Come a Little Bit Closer: The Sullivans (24 page)

Whereas Valentina knew she must look like she was heading in for a root canal...without anesthesia.

* * *

Smith still remembered the first sex scene he’d ever shot. He’d been cast as a bitter son who seduced his father’s new wife for revenge. The actress had been ten years older than he and he’d been nervous, yet desperate not to show it. Fortunately, his co-star had been as kind as she was beautiful. Not to mention happily married.

She’d made the experience so easy for him that he’d gone out of his way to make it easy on the co-stars he’d had over the years. Not all of them had wanted to keep things strictly professional, and he hadn’t exactly complained during the projects where going from his co-star’s screen bed into her real one had been the natural progression of things.

But Tatiana was different. For all of the intense onscreen attraction that they were both manufacturing for their roles, in real life he couldn’t imagine actually making love to her. There was less than no chance that anything they portrayed today for the cameras would ever actually happen. It was all fantasy. Nothing more than make believe.

From a screenwriting and directing standpoint, the sex scene was simply part of the story being told. Still, he understood how difficult it was for actors of both sexes to open themselves up in such a physically intimate way in front of a dozen crew members and cameras that picked up even the slightest movements.

Over the past few weeks, he’d made sure to take the scene apart and look at it from every angle. He’d created a shot list that was by far the most technical of any so far. He knew exactly how the scene would play out, that the core deep sensual connection wasn’t only coming to its ultimate conclusion between Jo and Graham, but was in fact a new beginning for both of the characters as they realized just how much they needed each other to fully come back to life.

And yet, the truth was that he hadn’t been turning the scene into a technical exercise just for Tatiana’s benefit.

He’d done it for himself, too.

Sex scenes had never been an issue for him before. Until now...when he’d finally learned the true power of lovemaking in real life.

Because when he touched Valentina, when he kissed the bare skin at the curve of her shoulder, when he slid into her and felt her gasp of pleasure all the way down deep in his soul, sex became something so much bigger, so much more important than just pleasure and orgasms.

He looked up from the notes he’d made in the margins of his script just as Tatiana walked onto the set, with Valentina flanking her from behind. It was difficult to keep his focus on his co-star when his every sense came alive around the woman who had started to mean so much to him, but if there was ever a time he needed to stay completely in tune with the younger Landon sister, it was now.

“Ready for our game of Twister?”

He was glad when she grinned at him. “You bet. Let’s do this thing.”

When Tatiana went to take her place on set, Smith felt Valentina touch his arm.

“I know you can’t go easy on her today,” she said, “and that you need to film the scene exactly as you wrote it, but—”

“I’m going to make this as painless as possible,” he vowed in a soft voice. “For all of us.”

But Valentina wasn’t looking at him. Instead, she was staring at her sister’s back with such a bleak look in her eyes that he wanted desperately to reach for her, to pull her into his arms and swear to her that nothing that was going to happen on set today had a damn thing to do with what the two of them were building together.

Smith was a heartbeat from doing it, her protests and rules about keeping their affair secret be damned, when her eyes finally met his.

“I trust you with her.” She nodded as if trying to convince herself that what she was saying was true. “I really do.”

Considering her sister meant everything to her, her trust that he wouldn’t hurt Tatiana today meant a great deal to him.

But not nearly as much as it would have meant to know for sure that Valentina trusted him not to hurt
her.

* * *

Valentina’s hands were clenched so tightly that the skin on her palms was shredded by her nails within minutes of Smith and Tatiana taking their places on the set. But she didn’t feel the physical pain, not when she could barely breathe past the tightness in her chest.

Smith said something that had her sister laughing and then, the next thing she knew, the cameras were running and Tatiana was in his arms, his mouth coming down over hers. In that moment that their mouths touched in passion for the first time, bile rose up so high and fast in Valentina’s throat that she had to cover her mouth with both hands and swallow hard to keep from actually being sick in front of everyone.

Again and again, the kiss was captured from different angles, but it never got easier for her to watch, never hurt any less to see her sister act like she was melting into Valentina’s real-life lover’s arms. It didn’t matter how many times Valentina reminded herself that it wasn’t real, that they were just acting, that their paychecks necessitated the kiss that never seemed to end.

But that endless kiss was better, so much better, than when the scene moved forward...and clothes started coming off as Smith and Tatiana moved together toward the bed in character.

Were it not for the promise she’d made her sister not to move an inch, Valentina would have run as far and as fast as she could. But she couldn’t. She had to stay right where she was, with a front-row seat to an onscreen seduction that was more than believable.

She all but forgot how to breathe as she watched Smith-as-Graham gently lower Tatiana-as-Jo onto the bed. His large hands stripped her out of her robe and he reverently stared down at her as though he was seeing beauty for the very first time.

Feeling as though a thousand knives had been thrust into every inch of her skin, Valentina couldn’t believe she wasn’t bleeding out all over the set. On and on the scene seemed to go, as her sister arched into his touch, as his mouth roamed over her skin and his hands followed everywhere he kissed.

Black spots were starting to dance in front of Valentina’s eyes when Smith abruptly lifted his head from her sister’s stomach and said, “Cut.” It was exactly the splash of cold water she needed, just enough of a break to keep her from sliding off the chair and onto the ground.

A moment later, both actors were off the bed and watching playback a few feet away from where Valentina was sitting.

Even without editing or effects, it was one of the most beautifully filmed love scenes she’d ever seen. Her heart was almost all the way broken in two by the realization that Smith was just as good in bed with her sister as he was with her—when she finally tuned in to the discussion the two most important people in her life were having.

“I need to remember to keep my eyes open in that part, don’t I?” Tatiana said. “Otherwise it looks like I’m grimacing rather than having a good time.”

