Colour Series Box Set (99 page)

“Sam, is being gay a rebellion against your father or something you always felt?” I don’t know why but he seems unconvincing in his convictions.

“Both, but mostly too many girls broke my heart and one boy managed to undo all of that hurt after that, well after that I never looked at women again.” He’s drinking rice milk which is just odd to me. “I guess, Harmon, I go both ways but I do love that going this way upsets my father so very much.” I spoke with his father once who was not a nice guy. I never had a father to piss off as teenager, I upset Callum a few times but he was too far away for it to really matter at all.

“Makes sense. Your dad is a bit of a dick.” Sam laughs very loudly.

“A bit.” He shakes his head still laughing “Let’s go, Harmon, I will meet you at the office after work.” He looks me over with his fingers pinching his chin. “You have other clothes don’t you.” He points and waves his finger around at me.

“Other suits, yes.”

“No, no suits. Clothes?” He seems horrified.

“No.”

“Well don’t wear your jacket.” We get back in my car and get lost numerous times on the way back to the office.

“Sam, where do you think she went?”

“Avery didn’t actually like me, you know that right? She never ever divulged anything personal ever. I only know what she did for fun because she murdered a mutual friend and occasionally hung out at a jazz bar I frequent.” It seems she really did have no one in her life at all. I know that bitter bite of loneliness at the end of the day and it sucks.

“I want to go there tonight.” It is a long shot, I don’t think she’s in the city.

“Sure, we can go there. But I can’t promise you’ll get laid if we do, it’s not that kind of place.” He can be very juvenile. He goes straight to his car and I head upstairs to face whatever else has managed to cross over my desk in the last two hours.

One of my investigators is waiting when I get upstairs, my heart jumps, maybe they found her?

“Come in.” Opening my office door for him I give the nosy girl at the front desk a death glare. I hate them all.

“Tell me you have something for me?” I sit down behind my desk with hope.

“I think I’ve got her. One of my guys saw a woman matching her description, you know those eyes.” Those eyes are unique. I nod for him to go on.

“She’s in the Eastern Free State, if it is her. A small town near the Lesotho border post. Has a man with her.” He sits forwards a little, leans his elbows on my desk. “What do you want us to do?”

“Nothing. I need an address, and I want surveillance on her. Don’t get caught.” I remove an envelope of cash from my bottom drawer and hand it to him. Found you, Hummingbird.

“Yes, sir.” He leaves my office closing the door behind him.

It is time to play catch. I need to make her come home, I don’t want to have to kidnap her I will if I have to but there are other ways to make her return home. There is no out of this family.

No matter how hard the past,

you can always begin again.

I
DON’T KNOW WHERE
I’m going to go, I just know that I cannot stay. I stopped in Paarl and withdrew a large sum of cash from the Baldini trust account, not many know about it so by the time they look there, I’ll be gone. It’s the first time I’d touched the money from my mother’s murderer, I always felt it was tainted, not that any of my other money isn’t but this always seemed different. Now seems as good a time as any to spend his filthy money. By the time I reach Beaufort West, my car is dangerously low on fuel and I pull into the big 1-Stop. It’s bustling with cars and people. I fill the car first then go inside the convenience store to get coffee and something edible to take with me. I’m also dying to pee, just the thought of the public loo gives me the willies but a girl can’t hold it forever and if I had to sneeze now it would cause a flood. The shop bustles with families, truck drivers and drifters from all over, the unofficial stop over point on the road to Cape Town this place is always busy. There’s a line in the ladies, I can’t wait, I slip into the door to the men’s room and slink into the nearest stall. Oh the relief as I empty my strained bladder is amazing. I just sit for a second after I’m done. I bury my head in my hands and wonder just what the fuck it is I’m doing? I should just turn around and go back now, what do I know about being off on my own? I have been micromanaged by Callum and my father my whole life. Freedom is scaring the shit out of me. I convince myself the shakes are from hunger and fatigue but when I stand and shudder, the itch to just murder someone is there again, a way to release what I’m feeling. I open the latch and peek out to make sure I don’t interrupt some scary trucker type mid piss, you can’t unsee things. When I’m satisfied there’s no one at the urinal, I push the door open and start to escape from the little boy’s room. As I push the exit door I hear footsteps behind me and I try to move faster, but they don’t stop. I’m not looking back, just get out and go get coffee that’s the plan. Before I can get to the end of the passage the footsteps have gained on me and a man steps right next to me, “Hello, Avery. Are you going somewhere?” Him, it
’
s him. I know it just from the way he said my name and I can smell him. He smells like an Armani advert in mens health magazine. “Hello Mathew, or whatever your name really is. I wouldn’t tell you if I was going somewhere.”

“Running then?” Who is this man? “From something or to something?” I stop and glare at him as he steps in front of me just a little, his smile is friendly as he lifts an eyebrow genuinely waiting for me to answer him.

“No idea where or why I’m going, Not Mathew, but I needed to leave.” I answer him with a half truth, I know why I am running I just have no clue where.

“Have coffee with me before you disappear?” he holds out a hand to me, I nod but don’t take it, my body did stupid things the last time he touched me and I’m not letting that happen again. I shove my hands into my pockets, so I’m not tempted to touch him.

“Where are you going, Mathew?” I ask as we re-enter the busy front of the building.

“The next job, I really am a doctor.” He says it convincingly enough, I’m reminded that he killed Callum, the one person that kept me from self-destruction was gone and this man took him from me.

“I know you killed him.” He glares at me glancing around to see if anyone heard me.

