Colour Series Box Set (28 page)

“What if he doesn’t stop?”

“Trust him Lauri, he will not hurt you. He
will
stop.” She almost snaps it at me. I see her cringe at her response almost immediately. “Sorry I’m not the best girlfriend when it comes to the mushy stuff. I know he won’t hurt you, but you need to tell him how you feel and what you want Lauri, he is not a mind reader.” I know she is right. “Thanks Amya, so, playing huh? I would never say.” I give her a silly smile and raise my brows at her. She shakes her head with a giggle before she answers me.

“Lauri I know you’re not a nun, seriously. Rob and I have our own taste that’s all.” She jokes as she stands up and pulls me to my feet. “I feel like a nun.” I whisper back, but I don’t think she heard me though.

We walk back to the barn that contains my little dream and the deliveries start shortly after that. We’re so busy moving things and unpacking boxes of plates and glassware that I don’t see Rowan and Robin walk in through the giant doors. It’s Amya’s loud squeal when Rob grabs her from behind that gets my attention. Rowan takes a more gentle approach and plants a kiss on my temple. The men get to work and connect the new sound system and in no time we are all working together to the tunes from my iPod. The four of us laugh and enjoy the time fooling around as we work. Rowan traps me in the corner by the kitchen door and sneaks a rather hot kiss leaving me out of breath and bright red again. Amya shoots me a wink which just makes it worse. I’m not comfortable being affectionate in public, it actually makes me cringe a little. It’s at that moment Amya announces we should call it a day and she and Robin are leaving. The rest of the staff left ages ago. Rowan and I send our friends home and I go back in to lock up the barn. As I switch off the lights plunging the huge open area into absolute darkness, Rowan envelopes me in his strong arms from behind and kisses me just under my ear. That simple kiss sends something a have never felt before through me. I have had butterflies in my stomach before but right now I have them in my pants and it’s like they are on fire. In the pitch dark of the barn I turn around in Rowan’s arms and I know that I am ready to try and give in to the physical pull that is so strong but we are going to have to talk about it first. I need rules to survive this if we are going to stand any chance at all.

I nuzzle my head into his strong chest breathing in the smell of him and I start talking, I think I can get his out if he cannot see me blushing like a teenage girl and here in the cover of the dark in my dream come true my face is safely hidden. “Rowan, I am ready to let you touch me, I mean really touch me.” Now the hard bit. “I want to touch you too; I want you to show me how. How to make you feel good, I want to be everything that you need.”

He pulls me tighter against him and I can hear his breathing hitch at what I am saying to him. I know he wants this; he has been waiting for me. “But I need a way to tell you to slow down or stop if I am going to panic, like a safe word or something.” I get the last part out in a strangle of words all mixed together without a breath in between.

A small chuckle escapes him; this isn’t a funny moment at all. “How do you know about safe words sweetheart? He pulls my face close to his but I still can’t see anything I just feel his breath on my skin? “
Amya,
” is all I manage. My heart is pounding with desire, nerves and fear that I think it may burst. “That makes sense. I want you to be sure Lauri, I don’t want to break you anymore. I actually think Amya’s idea is a good one. I won’t take anything that you don’t want to give me Lauri.” I feel his lips on mine as he whispers a soft kiss on them. “We’ll go as slow as you need sweetheart, what are your words?”

Funnily enough, I’d given that some thought throughout the day and I had them all picked out. I know he won’t like them but I know that will work. Still in the darkness so I cannot see his eyes I reply “
heart
for slow down and
numbers
for stop.” I whisper them out feeling Rowan’s warm breath in my neck I have goosebumps all over as I wait for his reaction. “Fine, as long you are sure about this Lauri, are you really ready?” I hear in his voice that my choice of words has wounded him a little.

I reach my hand between us so I can show him just how ready I am and before I answer him I rub my hand over his very obvious erection and say louder that I intended to. “I want to touch you more than anything Rowan I want to able to take care of you in every way that you need.” He groans loudly and grabs my hand pulling it away slightly before he lifts me to sit on the table behind me. “Slowly sweetheart, slowly. Let’s go home first. I want to be able to see you.”

He kisses me and I let his hands wander all over me without getting the overpowering urge to freeze, because I know I can stop him at any time. A power I have never been given before, I let myself
feel
everything.

IF I COULD SPRINT
to the house right now I would. I have been feeling sick all day after touching her this morning, I felt like an asshole for pushing even a little. The guilt has weighed on me and when she started to talk in the dark for sure I thought she was going to put the brakes on. I have been trying to get close to her all afternoon but she isn’t comfortable with affection in front of anyone. She has made it very clear to me that it makes her very uncomfortable. Even in front of our closest friends, she just cannot relax into it. Yet today, when I got her in the corner and kissed her madly, she didn’t pull away and she didn’t freeze. It was different and that made me even more nervous about this morning. I have got to learn a little self-control but I am a man and fuck me but the feel of her full breasts in my hands did very bad things in my mind.

I am smiling like a fool as we walk back home in the dark with only the moonlight filters through the vineyards. Amya my dear, you are a fucking genius and I love you. I’ve been in sexual situations before where safe words were totally needed but never thought to apply them with Lauri, giving her the power over me in that way seems to have let her entertain the idea of us being physical with each other. It’s like she needed a way to stop things before she could even begin. Her choice of words however stabbed me in my heart, but I know that they will get my attention no matter how caught up I am and it may just be her way of dealing with the darkness in me. I don’t think she was in any way saying she is ready to have sex yet but she wants to get there and this is a start.

