Close Up: Exposure Book Three (10 page)

A
sher
and I rode to his house in silence. I knew that he was worried about the change in plans, but, at the same time, there was nothing that could be done. There was no way I was going out of town without talking to mom.

Finally he started talking. “CJ, I’m not upset. I’m just a little worried. But I know how important this is to you, so that’s why I’m not pushing it.”

“Thanks.”

We got to his apartment, and I was feeling emotionally exhausted and confused. Yet, at the same time, my heart quickened when we went into his bedroom and he took off his shirt before getting into bed. It was innocent enough, as he was about to take off his pants to change into pajama bottoms, yet it was incredibly erotic to me.

I went over to him, and put my hand on his chiseled chest. I stroked his pec for a few minutes, and then I started to bite his neck. He reared back his head, obviously loving the feeling that I was giving him right at that moment.

“You’re feeling hot tonight, CJ?” he asked with a note of surprise.

“What can I say? Stress brings out the best in me. I read somewhere, actually, that people put into dangerous situations end up feeling sexually aroused. That makes sense, actually.”

I certainly didn’t want to actually face what was stressing me out, though, right at that moment. I felt that making love with Asher might be the thing that would take my mind off of it. I was in full-on avoidance mode, and I knew this.

Not that he minded. I put my hand on his crotch, and his manhood was standing at full attention. I massaged it lightly through his pants, and then I unbuckled his belt and unzipped his fly. I pushed him down on the bed, and got down on my knees. I freed his enormous cock and put it into my mouth greedily. I sucked and licked the length of his shaft, and he groaned. My lips and tongue where working the head of his manhood, while my fingers massaged his jewels. My tongue made its way down to them, and I lightly bit and sucked each one. His groaning became louder and louder in my ears. I could feel that he was about to climax in my mouth, so I swallowed some pre-cum and abruptly let up. I didn’t want this to end so soon.

I stood up, and stroked his chest some more. He put his arms around me, and brought my face to his and kissed me tenderly. His lips soon became more insistent and raw and passionate, though. I felt as if his mouth was devouring my own. Like I was going to become consumed in him, lost to the parts of the world that didn’t involve him. It was almost as if I felt sad that there were corners of the world where he wasn’t present. Corners of
my
world where he wasn’t present.

I pulled off my shirt and pants, and our two naked bodies were melded together on the bed. He pushed me over so that I was on my back, and then he hovered over me for a few minutes. I sighed as he kissed my breasts and neck and then plunged his cock hard into me. I felt the familiar sensation of being filled, and, as he slowly and surely made his way in and out, I felt myself peaking. I groaned and cried out, my head shaking from side to side. I felt him come inside of me, and I felt complete. I didn’t even want to question why he still didn’t want to use a condom with me. I was ready to take the chance that there might be a baby in our future.

He laid on his back, and I snuggled into his arms. His heart was pounding rapidly, and I was shaking just a tiny bit.

He sighed. “CJ, I’m so sorry. I’m still doing this backwards. We need to talk about something that has been on my mind lately. It’s important, and it concerns my father.”

I looked at him while I traced my finger lightly on his chest. “Go on,” I said, feeling apprehensive. Whatever it was that he needed to tell me, it sounded important.

He took a deep breath. “I’m concerned that my father isn’t going to go for any of this. He really wants me to be with somebody who is more…Russian. Somebody who he knows well. For obvious reasons. He also wants me to be with somebody who is Russian Orthodox. I still don’t necessarily know why he wants this. He has never told me. I do know that his preference for religion has nothing to do with him or me, because neither of us are a part of this faith. I strongly suspect that…”

I felt my heart quicken even more. “Asher, how could you keep all this from me? This is important information. Don’t you think that this should have been brought up earlier?” I was incredulous. All this time, he knew all this information about his father, yet he didn’t tell me. It sounded like his father would never approve of me, and that would mean that I not only wouldn’t have Asher, but I probably would also be in danger.

He sighed. “Let me finish.” He paused for a long time, stroking my shoulder and hair. I settled back into the crook of his arm, and felt calmed by the sound of his heartbeat. “I strongly suspect that my father would like me to be with Sophie. He’s never said as much, but Sophie would fit the criteria of the woman that he would want for me.”

“What does that mean? Why would he want you with Sophie or a woman like her?”

