Clipped by Love (Bellevue Bullies #2) (37 page)

He shakes his head and sucks in a breath before letting it out his nose. “I’m hard on you, I know that. I mean, I’m your biggest critic. But Bay, I’m your biggest fan too.”

“I know that, Dad, but you have every right to be disappointed in me.”

Looking me deep in the eyes, he shakes his head. “Baylor, never in the twenty-one years of your life have I been disappointed. You never cease to amaze me. You blow me away just by breathing, my sweet girl,” he says, and my lip starts to wobble. My dad isn’t very sensitive, but sometimes he does say the kind of things a girl needs to hear from her dad, and that was one of them. “You are so damn hard on yourself. You beat yourself up more than I could even think to. It drives me insane.”

“I just want to make you proud,” I repeat and I swear, I sound like a broken record, but I have to remind myself what I am doing. Who this is for.

“Baby, I am proud. I mean, come on, I don’t know what you saw, but I was just worried about you. I’ve never seen you puke like that.”

Shrugging, I look away. “I thought you were mad ’cause I couldn’t finish.”

He scoffs. “Bay, we both know you’d have kept going if I hadn’t told you that you were done. You’re just so damn hardheaded.”

I nod, wiping my face. “I just wanted it so bad.”

“I know, baby, but you have to agree with me—Sinclair deserved it.”

I nod again because I know it’s true. “The team has been his since the start.”

“I know, and no matter how much I wanted to give it to you, I knew he deserved it. The kid is a natural-born leader.”

“Yeah,” I agree, and then I close my eyes. “I just hate losing.”

“It’s a good life lesson for you. Can’t be the best at everything.”

“Yes, I can,” I challenge back, and he laughs.

“So damn stubborn,” he says with a shake of his head.

“I’m my daddy’s daughter,” I say back, and he grins as he nods.

“You are,” he says before cupping my face and looking deep into my eyes. “Fine, you want to be the best, follow Sinclair’s lead. I’m telling you. That kid is special, and you can learn so much from him. Now that you two aren’t fighting for the same position, maybe you can be a team, friends even. He’s a good guy.”

Looking away, I bite into my lip. I know that more than he does. He only knows Sinclair, but I know Jayden. And I like both of those guys. A lot. More than I want to admit, and because of that, I’m alone. I have no one here but my dad. I’ve made it my life’s mission to push everyone away because I don’t want to trust anyone, but he keeps coming at me. Seth didn’t even want me like he does. I think I always knew that Seth wanted me for what my dad could do for him, but with Jayden, it’s completely different. He liked me before he knew my dad.

Maybe I am going about this all wrong?

“Dad?”

“Yeah?”

“Am I a horrible person?”

His brow comes up. “I don’t think so. I think you’re lovely, and anyone who doesn’t think so is an asshole,” he says simply before laughing, and I smile.

“But why do I push people away, then? The guys keep trying to make friends with me and I just won’t. I’m too obsessed with getting to my end goal. But Sinclair told me the other day that when I get there I’m gonna be alone because I won’t let anyone in.”

He holds my gaze for a long time, and soon I don’t even think he’s gonna answer me, but then he says, “He’s right.”

I was worried he was going to say that. Looking away, I nod. “I know, but I don’t know why I am like this.”

“Why do you think you are?”

I shrug since I don’t want to admit why. “I don’t know why.”

He gives me a knowing look before shaking his head. “I think between your mom leaving us, crappy-ass people you’ve made friends with, and then the shit that went down with Seth, you have a hard time trusting people.”

I knew all this. I was hoping for something more.

“And you need to stop, Bay. You need to try to let people in or you’re gonna end up like your old man. Scared shitless because your baby is gonna leave you one day, and then you’ll have no one to talk to.”

His hazel eyes look deep into mine, and I never realized how alone my dad is. He’s never dated because all we do is hockey. Hockey is our life.

“I’m never gonna leave you, Daddy.”

He grins as he shakes his head. “Maybe, but yeah, start making friends. If you want to try to do the whole boyfriend thing, pray Jesus you don’t, then make sure it’s with some idiot that deserves you but also knows you have an agenda. Don’t let anything derail you from your final goal, Bay. You’ve worked too hard, and we can’t have another setback like Seth.”

No, we can’t. I can’t let what happened with Seth happen again. I was a mess, I felt used and thrown to the side. I don’t ever want to feel like that again, but somewhere inside my chest, I know that Jayden wouldn’t let that happen to me. He’d hurt himself before he hurt me. So what’s holding me back?

The unknown.

Because while he would never do anything to hurt me, the fact that it couldn’t work between us would not just hurt me, it would devastate me.

“Y
ou don’t sound like the guy who just got what he wanted,” my mom says, and I shrug as I throw things in my bag. After a big, celebratory dinner for Jace and me, Mom has been fussing over us and getting all our laundry done so that we can leave. It’s bittersweet, really. While I’m excited to move back into the Bullies house with my boys and Baylor, I don’t want to leave my mom. When I’m home, I know she’s taken care of. But when I’m not, I have to trust other people to keep an eye out. With Jace coming with me, that leaves Lucy, and she is too consumed with her own issues and her daughter to worry about her mother. Not that I fault her in that, I just don’t want to leave my mom.

