Colorado Dawn (10 page)

“Buckford.” Karen rose, letting the shirt drop onto her sewing basket. “What are you doing here?” The sight of his familiar face, so comforting and bracing, caused tears to prick Karen’s eyes. The older man had a box under one arm and a valise under the other. “Did you walk from the station?” Red suffused his nose and cheeks, and a wintry air perfumed his coat. “Did Mr. and Mrs. Mackenzie come with you?”

“Yes ma’am, I did walk, and no ma’am, the family is not with me. Mrs. Mackenzie thought I might be of some help to you. She sends her regards and this letter.” He set his bag down and fished in his coat pocket.

“I can’t wait to read it. You don’t mind if I take a peek now, do you?” Karen tore the envelope open with eager fingers. She scanned the page, letting the comforting words seep into the lonely places in her heart.

Warmth at her mother-in-law’s thoughtfulness bathed Karen, and she looked up through watery eyes at Buckford. “I don’t know how they’ll get along without you in Martin City, but I can’t tell you how glad I am that you’re here.” There were so many things that David wouldn’t allow Karen to help him with but that Buckford could do without undue embarrassment to his employer.

“Mr. Sam sent this box of papers and ore samples and a letter for Mr. David.” He picked up his satchel.

She nibbled her lower lip. “Mrs. Webber, show Buckford to the room at the end of the hall.”

“Yes ma’am.” The housekeeper’s narrowed eyes continued to travel up and down Buckford’s frame, sizing him up.

Buckford rejoined Karen in the parlor a few moments later. “How may I best assist you, ma’am?”

“David is in the dining room with his tutor, Rex Collison. The box you brought can go in the upstairs office. I don’t think David should be bothered with anything from the mine right now. He’s concentrating on his new studies.”

“Very good, ma’am. Then perhaps it would be politic to go smooth Mrs. Webber’s ruffled feathers. I’ll reassure her that I have no intention of usurping her place here.”

“Thank you, Buckford. You’re very astute.”

Karen packed her sewing basket, then took a moment to read again her mother-in-law’s letter.
Love David generously
. If only he would let her. She took the precious pages upstairs, along with an armful of David’s clothes.

When she came downstairs a short time later, David and Rex stood in the foyer.

Buckford appeared from the back of the house. “Good afternoon, sir.”

“Buckford?” David’s voice went high. His eyebrows arched, then tumbled. “What are you doing here?” He stuck his hand out, and Buckford clasped it.

“Your mother thought I might be of use to you.”

“I’m glad you’re here.” The warmth in his tone reminded Karen of how much regard David had for Buckford. She quashed a bit of jealousy that her husband was more comfortable with his hired man than with his wife.

“Gentlemen”—she walked down the last few stairs—“I hope your lessons went well today.” She slipped her hand into the crook of David’s elbow.

A smile crossed Rex’s face, but David stiffened as if she’d jabbed him in the ribs. When he didn’t say anything, Rex offered, “Very well, thank you.”

“Can you stay to dinner, Rex? We’d love to have you. Mrs. Webber’s making her specialty, beef Wellington. It should be ready soon.”

“I wish I could, but I’m expected back at the school. David, I’ll be back tomorrow morning. I’ll also expect a report of how tonight goes.”

Her hand must’ve tightened, because David shifted. “Rex expects me to dine at the table tonight. I hope that meets with your approval.”

“Really? That’s wonderful.” She shared a smile with Buckford. “I shall enjoy your company.” She prayed that perhaps he might enjoy hers as well.

Mrs. Webber announced dinner just as David closed the door on Rex’s departure.

Karen tucked her hand into his arm once more, sending a jolt through him and making his heart hammer. As loath as he was to admit it, the idea of dinner with Karen brought a curious lightness to his chest, a faint echo of the way he’d felt when he first began courting her.

She waited beside him, her light perfume drifting around him. Her skirts rustled in a purely feminine sound. How he wished he could see her face, her hair in the candlelight, her graceful walk.

He took a deep breath. “Shall we go in?” He called down thankfulness upon Rex’s head for making him practice seating a lady at the table, though he was sure Mrs. Webber had grown weary of the exercise before he’d finally mastered it. When Rex suggested Karen take part in the practice, David’s reply had been curt and decisive. He might bumble in front of the housekeeper, but he would not appear a clumsy oaf in front of his wife.

“Thank you, David.”

A thrust of pride shot through him at the surprise in her voice, and he exhaled a tight breath when he managed to push her chair in without mishap. He sat at her left hand and lightly fingered the silverware and goblet placement, trying to force his muscles to relax.

Mrs. Webber placed his plate in front of him. The china clinked as she rotated it to the correct position. “There you are. Ring when you want dessert.”

