Cloudy with a Chance of Boys (10 page)

Me:
What bright side? You sound like Dad with his “Every cloud has a silver lining” speech. This is only the worst day of my life.

Joey:
Um . . .
(Thinks.)
You don’t have to pretend to drink poison and die and stab yourself in the stomach.
(Stevie nods in agreement.)
And you don’t have to kiss a yucky boy who has Frog Lips in front of tons of people.

Me:
(Falls back on the bed and moans.)
My life is over.

Stevie:
Your life is not over. It’s
one
part in one play.

Me:
The role of a lifetime!

Stevie:
There are other parts, Alex.

Me:
You’re right. Just no other parts I was
born
to play.
(Dramatically throws hand over eyes.)
So, let me have it. What part did I get?

Stevie:
(Shrugs.)
I don’t know, I — I mean, I’m not sure — um, Rosaline?

Me:
What do you mean you’re not sure? You saw the list.

Joey:
(Chimes in.)
She didn’t actually see the list.

Stevie:
That’s right. I didn’t actually see it. I mean, not with my own eyes.

Me:
Then, if you didn’t see it, maybe you made a mistake. That’s it! Maybe you heard wrong or something. This whole thing could be one big melodrama of mishaps, just like in
Romeo and Juliet.

Joey:
(
Blurts.)
Scott Towel told her!

Me:
(Springs to the edge of the bed.)
What! You talked to Scott? What did he say? Sit down. Tell me every single word. Start at the beginning.

Stevie:
Well, he came to my homeroom after school. As soon as he saw the Drama Club list and found out he’s Romeo —

Me:
He’s Romeo! I knew it. Just my luck. My life
is
over. Why didn’t you tell me?

Stevie:
I am telling you. He saw that your name wasn’t on the list —

Me:
At all? Or just that I’m not Juliet?

Stevie:
I don’t know. He just really wanted to find you, but he saw me and he was freaking out —

Me:
Whoa, whoa. Freaking out how?

Stevie:
I don’t know. Freaking out.

Joey:
Like insane? Foaming at the mouth? Eyes rolling in the back of his head?

Me:
Was it freaking out like he likes me and he wishes I got the part? Or freaking out like how is he going to learn all his lines if I’m not there to practice with him?

Stevie:
How should I know? All I know is —

Joey:
(Animatedly.)
Jayden Pffeffer got the part! Juliet. Jayden Pffeffer is Juliet.
(Evil eye from Stevie.)

Me:
A plague o’ both your houses! They have made worms’ meat of me.

Joey:
What does that actually mean?
(Whispers to frog.)
Sounds bad.

Me:
Jayden Pffeffer? That measle! That toad-spotted maggot! That artless elf-skinned hugger-mugger! I wish she’d shrivel up and turn into a mindless malt-worm.
(Waves Joey and Stevie out the door.)
A glooming peace this morning with it brings. The sun for sorrow will not show his head. Go hence and have more talk of these sad things.

Joey:
Huh?
(To Stevie.)
Do you think she wants us to leave?

Stevie:
(Shrugs.)
I guess.

Me:
“O woe! O woeful, woeful, woeful day! Most lamentable day. Most woeful day that ever, ever, I did yet behold! O day, O day, O day, O hateful day. Never was seen so black a day as this! O woeful day, O woeful day!”

Joey:
What’s “woeful”?

Stevie:
Let’s just put it this way. Not. Good.

Not long after hitting Alex with the bad news, Joey came upstairs and announced, “Mr. Cannon’s on the phone.” Alex nearly fell off the bed.

“See. I knew it,” she said, jabbing a pointed finger at me. “I knew it was all just a big fat mistake.”

“Hey, don’t look at me. Blame your
boy
friend,” I told her.

“He didn’t ask for you,” said Joey. “He asked to speak with Dad.”

“That’s weird,” Alex said.

I, for one, agreed. “Maybe . . . he wants to ask Dad to borrow some costumes or props, or about the set for
Romeo and Juliet
or something.”

“Maybe . . . he wants to ask Dad to direct this time or something,” Joey said.

“Yeah! Maybe he didn’t pick you for Juliet because Dad will be directing, and that might be weird or something.”

“Or maybe . . .” Alex said, holding out hope, “he wants to apologize for making the biggest, giantest mistake of his life. You know, tell Dad he’s sorry and ask Dad to tell me.”

Joey and I gave each other a look. An I-don’t-think-so look.

“Joey. Go downstairs and listen,” Alex urged.

“Me? Eavesdrop?” said Joey, faking innocence. Now who’s the actress in our family?

Not five minutes later, Joey came racing up the stairs, all out of breath. “The play . . .
Romeo and Juliet
. . .” she said, huffing and puffing. “It’s going to be here . . . right here . . . at the Raven!”

All three of us ran downstairs, Alex in the lead. Once Dad was off the phone, she made him explain what was going on.

“With all this rain, they had some kind of a major leak in the school auditorium” said Dad. “The ceiling caved in and flooded the place.”

Alex punched me in the arm. “Uh! How could you not tell me this!”

“I didn’t know anything about it!” I said.

“It just happened after school today,” said Dad. “Mr. Cannon says it’ll be a month or more before it’ll be dried out and they’re allowed back in again.”

“So, he wants to use the Raven for play practice?” Alex asked.