It sets me on edge.

“Ah, I am just nervous is all.”

“You nervous? Please,” she tsks as she folds my underwear. I want to stop her, it’s kind of embarrassing, but I know she’ll smack me. She’s been folding my underwear since I was a kid. “Tell me the real reason. You’ve wanted to be captain since you started at Bellevue.”

I have, and I was bummed when Jude got it over me the last two years. I love leading people. Lifting them up and pushing them to be the best they can be. When I’m done with my time in the NHL, which I hope isn’t for a long time, I want to coach. Kids, of course. I had the best coaches growing up, and I believe that a kid needs that foundation. I want to be the stepping-stone for a kid. I want to mold them.

Meeting my mom’s gaze, I smile. “The person I beat for the spot wanted it really bad. Kinda sucked beating her.”

“Her?” She grins back at me and I roll my eyes. “So you like her.”

It wasn’t a question but a statement, and I laugh. “Kinda.”

“Kinda?”

“Okay, yeah, I like her. A lot, but she’s so stubborn and obsessed with winning that I worry she doesn’t see me. She’s so strong and beautiful and fights for what she wants, which sucks ’cause she isn’t fighting to be with me.”

“Then she’s an idiot,” she decides before wrapping her arms around my middle. I’m so much taller than she is, it’s really the only part of me she can hug. It’s always been like this too, since I hit puberty. “She obviously doesn’t know what she’s missing.”

“Yeah, but she’s been hurt and all—”

“I don’t care, Jayden. If she wanted you, she’d be with you. Don’t be a doormat,” she says sternly before turning me to face her. Going on her tiptoes, she grabs my face and brings me down to her. Her eyes bore into mine and chills run down my spine. My mom is scary when she needs to be. “I was a doormat for so long, Jayden Mitchell. I sat there and waited and prayed that your dad would love me, and he never did. I will not have that for my baby. You deserve more than that.”

Whoa. No way am I touching this subject with my mom right now. I know things were never good between her and my dad, but I really don’t want my relationship to be compared to theirs. It’s nothing like that. I’m not a dick, and there is no way Baylor is a pushover. “Mom—”

“No, Jayden, you promise me right now, you won’t be a doormat. You won’t sit there and pine and stew over her. Because I know you, you want to fix everyone. But that’s not your job. You need to live, you need to play, and you need to live your dreams. If she wants to be a part of that, then good, but if not, do not chase her. I know that all girls love that stuff. To be chased, but why should you? You’re a catch, honey. Make her chase you.”

Making a face, I say, “Isn’t that contradictory, because she shouldn’t have to chase after me.”

She glares at me then, and I smile a goofy grin at her because this got too serious, too quick. Rolling her eyes, she smacks my face, not hard, before turning to start packing again. Grinning at her back, I wrap my arms around her neck and kiss the top of her head. “Mom, you have nothing to worry about.”

“Of course I do, you’re the one who could get your heart broken and not recover from it.”

Rolling my eyes, I lean against her head. “I’ve had my heart broken, Mom, plenty of times. Girls ain’t loyal, you know,” I say with a grin, and she shakes her head.

“There is a difference between puppy love and real love. You don’t realize how much your eyes tell, but you care for her already.”

Hmm. Touché.

Leaning my head to hers again, I whisper, “I promise I won’t be a doormat.”

“It’s just, you’re so damn sensitive and you stress on things that aren’t your problem, and it worries me,” she says, wrapping her fingers around my wrist. “Girls should be begging to be with you.”

“They do,” I say lightly, and she exhales a frustrated breath as I grin. “But this one, Mom, this one is a bring home to momma kind of girl. One who I know makes me a better person. She’s worth the fight.”

She doesn’t say anything before turning in my arms to look up at me. “I understand that, honey, but please know when to give up.”

I wink at her, a grin pulling at my lips. “I don’t give up, Mom. I win.”

“But sometimes you lose, and with love, there is no guarantee.”

“True, but Mom, I can’t give up on her because the situation isn’t ideal. Great relationships aren’t great because they have no problems, they are great because both people care enough about each other to fight for it.”

Looking up at me, her head falls to the side. “So I didn’t fight?” she asks, and when her eyes start to cloud with tears, my gut turns. Why didn’t I just promise and let it go?

Damn it.

“No, Mom, you fought. He didn’t, and he doesn’t deserve you. But this girl, she deserves the world and I can give it to her.”

“But you can’t give someone something they don’t want.”

I nod. “But I can show her that I’m worth fighting for.”

“Yes, as long as you don’t become a doormat.”

Grinning, I cup her shoulders as I nod. “You say I’m sensitive and overprotective. Wonder where I get that from?”

Beaming up at me, she says, “Me, of course, that’s why you’re my favorite.”

She says that to all of us, and I don’t know about my other siblings, but I tend to believe that I am her favorite. But as she looks up at me, I can see her damaged heart in her eyes. I wish that my dad had been man enough to do right by her, but his wrongs have taught me how I can and cannot treat a woman. His wrongs also taught me that love isn’t just given to you, it’s earned, and I’m going to earn Baylor’s love.