlour, eating bread and honey.

Catriona recalled the dark days she had experienced in the first few months after giving birth. Looking back now it seemed like she had been a passenger in her own mind: able to see what was going on, but not able to do anything about it. She took a deep breath before answering. ‘Well, I had some problems with breast-feeding, and I wasn't sleeping well. And I found it difficult to adjust to a new lifestyle. That was probably what started it, and it escalated from there. But it passed, a long time ago.'

The lawyer looked down at the paper he was holding in his hands. ‘But you were admitted to a psychiatric clinic, Gardenia Gardens, as a result of the psychosis, were you not?'

‘I was.'

‘That seems an extreme response to someone who is just tired and struggling with breast-feeding.'

‘I went to the clinic voluntarily. It was a dark time in my life and I needed some help. I felt much better when I went home three weeks later.'

‘But it was more than just
a dark time
, as you called it,' the lawyer said. ‘In fact, women have been known to commit suicide or infanticide as a result of postpartum psychosis, is that right?'

‘I believe so.'

‘Is that why you voluntarily went to the clinic? Because you thought you might harm yourself or your son?'

Catriona hesitated. She knew her answer would reflect badly on her, but she had no option other than to tell the truth. ‘Yes.'