Collingsworth (2 page)

His heart beating rapidly, he opened the door and walked to Dr. Kennedy’s untidy desk. “Mr. Taylor, please have a seat. Tea?”

“No, sir. I couldn’t.” His throat was so dry that he was having difficulty swallowing and could have used the tea if he didn’t fear that his stomach would rebel.

Dr. Kennedy sipped from his own cup and regarded the young man sitting across his desk. His demeanor was completely different than the somewhat shy and embarrassed young man who sat in this very office the day before.

“Are you quite all right? Has something happened to upset you?”

Michael could only think of Bishop pressed against him during yesterday’s dance lesson. He could not tell Dr. Kennedy that, however. “Yes, sir. I mean no, sir.” He took a deep breath and started over. “I mean, I was only wondering what was wrong. Why you called me here. Am I in trouble, sir?”

“Of course not, Mr. Taylor. Have you done something that warrants discipline?” Dr. Kennedy hid his smile behind his tea cup. It wouldn’t do to appear indulgent to any of his charges.

“I haven’t, sir.” The panic was slowly fading to confusion as the only imagined reason for a summons to Dr. Kennedy’s office had apparently been overlooked.

“You’ve been an outstanding student, if a bit quiet. After our discussion yesterday I took the liberty of looking through your file. You’ve been living with a cousin since the death of your parents.” He paused, not expecting an answer to his statements, but wanted to give Taylor time to adjust to his subject. “There is a letter in the file from a barrister in Boston referencing your eighteenth birthday. Did you receive any correspondence when you turned eighteen?”

Michael’s brow creased in confusion. “No, sir.”

“With your permission, I would like to contact his office and speak to him on your behalf. You’re old enough to do it yourself, of course, if you would rather.”

Confused, Michael had no idea what a letter from law offices in Boston would have to do with him. “Yes, sir. Please, contact them if you’d like.”

Michael watched Dr. Kennedy pour another cup of tea, place it in front of him, and push the service close at hand. Picking the cup and saucer up gratefully, he said, “Thank you, it’s very welcome.”

Handing a small card across the desk, Dr. Kennedy said, “Take this card to Hardison’s and they’ll fit you for evening wear for the ball.”

This meeting was so far beyond anything Michael had expected that he sat mute, unable to process any more surprises. “But I have no money, no way to pay.”

“I’ve arranged payment. Mr. Hardison is a… a dear friend and has agreed to a discounted price. I’ll expect you to repay me one day when you’re able. Better yet, put your repayment into an account to be used by a future scholarship student for a similar purpose.”

“Thank you, Dr. Kennedy.” Michael took the card and held it almost reverently.

“You’re welcome. One more question, then I’ll let you get back to your friends. What did you think that I was going to accuse you of?”

Michael felt his face grow warm again and the cup rattled in the saucer as he placed it back on the desk. “I… I don’t. I mean I… can’t. I’d rather not discuss it, sir.” He looked down at the card in his hands.

Dr. Kennedy raised his eyebrows as he considered the young man who looked ready to bolt from the room. “We’ll leave that for next time, then. I’d like to make this a regular meeting. I have some concerns about your future and, of course, I’ll pass on what I’ve learned from the Boston firm.”

*  *  *

The
afternoon passed much more easily than the morning had, and Michael soon found himself back in the ballroom, his muscular classmate in his arms. After a few missteps as he adjusted to leading and Joseph adjusted to being led, they moved smoothly around the floor. Michael attempted to maintain the proper distance between them as his partner pulled him closer.

“Taylor, let’s sneak out. Kennedy has already seen us. He won’t notice if we leave. The English classroom is still empty and the lock is still broken.”

“Bishop, what will you do after leaving school? Will you marry?” Michael not only wanted to hear the answer but was trying to distract his partner from his single-minded attempts to become more intimate.

“I’ll marry, of course. That’s what my family expect of me.” He looked at Michael as if he were a simpleton.

“But what of the liberties you take here?” He could feel his cheeks grow red at the boldness of the discussion. He had never discussed intimate matters with another soul.

“What of them? A way to pass the time, to satisfy physical urges.” Joseph pulled Michael closer in their dance and Michael felt a hard shaft against his hip. He recoiled when his body reacted in kind and ran from the room, Joseph quick on his heels.