“Sit,” he pulls out a chair at the Wimpy for me. “Firstly that’s what Callum hired me to do, it was my job to end it before he lost the last shred of dignity he had.” A waitress approaches us so he stops talking and we order coffee. He looks pissed at my accusations, the dangerous glint is back in his eyes and I know I’ve struck a nerve.

“Dying is bad enough without suffering, Avery, we don’t even let animals suffer. We save them the agony and put them to sleep. He chose me because I understood that. I was not just a doctor to him, I was his friend we talked, laughed and even fucking drank together. It is not easy what I do you know.” He sounds angry and bitter over it. “He spoke about you all the time, he was angry about the other night and told me that I was not in the future he planned for you.” Callum was so concerned with the future, he forgot to live before he died.

“I can only imagine, no one was ever part of his plan for me.” It is the truth I don’t think Callum would ever have approved of anyone if I had let one live long enough to meet him.

“He loved you, Avery, spoke about you all the time.” Fool.

“People like us don’t love, he needed me. There is a big difference. Love is a very dangerous thing that has no room in our lives, if you love something it has the ability to kill you, break you and change you.” He smiles at me as he sips the hot black coffee in his cup.

“The old man loved you dearly, Avery and he used those words. You had the ability to hurt him so it must be love then.” I want to stab him with a fork for being right, because that sentiment hurts me. I didn’t love Callum, I respected and admired him, but love was never a part of it.

“He told you about what I do then?” I wonder how many secrets Callum spilled, I really should kill him now.

“You are the Hummingbird, an assassin, you are in charge of diamond and gem trade at O’Reilly International. And you are the world’s biggest bitch.” He drinks more coffee and I can’t help but admire him, the way his shirt hugs onto his chest showing off what I already know asunder it. “Oh and you murdered every single person you ever fucked bar one, but I understand you killed him recently too so that makes me the new exception to the rule.” He smiles like it’s a prize he won, that panty melting smile.

“The day’s not over. I might still kill you.” I don’t like how accurate he is, I don’t like that I still don’t want to kill him. I hate how my mind is turning the image of him drinking coffee against me and making me remember what that mouth did to me. I’m staring at him, all of him and I like what I see more every minute, he knows who I am, yet he still sits here with me, is that because he is a killer too? He’s a stranger yet he sees me. I remember the way he trailed my knife down my naked skin, the way his mouth set my skin alight. Fuck me. He did something to me that disarmed me completely. I tense my muscles to try and stop the pulse between my thighs, there’s no denying the fact that my body wants him.

“I will do it again if you want.” He snaps my mushy brain back to reality.

“What?” I must have missed something he said.

“Whatever it is you were just remembering as you eye-fucked me, I will do it again.” I choke on my coffee and it comes out my nose, I grab at the paper serviettes to try and clean it before it goes anywhere else I still can’t swallow what’s in my mouth.

“You may not live this time.” I answer once the coffee shower is cleaned and I can swallow.

“No one lives forever, Avery, the trick is to enjoy it while you do.” Enjoy it? I have never really enjoyed anything in my life. It’s a lie. Eiran, I enjoyed that afternoon, those few minutes of real feelings. Even the brutal reality of losing my virginity was over powered by the intense desire for human contact. I enjoyed the way he touched me. I enjoyed Mathew too, which leads me to think I might be falling into a dangerous trap yet again. I need touch, the feel of another person against my skin. I was deprived as a child. My father never hugged me, or held me and neither did Callum, now I crave that touch like a crack addict looking for a fix.

“Where are you going?” I try to change the subject to get my mind to focus away from feeling. I need to find the girl that could switch it off, the one that I was before Eiran and again after him. The one that didn’t feel the inconsolable loss of losing Callum slowly over eight fucking years. I felt his death from the second he got ill and I still feel it now, the knowledge of his slow murder made me fear letting anyone close. If the love of his life could be that malicious then love can’t be worth it, he once told me he should have killed her the minute he saw her and I get that same feeling now as I look at the handsome doctor.

“To work.” He puts his coffee cup down and looks at me with a shit eating grin on his face. “Want to come?”

“Since we both know you are going nowhere.” God he’s good, good but dangerous and my mind says no and my body says yes and my heart says fuck it all to hell.

“Where’s work?” I’m entertaining the idea. Someone drops a glass behind me I hear the pieces shattering all over the floor but I don’t turn to look.

“Clarens, a little place where no one will have the faintest idea who you are.” It even sounds appealing.

“Why would I go?” I have lost my ever-loving mind.

“Why not? Have you got something better to do?” He has a point. He continues before I can answer. “You do know that they will look for you.” He waves his hand at the waiter for the bill. He has a very valid point. The slightly tired looking guy goes to print out our check. I open my mouth and ignore everything I have ever been taught.

“Okay. Bum fuck nowhere it is.” He smiles like he just won the lotto and I know I’m making a stupid decision but while I’m on a roll, I may as well go with it, what is one more dumb choice at this point.

“Leave that very obvious car here with the keys in it before you get seen.” Leave my car, is he nuts?

“You can get a new one later.” My eyes must have given away the horror of it. He’s right, I’ll be noticed in the bright red sex on wheels.

Mathew pays for the coffee, which irks me a little and I go to empty my car. I’m traveling light so it’s my bag of clothes and my
work
bag. I leave my keys in the ignition and walk away from my car and my life and straight towards a murdering doctor and his dog that has its head out of the car window. Just another reminder of the things I was never allowed. I stop for a minute and stare at just how normal he seems on the outside the whole package, dog and all. There’s a mountain bike on the back of his SUV, he’s leaning against the car next to it watching me. I still have no idea who he really is and to be honest I no longer care, everyone is hiding something and knowing the truth isn’t always the best thing. And I will still bet my life his name is not Mathew.