Cole (The Leaves) (7 page)

I knew the coffee was programmed to start at seven a.m. The incredible aroma was my alarm clock. Cole got up like he did almost every day, kissed me on the forehead and whispered, “My beautiful girl,” and went surfing. I heard the slider downstairs open and close after he came back. He used the downstairs shower in an attempt not to wake me, but I always listened for him. That’s when I would get up.

The first thing I did was look at my hands. I held my fingers outstretched in front of me to see how my nails were progressing. I was happy they didn’t look raw anymore. I hesitated going anywhere, but when I did, I kept the fingers of one hand curled tight, while Cole held the other. I wanted to keep them bandaged, but Trish and he insisted they needed the fresh air to heal. I knew they were right, and of course, they would never try to steal a look on the sly. Trish didn’t hide it; she would simply lift my hand with hers and inspect them, maybe put some antibiotic ointment if one of the nail beds looked iffy, but she was taking care of me. It was a small thing, but it felt huge.

When I was in Joe’s clutches, I remembered thinking he’d never really been violent with me, but I’d had plenty of time to think about this and if anyone had seen my hands five weeks ago, well…

I lay my head back down on the pillow and took a deep, cleansing breath. I did this again and held it. When I released it, I let the tension flow out of my body. I was aware of every naked inch. Cole made sure we were touching, skin to skin every night. I loved this. It had nothing to do with sex. It was a connection he and I shared. On this train of thought, I pushed the sheets down to my waist and kicked them the rest of the way to my feet. I let the brisk air touch me, my flesh rising in goose bumps… I was alive.

I wasn’t sure why I did this, I’d never done anything like it before. I began to move my fingertips across my forehead, down each cheek and trailing my neck where my hands crossed and moved to my breasts. I held each one, feeling the weight of them, the softness, and brushed my nipples as I made my way to my ribs and hips until I reached my knees. I tucked my hands behind each one and brought them to my chest. It was then I let the tears go. I’d been holding them in for so long. In my past, I never allowed myself to wallow or feel sorry for myself. I took the attitude that shit happens. Not just to me, but to everyone and a lot of people had it much, much worse. I was lucky, and feeling sorry for myself was an indulgence.

Still, curling up into the fetal position and crying big fat tears felt pretty great.

The bed depressed next to me and a warm body curled protectively around me. “Baby…” Cole whispered in my ear, “Shhhh… you’re safe, you’re loved my Anika.”

Yeah, I was pretty lucky.

“I’m a wuss.” I sniffled.

“No, you’re not a wuss, you’re human. You feel, you hurt, just like everyone else.” I stopped crying and turned in his arms.

“I don’t know how to go forward, Cole. I’m in a bubble again. I’m not hiding my past, I’m not hiding from it, but I’m not living either.”

“Maybe it’s time for you to call Aimes. Take that step. Everyone is just waiting for your signal, baby. In no way do I want you to do anything you’re not ready to do. I’m happy to take you to an island in the middle of nowhere and ravage you each and every day. Selfish of me, I know this, but I would be happy to wait on you hand and foot. But this, what’s happening right now, it’s going to follow us wherever we go.”

He was right, and I knew it. I wasn’t ready though.

“Mind if I wallow one more day?” I asked sniffling.

“I’ll bring you something to eat-”

“No, don’t leave me. Just hold me until I fall asleep again, please.”

His answer was to pull me into him and arrange the sheet over my shoulder.

“I love you, Anika.” He whispered softly to me.

“I love you too, Cole.”

Cole

The next few weeks went pretty fast. Anika wasn’t as self-conscious about her fingers anymore. Aimes postponed her wedding to Gus until the end of November, so they could have manicures. She explained it was a chick thing and I was fine with that. Anika never took off her ring and I spent more time than I’m willing to admit, looking at her hands. Even with only half her nails, her fingers still looked feminine, but there was no use trying to convince her of that.

My mom called every single day. I love my mom. I really do, but she was getting under my skin a little.

“This was a big deal, Cole. That’s why.” I knew I was just going to have to listen to her.

“She says she’s fine. Like it was closure for her.” I tried to explain.

“Just remember she went ten years, apparently, without any kind of anxiety until something triggered it. Just get her to talk about it, Cole.”

“Mom, I will. I am. We talk about it every day. Not all the time, but we’re not ignoring it.”

