Come Undone (32 page)

“I
don’t have a type, David.
I’m married.”

He
took a step closer and the thrumming returned; only now it gave way to a full
body vibration as he stared down at me. “So you keep saying. I’m beginning to
wonder if you flirt with all of them the way you flirt with me.”

I
balled my hands into fists on each side of me. “Again, not that it’s any of
your business, but I was trying to set him up. In fact, he’s over there talking
to Gretchen right now.” Even though I was making no secret of my irritation,
I’d lost his focus. He was looking at one of my hands, which I now realized was
nervously playing with the hem of my dress. “And I don’t.”

“Don’t?”
he repeated, riveted as my fingertips grazed against my bare thigh.

I
lowered my voice and rasped, “Flirt with them. Flirt with anyone, actually, the
way I flirt with you.” He blinked from my hand to my eyes. I had his attention
now. “Goodnight, David.”

“Goodnight?”

“I’m
going to say good-bye to everyone.”

“Olivia,”
he commanded, but I was already leaving.
Damn
you and your orders
, I thought.
It
takes every ounce of my willpower to ignore them
. “Stop running away.”

I
turned around to find him one step behind me. “Leave me alone, David,” I
whispered as calmly as possible.

“No,”
he said, lightly grasping the wrist of the hand he’d been tracking.

“Don’t
touch me,” I said, withdrawing. His touch was too intense, and I didn’t know
what it would take to send me over the edge. I searched the room for an escape,
deciding to forgo the formalities. I ended up at the elevator bank, impatiently
punching the button.

“What
– where are you going?” David asked my back.

“Home.
Just go back to the party, David.” When he didn’t budge, I bolted for the
service stairwell. I burst through the door and jumped when it slammed against
the wall. I rushed down a flight of stairs and just stopped myself from turning
back for my coat.

“Olivia!”
he called from above. I held my purse to my breast as I rushed down the steps.

“Leave
me alone,” I called over my shoulder. My heart leapt when I felt his
unmistakable hand on my arm. He was damn near impossible to outrun.

“Stop!
I’m not letting you run away. Are you mad at me? And where is your coat?”

I
whirled around to face him as we stood on the landing, shivering from the stark
surroundings and from the emotions that were beginning to escape. “Am I –
am I mad?” I asked, seething. “What do you think?”

“Is
it about this afternoon?”

“No.
Y-yes – it’s about everything! Why are you here? I thought this was
done.”

“I
tried, believe me I did.”

“Tried
what?”

“To
stay away,” he said steadily. “I tried to stay away, but I can’t.” He glanced
down at his feet, kicking at something that wasn’t there. When he looked up
again, his eyes were blazing. “Spend the night with me.”

The
breath flushed from my lungs, leaving me cross-eyed with lust. I could almost
hear my body vibrating now, so coiled with desire that I knew I would snap if
he touched me. “Why, so you can humiliate me again? Toss me aside like day-old
garbage?”

“What
are you talking about?” he asked roughly.

I
watched him closely. “I don’t understand. Is this some sort of game for you? You
pushed me away in Lucy’s office and then told me you never wanted to see me
again. That you were finished with me. And now suddenly you want me?” A fluorescent
light flickered somewhere above us, as though it were channeling my anger.

“Jesus,
Olivia, is that what you thought? I left you that night because there was too
much on the line, not because I didn’t want you. I was afraid of pushing you
into something you might regret. But Olivia, you make it so fucking impossible,”
he said, pleading up to the ceiling. His breathing was ragged and he looked back
at me with stormy eyes. “I can’t be around you anymore because you drive me
crazy every second of the day.” He ran both hands through his hair. “Fuck, if I
don’t distance myself from you, I’m going to lose my sanity.”

I
gulped in a shaky breath. The past few weeks had definitely been a test of my
sanity.

“And
when I ended things, you just took it, you didn’t even care. Just let me walk
out. Tell me you care Olivia, and that I’m not completely delusional.”

“You
know I can’t,” I whispered. How could he think I didn’t? It was oozing from my
pores all the time, how much I wanted to touch him, how much I thirsted for his
attention.

“Then
show me.”

 
“What do you want from me, David?” I
cried. “You expect me to jeopardize everything,
ev-ery-thing
, for . . . for what?” I exclaimed, my voice bouncing
off the empty walls. “Sex? My marriage, my work, my friends . . . . My
marriage!” I swayed slightly as I yelled, at the mercy of the alcohol that ran
through me. “I can’t do it, David!”

“Olivia.
How many times do I have to say it? Did you hear a word I just said?
It’s not like that and you know it
,” he
intoned calmly, which only made me feel more hysterical.

“Oh,
okay,” I said wryly, sweat forming on my nape despite the cold. “Where’s your
date, David? Did she stand you up? Is that why you’re here now, in this
stairwell? To see if I’ll fuck you?” I stepped up to him, coming right under
his chin, my temper flaring and my thighs burning. “Well what’s stopping you,
David? Why not take me now? I bet you don’t even have the decency to bring me
upstairs.” I put as much venom as I could into the words and they felt bitter leaving
my mouth.

“So
help me God, Olivia,” he whispered, stepping back infinitesimally and locking
his hands under his armpits. “Don’t test me. That date was over before it had
begun, thanks to you,” he replied. “And I know what you’re doing. I know you’re
afraid.”

“Afraid?”
I cried, gesturing wildly. “Afraid of losing everything, yes!”

“You’re
afraid of this. I am too. I want - ”

“Stop!”
I shouted, covering my ears. “This has to stop,” I said. “Why won’t you stop?”