Dr. Kennedy watched Michael’s escape and knew that he had been correct in his suspicions the previous afternoon. Having seen the longing looks that Michael gave David, he was fairly certain that the young man shared his own unspeakable desires. Discussing the matter, even in the most general terms, could result in ruin for both teacher and student.

Michael ran around the corner of the wide corridor and leaned against the wall, breathing heavily. Before he had time to compose himself, Joseph turned the corner, grabbed his arm and pulled him along until they reached the English classroom. They were barely in the door before Joseph pushed him against the wall, their bodies pressed tightly together and the hardness against his abdomen too much to bear.

“Bishop, stop!” He pushed against solid shoulders and the pressure from Joseph’s body was gone momentarily, only to return seconds later. Joseph’s lips were on his neck, his hardness now pressing directly on his own and he stilled, no longer protesting. It would be so easy to give in, to thrust against the body in his arms, to give his body the release that he craved. Moments from embarrassing himself by spending in his clothing, he pushed Joseph away again and ran from the room, not stopping until he reached home.

*  *  *

The
following week found Michael presenting himself at Dr. Kennedy’s office for what was to become their weekly meeting. There was a cup of tea waiting on the edge of the desk, and he drank gratefully. Without the fear of being accused of unnatural acts he felt that he could enjoy Dr. Kennedy’s conversation. It was a unique experience to have a professor take an interest in him.

“Thank you for coming, Mr. Taylor. Did you get your evening wear sorted?”

Michael smiled, “Yes, I did. Thank you for arranging it for me, sir.” He leaned back in his chair, relaxing for the first time in Dr. Kennedy’s presence. His comfort was short-lived as Dr. Kennedy continued.

“I noticed the clash between you and Bishop last week. Have you resolved your differences? You’re both very skilled at the dances and you should represent the school well when the young ladies visit.”

Sitting up on the edge of his chair once more, Michael answered, “Yes, sir. We had a… a bit of a… a disagreement, but we’ve settled it.”

“I see. Are you looking forward to the ball? To the young ladies?”

Feeling as if he was being led into a trap, Michael answered carefully, “A bit, sir. I prefer reading quietly, truthfully.”

“Ah, well. You’re not alone in that sentiment, but we all do what we must.” His words appeared to be straightforward, but Michael thought there was a hidden meaning there if he could only decipher it. Changing the subject abruptly, Dr. Kennedy continued, “I would like you to consider your future and write an essay about your options and what you plan to do after you leave Collingsworth. I realize that this is late days, but you’ve only just come to my attention.”

“Yes, sir. I appreciate your help.” Michael was dismissed quickly and left the office feeling slightly dizzy at the conversation and the myriad emotions it had caused. He was frightened and excited in equal measure as he contemplated the remainder of his time at Collingsworth.

*  *  *

The
next three months of school passed quickly, with no more unpleasant incidents with Joseph. The dancing lessons had progressed to the point that they knew the steps of all the popular dances and were comfortable dancing with any partner, regardless of size or skill level. Michael had succeeded in never being paired with David, but it was David who was foremost in his thoughts as he sat at Morning Prayer staring at the back of his golden head.

He leaned forward, pretending to scratch an ankle and sniffed surreptitiously, smelling an intoxicating mixture of shaving soap, macassar oil, and a hint of pipe tobacco. The nearness to the agent of his own personal torture caused his body to react and, as he always did, Michael both blessed and cursed the delicious feeling of blood rushing to his member.

His thoughts were brought back to more appropriate matters when the headmaster announced that the ladies of St. Anne’s would not be attending the ball on Friday. There was a chorus of groans and whispered questions from the assembled students before they quieted to listen to the headmaster. He gave no further details about St. Anne’s but announced that, as the plans for the ball had commenced to the point where they could not be easily cancelled, the ball would continue as planned. It would be used as a further lesson in their education as young gentlemen.

Michael heard many rumors as he passed from class to class that morning, some more outrageous than others. The common theme involved a tryst between a Collingsworth man and a young lady from St. Anne’s that resulted in a pregnancy.

