Cold Justice (39 page)

‘That name belongs only to my son now.’ The voice was even weaker than before.

Callum rested his hand on his father’s arm. ‘That’s not true.’

Julia Armstrong leaned back in her chair to speak to Callum over Alistair’s shoulders. ‘May I remind you that we are under no obligation here. If you’re worried about him we can get up and walk out right now.’

‘It’s just a few questions to clear things up,’ Ella lied. She could see how badly Callum wanted her to know she was wrong. She was counting on that to keep them there for now.

‘Dad, are you okay?’ he asked in a soft voice.

Alistair sighed and nodded slowly.

Callum said, ‘I think it’ll be good to sort things out now, then we can go home and the police will get on with what they should be doing.’ He shot Ella a cold look. She kept her face open, empty.

‘All right,’ Alistair whispered.

Julia Armstrong jotted something on her pad that Ella couldn’t decipher then sat back and folded her arms.

Alistair sagged a little more in his chair.

Ella drew a deep breath. They didn’t have enough evidence to charge him, let alone get a conviction, and so they needed a confession. The statistics showed that killers and abusers who confessed felt the interviewing police were sympathetic to them, cared about them as people, wanted to help them. It was a tricky path to walk, though, because when you didn’t honestly feel that way your expression and speech patterns could betray you. Ella fixed a mental mirror on herself and began. ‘Dr McLennan, I’m sorry about everything you’ve been through lately.’

Callum glanced up but Alistair didn’t move.

‘I remember when I first spoke to you in your office about our investigation, you told me you were worried about the emotions that would be brought to the surface for everyone in your family. I can see now what a lot of heartache you’ve all been through and I’m sorry about that.’

Callum frowned. Julia Armstrong made another indecipherable note and put down her pen. The room was silent, Alistair said nothing, and Ella’s hopeful heart rose.

‘And what you must have felt this morning, to make you attempt suicide, is something none of us could imagine.’ She made her voice soft and warm. ‘To feel responsible for your nephew’s life the way you do must be hellish.’

‘We take it that you are talking about Josh,’ Armstrong said.

‘Of course,’ Ella lied. ‘I read your note, Dr McLennan, and I feel for you.’

Alistair raised his head. Julia Armstrong frowned at him then across his back at Callum. Callum was focused on his father and didn’t notice.

‘Callum told me that work hasn’t been going so well for you lately,’ Ella went on.

Alistair said in a low voice, ‘It hasn’t.’

‘What happened, do you think?’

He gave the slightest shrug. ‘I’m getting old.’

‘You don’t strike me as old,’ she said. ‘When we met in your surgery I thought you were full of energy and wisdom.’

He looked down. ‘Hardly.’

‘I’m serious,’ she said. ‘Murray felt the same, didn’t you?’

‘Yep,’ Murray said.

Ella could feel Callum’s eyes on her. It was essential that he believe she meant all this, because if he didn’t, and took his father by the arm and said they should go, it would be all over. Julia Armstrong had no doubt already advised them against coming here unless Alistair was actually arrested, but the fact that she’d been overruled was promising.

Ella smiled at Callum. He looked like he didn’t know how to respond.

‘I’m really pleased that Josh is all right,’ she said to Alistair. ‘It must’ve been a terrible moment when Callum told you about the dangers of that medication.’

Alistair nodded.

‘Was it then that you decided to kill yourself?’

‘Yes,’ he whispered.

‘Even though the mistake had been caught in time, and Josh was more than likely going to be okay?’

He wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. ‘It was the thought of what had almost happened.’

‘Were you also worried about facing your family?’

‘Yes.’

Ella nodded sympathetically. ‘I don’t know if you remember, but I was at the surgery with Callum when he found you.’

‘He told me how you helped,’ Alistair said. ‘Thank you.’

‘I was glad that I was there,’ Ella said. ‘I got into this job to help people, the same reason why you and Callum got into yours.

‘Callum was so upset,’ she went on. ‘I imagine so were the rest of the family when they saw you at the hospital.’

Alistair nodded.

‘Were they angry, as you’d feared?’

‘They didn’t seem to be,’ he said softly.

‘They were just worried about you?’

‘Yes.’

She leant towards Alistair. ‘Isn’t it funny how something you can feel so worried about – in your case worried enough that you’d rather die than face it – can work out to be not so bad after all?’

His red eyes slid off her and he nodded, just barely.

