Claiming Noah (39 page)

‘It's her, isn't it?' she said, opening her eyes and looking up at him. ‘That journalist with the nails, the one that looks like a Barbie doll? Please tell me it isn't
her
.'

Liam's cheeks reddened. ‘Leigha and I had a connection. I didn't mean to hurt you. I thought our relationship was over long before that, but then Noah came home and . . . well, I just couldn't leave after that because of him. And then when the custody application was filed I knew we wouldn't get custody of Noah if we weren't together, so I didn't have a choice.'

Diana tried to push the sickening image of her husband with the journalist out of her mind. ‘So, why haven't you shown me the courtesy over the past eight months of telling me about her? I'm your wife; don't you think I deserve to know that you don't want to be with me any more?'

Liam crossed his arms across his chest; he looked like Noah did when Diana asked him to do something he didn't want to do. ‘Don't be a martyr and put this all on me, Di. I know you don't want to be with me either. We haven't been happy for a very long time.'

‘Yes, but the difference is that I haven't cheated on you. And that's a very big difference, Liam.'

An image of Richard's face flashed in front of Diana's eyes and she felt a flicker of guilt before she pushed it away. She opened the door and walked out into the hallway. ‘My family are downstairs and I don't want a scene right now,' she said. ‘So, you'll pack your bags tonight after they leave and then you'll move out first thing tomorrow.'

Liam looked taken aback, but he inclined his head slightly in a way that Diana took to be agreement. ‘But what about Noah?' he asked.

‘I'm not going to stop you from seeing your son. But that's for his sake, not yours.'

Diana closed the study door behind her and walked down the hallway towards her family, her shoulders squared and her breathing calm. Relief brought a smile to her lips.

Saturday, 22 November 2014

A
long week passed after the custody hearing, and then Catriona once again found herself standing outside the walls of the foreboding prison where James was held. She knew she needed to talk to him, and she knew she needed to do it alone. She hadn't told Spencer where she was going.

After she passed through the security screening, and was led by a prison guard towards the visiting room, Catriona rearranged her hair for the fifth time since she had left the car and wiped her clammy hands against the fabric of her dress. She had taken so long to get ready that morning Spencer had joked that she must have been getting ready to meet the Queen. When he complimented her on the dress she was wearing, Catriona hadn't told him it was James's favourite.

The prison guard opened the door to the visiting room and directed her to a table at the back. Unlike the last time she had visited James, when the room had been filled with prisoners and their visitors, this time it was nearly empty. The few groups present conducted hushed conversations or held hands across the narrow span of the tables. Catriona had to walk past all of them to get to the table at the back, where she sat with her hands clasped, waiting for James.

He appeared a few minutes later. She noticed the appreciation on his face as he walked towards her, but he didn't greet her when he reached the table and sat in the seat opposite her. Catriona met his resolute gaze. He had grown a full beard since she last saw him. He had never worn a beard while they were together; she had only ever seen him with a few days' worth of stubble. The beard suited him, it made him look distinguished and intellectual, but he didn't look like her husband any more.

‘I guess I'll be the first one to speak, then,' James said after they had sat in silence staring at each other for what seemed like a long time. ‘I know why you're here, and I know what you came to tell me.'

‘You do?'

James nodded. ‘Spencer came to visit me a few days ago.'

‘What did he say?'

‘He said the two of you were seeing each other. And living together.' He blew a breath through his nose, his nostrils flaring. ‘I know I can't tell you not to date anyone, but did you really have to hook up with
Spencer
? If you were trying to find a way to get back at me, you picked a good one.'

Catriona studied James's face. He had a serene quality to him that made her fleetingly wonder whether he was on some type of medication.

‘You don't seem angry,' she said.

‘I don't have the luxury of being angry,' he said. ‘This place is torturous enough without being filled with a rage I can do nothing about. It takes all of my energy just to get through the day here. There's no room for anything else.'

Catriona shifted on the uncomfortable chair. ‘So, I can say or do anything without you getting angry at me, then?'

The corner of James's lips turned up in a reluctant smile. ‘Nice try, Cat. No, please don't load anything more on me or I might explode. There are only so many emotions you can repress at once.' He scratched his beard with both sets of fingers. ‘God, I can't get used to this thing, it gets so itchy.'

‘I like it, you look sexy.'

James stopped scratching his beard and shook his head at her. ‘Don't say that to me, it just makes things worse.' He nodded towards her. ‘I love that dress on you.'

‘I know you do.'

‘Thank you for wearing it for me.' He stared at her with an intensity Catriona hadn't seen from him before. She felt herself blush under his scrutiny. Who was this calm, intense man before her and what had he done with her husband?

‘So, why are you here?' James asked her. ‘Is it just about Spencer or is it something else?' He rested his elbows on the table and leaned towards her. ‘I heard about the custody case, I'm so sorry you didn't win it. That must have been horrible.'

‘It was.' Catriona leaned forward on her elbows as well, copying James's pose. ‘I don't really know why I'm here. I just wanted to see you. I feel like I don't have anyone to talk to any more.'

‘What about Spencer?' he asked. She heard the hopeful note in his voice.

She shrugged.

‘What does that mean?'

‘It's just . . . I don't know, it doesn't feel right any more. Something's changed and now I can't remember why we got together in the first place.'

Catriona stared at James's hands resting in front of him on the table, the hands she knew so well. He no longer had a white mark on his ring finger. She reached across the table and touched the spot where his wedding ring used to be. ‘I'm not used to seeing that finger bare.'

‘It wasn't a protest against you; they made me take it off when I came here.' He took hold of both of her hands and enveloped them in his larger ones. ‘Now, what is it that you're trying to tell me?'

Catriona stared at their entwined hands as she spoke. ‘I think I was with Spencer just because I was mad at you.'