He spread his napkin in his lap and picked up his knife and fork.
Small bites, slowly, main course at twelve, sides at four and eight. Let your fork hang over the plate for a count of three. Lean over
. Rex’s instructions cycled through his head in a continuous loop. He held the fork lightly, focusing on the sensations coming from the tines to his fingers.

“I was so surprised when Buckford showed up.” Karen’s utensils clinked against her plate, and her sleeve whispered on the tablecloth.

David moved his fork to his mouth, pleased when nothing dripped down his chin. The flavor of beef and gravy burst on his tongue. “Good of Mother to send him.”

Silence fell. When first courting, they had spent hours talking. Time had flown when they were together, and it had seemed they would never run out of things to say to one another. He’d wanted to know everything about her and tell her everything about himself. Now they sat like strangers. No. Worse than strangers. Strangers would at least make small talk.

His skin prickled and tightened. She watched him—he could feel her appraisal. How clumsy he must look to her, like a tentative toddler. His fork clattered to his plate, sending droplets of warm gravy across his face. When he scrambled to retrieve the fork, the heel of his hand hit his plate and dumped the contents into his lap.

“Oh no.” Her chair shot back, and before he could move, wet cloth dabbed his face. “Hold still.”

He writhed away from her, shoving the napkin aside. “Don’t.” In his effort to get away, he knocked her arm.

She gasped an instant before cold liquid bathed his chest. Something thumped on the carpet. “I’m so sorry.” She mopped at his shirtfront. “I had my water glass in my hand to dampen my napkin and I dropped it.”

He gritted his teeth, grabbed her wrists, and shoved his chair back. “Stop, Karen. I should’ve known better than to try this. I’m a clumsy fool and always will be.” The warmth of her skin in his grasp, the heady aroma of her perfume swirling around him, the soft sound of her breathing all taunted him. “Why did you ever marry me? Can’t you see this was all a mistake? I’m inept at even the simplest task. I’m not a man. I’m a liability.” He stumbled against the table, rattling the china, and made his way out of the room.

Karen sank into her chair and put her elbows on the table. She rested her face in her hands, utter weariness cloaking her, pressing her shoulders down and squeezing her heart. Why did it seem that for every inch of hard-won progress David made, a stumbling block tripped him up and yanked him back toward a yawning chasm of despondence?

“Lord,” she whispered, “I don’t know what to do. I can’t get close to him. He won’t let me help him. The more I press, the faster he retreats.” She swallowed against the spiky lump in her throat and took a staggering breath. She needed to find something positive, something to be thankful for, to gain some equilibrium. “Thank You for Rex. Thank You that David is at least willing to listen to him.”

She sat quiet for a while, calming her heart, letting God’s peace return. “Please, Lord, help me to be patient. Help me not to be jealous that David is turning to Rex or Buckford for help when he won’t turn to me. Help me to rely on You for direction, and please, break down the barriers around his heart. Help him to forgive himself and to accept his blindness. Please help him to accept his marriage as well.” Karen leaned back and put her hands in her lap. She blinked rapidly, bringing the plaster medallion on the ceiling into focus.

“Missus?” Mrs. Webber hovered in the doorway. “Should I bring in dessert?”

Karen pushed her plate back and rose. “I’m sorry, Mrs. Webber. The dinner was delicious, but I think we’ll save dessert for tomorrow. If you could just clear away. David has retired for the night, and I think I will, too.”

The housekeeper’s eyes shone with sympathy as she took in the splattered tablecloth and the water glass on the floor. “The poor creature.” She clucked, shook her head, and began stacking plates and cutlery.

Karen didn’t know if “poor creature” meant her or David.

T
his is ludicrous.” David slammed the book closed and tilted his head back against his chair. Nothing had gone right the entire week, not since his disastrous dinner with Karen.

“David, you just have to be patient.” Rex’s soothing tone rasped on David’s nerves. “It will take time, but you’re making progress.”

“Don’t patronize me. Braille is beyond me. I can’t do this.”

“I think what you really mean to say is you don’t want to
have
to do this.” Rex slapped the desk. “I think it’s time someone told you a few home truths. You say to stop treating you like a child, but your actions are childish. You haven’t accepted your blindness. You will never be free to learn until you accept the fact you are blind and destined to stay that way.”

Rex rose, and the direction of his voice told David he was leaning over the desk. “Do you think you are the only one to ever go through something like this? Do you think you are the only one in this house who is suffering? Stop for just a moment and think how this is affecting someone else. I may not be able to see, but I’m not stupid. I haven’t heard you say one kind or affectionate thing to your wife since I arrived in this house. You speak better to your servant or to me, a virtual stranger, than you do to the woman you married. You are so swamped with fear, you aren’t just blind. You’re emotionally paralyzed.”