Comeback (15 page)

The funeral home director, a short, balding man with wire-rimmed glasses, arrived and wanted to talk over a few details with Nicky. Rachel excused herself to make sure Elin and the boys were settling in all right and, presumably, that Tuck wasn’t causing any trouble. The other women who were still around went off into the game room to keep all the younger kids occupied. I started to follow them but Nicky reached for my hand, imploring me with his eyes, so I stayed, sinking down on the couch so close that our thighs brushed.

“Emma asked to be cremated,” the man said, looking up from his notes.

Nicky nodded. “Yes, we talked about that.”

“Your sister…she didn’t give any indication of what should be done with her ashes when she was gone, though.”

Nicky tensed by my side, and I instinctively inched closer to him, putting my hand up on his shoulder and kneading slightly. It was only after I was already touching him in that way that I had second thoughts. Was I crossing a line?

He swallowed hard and leaned further into me, relieving that concern. “The kids and I will discuss that and come up with something she would like. We’ll take care of it.”

“As long as it’s not something that needs to be done on our end, that’s fine with me.”

They talked about a few more details—the date of the memorial service, where it should be held, things like that. Jim had convinced Nicky to wait until Tuesday for the service so the rest of the team could be there with him for moral support. They may not have known Emma, but the Storm organization was a family of sorts. I’d known that for years, but now I was really seeing firsthand how they could all come together in times of need. It eased a bit of my worry about Nicky, knowing that his teammates would be there for him. Then the funeral director took his leave. He’d barely been gone for two minutes before the doorbell rang again.

Nicky looked at me, haggard and broken, and shook his head. “I can’t.”

There was no need for him to elaborate. “I know,” I murmured, squeezing his shoulder before getting up to answer the door.

Brenden was on the other side, a fresh cast on his leg and a worried expression creasing his brow. He glanced past me for a second and then met my eyes. “Is he doing all right?”

“Better than I expected.” I stepped back to let him hobble past me, and I closed the door behind him.

“He’s not— He’s not drinking? Taking anything?”

I shook my head and headed for the game room, letting Brenden follow me.

“The boys are all worried sick. Just got off the phone with Zee on my way over here.”

“I can imagine. I’m worried sick and I’ve been with him through it all.”

He slowed down in the hall before we got to the room filled with women and children, crying and laughter, dropping his voice so only I could hear. “Jonny thinks I should stay here with him for a few days. Just to be sure…”

I gave him a wry smile. “Way ahead of you. I already promised Emma that I’d be here.” I didn’t see the need to explain that I would likely be here a lot longer than just a few days.

“That’s a relief.” Brenden visibly relaxed, the tension flowing out of him like a deflating balloon.

When we joined the others in the game room, it was to find the older kids there, as well—all except Elin. Maddie must have realized I was looking for her because she came straight over to me and Brenden.

“Elin’s with Mr. Nicky. She said he needed her.” Maddie and Elin were the same age. Actually, they were similar in numerous ways. They both seemed so much older than their twelve years, much like I had been at their age, making me wonder what sort of traumatic experiences Maddie had been through to force her to grow up so much sooner than she should have had to.

That was going to be the trick to helping Elin cope with her loss—finding a way to convince her she was still a child, to get her to let
us
help
her
, and not the reverse. She would always bear the scars of her past, but I didn’t want her scars to define her like mine had defined me for so long. I wanted her to wear them like badges of honor, not try to hide them so no one would know how deeply she’d been hurt.

Today was far too soon for any of us to move beyond the hurt, though. These scars were too fresh, not yet fully formed.

I smiled at Maddie, and I was fairly certain I said something to thank her for letting me know. She hurried off to help Dana with baby Ryan, the youngest of the Storm brood at a mere five months, and Brenden crutched his way over to join his wife and their twins, leaving me to collapse on a cushy recliner and try to sort out what needed to be done next.

It was getting late, and all the little ones needed to get to bed soon, so it wasn’t long before Mia and Dana started to herd their children toward their vehicles. Despite Brenden’s broken leg and the fact that he was on crutches, Rachel put him in charge of ushering their family out of the house, as well—no small task, even with Maddie’s help.

Rachel headed toward the kitchen once everyone else was in motion, catching my eye and nudging her head in that direction so I’d follow.

“Brenden said you’re staying here, at least for now,” she said once we were alone and away from the cacophony of the mass exodus.

I nodded, still feeling inadequate and overwhelmed.

“Let me know if you need help.”

I let out a hollow laugh. “I don’t have a clue where to start. I wouldn’t even know what sort of help to ask for.”

“I think you’ve already started brilliantly,” Rachel said. “You’re here. Right now, that’s what they all need, Nicky included.” She went to the refrigerator and opened the door. “Dana and Mia got you pretty well stocked, at least for now. There are a couple of casseroles in the freezer that you can pop in the oven to make things easy. I imagine you and Nicky are both used to cooking for one, not for five, so it might take some time to figure it out.”

Not to mention the fact that I had no idea what sorts of foods they were used to eating. I was sure the Swedish diet was different from the American diet in a number of ways.

