Come to Me Recklessly (4 page)

Little metal tables with big red umbrellas were set out in the outdoor patio area in front, pots of flowers strategically placed around them. Misters cooled off the patrons who rested leisurely around the space, enjoying all the deliciousness the place had to offer.

I pulled in a deep breath through my nose as I headed for the entrance, the heavenly aroma of coffee wrapping me up and drawing me forward. I was a coffee whore and I wasn’t ashamed to admit it.

“Samantha,” a voice called from behind me, and I shifted my attention over my shoulder to see Aly working her way toward me, the infant car seat handle tucked in the crook of her elbow, the carrier bouncing at her side and her other arm weighted down by an overflowing diaper bag and a huge purse. She rushed across the busy lane I’d just crossed, her smile wide as she approached. A phone rang out from within the depths of her bag, and she lifted the entire load she had on her arm, as if she were contemplating how in the heck she was going to maneuver to reach it.

Awkwardly, I stretched out my arms and giggled as my hands flapped all around, searching for something to take from her. Then I laughed outright, feeling completely useless, standing there with a tiny little purse while Aly looked as if she’d taken on the world. “Can I help you?” I asked, reaching forward again.

Aly released a relieved laugh, one that was completely filled with ease and harmony, as if she found no burden in lugging all of this stuff around. “Oh gosh, thank you,” she said as she shifted the carrier into my hold and turned to dig through her purse.

I was almost surprised by her passing her daughter off to me so quickly, but I was quickly distracted by the sweet baby girl nestled in the seat, wearing the cutest onesie with tiny pink flowers all over it, all the hems edged in a satiny pink. Twisting the carrier around, I held it in both hands, the bottom of it pressed into my stomach, bringing her the closest I could get her. “Good morning, little Ella. How are you today?”

Her wide blue eyes latched onto mine, and she did one of those squirmy smiles where her head rolled back and her mouth lifted just at the side.

My heart swelled, and I cooed softly, murmuring all of her sweetness back to her.

I barely registered Aly’s conversation, though it was clear she was speaking with her husband, her voice lilted in a tone that was obviously reserved for him, playful and affectionate, edged with a hint of seduction. “You can’t do anything without me, can you?” she provoked him, smiling over at me and mouthing,
Sorry
.

I just shook my head, not offended or annoyed for a second, and instead I turned back to have a little more me time with Ella.

A thud of panic hit me when I realized I’d already claimed a little part of her as my own.

Foolish, foolish girl,
I chastised myself
. Watch yourself.

This wasn’t my family. Was it wrong that that fact hurt me? That I felt as if there was a huge missing piece in my life?

Yeah, it was probably very, very wrong.

Aly ended her call and tossed her phone back into her purse. “Sorry about that. The second I leave Jared at home by himself, he always needs something.”

My tease was knowing. “He just can’t stand when you’re gone.”

She grinned like a crushing schoolgirl. “Pretty much.” She shook it off and reached for the seat. “Here, let me take that. I didn’t mean to make you a babysitter.”

“Oh, I’ve got her. Let me give you a little break while we order. I want to eat her up, she is so cute.” Adoration filled my voice as I turned back to Ella, who had her sight set on her mom.

Aly shook Ella’s hand, her words soft. “She does have that effect on people.” Aly gestured to the entrance. “Come on, let’s get something to drink. And I’m dying for one of their apple strudels.”

I followed her inside. We ordered and found a little spot in the shade outside. Aly unfastened Ella and pulled her into her arms, relaxing back and sipping from her iced decaf latte. It didn’t matter to me how hot it was outside, I liked my coffee the way nature intended it, piping hot, warming up my body from the inside out.

For a few minutes we rested in the comfortable silence between us. Birds chirped from the tree that grew up close to our table, and there was a distinct calm out on the patio as people took a break from the hustle of their lives, couples chatting quietly with each other, some absorbed in a book, others looking off into nothing at all.

Finally Aly sighed in contentment and smiled across at me. “Thank you for meeting me today. After we left you last weekend, I was a little worried I had put you on the spot.”

I shook my head. “Not at all. I was excited when I got your text.”