“Not just practice,” said Dad. “I suggested that we just go ahead and stage the whole thing right here. Isn’t that great news, honey?”

“Yeah. Great,” Alex mumbled. “Just great.”

Dad came over and gave her a hug. “Doing okay, kiddo? I know you had your heart set on playing Juliet. Why didn’t you say anything?”

“I just found out myself, Dad. Stevie told me.”

“Well, you know what they say. There are no small roles.”

“Only small people,” Alex chimed in flatly.

“Besides, Nurse isn’t exactly a small part. It’s the next biggest female role in the —”

“That’s the part I got? I’m Nurse? You have
got
to be kidding.”

“Who’s Nurse? What’s so bad about Nurse?” Joey asked.

“See? Nobody even knows who she is! She doesn’t even have a name. Just Juliet’s nurse. And she’s a bumbling idiot. She’s rude and loud and — uh! She’s a total fool.”

“‘O woe! O woeful, woeful, woeful day!’” Dad started in.

“That’s Nurse? See, you already know her speech,” I said.

“Nurse is an important character, Alex. Some might even argue necessary, because she provides counterpoint to Juliet. You know, comic relief.”

Dad was talking like a textbook again. “Arghh!” Alex said. “The only relief would be not being Jayden Pffeffer’s nurse!”

“I thought maybe you’d changed your mind and wanted this. Mr. Cannon tells me you pulled off quite a comical audition, and that’s what gave him the idea that you’d be perfect for the part of Nurse.”

“Great! I was trying for
Juliet.
C’mon, Dad. We both know the only part worse than Nurse is a lowly servant. There’s no way I’m taking this part. I’m just going to have to tell Mr. Cannon I quit. Either that, or I’ll have to stay home sick for the next two months!”

“On account of the Skittles?” I couldn’t help teasing.

“Alex, do you really want to quit the play just because you’re not the star?” Dad asked.

In the middle of this heated discussion, the phone on the counter rang again, startling us. Joey picked it up. “Reel residence. Whatcha got for me?” Joey liked to act weird when she answered the phone. Today’s personality was Joey Reel, Ace Reporter.

She handed me the phone. “Stevie. For you. It’s a
boy.
”

“Ha-ha. Very funny. Gimme.” I motioned for her to hand over the phone. I knew it was Olivia.

“Hey,” I said, all friendly-like.

“Hey, yourself.”

“Excuse me?”

“It’s me, Owen. Owen O’Malley. From, um, detention.”

“Wire Rims?” I said. It popped out of my mouth before I could stop it.

What in the world was he doing calling me
on the phone
? I took the phone into the family room, away from the owl eyes of my family. I swear my sisters have hearing as sharp as moths.

“Oh. Sorry. Hi.” My own voice sounded strange to me. I’d get Joey back later. “Um . . .”
Stop saying
um
!
“What’s up?” I was talking too fast. “Did you know moths have, like, really great hearing?” I blurted, trying to fill the awkward silence. Great, just great. I sounded like the
Science Friday
guy on the radio.

“I did not know that,” said Wire Rims, chuckling. “I didn’t think moths had ears.”

“Well, ears or not, they’re right up there with mice and dolphins. In the hearing department, I mean.” Uh!
Stop saying science facts!
Total geekazoid. Why was I talking about
moth ears
?

“Huh. Learn something new every day.”

More awkward silence. Was he still there? He’s the one who called me. Why wasn’t he talking?

“Hello? You still there?” I asked. Why couldn’t I just be myself?

“I had a good time today.” He speaks!

“At detention?”

“Well, no, not the detention part, but I mean —”

“Oh.”

“So, um, you have a little sister too?”

“Yeah.”

“How many sisters do you have?”

“Two.” What is wrong with me? Whenever this kid talks to me I start speaking in haiku. One-word syllables, anyway. Who’s the
boy
here?

“I know it sounds like more. ’Cause they’re loud, I mean.”
Stop. Don’t say your family’s fighting or your sister’s freaking out or anything.

“So, what do you say? Say yes.”

“Yes. No. I’m sorry, can you repeat the question?” Can you repeat the question? Have I just lost my mind? This isn’t Social Studies class!

“It’s about our science labs. You know, the thing where we have to figure out how to simulate a cloud? Mr. Petry said we have to pick a partner, and I was just wondering if maybe you’d be my partner?”

For this, he calls me at home and embarrasses me in front of my whole family? He couldn’t just ask me this at school tomorrow?

“I already, um, told Olivia I’d be her partner.” Who was I, Pinocchio? The lie just flew out of my mouth. What was wrong with me?

Silence. All I could hear was dead air. Then, “Oh. I thought Olivia wasn’t in that class.”

“Oh. Right. Yeah. S-sorry,” I stuttered, trying to cover my tracks. “Um, did you say Science? I must have been thinking of Social Studies, where we’re definitely going to be partners.”

“So, then, you’re free? I mean, you’ll do it? Be my partner, I mean?”

“Sure, I guess,” I said in a fake-excited voice.
What!

“Really? Are you sure?”

“Why not?” Why not?
Hello!
Because he’s a freaking
boy,
that’s why not. “I mean, you don’t know anybody, seeing as how you’re new and everything, and I can’t be Olivia’s partner, seeing as how she’s not in the same class, so this way, everybody would have a partner, except, of course, Olivia, you know?”
Idiot! Shut. Up.