“Do you want me to talk to her, you know, woman to woman?” She was trying to be funny, my mom had a great sense of humor, but it was exhausting me.

“I’m hanging up now.” I waited, giving her time to wind up the conversation.

“Listen, Thanksgiving.”

“When’s the last time we celebrated a holiday together?”

“It has been a while.” I actually couldn’t remember the last time we had a family holiday.

“Can you even cook a turkey? In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you cook anything, Mom.”

“That doesn’t matter. I can have anything and everything cooked to perfection without moving from this chair. What should I tell him?”

Of course. This was my dad’s idea. Everything that happened had changed him, completely. This wasn’t the person I’d known for the last thirty years, this was the man I knew when I was four.

“Let me discuss it with Anika.”

“And the wedding, Cole?” She pressed. I knew she wasn’t asking me about Gus and Aimes’ wedding.

“She’s going to look beautiful. She’s wearing the dress she wore to the Gillie’s…”

“You know very well what I’m asking you.” I suppose being an only child and also being thirty-five, my mother was getting antsy about being a grandmother. She was young, so I didn’t know why she felt the need to rush everything along, but she asked me about it constantly.

“I’ll talk to her about that, too.”

“Cole, throw me a bone here. Let me do this, you know it’ll be beautiful, she’ll be beautiful and I won’t take over.”

“I know that Mom. Just relax. We’ve been engaged for about five minutes.”

“No, you’ve been engaged for seven weeks.”

“Hanging up now, love you.”

“Love you, too.”

“Wow, you’re really making her sweat, aren’t you?” Anika giggled. I had just started heating up dinner when she came downstairs.

She’d had a setback only a few days ago. I didn’t tell my Mom, Aimes, no one. I knew she just needed that time and I wanted to give it to her. Now she was coming back.

“Ya heard all that huh?”

“Yeah. Why don’t you just tell her we want to have it here? I don’t mind her doing all the legwork. I have to hand it to her, she’s pretty good at all that stuff. She and Aimes could do it together. All you and I would have to do is walk downstairs to the beach.”

“Sure.” I didn’t want to tell her what I was really thinking. She’d get it out of me though, like she always does. For now, I needed to just buy some time and figure things out.

“You’re doing that far away thing again. What’s wrong? And if you ask me how I’m feeling one more time, I swear to God I’ll make you eat this fork.” Her good mood was infectious, as usual. I moved the plates in front of the barstools and put napkins next to them. “You know” she began, “a fork and knife seem like a lot of trouble for take-out being reheated in the microwave.”

“Is that some kind of dig on my culinary skills?”

“No baby. You know I like your cooking.” She reached around and pulled me in front of her. I started to lean in for a kiss, but she stopped me. “I know there’s something else going on, Cole. Something you’re not telling me. You’ve told me everything about Joe. I can’t imagine there being more to that story, so it’s something else.”

I cupped her face and held her eyes, her hands wrapped around my arms. “I just want to keep you safe, Anika.”

“What does that mean, exactly? I’m here. If I’m not with you, I’m with Aimes or Gus or your mom. I’m never alone anymore, so how much safer can I possibly be?”

I couldn’t say anything now, but my mom took it upon herself to find Anika’s dad, who’d walked out when she was six. I hated keeping this from her, but I had to meet him and hear what he had to say before exposing her to more hurt. Mom wanted to make sure Anika was safe from anyone else that could cause either of us any more pain.

“Cole. What is it?” She was getting pissed and I didn’t want that. “You’re kind of scaring me now, tell me?”

“Can you please trust me that I’ll tell you if I need to tell you?”

“That’s not very reassuring.”

“How about we compromise and I tell you this.” I wrapped her in my arms and began to kiss her neck. I knew she loved that. She always made little moaning noises when I did it. “I am making sure nothing and no one can ever hurt us again. I can’t stand the thought of you ever being hurt, Anika. Please don’t ask me anything else. Just trust me to take care of you.”

I wasn’t really playing fair. I pretty much assaulted her with kisses in the kitchen. Or, it started that way, but it certainly didn’t finish that way.

“Cole, are we going to eat dinner?” She asked me breathless.