‘And did you feel better for having it all out in the open?’

He rubbed his eyebrows with the tips of his fingers.

‘Doctor?’

‘Yes.’

‘Guilt’s a terrible thing,’ she said. ‘I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve sat in this very room and listened as people told me their deepest secrets, and I couldn’t describe to you the relief on their faces when it was over. Although I’m sure I don’t have to, because being a doctor you’ve witnessed your own share of unburdenings, right?’

‘Right,’ he croaked.

Julia Armstrong cleared her throat. ‘If you are feeling unwell, Dr McLennan, I suggest that we leave.’

Ella prayed for Alistair not to move. He sighed a little but didn’t get up. Armstrong raised her eyebrows at Callum but again he was watching his father.

‘Guilt,’ Ella said again. ‘Terrible thing.’

‘Yes,’ Alistair whispered. ‘Yes.’

The room was still, then Ella felt something change. Alistair looked to be holding his breath. His eyes closed in what she thought – hoped – was resignation. Murray pressed his foot hard against hers under the table and she willed him to calm down. They still had a long stretch of tightrope to walk.

She said, ‘And the longer one holds onto it, the heavier the weight becomes.’

Alistair swallowed and glanced up. She saw something in his eyes. Remorse?
Please, oh please.

‘So heavy,’ she went on, ‘that the lifting of it can far outweigh any other ramifications. It might not look like it on the outside, but on the inside, the soul feels washed clean, at long, long last.’

Armstrong put her hand on Alistair’s arm. ‘We need to stop right there.’ She looked at Callum. ‘I cannot say this more strongly: we should leave now.’

Alistair pulled his arm out of her grip and Ella’s heart soared.

‘Dad?’

Armstrong said, ‘You are paying me to advise you.’

‘I don’t want to listen to you any more,’ Alistair said. ‘I’ve had enough.’

‘Let’s go then.’ She stood up.

‘I mean I’ve had enough of lying,’ he said.

Callum gripped his arm. ‘Dad, do you feel faint?’

‘I want you both to leave,’ he said.

Armstrong said, ‘I must tell you that –’

‘Out!’

Armstrong stalked away. Callum stumbled to his feet with tears in his eyes. Murray said for the tape, ‘Callum McLennan and Julia Armstrong are leaving the interview room.’

Ella closed the door behind them then sat down, her chest tight with anticipation. Alistair put his elbows on the table and his head on his hands.

‘Dr McLennan,’ she said gently. ‘You do not have to say or do anything if you do not want to. We will record what you say or do. We can use this recording in court. Do you understand?’

‘Yes.’ He laid his hands flat on the table.

They waited. He stared into the space between them and Ella wondered what he was seeing.

‘I can’t believe what I did.’ Tears ran down his cheeks. ‘I didn’t mean any of it.’

‘It’s okay,’ Ella said.

‘Take your time,’ Murray said.

But he shook his head. ‘I can’t.’

‘You can,’ Ella said. ‘Start at the start.’

‘I really can’t.’ He bowed his head. The sobs tore out of him.

Swallowing her revulsion, she said, ‘We’ll do it together.’

He nodded.

‘You remember Robert Edwin?’

‘Yes.’

‘He told us that soon after you arrived, at eleven twenty on that Saturday night, you gave him an injection to calm him down,’ Ella said. ‘He asked for it because he was distraught over his wife’s impending death. He said he fell asleep.’

‘Yes.’ Alistair wept.

‘And he didn’t know when you left,’ Ella said. ‘You rang him the next morning to check whether the funeral home had come to collect Mrs Edwin’s body, and you told him then that you had left at one am.’

‘Yes.’

‘You actually left earlier than that, didn’t you?’

‘Yes, about twenty past twelve.’

‘Tell us what happened.’

Alistair turned his head to the side and stared across the room. ‘I saw Tim on the street in Hornsby.’ His voice was full of tears. ‘He was staggering, drunk. I pulled over. He wasn’t safe: he could’ve been hit by a car or anything. I was just going to drive him home.’

‘In your grey Ford Falcon?’

‘Yes.’

Ella glanced across to make sure the interview was still being recorded. ‘What did he do when he saw you?’

‘He started swearing at me.’ Alistair closed his eyes. ‘I told him I would take him home. He wouldn’t get in the car.’

‘Did anyone see this?’

‘A couple of cars drove past but didn’t slow down.’