To be honest, I will take whatever I can get. My whole body is already on a knife edge after she grabbed me through my jeans in the barn. I reach for her soft hand and pull her closer to me so I can put my arm around her. She fits right next to me; we are perfect together like this. I slide my hand under her tight little top and brush the top of her breast. I can feel the goose bumps forming as I slide my fingers over her skin. I know I’ve wanted this, whatever is to come but I was never unhappy with what we already have. I would have waited an eternity for this woman to give me her trust. It was never something I could take from her. It’s so different with Lauri. Sex has always been about taking what I wanted or needed before, but with her I want her to give it to me. I want to give her what she needs, what she wants.

We walk up the patio steps and into the house next to each other as close as we can get. I’m tired and I know I have a job to do tomorrow. I want to make the most of the time we have right now before once again reality comes crashing into my dreams. There’s so many things racing through my mind that I also just need a second to breathe and absorb the idea that she may be ready for this. I love this woman. This fierce amazing beautiful woman that turned my world upside down the second I killed her old-self and gave her life back. I didn’t realize that I would get mine back too.

We walk straight down the hall to our bedroom. I can see her nerves building, her body tenses and I can see her pulse in her neck, and I need a way to calm us both down a little. The anticipation of this is scaring her already. She has no experience to work from; this is completely new to her. For her this is the prelude to terror and pain and abuse, I want to change that perception once and for all. As soon as we are in the room I pull her into my arms and just hold her there for a minute, just a moment of being still to try quieting her mind and mine. When I feel her tightly wound muscles relaxing in my arms, I kiss her sweet lips and she kisses me back slowly rolling her tongue into my mouth and her hands move into my hair and down my neck as her desire becomes even more evident.

When we break out kiss to catch our breath, I ask her softly, “Shower with me tonight?” She doesn’t answer me with words just pulls away from my arms and walks straight into the bathroom. Good lord, I was not expecting that response, I thought she would hesitate that I’d need to coax her. Maybe she’s more ready than I thought.

I give her and myself a minute before I go into the bathroom she has turned the water on and is facing away from the door as she slips out of her sinfully tight jeans, as she stands upright again the hummingbirds are all I can see before she lets her hair down to cover them, it skims just above her ass. I peel my eyes off her body for a second and see her watching me in the mirror next to us. She has a nervous smile on her face and her eyes dance with something new. An emotion I haven’t seen in them before. I make quick work of my clothes and move so that I am standing right behind her our eyes locked on each other in the mirror. In that moment I am afraid, terrified that she will stop me that she won’t let me touch her colourful, perfectly beautiful body or that she won’t put her hands on me. I don’t want her to panic; I don’t want her to stop wanting this. I need her to need this like do right now. Because right now I need Lauri, every part of her that she is willing to give me I want to take and keep.

The colours of the tattoos that we both wear on our skin make us look like we are made from the same piece of fabric. I don’t feel naked with my clothes off because my skin is covered in Robin’s art; I can tell she feels the same. Our skin is enough to cover what we hide inside. She makes no attempt to cover herself at all allowing me to drink her in and commit her curves to my memory so I can call on these images later when she isn’t in my arms. The way her breasts are rising and falling with every breath, the curve of her hips where my hands rest perfectly. The way her mouth is slightly open and her eyes are dancing with want. Right then, I know she wants this.

I step closer still and I run my hands over her shoulders and down her arms, the shiver that moves through her causes a loud breath to escape my throat. I need to keep my head; I have to stay in control so I don’t scare her right back to where we were. Go slowly Rowan, don’t break her.

Lauri turns around slowly so her breasts brush against my chest, fuck she is trying to kill me I know it. She puts her hands on my chest and pushes me backwards into the shower. The whole room is filled with steam, the hot water scalds my back and I flinch reaching for the tap before she can step into the water and burn. When it’s bearable I pull her against me, my cock rests against her stomach and I’m sure she can tell what this is doing to me. Just that alone has me ready to explode all over her. Her eyes are down and I lift her chin so I can kiss her I want her lips. Those soft sweet lips. Her hands are running down my back burning every nerve ending with a fire that I have never felt before. I allow my hands to mirror her movements and I run them down her bare back and stop at the curve of her ass not wanting to push my luck. She feels like heaven under my touch, as if reading my mind her hands travel down my backside and stop just at the top of my thighs. I slowly let my hands drift down to the curve that I have been dying to grab onto for so long and as I get them around the firm cheeks of her ass, and pull her closer against me.

She brings her hands around and in between us. Starting at my shoulders she combs her fingers down the ridges of my chest, I feel my cock twitch between us as she gets lowers. She rests her head in my neck and softly whispers on my skin, “Show me how Rowan, show me what you need, please? I don’t know how to do this.” Her words are strained and needy, heavy but laced with fear. I grab her sweet soft hand in mine and drag it down until it brushes the tip of my erection. She tilts her head so she can see, biting her lip as I guide her hand over my length and then wrap her fingers around me. I let out a growl at the feel of her touching me. Her grip is soft and her fingers ghost over my hot skin before she holds a little tighter. I hold her hand still, if she moves I am going to come right now. I kiss the top of her head before I plead, “Slowly baby, please I won’t last long I have wanted this so badly. Just give me a minute.” She looks up into my eyes, this time it’s not fear I see. There’s nothing in her eyes other than lust at that moment I kiss her sweet mouth biting her lip free from her teeth and I move her hand slowly with mine up and down it’s almost more than I can handle. I lean myself against the shower wall pulling her backwards with me. I stop kissing her to let out a growl that is clawing to escape. I bend my head to talk to her as I look into her eyes I need to see the look in her eyes right now. “If we don’t stop now Lauri, I’m going to come.” She gets a smile that tugs at the on the one corner of her mouth and she grabs onto me tighter before she says right into my ear.