Come a Little Bit Closer: The Sullivans (25 page)

Tatiana took her hand and gasped. “Oh Val, I was so wrapped up in myself today, that it never even occurred to me to think of what watching the scene would do to you.” Her sister lifted deeply concerned eyes to hers as she curled her hands around Valentina’s. “Smith is great, but he’s like a brother to me. Everything you saw between us today was acting and nothing more than that, I swear.”

Valentina felt her mouth opening, then closing on words she didn’t know how to say. All she could do was shake her head and try to deny the emotions that had grown deeper with every passing second she spent with Smith.

“I can’t—” She tried again. “He shouldn’t—”

But when Tatiana squeezed her hands and smiled so gently at her, she knew there was no point in even trying. Less so when her sister softly said,
“I know how you feel about him.” When Valentina’s eyes widened in surprise, Tatiana said, “You haven’t told me, but I’m your sister and I know you better than anyone else. You’ve never looked at a man the way you look at him.”

Even knowing how useless the knee-jerk reaction was, weeks of telling herself lies had Valentina saying, “Everyone looks at him like that.”

“No. They all look at him with stars in their eyes. They all want him for the fantasy, for the star, for everything but the man he really is. You’ve never seen anything but the man, Val.”

Oh God, it was true. And even worse than having to face it was the fact that she hadn’t managed to hide even the smallest of her feelings from her sister. Who else had seen it? More to the point, who could possibly have missed it?

Suddenly, all of her excuses were gone. All she had left was a single admission. “I tried not to. I’m still trying.”

“But Val,” her sister said in an urgent voice, “can’t you see that he looks at you the same way? Half the time when we’re supposed to be working on figuring out a scene, if you’re in the room he’s busy mooning over you.”

“Don’t be crazy. This movie means everything to him.”

“It means a great deal to him,” her sister agreed, “but not even close to everything.”

One of the tears Valentina had been working so hard to hold back all day finally slid down her cheek and as she wiped it away, she said, “All these years I’ve warned you against falling for one of your co-stars and here I’m the one who did it. I’m sorry for completely falling apart like this.”

Tatiana made a sound that was part frustration, part resolve. “I’m not ten years old anymore. You have always been there for me, but don’t you see, I want to be there for you, too?”

For the second time in one day, Valentina was struck by their role reversal. All these years she’d spent taking care of her sister, had she ever let Tatiana take care of her? She could suddenly see herself in Smith’s trailer that first day on set.
“Your sister is incredibly lucky to have you to protect her. But who’s protecting you?”

She’d told herself she’d accepted the fact that her sister had grown up, that she was old enough to drink, that she could film a sex scene. And yet, had she really wanted to treat Tatiana like an adult? Had she ever thought she could burden her sister with her own fears, her own pain?

And if not, why had she been so afraid to let Tatiana be one half of their support team?

Knowing she had so much ground to make up, Valentina struggled to admit, “I don’t know what I’m doing. I should stay away from him, but I can’t.”

Tatiana’s frown deepened. “Why do you need to stay away from him?”

It was so painfully obvious to Valentina, she couldn’t believe she had to actually say the words aloud. “He’s one of the biggest movie stars in the world. I’m me. A relationship with him could never go anywhere.”

“Are you kidding? You two are beautiful together.”

Panic knocked through her. “You’ve seen us?”

“No one else has,” her sister quickly assured her, “but I’ve spent more time with the two of you than everyone else. He’s always touching you when he thinks I’m not looking.” Tatiana’s eyes lit up with mischief. “And then there was that time I walked in on you guys kissing.”

Heat flamed on Valentina’s cheeks. “When?”

Tatiana grinned. “That night you were in the screening room, I realized I’d left my marked-up script. The door was open so I walked in without knocking.” She fanned herself. “All I can say is, wow. I was seriously impressed. With both of you.” Tatiana leaned in closer and lowered her voice as she grinned. “On the chair, huh?”

Frantically working to stuff away the huge wave of embarrassment rolling over her at the thought of her baby sister witnessing her completely losing control in Smith’s arms, Valentina asked, “Why didn’t you say anything?”