After the last class of the morning, he walked eagerly to Dr. Kennedy’s office. He had grown to respect the music professor and had stopped worrying about any accusations, relaxing to enjoy their discussions. Dr. Kennedy had hinted that he might have news from the law office in Boston before their next meeting.

He arrived at the office and found, not Dr. Kennedy and the usual cup of tea, but a young first year with a note on the familiar thick paper. Reading the beautiful handwriting, he found that he was to meet Dr. Kennedy at Hardison’s after the last class of the day. He guessed that it was to pick up his evening wear, but he had no idea why Dr. Kennedy would need to be there.

Excited, he walked quickly through the crowds of holiday shoppers to the clothier’s after the school day ended and breathed deeply of the scent of clean wool and cotton as he entered the shop. He saw neither Dr. Kennedy nor Mr. Hardison in the small shop, but the older man who had measured him for his evening wear appeared to be waiting for him. “This way, Mr. Taylor.”

He followed the bent little man through a curtain to the back of the store and up a narrow staircase. “The gentlemen are waiting for you.”

Curious, Michael knocked on the door at the top of the stairs. Mr. Hardison opened the door and invited him into a small but well-appointed sitting room. Dr. Kennedy stood in front of a small settee pouring a cup of tea and Michael smiled to himself, thinking that he would forever associate Dr. Kennedy with tea.

“Mr. Taylor, please have a seat. Mr. Hardison will get your things and join us shortly. I assume that you must be wondering about meeting at such an unusual place.” He continued without giving Michael a chance to respond. “I have something rather delicate to discuss with you and thought that it would be better done away from Collingsworth.”

For the first time in weeks, Michael found himself nervous in the music teacher’s presence. Before Dr. Kennedy could continue, Mr. Hardison re-entered the room and sat down on the settee next to Dr. Kennedy. The two sat close together, their knees brushing lightly as Dr. Kennedy turned to give him a look that could only be described as tender.

“Mr. Taylor, there is no easy way to talk about this and even discussing the subject is not without danger.” He took a deep breath and continued. “I’ve seen the way that you look at Mr. Bennington, yet you appear to have spurned Mr. Bishop’s rather clumsy advances.”

Michael blanched. This was what he had feared. With little more than a week left in term he was finished. He would have no future if he was dismissed for crimes against nature.

“Mr. Taylor, please listen. You are not being accused of any wrongdoing. I simply thought that I—we—might be able to help you.”

“I… I don’t understand, sir.” Michael’s hands shook as he put the cup back on its saucer and he just managed to place it on the small table.

Dr. Kennedy looked at Mr. Hardison, who nodded encouragingly. “Michael, I believe that this conversation requires Christian names, don’t you? As I was saying, I’ve seen the looks you give David, but I don’t believe you know that he looks at you in the same way.”

“Dr. Kennedy, I don’t understand.” Michael was close to tears, still frightened that this was a trap. He couldn’t figure out why Dr. Kennedy was discussing this in Mr. Hardison’s presence. He thought perhaps it was to act as witness to his admission of the crimes. If that was the case, though, he would expect the police to be involved.

“Please, calm down. We both understand what you must be going through.” At his last statement, he placed his hand over Mr. Hardison’s. “We’re placing ourselves at risk talking about this, but I think that we might be able to help you. You understand that you can never reveal what we discuss this afternoon.”

“Yes. No. Of course not.” Michael was in shock over the revelation that Dr. Kennedy and Mr. Hardison appeared to have one of the “special friendships” that the school forbade and society outlawed. One statement came to the forefront of his mind as he processed the information his professor had given him. Dr. Kennedy said that David had been looking at him too. His emotions running high, he felt himself near tears again.

“Do you have any questions, Michael?” Dr. Kennedy spoke quietly, comforting and calming.

Laughing, feeling more free than he had since his childhood, Michael said, “I think I must have a thousand questions and don’t know where to begin! This really isn’t a trap? I’m not in trouble? David has been looking at me too?”

“I do believe that you found a place to begin. Have another cup of tea and we’ll have a chat now that you’re convinced you’re not in trouble. Although there aren’t many who agree with us, we believe that love, freely given between adults, is never wrong.” Dr. Kennedy looked tenderly at Mr. Hardison again. “Those of us who believe this must, unfortunately, remain hidden.”