Comeback (34 page)

“I’ll let you in on a little secret,” I said. “It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks of you. It doesn’t matter what they say. The only thing that matters is what you believe.”

“You’re wrong.” He looked at me again. His eyes were still shining.

“Wrong about what?”

“It does matter what some people think. How the hell am I supposed to believe in myself if I don’t have anyone else behind me?”

“Fair enough.”

“I’m confused, though,” Tim said.

“About what?”

“You don’t know me. Why do you believe in me?”

That was an excellent question, and it deserved a better answer than,
Because I do
. I took a moment, weighing my words carefully. “I suppose I believe in you because I’ve been around enough addicts to know what it takes to change. It takes more than just a desire to be a better person. It requires an understanding of all that you’ve done and a real will to make amends. Someone who not only got clean as soon as possible but who also wants to start repairing the damage they’ve caused has a much better chance of making the changes stick than someone who still thinks they’re invincible.”

“I was never invincible,” he said, staring down at his feet.

“No, you never were.”

“I think, for a while there, I was hoping I would just screw everything up so badly that it would all be over.”

“Good thing you didn’t manage that.”

He looked up at me, and he laughed. “Yeah. Good thing.”

“You’ve got a long life ahead of you, Tim. Or at least you can have a long life. As long as you keep making smart choices.”

“Smart choices. There’s a first.”

“Well,” I said. “Let’s see what Carter and his crew can teach you how to do today. We’ll get started with that, and then next week I’ll need you to come by the Light the Lamp offices. There’s some paperwork I need you to fill out, and you’re going to have to sign off on our rules for participation. You have to promise to do your best to maintain sobriety and that you won’t come to any of our functions impaired by alcohol or drugs. We have a policy of anonymity, much like AA and NA, so you don’t need to worry about us revealing anything about you, and we’ll need you to vow that you won’t reveal anything you learn about anyone else in the program.”

“I can do all of that. I think it’ll help, actually.”

“That’s what we hope—that giving you something to do with yourself might help you stay clean and start fresh.” I reached over and squeezed his hand. “Come on. Let’s go.”

A new sound joined the construction chaos surrounding us. A sound that made my heart stop.

It was a series of shouts followed by a scream.

A child’s scream.

And then there was a sickening crash.

I was on my feet and running before my head caught up with my heart.

I DROVE STRAIGHT
to the hospital from the airport, impatient with the traffic. Every time I squeezed into a space in a faster lane on the highway, the drivers in front of me hit their brakes and slowed down. It felt as if it took me twice as long to get to the hospital as it should have, but I finally pulled in and parked, then raced through the emergency room doors.

Soupy met me as soon as I got in. “He’s in exam room three. Jessica’s in there with him. Rachel and Dana are keeping an eye on the other two.”

“Thanks,” I grumbled. I wasn’t mad at Soupy, though, and I had no business taking anything out on him. It was Jessica I was angry with, and the thought that she was sitting with Hugo right now…

I followed the signs on the walls to Hugo’s room. He was lying on the hospital bed, surrounded by all sorts of machines that made me sick to my stomach because of all the memories of my father they brought to mind. He didn’t seem to be hooked up to too many of them, at least. There was a cut on Hugo’s cheek that had been stitched up, and several smaller ones. And bruises. He had bruises everywhere that I could see, and his left arm was in a cast.

Jessica was sitting in a chair on his right side and was holding his hand. She looked up at me, her eyes red and swollen with tears.

I didn’t have it in me to deal with her right now. I didn’t trust myself, considering how worried I was. Considering it was her fault.

“I’m here now,” I said as calmly as I could. My voice sounded gravelly to my own ears. Probably because I’d repeated the Serenity Prayer dozens of times on the flight home, saying those words so many times that I nearly lost my voice. I couldn’t bring myself to a state of calm with it, though. I’d cursed Jessica. Cursed myself. Cursed Emma for entrusting her children into my care when I could barely take care of myself. None of it had helped, and I was still vibrating with anger now that I was here. Actually, it was even more intense now that I saw her.

“You can go.”

Her eyes turned pleading. “I—”

“I said you can go,” I interrupted. I didn’t want to hear what she had to say. I couldn’t listen to her apologies right now, and the thought of her begging for my forgiveness set my teeth on edge. I wasn’t ready for it. Not for any of it. “Please just leave.”

Wordlessly, she nodded. She got up, kissed Hugo on his forehead, and slipped out of the room. I didn’t look at her as she moved past me. I couldn’t bear it.

Once she was gone, I sat down in the chair she’d just vacated. Hugo turned his head to me. Fat tears filled his eyes before spilling down his cheeks one at a time.

“I’m sorry,” he said.

“Don’t worry about that right now,” I said. I brushed the hair back from his face and wiped the tears away. “I’m just glad you’re going to be okay.”

“It was all my fault, though.”

“No, it wasn’t.”

Jessica should never have left the kids alone the way she had. She shouldn’t have left her keys in her car. Hell, I shouldn’t have left them with her. She wasn’t a parent. She didn’t have kids, so she didn’t know how to be a parent. I didn’t know how, either, but at least they were related to me and I was their guardian. I might not always know the right thing to do, but there was no chance I would have walked off when they were at a construction site without being certain they were well supervised.