Hurt briefly flashed in Tatiana’s eyes. “I could tell you were feeling a little weird about it, so I was waiting for you to tell me.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t confide in you,” Valentina said, and she truly was.

Why hadn’t she talked to her sister? Especially since she’d been so tormented by emotions and feelings she didn’t understand. She’d tried to tell herself that it was because she didn’t want to accidentally derail the success of the movie by putting her sister in the middle of what was going on with her and Tatiana’s powerful co-star. But while there was certainly truth to that concern, the bigger truth was that she hadn’t wanted to accept that her sister was all grown up...so she’d treated her like a child instead of the incredible woman she was.

Trying to explain, Valentina said, “I swear I didn’t think there was going to be anything to tell, that once he got past the challenge, he’d lose interest.” She was still waiting for that, and was more than a little confused about why it hadn’t happened yet.

“He obviously hasn’t lost interest, Val. He won’t. How could he?” Tatiana looked at Valentina with all of the love the sisters had for each other. “You’re amazing. Beautiful. Smart. Funny. And the best sister in the world. I know he sees all of that. And all of you.”

She couldn’t make up for the weeks of hiding her feelings from her sister, but she could change things by sharing them now. She took a deep—and shaky—breath and tried to put in words the emotions that had been knocking around inside her for the past few weeks.

“The thing is, sometimes I don’t feel like myself around him.” It was already a night of admissions, so she added one more. “And that scares me. Badly.” Especially when she lost control, the way she had again and again from nothing more than a look, the brush of his fingertips over her skin, his mouth claiming hers.

“I don’t understand,” Tatiana said, and Valentina wasn’t surprised to hear it. Her younger sister had very rarely been afraid. And if she had, she hadn’t let fear get in her way. “Who do you think you are?”

Valentina opened her mouth to answer, starting with “I’m—” but nothing came out after that.

She was happy with her career, would likely have gone to business school regardless of whether she managed her sister’s business affairs or not, and had really enjoyed working on her screenplay these past couple of years.

But “
Who do you think you are?”
was less about what she wanted to do for her job...and more about what kind of life she wanted to have as a woman.

For so many years she’d denied the emotional woman inside of herself, along with the sensual one. Sure, she’d had some fairly good sex with some perfectly nice men, and she hadn’t completely tamped down on her emotions by any means, but at the same time, she’d kept everything in reserve just in case her sister needed her for any reason. Valentina’s entire being had been wrapped up in Tatiana for so long, and she’d been so convinced she needed to avoid the pain her mother went through with all of her boyfriends, that somewhere along the way she’d lost sight of who
she
was.

And yet, despite all the things she’d held back for too long, her sister was perceptive enough not to miss a beat of her thoughts.

“I love you too much, Val, not to want the fairytale to come true for you.” Tatiana smiled, her beautiful smile that had lit up screens all over the world. “What if you gave Smith a chance to love you the way you deserve to be loved? Don’t you think there’s a chance that he could be up to the challenge? And don’t you think you could be up to whatever challenges come, too?”

Love?

Oh.

Oh my.

Even as Valentina had accepted the pulsing, unavoidable attraction between her and Smith, she’d been careful not to let herself dream of anything more than pleasure. No matter how sweet, how heartfelt, how gentle or loving he was every time he kissed her.

The whispered words, “But what if he isn’t? And what if I’m not?” came out of her before she could pull them back.

She could feel Tatiana’s blue eyes on her, still concerned and so full of love, as she said, “You know Jayden?”

Valentina tried not to show how surprised she was by the abrupt conversation shift. “Sure. He’s really nice.”

A flush appeared on her sister’s cheeks. “I think so, too. In fact, I’ve kind of been waiting for him to ask me out for a couple of weeks.”

The first thing that hit Valentina was how perfect Jayden was for her sister. He was quiet and focused, cute and young and sweet. He wasn’t about the limelight, but because he worked on film sets, he’d have some idea of how to deal with Tatiana’s life because he worked with stars all the time.