Completely freaked-out and panicked, but excited. She really didn’t need to know that, though.

She rested back against her chair, slowly rocking Ella, who she’d shifted up to her shoulder. “So tell me all about you. What have you been up to all these years?”

A soft chuckle fell from me, and I shook my head as I thought of the last seven years, realizing not a whole lot had happened, all the day-to-day stuff that made up a million memories, though very few of them stood out.

“I guess there isn’t a whole lot to tell. I finished up college here this last May, and I got a job for the summer at a small private school not too far from here… Which I love,” I added quickly.

“That is wonderful.” She smiled. “I remember you telling me you wanted to be a teacher.”

I nodded, a self-conscious blush landing on my face. “Thank you… I did always want it. It feels incredible to finally be finished with school and get started. All the kids are great.”

I took a sip of my coffee. “Sean and Stephanie are both doing really well. Stephanie’s going to school out in California, and Sean is here at ASU.” I swallowed hard. “And Stewart…” I trailed off, the lump in my throat growing solid and thick. “He did really great for quite a few years, but he got sick again about six months ago.” Moisture filled my eyes, and I swiped at the wayward tear that slipped free. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to get all weepy on you.”

Aly reached her hand across the table, taking mine. “Hey, don’t apologize. I asked about your life because I wanted to know how you are… how your family is.”

A swell of gratitude got all mixed up with my sadness, thankfulness that Aly was willing to be there, even after I hadn’t seen her in years and years, thankfulness that she was so kind and seemed willing to just listen.

I didn’t have a whole lot of that in my life.

I nodded a grateful acceptance and continued over my choppy explanation. “God, Aly… I thought he was out of the woods and we didn’t have anything to worry about. Then he started feeling weak and developed a cough. My mom took him in to the doctor just to check it out, and in the matter of days, our worlds were turned upside down again.”

Sympathy wet her own eyes. “I’m so sorry, Sam. I hate hearing he’s going through this again… that you and your family are going through this again.”

We sat in a few minutes of silence, Aly letting me gather my staggered breath, before she shot me a playful stare. “And…,” she drew out, prodding for something that was so plain to her while I sat there without a clue.

My brow quirked in question.

“Your boyfriend?” she asked, as if it should have been natural that I would first have blurted everything about him, swooning like I should be after I’d met the man of my dreams. A frown crossed her face when she took in my expression, which I guessed to be verging on numb. Her frown deepened. “You did tell me you lived with your boyfriend, right? Did I misunderstand?”

Fidgeting, I laughed off the unease. “Oh no, sorry,” I apologized again, feeling like an idiot. “I do live with my boyfriend. Do you remember Ben Carrington?”

Aly seemed to sift around in her memories before she shook her head. “I don’t think so. Should I?”

I lifted an indifferent shoulder. “Probably not… He’s four years older than me and went to high school across town, but he used to hang out with some of the guys from the old neighborhood sometimes, so I thought you might have met him.”

She pursed her lips. “Nope, can’t place the face.” Her green eyes gleamed with a warm mirth. “You’ll have to introduce me sometime.”

“Yeah, sure… of course. He’s sells health care policies to small companies. Travels a lot. He’s a good guy.” I described him with all the enthusiasm I could muster, which this morning was about zero. My gaze wandered off to the side because I was afraid it was completely obvious, the lackluster response to her interest in my boyfriend up against the flagrant way my heart hammered with the questions about Christopher that continually swirled through my mind. Inside, I was begging her to mention him, to give me just a hint of what he was doing or where he was.

How
he was.

The dimming in her eyes told me she’d caught on to it. She pulled in a deep breath, hesitated, then dropped her voice to a mere whisper as she leaned in closer to the table, careful to protect her daughter’s head. “You can ask about him, you know.”

I lifted my face to her, and that lump from earlier was back in full force, knotting up my throat with unspent emotion. “I’m not sure that I can.”

A war raged inside me, one side desperate and destitute, the other rigid and strong. Funny how the damaged side felt so much more powerful than the fortified.

That scared me.

I was sure that fact was written all over my trembling face.