“Eventually. But for now…” I lifted her t-shirt over her head with no resistance on her part, I might add, “I’m going to turn you around,” which I did. “Then I’m going to lift you onto the island behind you,” which I did. “Then I’m going to push your skirt up around your waist.” God her skin was so soft. “And then, my beautiful fiancé, I’m going to kiss you hard and deep, while I slide a finger inside you and feel how wet you are for me, and we’ll see where we go from there.”

“Dinner’s cancelled, baby.” She said while I pushed her panties to the side. As hard as I tried, I just couldn’t get her to not wear them. But fuck if she didn’t choose the sexiest things I’d ever seen. I’d bought her beautiful lingerie, but this woman could wear full-ass cotton briefs with little pink flowers and I’d want her just as bad, as if she was wearing something lace, black, and crotchless. “Take me outside, Cole.”

Amongst the ever growing list of things I loved about this woman, she let me take her just about anywhere. You couldn’t see the deck from the beach or any of the neighbor’s houses. The only way you could see it is if you were on a boat with binoculars out on the water or in the living room. My mom learned the hard way, it’s better to call before you just pop in and say hello. So, tonight, I lifted her with her legs wrapped around my middle, carried her to the deck, and sat her on the railing. The surf was loud, which seemed to make Anika go crazy when she came. All her inhibitions went out the window. She reached down and pulled me out of my pants. I think I was hard from the second she walked into the kitchen. The railing is wide at the top, enough that you can sit comfortably, or lay a beautiful woman there and devour her. I lifted her up just enough to remove her skirt, she was left with her lacy, pale pink panties and matching bra, and gently laid her across the beam.

“God, Anika. You look beautiful there. I may have to sketch you just like that.” I moved my open hand down her leg to her bare foot and started back up the middle.

“Can you do that later?” She sighed as I reached the wet heat between her legs.

“I’ll put it on the list after ‘eat dinner’.” She didn’t respond. I leaned over and kissed her soft lips while my fingers slid back inside her, slowly gliding in and out of her soft folds, then removing them to cup her sex, while I moved my wet fingers over her clit. I couldn’t get enough of her. Her beauty, her pussy, she was like no other woman I’d ever known. I stared at her, her eyes closed, her back arching up with each small circle I made against her sweet spot. I leaned in and grazed her nipple lightly through the lace of her bra making it even harder, her flesh tightening against my touch, against the cool ocean breeze and I wanting nothing more than to be balls deep inside of her. But we had all night, we had all our lives and I couldn’t fucking wait.

When she came, it was loud and hard, but I didn’t stop. “Too much, Cole! Please, stop, baby, stop.”

“No way. I told you today would be three.” I teased, although I meant it. I was going to give her multiple orgasms and I would increase them by one each day. She thought I was kidding. Yesterday was two, today was going to be three.

“Are you saying you don’t like it?” I teased.

“I. Fucking. Love. It. Oh!” I loved watching her face when she climaxed.

“That was two. Now for three and then I’ll make love to you in bed, later.”

“Oh my God, Cole. You’re killing me.”

“You sound like you’re enjoying it, baby. This time I’ll use my mouth though.”

After she came – again – and I’d distracted her from our previous conversation, I lifted her from the railing and brought her to her feet. “Now it’s your turn, baby.” She raised her eyebrows and for a split second I thought she was going to make me come from that expression alone. It reminded me of when I was a kid and I got a new swim teacher; she was hot, but I was twelve so she could have been hideous… she had boobs, end of story.

Anika began stalking me, “You better run. I’ll give you a head start.”

I bolted across the patio, into the house and headed up the stairs. I hid behind the wall at the top and waited for her. When she rounded the corner, I grabbed her as she burst into a fit of giggles. “Don’t tickle! Please!” She begged.

“It’s just so easy, Anika.” I was causing her a different kind of torture, but she eventually got hold of me and held me by my wrists. Since she’d been abducted, we talked very openly about everything. When we were first together, we were both reluctant to share all the horrible things that we’d both endured. Hers were far worse than mine.

She would tell me anything and everything, all the horrific details of her childhood that made my blood boil and actually a little happy that Joe and her mom were almost certainly dead. With all that detail, I couldn’t help the urge to coddle her and protect her, but it was too late for that. She just needed to get it out, talk about everything without me looking at her with pity, so I didn’t. Even if I felt it, I never showed it. I’d just hold her and if there was anything that he did to her that might trigger her anxiety, all she had to say was “stop” and I would.