‘What happened then?’

‘I got back in my car and drove off.’ He paused. ‘I couldn’t stop thinking about him and I went back, maybe five minutes later. He was slumped in the gutter, semiconscious. He was too drunk to put up a fight this time and I got him in the car, talking to him, saying I would take him home. And that’s what I was going to do, honestly.’

Ella held back a shiver.

‘We were almost there when he started to wake up,’ Alistair said in a low voice. ‘He was crying, in and out of consciousness, saying he was going to tell everyone, that he needed to make sure Josh would be okay. I tried to tell him he didn’t need to say anything to anyone and that Josh was fine. But he wouldn’t listen.’

‘What did you do?’

‘I just wanted him to be quiet.’ Alistair’s face filled with pain and tears crept from his tightly closed eyes. ‘I put my hands over his mouth. He was too drunk to fight me off. He passed out.’

Goosebumps crept up Ella’s spine.

‘I kept my hands there. I was just trying to keep him quiet, there in the car. I wasn’t really thinking about anything else.’ He wept.

‘But he was already silent,’ Murray said.

‘Yes.’ Alistair covered his face with his hands. ‘I kept my hands there.’

‘Did you know what would happen?’

‘Yes,’ he said. ‘I knew that he would die. I knew it and I didn’t know it. Does that make sense? I knew it, and I didn’t want it to happen, but I still kept my hands there.’

Ella checked the recording again. ‘What did you do then?’

‘I cried,’ he said. ‘I held him. He was gone.’

‘You didn’t try to save him?’

He shook his head.

‘Please speak for the tape.’

‘No, I didn’t.’

‘You didn’t call an ambulance?’

‘No.’

‘What did you do?’

‘I started driving,’ he said. ‘I ended up near Pennant Hills Park. Tim was just lying there on the passenger seat. I felt this panic rising up.’ He touched his chest. ‘I pulled over and took his wallet, then got him out of the car and left him there.’

‘And then?’ Ella said.

‘I drove partway home then realised my stethoscope was missing. It’d been on the front seat. It must’ve got caught and dragged out.’

Ella clenched her hands under the table. ‘And it had your name on it?’

Alistair nodded. ‘I went back to get it.’

‘You were crying.’

‘Yes.’

‘What did you do with his wallet?’

‘I threw it down a drain on Pennant Hills Road,’ he said. ‘I don’t know why. I think I thought that if it took a while to identify him, then . . . I don’t know.’ He wept. ‘None of it makes any sense, and I’m so sorry.’

Ella could feel her heart beating in her chest and the skin tingling all down her arms.
We’ve done it
. ‘So just to clarify,’ she said, ‘Tim was going to tell about how you abused him.’

‘Yes.’

‘You had abused him and he was angry and hurt and worried that you would do the same to Josh.’

He hung his head. ‘Yes.’

‘How many times did it happen?’

He didn’t answer.

‘Did you ever actually touch Josh?’

‘No.’ He wiped his eyes.

‘What about other boys? Patients you saw?’

He pressed his hands to his face.

Ella leant forward. ‘What about Callum?’

‘No!’ he said. ‘No. Never.’

‘But other boys?’ Murray asked.

‘I never meant to do any of it,’ Alistair said. ‘The stress of my work, of looking after palliative patients, getting to know them and their families and then seeing them die: that takes a toll. And then, in contrast, there was the life in the boys.’ He held out his hands as if in supplication. ‘The sheer
life
.’

Ella clenched her fists under the table. It was so typical of abusers to think they could rationalise their behaviour.

‘How many boys?’ Murray asked.

‘I can’t talk about this now.’ Alistair sagged onto the table. ‘I don’t feel well. I need to lie down.’

Ella and Murray exchanged glances. They had the confession to the murder and that was enough for now. The rest would come out later today, or tomorrow, or maybe after that. At least the main part was done.

‘I’ll fetch Callum,’ she said.

‘Wait,’ Alistair said.

She stopped, her hand on the door.

‘How can I tell them?’

There was no answer to that.

‘Will you tell them?’ he asked her.

‘If you’re sure that you want me to.’

He nodded.

Ella stepped out and closed the door as Murray told the tape recorder she was leaving.

She drew a deep breath. She felt sick for Callum, almost teary. She stood for a moment in the empty corridor, thinking about the poisonous secret she was about to release and the effect it would have on his family.