“But she told him to be sure we were safe and I hid from him,” Hugo said. “I hid until I thought it was clear, and then I saw her keys still in the ignition and I thought I could drive back to your house.”

“That’s what you were trying to do? To go home?”

He nodded. “I wanted to play Minecraft.”

“So what happened next?” I asked, afraid I already knew.

“I got the car to start. Then I put it in drive, but I couldn’t see and reach the pedals at the same time. I thought I was on the road, but everything got really bumpy. I tried to hit the brake, but I think I hit the other one instead, and then I crashed.”

“Any idea what you hit?” I asked.

He nodded and started crying again. “The new house.”

Oh hell.

“Did anyone else get hurt?” I asked, praying no one had been in his path. There had to have been dozens of workers on site. Volunteers, too.

He shook his head. “Just me. But I ruined Jessica’s car. And I messed up the house.”

And he injured himself pretty badly.

The doctor came in with a clipboard in hand. He looked over at me. “Mr. Ericsson? I was expecting Ms. Lynch.”

“I’m here now. You can talk to me.”

“Well, it looks like this young man got off pretty easy, all things considered. He’s broken his arm. You’ll need to get him an appointment with an orthopedist to have it properly set. We’ve just immobilized it for now, but the films didn’t look too bad. We stitched him up in a couple of places, but the films show there aren’t any internal injuries to worry about. He’ll need to stay home and rest for about a week, but after that he should be able to get back to being a kid.” He winked at Hugo when he said that.

“So I can take him home?”

“Soon,” he said. “The police just need to come in and talk to you for a minute.”

The police. Fucking hell. I nodded, swallowing hard.

A few minutes later, an officer came in and took a seat on the other side of Hugo’s bed. Hugo scooted closer to me, and I put my hand up so he could hold it.

“You gave everyone quite a scare, young man,” the officer said. At least he sounded nice, if a little gruff. Some officers could be intimidating, and I doubted that would help matters right now where Hugo was concerned.

“I’m sorry,” Hugo said.

“I’m sure you are. Why did you want to drive the car?”

Hugo related everything he’d just told me to the officer, telling him how he wanted to go home to play video games and that he was mad at Jessica because she wouldn’t leave him home alone.

“And you think it was a good idea for you to be home alone, when you make decisions like driving her car when you don’t know how to do it, huh?” the officer said, stifling a chuckle. “I think Jessica was right. You needed to be with adults.”

“Yes, sir.”

“That’s why she wanted you to come with her. It’s why your uncle said you had to go.”

“Yes, sir.”

“You’re not going to go trying to drive any cars anytime soon, are you?”

“No, sir.”

“Good, because you broke the law, you know.”

“Yes, sir.” Hugo sniffled.

“You could have hurt someone else. You could have killed someone.”

A flood of tears spilled over. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean t-to hurt anyone.”

“You didn’t hurt anyone but yourself,” I said. I understood what the officer was doing, but Hugo was still a child. I glanced up at the officer, and he gave me an imperceptible nod.

“If you do something like this again—”

“I won’t! I promise.”

“You’re a very lucky young man, you know. We’ll have to see what can be done for you to make up for it.” The officer gave Hugo another stern look, then turned to me. “Can I have a word out in the hall?”

I nodded and followed him out.

“Your nephew is a lucky young man that he didn’t get hurt any worse than he did,” he said once we were alone.

Lucky
wasn’t exactly how I would describe the current situation. If Jessica had been watching him properly, none of this would have ever happened.

“Hugo is too young for criminal charges, so there’s nothing to worry about as far as that’s concerned,” he said. “There was some damage to the construction site, but the builder says he knows you and is willing to work things out privately between the two of you. There was a good deal of damage done to Ms. Lynch’s car, but I don’t get the sense she’s going to sue you.”

“Sue
me
?” I practically spat. “She was the one who should have been with him and making sure nothing like this happened!”

“Ms. Lynch is well aware that she should have been paying closer attention,” the officer said. “We’ve already had a long discussion with her and pretty much read her the riot act. But the fact of the matter is that you left these kids in her care, so you’re at much as fault as she is, if not more so. You’re their guardian.”

Which only meant that I needed to figure out some better solution for taking care of them, and I didn’t have any time to mess around.

I finished up with the officer. He gave me a card, and I gave him the pertinent contact information he needed from me. Then I went back in to see Hugo.

“You’re not mad at Jessica, are you?” he asked. His lower lip trembled. “I heard what you said to the officer. It really wasn’t her fault. It was my fault.”

I sighed, dragging a hand through my hair. I didn’t want Hugo blaming himself if this drew a wedge between me and Jessica. “I’m sorry you had to hear that.”

“Don’t be mad at her.”

For his sake—and for Nils’s and Elin’s sakes, as well—I was going to do my best to rid myself of anger. To forgive her for her mistakes. That was easier said than done, though, despite the fact that I had made more mistakes than my fair share. Whether I was angry with her or not, could I ever really trust her with them again? The idea that I couldn’t scared me as much as the phone call I’d gotten after practice in Dallas saying that Hugo was in the hospital.

How was I supposed to have a career and make sure these kids were safe?

But one of the things I’d learned in my last trip to rehab was that I couldn’t hold grudges. Latching on to the anger, especially when it was about something that was in the past, something I had no control over, only hurt me. I had to forgive.