“It’s simple, really. She’s somebody who my father could trust. She’s family, so to speak, and he’s known her for a long time. I know that it sounds weird that my father finds her trustworthy, but….” He shook his head. “You’re somebody completely new, on the other hand. It’s always been his fear that someone close to me would be the one person who might bring him down. That you might cooperate with the authorities with any information you might get from me, and that would be the end of him and his organization.”

“How well does he know Sophie?”

“Well. He’s known Sophie for as long as he’s known me, really. Also, Sophie has her own connections here to prominent families. That’s another plus for him.”

I couldn’t believe what he was saying to me. “Well, then, why don’t you just marry her then? After all, she’s carrying your child, isn’t she? Your dad loves her, and he apparently won’t feel the same about me. Why don’t we just call it a day, since it sounds like his mind is made up before he even meets me?”

He took a deep breath. “CJ, there is one thing. If you’re carrying my child…”

It suddenly became clear to me. “Oh, okay, I see. I see. You’re trying to impregnate me so that your father will approve of our shotgun wedding. Is that it?” I shook my head. “So, you want to get married so that I don’t get shot in the street one day when I least expect it. And you want me to have your child so that your father will be forced to accept me. Is there anything that you do for the right reasons, Asher?”

Asher’s face contorted in anger. “Goddamn it, CJ, will you stop reading so much into everything? I’m sorry that this isn’t a typical situation. I’m sorry that we’re not getting married strictly because we’re in love, and I’m sorry that I want us to have a child because, yes, my father will be more likely to begrudgingly accept you if you’re having my baby. And I’m sorry that I haven’t brought this up to you before now. There never seemed to be a good time to talk about this, but it has always needed to be said.”

“Asher, you needed to talk to me about all of this before you decided to stop using condoms with me. You needed to give me the choice as to whether or not I would be on board with this plan. And, well, there might be no turning back. Then again, maybe that was your plan all along. Get me pregnant, then there’s nothing much I can do.”

Asher started pacing the floor. “I know, CJ, I know, and that’s my mistake. I really want you to be on board with this, though.”

“Okay. So, what happens if I don’t get pregnant? Maybe I can’t get pregnant. I don’t know if I can or not. I assume I can, but you never know.”

Asher just shook his head. “I don’t know, CJ. It will be more difficult, that’s for sure.”

I let out a huge sigh. “Asher, what would happen, seriously, if we break up for good? Would I just be able to live my life?” I knew that I would be beyond devastated if that happened, yet I was truly at the end of my rope at that point. What next? What would I learn next?

Asher’s face was sad after I said that. “I can’t imagine life without you, CJ, to be perfectly honest. You’re a part of me now. Maybe it’s selfish of me, and I’m sure that it is, but I don’t ever want to let you go again.”

I shook my head. I was the same, to be honest. I couldn’t imagine life without him, either.

I had to admit that I was truly stuck. I loved him, for better or worse, and my life was inextricably entwined with his. Whatever happened was going to happen. Breaking up with him wasn’t an option for either of us.

“I know. I couldn’t imagine my life without you, either. So, I guess, then, we need to do what we can to make sure your father accepts me. And, if carrying your child would be one of the things that would bring that about, then let’s get going.”

He smiled. “You know how much I like to practice getting you pregnant.”

At that, he kissed me softly, and put his hand on my leg. His touch left the familiar trail of heat on my skin, and I sighed. “Yes, Asher. We definitely need to practice.”

And we did, for the next few hours.

T
he next day
, I went to see my mother. I was nervous, because I still wasn’t on good terms with her, but Stella had assured me that mom was close to forgiving me for everything.

I was also nervous about the possibility of seeing Clint again. It was so strange meeting him. All my life, I didn’t have a father. Now, suddenly, out of the blue, I did. I was still trying to wrap my head around that, on top of everything else I had going in my life.

So, when I got to the hospital, my heart was racing. Asher noticed that I was nervous, and he squeezed my hand. “Don’t worry, your mother will welcome you with open arms.”

“I know,” I said, but I really didn’t know. I hoped that he was right, but it was far from certain that my mom would be kind to me this time.

We got there, and Stella was already there in the tiny ICU waiting room. It had a single window, but the walls were hospital cream with no pretty pictures. The floor was hospital tile. It was a sterile, ugly room, and not necessarily a place where I felt comfortable in.

Regardless, Asher and I had a seat. He got up and got me a cup of water out of the water dispenser, and also handed one to Stella.

“Good to see you,” she said. She seemed nervous, for some reason.