“Anyway,” she said, “there’s plenty here for a while. Lots of fresh fruit, some snacks…” She closed the door, turned to me, sighed, and pulled me in for a hug. “You have no idea how much what you’re doing means to them.
All
of them.”

I followed her out to the entry hall to thank everyone for their help and see them off. Nicky and Elin had come back, finally, and the women were all making a big fuss over Elin. Brenden and Nicky had gone off to a quiet corner and were having a conversation, complete with shoulder punching and back slapping, as men tended to do. Then they all trickled out the door, leaving the five of us to figure it out on our own. Once they were all gone, it felt insanely quiet and empty in the house despite the fact that there were still so many bodies.

Nils let out a huge yawn, one that gave us all a much-needed laugh.

“Right,” Nicky said. “Time to get you three in your beds.” He ushered them down the hall toward their rooms, but Elin stopped suddenly, spinning around and nearly causing Nicky to bump into her.

“Mama always makes us take a bath first,” she said quietly.

Nicky winced.

“Baths first, then,” I said, taking over. I might not know how to comfort them, but I could at least organize bath time.

He gave me a grateful look as I passed by. I steered the two boys toward the nearest bathroom and started the water for them, making sure they had plenty of towels and washcloths, and that they knew where the soap was.

“Be sure you
use
the soap,” Elin said, poking her head in. “On your bodies. And brush your teeth. With toothpaste.”

She just couldn’t stop herself from being a little mama.

“Why don’t you find some pajamas for them?” I suggested to Nicky, since he was looking on with an expression of pure bewilderment. He nodded and headed off in the direction of their bedroom while I guided Elin toward the bathroom just off her bedroom.

She tugged on my sleeve while I was reaching up into the cabinet overhead to bring down some towels for her. “You promise you’re staying?” she asked when I faced her. “Mama said you would, but you promise? More than just a few days? Because Uncle Nicky’s never had kids before and he’s going to need help, and I don’t know if I’m going to be able to give him all the help he needs. I can do some of it, but…” Her bottom lip quivered with the emotion she was trying to hold back.

I dropped the towels on the floor and brought her in for a hug, the only thing I could think to do. “I promise,” I said with as much conviction as I could force into my voice. “I promised your mother and now I’m promising you. I’m not going anywhere.” Granted, I still needed to talk to Nicky about some of the finer details, but there hadn’t exactly been time for that since I’d made my promise to Emma. There had been other far more pressing matters to tend to. I supposed I’d have to hash it all out with Nicky tonight. But that was later.

“You don’t have to replace her, you know,” I said to Elin. “You don’t have to be a mother to your little brothers. I can’t replace her, either, and Nicky can’t replace your father, but we’ll do our best to fill in the gaps.”

I felt her smile against my shoulder.

“I know. Mama said you’d never been a mother before, and Uncle Nicky’s never been a father before. I told her I’d help you learn.”

Convincing Elin she was supposed to remain a child for a little while longer might be even more difficult than I’d already expected. She was almost a teenager already, a young girl on the cusp of dealing with puberty and hormones and all the uncertainties that life presented at that age, but she seemed to feel she was responsible not only for herself and her brothers, but even for her uncle and me.

There was no doubt that Nicky and I were both going to be facing a pretty steep learning curve in terms of parenting, if what I was doing could even be termed that, but this girl was already presenting us with an exceedingly unique challenge—one that I wasn’t sure either Nicky or I was prepared to face.

“For now,” I said, picking up the towels I’d dropped and handing them over to her, “how about you get a bath, and we’ll figure the rest out as it comes to us?”

One day at a time
.

“Okay.” She sniffled and pulled off some toilet tissue to wipe her nose.

I turned to leave her alone.

“Jessica?” she said before I got very far.

I hitched a hip against the wall, waiting to see what she would throw at me next. “Yeah?”

“I don’t think Uncle Nicky understands that you’re really staying. I told him you were, that you’d promised Mama, but he said Mama told him and that maybe you would stay for a few days but that you have your own life to live.”

I took my time weighing my response before speaking because there were a couple of things I absolutely knew about kids. The first was that they understood a lot more than most adults gave them credit for, and the second was that they had impressive memories. I needed to be sure that I meant what I said and I said what I meant.

“I do have my own life to live,” I said cautiously. “But now you all are part of that.”

“But not
just
now, right? You said you’re staying.”

“I said I’m staying. And I meant it.” And now I had to make Nicky understand that, too.

I NEVER WOULD
have made it through today without Jessica by my side, but sooner or later I was going to have to figure out how to get through the rest of my life without her there to guide me along. Emma had told me this morning about the promise Jessica had made her, and Elin had asked me about it a little while ago, as well. But the fact of the matter was that Jessica had likely only been trying to allow Emma to pass in peace. She hadn’t said a word to me about it, hadn’t mentioned the possibility that she might want to stay.

Even if she did stay, it would only be to help with the kids. Or maybe a little bit because she felt sorry for me since we still hadn’t come up with a solution as to what I would do with them when I had to go out on the road with the team. It would only be temporary, until I was able to find a more permanent answer for the situation I’d found myself in. That much was clear from the way she seemed to be keeping herself separate from us through it all.