Aly managed to lean in closer. “Let me ask you something. Are you here because you wanted to hang out with me or because I’m Christopher’s sister?”

That rigid side reared its head, and I met the curiosity in her gaze. “Let me ask you something. Are you here because you wanted to hang out with me or because I’m Christopher’s ex-girlfriend?”

Aly sat back with a wry laugh. “Touché.” Her head shook as if she were trying to make sense of it, to find the straight truth in her answer. That was one thing I was sure I would get from Aly, something genuine and without condition or expectation. It was the thing that kept me sitting in this chair even though I felt more vulnerable than I had in a long, long time.

Apparently the Moores had that way about them.

“Honestly?” Chewing at her lip, she stared across at me, her eyes kind and open. “I was really excited to run into you. But seeing you definitely did make me think about my brother and the way he is.”

I cringed.

The way he is.
 

Of course I knew what she was talking about, but a piece of me had been holding out hope that he’d become a different man from the one I’d left in that room staring at me without remorse while I stood frozen in outright horror. The night he’d broken every ounce of trust I’d had.

“I won’t pretend that I know all that much about your relationship or what happened between you two. All I know is my brother was the happiest he’s ever been when he was with you.”

Another stake right through my failing heart.

Remorse took up the whole of Aly’s face. “And I know it all fell apart when everything went down with Jared. Watching his best friend lose his mother and then himself. Christopher basically lost Jared at the same time.”

I remained mute, unsure how to respond. She had so much of it right, though there were holes all over her assumptions, all of them punched out by my insecurities and Christopher’s callousness.

Sighing, she hugged her daughter close, as if she were protecting her family as she drifted into the past. “My husband has been through a lot and has overcome so much, Samantha, and I’m pretty sure Christopher got lost in the shuffle. Believe me, he hasn’t said a word about what happened between you two, and I’m going to be truthful and tell you I’ve often thought about it… wondering about everything that happened with Jared and how it affected Christopher… how he just kind of lost it after. And I’ve thought about you,” she admitted quietly, “wondering if you were okay or if he’d left you broken, too.”

My mouth twisted up with pain, remorse and regret and guilt spinning through my being. That breaking had gone both ways.

Aly flinched, just the smallest fraction, but it was there, the woman insightful. Her head pitched just to the side. “Judging by the look on your face, I’m going to take a wild guess and say it went a whole lot deeper than what happened with Jared.”

It did. It went so deep that it’d cut me right in two. But I wasn’t ready to tell her that. Offering a halfhearted shrug, I issued the lamest excuse I could find. “We were young.” As if our ages had diminished anything we’d felt.

Puffing out a knowing breath, Aly softened. “I love my brother. He’s truly amazing. He constantly makes me laugh. But it goes far beyond that. He’s caring. Loves with everything he has. This little girl?” She patted Ella’s back. “He’d do absolutely anything for her. He is one of the best guys I know when it comes to us… to his family. But I know he doesn’t see the rest of the world that way, and he most definitely doesn’t see himself that way. It makes me sad. I worry about him. He’s messed up, but I won’t judge him for anything he’s done in his past… just like I won’t judge you.”

I cut my attention away. God, she could see right through me. Finally I lifted my gaze and shook my head in surrender. “It doesn’t matter, Aly. What’s done is done. And neither me nor your brother can undo it.”

Even if either of us wanted to.

She looked like she was going to object, so I interrupted. “Enough about me. Tell me about you. How in the heck did you end up with Jared Holt?”

I sat back and listened to what had to be the most heartbreaking story I’d ever heard, but my saddened spirit warmed as she spoke of glimpses of light, of a hope that was slowly breathed into a man who’d thought he’d lost everything and deserved nothing. Right up to the point where they brought that precious little girl into the world.

“Wow,” I said.

“Yeah,” she agreed, the word filled with awe.

“And what are you doing now?” I asked, taking a sip of my coffee, which had gone lukewarm.

For the first time, Aly looked self-conscious. She bit her lip. “I went to art school and I started drawing some portraits for families, but I haven’t done quite as much with it since Ella was born. I really hope to get back into it soon. It’s nice because I can do a lot of it from home.”