How had she missed the budding romance between her sister and the on-set techie? Here she’d claimed she would do anything to be a good sister, and yet she was even blowing that.

“The thing is,” Tatiana told her, “I don’t think he’s ever going to ask me out.”

Now it was Valentina’s turn to say, “Why not?”

Her sister’s gaze was so direct Valentina had to sit back deeper into the couch cushions. “Because he thinks I’m a big movie star and he’s
just him
.” She used her fingers to put quote marks around the words.

Looking at the situation from her sister’s viewpoint, Valentina could see how frustrating it must be to be put on a pedestal. And yet, wasn’t that exactly what she’d done with Smith, despite how many times he’d proved to her that he was just as human as the rest of them? But she’d been so busy trying to protect herself from a future she couldn’t define or clearly see, that she’d used his fame as the perfect excuse to keep her distance.

Clearly, her suck-a-tology was at an all-time high.

Especially since flashes of her sister in Smith’s arms kept coming at her and nailing her flat, despite everything that they’d just said to each other.

This time she was the one squeezing her sister’s hands and saying, “Where are you going to go with Jayden when he says yes?”

“I’m going to take him to a restaurant with a romantic table for two.” Her sister licked her lips. “And then I’m going to seduce him.”

If Valentina had been trying to convince herself that Tatiana was still just a girl, she knew now that it was time to give up. Her sister was a woman, with a woman’s needs. And a woman’s heart, one that longed for love, yet was smart enough to know how to reach out and grab it when it was within reach.

Valentina put her arms around her. “I love you, T.”

“I love you, too,” Tatiana said and when a knock sounded on the door a second later, she added, “Enough to tell you I think you should give Smith a chance. A real one, this time, so that he can show you exactly what he’s made of. And so you can show him what you’re made of, too.”

Tatiana didn’t wait for Valentina to respond before hopping off the couch and opening the trailer door for Smith. “She’s inside,” Tatiana said, and then in a lower voice that Valentina couldn’t hear she told him, “If you hurt her, I’ll hurt you,” before leaving the two of them alone.

Chapter Twenty-three

Valentina was standing in the middle of the trailer when Smith stepped inside. God, even looking at her now away from the lights and cameras and the crew, he couldn’t get her expression when they’d finished filming out of his head.

Knowing how thin his thread was where Valentina was concerned, as soon as they’d started shooting the sex scene, Smith had steeled himself not to look at her, and to keep his full focus on Tatiana. But it had been impossible to block Valentina out, as for the first time ever while working, he felt completely ripped in two.

All it would have taken was one look into her devastated eyes and he would have made the split-second decision not only to cut a scene that needed so badly to be in his movie, but also to call a halt to the day’s filming altogether. Were it not for the cast and crew and studios and investors that were counting on him to get it right, he would have walked off the set, taken Valentina’s hand, and disappeared with her to a place where Hollywood and make-believe didn’t exist.

And yet, after he and Tatiana finally finished filming what had been the most difficult scene of his career, and he’d let himself turn to Valentina again, Smith hadn’t been anywhere close to prepared for how pale her skin had become, how horrified her eyes had been...or the mask of betrayal and sadness she wore.

Had he made the wrong choice?

And had he just lost the only thing that truly mattered?

Unexpectedly, Summer and his brother Gabe had come to see him on set and even though he loved the kid to pieces, every second away from Valentina had been excruciating. He’d needed to go to her, to try to make things right. Thankfully, his brother had been able to tell something was wrong. On a promise to bring Summer back to the set soon, Gabe had distracted her with a table of sweets for the crew.

After they left, Smith had all but sprinted off the set to get to Valentina. No one dared to get in his way, and if they had, he would have mowed them down. Now that he was finally with her, he didn’t think, could barely string two thoughts together when she was near. He just pulled her into his arms...and prayed she wouldn’t pull away.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for today to hurt you. I don’t want to hurt you. I won’t ever hurt you again, I promise.” With every sentence, he stroked one hand down her back, her hands trapped against his chest. She had to feel just how hard, how fast his heart was beating.