“Olivia,
listen to me,” he said, crossing his arms tighter across his chest. His face
became calm as he took a deep breath. “I am afraid. I have never touched a
married woman. You might not believe me, but this has been hard for me too
because it goes against all of my beliefs. My parents, who are my world, have
been happily married for thirty-seven years, and I would kill anyone who tried
to come between them. But it’s nothing compared to keeping it inside. I can’t
hide it like you. And if I honestly thought he was the right person for you, I
would walk away right now.” My heartbeat pounded in my stomach, reverberating
throughout my body as he paused. “I have real and deep feelings for you and . .
. I want to be with you.”

CHAPTER 2
2

I want to be with you.

“How can you say that?” I asked, incredulous but
no longer yelling. “You barely know me. You have Maria, yet you see other
women. You’re Chicago’s bachelor of the goddamn year. Everything you’ve said
tonight, they’re just words and they don’t mean anything. Just give up
already.”

      
“No.”

      
“You know
what, at the end of the day David, you’re a player,” I spat, “and you want what
you can’t have.”

      
“You think
I can’t have you?” He stepped back into me.

      
“Wait,” I
said, panicked.

“Is
that what you think?” he asked, leaning a little closer. “
I
don’t think so. I want you. And I think you want me too.” He
didn’t wait, like I’d asked. He was upon me in a moment, consuming me with a
hard, open-mouth kiss that tasted of thick whiskey and sex. The warmth of his
hands on my arms spread through me. He whipped off his jacket, never taking his
lips from mine, and wrapped me in it, so that I was drowning in him, in a
mossy blend of pine and aged leather.

“Show
me you care, Olivia,” he breathed. “I need it. I need you,” he said softly into
my ear, kissing the spot beneath it that made my knees buckle. Feather light
kisses along my jawbone lit chills over my body, and he stopped at my lips. He
stilled there, as I became painstakingly aware of the empty feeling between my legs
that I wanted him to fill.

I
looked into his eyes, and for a moment, everything else fell away. He took away
the pain, all the things that hurt, and that I could never say out loud. Brown
eyes pleaded with me to let him take over, to let him ease the hurt.

He
squeezed my arms mightily, reminding me with a flex of strength that if he
wanted, he could take me whether I agreed or not. “Show me, Olivia, I need you,
only you
.”

“I
– I . . . ,” I breathed onto him, desperation for him filling me to the
brim. The instant I surrendered to it, he engulfed me in a primal kiss that was
all mouth, saliva, lips and teeth.

Our
hands, for the first time, explored each other furiously. He slid his hands
under the jacket and let the softness of his cashmere sweater thaw my skin. His
fingers traveled behind my neck, over my shoulders and along my arms. They grazed
the crease of my ass as his hands bunched my leather dress. They pulled me
against a hard erection, but I was already moving past them, tugging his shirt
from his pants, reaching underneath, touching his firm stomach; oh, how I had
longed to know what his skin would feel like beneath my fingertips. He withdrew
suddenly, ripping me from my adulation.

“This
isn’t right,” he said.

“What?”
I asked with breathless shock.

“Come
upstairs with me,” he pleaded. He wrapped me up again and put his lips against
the curve of my neck. My face burned deliciously from his stubble and only more
of it would soothe the sting. “Come upstairs,” he whispered. My eyes rolled up
to the ceiling as if the answer might be written there.

Before
I could respond, pulling me down the second half of the stairs by my hand. I
tried desperately to match his long strides, almost breaking into a run behind
him.

David
hit the ‘Up’ button when we’d reached the floor below. He slid his hand under
the jacket that hung from me, sternly placing it on my shoulder as though I
might try to run.

I
opened my mouth to protest – say something, anything – but I was
heady from the hand fastened to me and from the intoxicating, overwhelming scent
of him. And then he looked down, comforting me with his eyes and his nearness.
“You’re so beautiful,” he said, as though to remind me of it.

The
elevator doors parted and David guided me inside with another couple. He swiped
his card to the penthouse and we stood at two separate corners during the
ascent. My mind raced faster than I could keep up.
Now’s the time,
I thought.
Say
something, Olivia! Stop this!
The elevator charged with tension and the
people in front of us exchanged a knowing look.

I
opened my mouth again . . . He was a wall of exquisite beauty, his hands
tentatively rubbing his brow and then pushing through his obsidian hair. He
frowned, and then exhaled, and then frowned again, all the while watching the
numbers rise, glancing at the couple in front of us, and then letting his eyes
drift to me. His expression was pained; not just lustful or wanton, but pained
and yet . . . adoring, as though I were finally his, something he’d finally acquired
after a lifetime of longing. These were the things I thought I saw, they were
what occupied my thoughts during the fateful elevator ride. With him, it didn’t
take much; it was easy, it was right, it was as it should be.

He
wasted not a moment, but pulled me to him once we were alone again. Voracious
lips locked on mine as his hand found the hem of my dress. Stiff leather
crackled audibly in the silence of the elevator, diminished only by the
treasonous moan that escaped my lips when his rough hand moved against the soft
skin of my inner thigh. Suddenly he was moving me backward out of the elevator,
and somewhere in the distance, bells chimed or keys jingled.

Inside
the apartment, he shut the door and leaned his forehead against it for a
weighty moment. He didn’t bother with the lights, just turned to me in the
dark. I was sobered by his stare, and the gravity of the situation began to set
in; after this there would be no turning back.

I
took a step back, just enough for him to notice. He reached out, but I shook my
head. “I can’t do this,” I said, but my voice wavered. “I don’t know how to do
this.” I could barely form the sentence, due to an all-consuming desire.
“David,” I pleaded breathily, asking him in that one word to have the strength
I couldn’t.