Smith nodded. “Our hands are also off here. How about we try this instead?” He moved her hands to his shoulders, then slid his arms around her waist.

Valentina’s breath was just catching again when her sister said, “What about my legs? I feel like they’re just flopping around down there.”

The Director of Photography piped in with his suggestion about the best angle for shooting their lower extremities, and Valentina had a moment of clarity. She was watching the choreography of two bodies on film being done in real time. She’d seen it a hundred times over the years, knew that even in non-sex scenes there was important blocking, but she’d never thought anything of it. Because it hadn’t felt personal back then.

And she hadn’t wanted to keep one of the actors all to herself.

Chapter Twenty-two

Unfortunately, it turned out that a handful of moments of clear thinking didn’t go that far in a too-long day of watching Smith and Tatiana roll around on a bed with each other.

Hour after hour, Valentina tried to fight back the insidious thoughts, each one of them more and more convincing as they whispered that everything Smith had felt for her when she was lying beneath him, he now would start feeling for her sister, too.

And how could she possibly discount the fact that he was an actor? One of the best she’d ever seen. Smith could convince any woman on earth that he had feelings for her. He wouldn’t even have to try to have half the population falling at his feet and begging him not to leave them as they pathetically cried how much they loved him.

Even when he swore that he wasn’t acting with her, that he never had...well, how could she possibly trust that?

Only a fool would trust a world-class actor.

A fool who was that desperate to be wanted. To be desired. But most of all, to be loved.

When, at long last, filming ended for the day, every muscle in Valentina’s body hurt. She couldn’t have faked a smile, couldn’t have gotten up from her seat without toppling over, not when her limbs felt numb, lifeless.

As numb and lifeless as her heart.

From what seemed like a long distance, through a lens darkened on the edges with jealousy and self-disgust, she watched Smith make her sister laugh and the two of them hug each other before shrugging on their clothes. And as she watched them tease each other, it struck her just how perfect they were together, the ultimate beautiful couple, two actors who complemented each other both on screen and off.

Smith hadn’t looked her way one single time during filming and she’d been glad. If he’d tried to connect with her while seducing her sister in front of her, it would have been the final straw.

It had been easier, better, to simply be forgotten.

At least, that’s what she’d told herself over and over again as the pain from each kiss, each caress, dug another knife in so deep that she wasn’t even capable of bleeding anymore.

Finally, Smith turned and when he looked at her, his frown came swift and deep. All she could do was stare as he came toward her, purpose in every step.

She had no idea what she’d say to him, not when every instinct screamed at her to hurt him the way he’d repeatedly hurt her today. Worse still, she wasn’t strong enough to keep it inside out of fear of being heard by the crew. If he tried to speak to her here, if he tried to touch her, she’d explode.

Even knowing the additional pain it would bring in the future, the way people would talk about how she’d been foolish enough to believe Smith Sullivan could have wanted more from her than just a couple of rolls in the hay, she couldn’t possibly have kept her emotions from bubbling up and over.

All this time she’d thought that if she kept him from getting too close, she’d be protected from the inevitable pain of losing him later. Only, every second that she watched him act the sex scene out with her sister made it more and more clear that not only had she not protected herself from
anything
at all...but also that she had no idea how to let him go.

Because he’d already gotten past every single one of the barriers she’d tried to erect.

The closer he got, the louder the blood rushed in her ears. This was it, the end to a beginning that should never have happened. And, really, it was for the best, wasn’t it? Not only was he so far out of her league it wasn’t even funny, but how could she possibly withstand a lifetime of scenes like this, where he was kissing and touching beautiful women on other sets?

Ice settled in over the flames that had been burning her up from the inside out as she prepared herself to cut every single emotional tie to the only man who had ever found his way past the walls around her heart.

“Uncle Smith!” Summer, his eight-year-old niece-to-be, barreled into his midsection. “I wanted to come on set earlier, but they said I couldn’t because you were filming inappropriate stuff. No one will tell me what it was you were doing. But you will, right?”

The air she hadn’t realized she’d been holding in burst from Valentina’s lungs, leaving her feeling so dizzy she had to put both hands on the arms of her chair.

“Val?” Her sister was suddenly there in front of her with a cup of cold water. “You don’t look good.”

Valentina drank from the plastic cup as if she’d spent a week in the desert.

“You look like you need to lie down.” With a strong arm around her waist, Tatiana had her up off the chair and heading toward her own trailer as the sun set.

As Tatiana got her settled on the leather couch with a blanket tucked over her, it was the first time Valentina could remember her sister taking care of her, rather than the other way around. Sure, she’d had the flu or a cold a couple of times over the years, but even then she’d made sure not to be a burden when her sister had to hold focus on whatever job she was currently working.

Tatiana sat next to her, her beautiful blue eyes full of concern. “You haven’t been sleeping well, have you?”

Oh God, how could she admit that she’d finally had a good night’s sleep, but only because Smith was there with her?

But she was already lying to her sister by her omissions, so rather than add to those lies, she simply shook her head. “Last night was good, but the past few weeks, no, I haven’t.”

How badly had she wanted to stay in his arms this morning? More than she’d ever wanted anything before.

Knowing she was blowing it on a day when she should have been there a hundred and ten percent for her sister, she somehow focused enough on Tatiana’s wellbeing to ask, “How are you feeling? I know today was hard on you.”

“I feel fine,” her sister said in a soft voice, one with a note of something that had Valentina’s senses coming back to life from where they had been beaten into submission by pure, unfettered jealousy. “You’re the one I’m worried about, Val.”

Valentina tried to smile, tried to raise a hand to brush off her sister’s concerns. But her lips wouldn’t curve in the right direction. And when she lifted her hand, she saw dozens of little crescent-moon cuts from holding her hands so tightly fisted all day long.