‘And now?'

When Catriona didn't respond James repeated his question. ‘Cat? And now? Are you not mad at me any more?'

A multitude of conflicting emotions battled for control of Catriona, but rage seemed to be the one emotion that had disappeared.

She shook her head. ‘No, I don't think I am. I don't agree with what you did, and I still hate that you felt you had to hide Sebastian's death from me, but no, I'm not mad at you.'

A smile flickered over James's lips. ‘What's caused that change?'

Catriona considered her response. ‘During the custody hearing the lawyer asked me questions about my psychosis and what effect it had on me. And that was when I realised I'd only ever thought about myself in those first months after Sebastian was born. It never occurred to me that you probably hadn't been in the best mental state either. So, I wondered if maybe that's why you hid Sebastian's death from me and tracked down Noah.'

James let go of Catriona's hands. ‘You can't make excuses for me. Honestly, I don't know why I did what I did. I know I felt that we had a claim over him, but now that I know what you've been through since he was taken from you, I can't stand to think of what I did to that poor woman.'

Catriona thought about telling James how Diana had spoken to her after the custody hearing, but she didn't know if that would make him feel better or worse.

‘Do you have a new trial date?' she asked.

He nodded. ‘Should be before Christmas.'

‘Does your lawyer think you have any chance of getting off?'

James shook his head sadly. ‘I'm not getting out any time soon, Cat. It's just a matter of how much more time I'll have to spend in here. The maximum sentence they can give me is fourteen years, so I just have to hope that it's a lot less than that.'

Catriona smoothed her dress over her thighs. She wished they didn't have to have this conversation here, in this sterile room, under the watchful glare of the prison guard.

‘I miss you,' she said in a low voice, staring at a spot on the wall behind James's head. ‘Do you miss me?'

When he didn't reply immediately to her question Catriona shifted her gaze to James's face. He looked upset.

‘I love you, Cat, and I always will,' James said as he leaned back in his chair, increasing the space between them. ‘And I think our relationship is still strong enough to work through all of the crap we've endured, and the awful things we've done to each other. But while I'm locked up in here, there isn't much I can do about it, so it's all up to you. You have to decide what you want.'

‘But what if I don't know what I want?'

‘That's not an option. You have to make a decision. I'm not going to give you relationship advice.'

She studied James's face for a moment longer and then she reached across the table and stroked his cheek. She was surprised that his beard felt soft against her hand, not coarse as she had expected. She noticed a sprinkling of grey hairs among the brown.

‘Thank you,' she said. ‘I needed to hear all of that.' She sat back in her chair. ‘I know about Mr Burgden.'

James's brows furrowed. ‘Spencer told you?'

‘I wished
you'd
told me. I would have understood.'

James looked away from her and rubbed his jaw. ‘What exactly did he tell you?'

‘That you hated your teacher because he gave you detention and crappy marks, so you decided to get back at him by setting his classroom on fire. And Spencer took the blame for you.'

James chuckled as he looked back at her, but his eyes behind his glasses were dull. ‘Funny how people remember things differently. I remember a very different version to that.'

‘What do you mean?'

‘It wasn't my idea to start the fire, it was Spencer's. I was mouthing off about Mr Burgden and Spencer suggested we get back at him. He supplied the jerry can and the lighter, and when I told him I'd changed my mind, he did it instead. But I was right there with him, that part is true.'

‘So, why did Spencer say you did it?'

James shrugged. ‘I guess he wanted to be the hero of the story.'

Catriona tried to recall the way Spencer had described the incident to her. She was sure he had said it was James's idea. Why had he felt the need to lie to her? And if he'd lied about that, what else had he lied to her about? She thought about how sincere he had seemed when he spoke about what he had done for James, and a feeling of uneasiness settled on her chest.

‘I've been meaning to ask you something,' Catriona said. ‘It's been playing on my mind for a while. Spencer told me you were charged with stealing confidential information about Noah from the donor register. But how did you do that? You're terrible with technology; you couldn't even set up our DVD player.'

James hesitated. ‘Didn't Spencer tell you?'

She felt her uneasiness grow. ‘Tell me what?'

He groaned and rubbed his eyes behind his glasses. ‘He's really made himself out to be the good guy, hasn't he? I went to see him in prison, after Sebastian died. I told him I wished we'd never donated our fourth embryo and I'd always wondered if we had another child out there. So he put me in touch with someone he knew from prison. Someone who was good at tracking down information. You know,' he said, giving her a pointed look, ‘the type of information that isn't readily available.'

‘A hacker? He put you in touch with a hacker?' At the sound of Catriona's raised voice the prison guard looked over at them. James motioned for her to be quiet.

‘It's not as bad as it sounds,' he said. ‘I'm sure he thought he was just helping me to get over Sebastian's death. I wasn't exactly in a clear frame of mind at the time.'

Catriona thought back to what Spencer had said when she found out he had known about Sebastian's death. He hadn't mentioned anything about putting James in contact with a hacker.

‘And this person found out where Noah lived?' she said.

‘Where he lived, how old he was, what his name was. Then he altered the hospital records for me and deleted Sebastian's death certificate from the register so there was no record of it. But neither of us knew about the medical certificate.'

‘What happened when you told Spencer about Noah?' she asked.

James squirmed in his seat. ‘Shouldn't you be asking Spencer about this? It's all in the past now anyway. What's done is done.'

Catriona kept her gaze fixed on James's face and tried her best not to convey any emotion, even though her heart was pounding so loudly she was sure James could hear it. ‘Please just tell me,' she said. ‘What did Spencer say when you told him we had another son out there?'

James broke from Catriona's intense gaze. He closed his eyes and rested his chin in his hands. ‘He said if he was in my position he'd find Noah, take him home and raise him as his son.'