“What’s going on? What do we do?”

“We need to go to the phone in the hallway and call before we can see her. We can only go in there two by two.”

“Okay, then let’s get on in there.” I turned to Asher. “I’m sorry, but I guess you have to stay out there.”

“Of course,” he said. “Go see your mom.”

We went down the hallways and called on the phone. The nurse in attendant answered and came and got us. We followed her into a corridor of rooms. In each of these rooms, there was a man or a woman who was hooked up to some machines. Some had tubes in their mouth, others appeared to have tubes hooked up their arms. It was quite scary being in there, and I hated to think that my mother was also hooked up to some type of machine.

We got to her room, and she was resting with her eyes closed. She had a blood pressure monitor that made little beeping sounds from time to time, but, other than that, she didn’t seem to be hooked into any kind of tubes.

Her eyes fluttered open, and she looked at me and smiled. “CJ,” she said, in a weak voice, spreading her arms. “Come here.”

I felt tears in my eyes at the gesture, and the fact that she was finally calling me “CJ,” not “Cordelia.” I went over to the bed, and she wrapped her arms around me. “Mom, I’m so happy to see you. I’m so relieved that you made it through surgery okay.”

“Of course I did,” she said. “A bullet can’t keep me down.” Then she winced, as if she was in pain.

Stella stepped forward. “Mom, are you in pain? Can I get the nurse for you?”

“No, no, I’m okay.” Then she shut her eyes. “But I’m very tired.”

“Maybe we need to leave?” she said.

I personally hoped that I could stay at least a little bit longer, as Asher was chomping at the bit to leave. I knew that, if I left, I might not be able come back until Asher and I were back from London.

“No, please stay a little while.” Then she looked at me, and motioned for me to sit down on the bed next to her. I did, and leaned down a little bit so that I was next to her. I wasn’t sure if I should have been doing this, but it felt right.

She stroked my hair, something that she always did when she was comforting me growing up. I felt tears coming to my eyes, and then I was bawling. All my emotions about all that had happened with Nathaniel was coming out of me. “Mom, I’m so sorry for everything. You know that I loved that little boy so much. I wish I could trade places with him.” I felt bad saying all this while my mom was recovering, but, just knowing that she was being so nice to me, I felt that I had to get it out.

“Shhhhh, CJ, don’t cry. Don’t cry. I loved him too. But you made a mistake, CJ, and that’s all it was. That’s all it was.” She stroked my hair a bit more while I cried. “CJ, I almost died, and as I was going down on the ground, I thought of you. It was only a second before I was unconscious, but it seemed like a long time, and I only thought of you. How I might die before I could get a chance to make things right with you, CJ. And now I have that chance.”

I was still crying. “Mom, I love you. I love you, and I’m so happy that you’re forgiving me.”

She smiled weakly. “There’s nothing to forgive. You’re right. I left him in the car many times, just like you. You were just incredibly unlucky, and I was looking for somebody to blame for him dying. I blamed the two pieces of pond scum who took the car, of course, but I also blamed you. Now I only blame the two of them.”

I felt relieved, but still ineffectual. My mother forgiving me was wonderful, but it didn’t bring Nathaniel back. “I wish I could change things, mom. I wish I could bring him back. It’s so unfair that he never got the chance to realize what he was going to be.”

I then looked at Stella, who had tears in her eyes as well. I put my arm out to her, and she, too, sat down on the edge of the bed. She put her arm around me, so that both she and my mom had an arm around me. “I missed you so much, CJ. I felt like I lost both Nathaniel and you. Sunday dinners just weren’t the same without you.”

Then my mom softly teased the two of us. “Look at us, like three quacking ducks.” Then she laughed, and so did Stella and I.

We sat there on the bed for a little while, giggling softly like old times. Then my mom said “CJ, tell me about that handsome man I met the other night.” Then she fanned herself. “CJ, I almost swooned when I saw him. Where did he come from?”

I sighed. “I wish I could remember all of that. But…”

At that, mom looked at me with concern. “What do you mean, you wish you could remember all that?”

“It’s a long story, mom. Too long. And you look tired. I’ll tell you later.”

To my surprise, she didn’t push me to tell her. She must have been
really
tired. “Okay, CJ.”

I actually didn’t want to tell her how I met Asher anyhow. The story was that I passed out on the street and somehow, someway, ended up in his apartment. If I told mom that particular story, then it would have opened up a whole other can of worms. A can of worms that I had no desire to open right at that very moment.

I drew a breath. “Mom, I love you, but I have to go. I wanted to see you, though. I should let you get your rest.”

She hugged me, and I got up off the bed. Stella did as well, and we both kissed her on the cheek and left the room.

Stella and I made our way back to the waiting room. “You see, CJ, that was great. Mom is pretty stubborn, but she never stopped loving you.”

I nodded my head, unable to speak without crying. I was so happy that my mom had come around, and the emotions I was feeling about her near-death experience was choking me up.

Asher stood up when we entered the tiny waiting room. I went to him, and he wrapped his arms around me. “How did it go?”

“Wonderful,” I said through my tears. “She forgives me, Asher. She said that when she almost died, she could only think of me, and she knew that she had to make things right with me. I think that I have a mother again.”

At that, I noticed Clint sitting there in the chair. I smiled at him. “Clint, it’s so good to see you.”

He stood up, and put his hand out to me. “You too, CJ.” He looked shy. “I know that this is weird, but do you want to call me dad?”

I laughed lightly. “Yes, if that’s okay with you. It’s so good to see you, dad.”

He nodded. “How’s your mom?”

“She’s hanging in there. I’m sure you can go in and see her.”

“I will.” He kind of stood there, his hands shoved into the pockets of his jeans. Then he awkwardly put his arms around me in a hug. “I’ve always wanted a kid. Better late than never, huh?”

I laughed a little. “Yes, better late than never. And, what a coincidence, but I’ve always wanted a dad.”

Then Clint just as awkwardly pulled back from his embrace and then stood there again. His face was red. “Well, uh, I guess I’ll see you later, huh, CJ?”

I nodded. “Yes, later.”

At that, Clint, or, I guess he was now “dad,” left the room, presumably to go and see mom in the ICU.

Stella put her arm around me. “I’m so happy that you’re around, CJ. We missed you so much.”

At that, Asher squeezed my hand. “CJ, uh….”

I nodded my head. “Stella, I’d love to stay and chat some more, but I have to go. I’m going to London with Asher.”

Stella looked disappointed. “How long are you going to be gone?”

I looked at Asher, and he said “probably a week, maybe two.”

Stella raised an eyebrow. “What are you doing in London?”

“I’m meeting Asher’s father.”

“I see.” Stella looked at me skeptically. “Asher’s father. Going all the way across the pond to meet Asher’s father.”

“What are you getting at?”

“Nothing. I just think that you’re holding back on me. Am I going to have a brother-in-law soon or what?”

I looked over at Asher then back at Stella. “Yes,” I said. “I think that Asher and I might be getting married.”

Stella shrieked so loud that everybody in the waiting room heard her and gave her a look. “Oh, my God! My baby sister is marrying a rich hunk.” She giggled and tears came to her eyes. “I just can’t believe it.” At that, she gave me an enormous hug. She then hugged Asher. “I hope you have a brother.”

My heart sunk when she said that. She didn’t mean anything by it, of course. She was just being Stella. But that off-hand joke wasn’t funny to me, although Asher apparently tried to laugh it off.

“I don’t have a brother, unfortunately,” he said. Then he smiled. “But if I did, I most certainly would set him up with you.”

She blushed and smiled. “Ah, too bad. Well, anyhow, I’m really happy for the two of you.”

We said our goodbyes, and took off. I had wanted to see my mom in the ICU, but the doctor said that we couldn’t do that just yet, and Asher was really chomping at the bit to get on the plane.

Once we were in the car, I let out a breath. “I know that we’ve been talking about this for the past few hours, but I can’t get over how nice Clint was. I mean, I think that it might be possible that he and my mother might get together, and I’ll have an actual family.”

Asher smiled. “I want that for you.” Then he took my hand and kissed it. “But, CJ, please don’t get your hopes up too much. Family relationships can be complicated, especially when you don’t grow up with your father, and then, out of the blue, he’s there. I speak from experience.”

“Yeah, but your father is…” I raised my eyebrows. I didn’t want to say the word “criminal,” although that was exactly what this Sergei Pushkin was. A criminal.

“I know.” That was all he said about that.

A light rain began to fall, and the car started to make the familiar whooshing sound as it made its way through the slick streets. The familiar cadence of the windshield wipers helped take my mind off of what was going to happen. Namely, I was about to meet a criminal. A very, very, very powerful criminal.

I was scared to death.