Coming Home (17 page)

“But of course you weren’t any of those things,” he said with another humorless laugh. “You were smart, and sweet…and fucking beautiful,” he added, clasping both of her hands in his again.

She slipped them out of his grasp. “Danny, don’t.”

He smiled softly. “I figured we could just be friends, you know?” His voice was low and throaty as he added, “No harm in that, right?” He shook his head as he pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes before running them up through his hair. His eyes flew open, but they were bleary and unfocused. “But every time I talk to you, I like you more and more, and every time I see you….it’s so fucking hard, Leah.”

She sat there, unmoving, her fingers poised over one of the buttons as she tried to make sense of his words.

“
And that kiss,
” he said, covering his face with both hands as he groaned. “My God, that fucking kiss.”

Her heart was thundering in her chest now; there were a million questions she wanted to ask, but she couldn’t formulate them into words.

“And I can’t see you,” he said firmly, dropping his hands to the bed as he shook his head. “I can’t. It’s not fair to you. Shit, it’s not even fair to me.”

Why? Why isn’t it fair?

But the words wouldn’t come.

“I just wish…God, I wish…” He trailed off as what could only be described as agony clouded his expression, and Leah felt a lump form in her throat.

“Shh,” she said, leaning over to run her hand through his hair, and his eyes fell closed. “Just close your eyes. You’re okay. You’ll feel better when you wake up.”

She sat there for a minute, gently running her hand through his hair until his brow smoothed out and his body relaxed.

Her mind was reeling; none of what he’d said made any sense, and yet she knew he had just given her a huge piece of the puzzle that was him. She just needed to sit down and piece it together.

But not now. Right now, she just wanted to go home.

Leah brought her hands back to his shirt, undoing the remaining buttons before gently sliding it off his body and draping it over the chair with his pants. He was wearing a fitted white V-neck shirt underneath the button-down, and she left it on, figuring that was about as comfortable as he was going to get.

Water. Get him some water.

She made her way through the living room and over to the tiny kitchen, opening his fridge and grabbing a bottle of water. As she walked back to his room, she stopped in the bathroom and grabbed the small wastebasket.

He was sitting up when she entered, his face contorted in sadness as he stared without seeing at the wall in front of him.

“Hey,” Leah said softly as she sat on the bed beside him.

He didn’t move.

“Hey,” she said again, bringing her hand to his face and turning him toward her. It took his eyes a second to focus on her, and when they did, he smiled sadly. He reached up and took the end of her hair between his fingertips.

“You’re gonna leave,” he whispered.

His words made her chest feel heavy, and Leah closed her eyes, needing a break from the intensity of the night. She had no idea why she was responding so viscerally to his suffering, but in that moment, all she wanted to do was take it away for him.

“No, I won’t,” she said softly. “I’ll stay here if you want me to.”

Danny shook his head as his eyes dropped to watch his fingers twirling a strand of her hair. “You’re gonna leave and never look back.”

She pulled her brow together, waiting for him to go on, but he simply sat there, running his fingers through the ends of her hair.

Leah brought her hand back to the side of his face, and he lifted his gaze. “I’m gonna stay tonight. I’ll be in the next room if you need me. There’s a pail on the side of the bed,” she said, leaning over and dragging it closer. “And here,” she added, uncapping the bottle of water and holding it out for him.

He looked down at the bottle and then back up at her, his expression softening.

“It might help a little. For tomorrow,” she said with a shrug.

Danny stared at her for a second before reaching for the bottle, taking three long gulps before wiping the back of his hand across his mouth.

“Okay, you need to lie down now,” she said, taking the bottle from his hand, and just as she was about to stand from the bed, he brought both of his hands to the sides of her face, his fingers sliding behind her ears as his thumbs caressed her cheeks.

Leah froze, lifting her eyes to his, and for the first time that night, they seemed completely at peace.

“My sweet girl,” he whispered, and then his lips were on hers.

Compared to the explosiveness of their last kiss, this was a slow burn; Danny kissed her reverently, the gentle brushing of his lips igniting every nerve ending in her body before he pulled away slightly, turning his head faintly from side to side as he ghosted his lips over hers.

And then he lay back onto the mattress, his hands slipping from her face as he threw his forearm over his eyes.

Leah brought both hands to the bed as she closed her eyes, exhaling a long, quivering breath.

Holy. Shit.

She had no idea how long she sat there trying to pull herself back together, but eventually she stood, grabbing the comforter at the foot of the bed and pulling it up over him.

He didn’t move, and Leah exhaled in relief; he was finally asleep.

She walked around to the other side of the bed and pulled the trash can a bit closer to him as she placed his bottle of water on the bedside table.

“Good night, Danny,” she whispered before she made her way out to the living room.

She stood in the middle of the room, contemplating her options. Driving home at nearly four in the morning wasn’t really something she was looking forward to. Plus, she
had
told him she would stay the night.

Although chances were, he wasn’t going to remember that.

Leah’s eyes moved from the front door to the couch, where a large afghan was draped over the back of the cushions.

“Oh, screw it,” she mumbled, walking to his front door and locking it before she picked up his keys from the floor and placed them on the little table in the entryway. She went back to the living room and kicked off her shoes as she grabbed one of the throw pillows and propped it against the arm of the couch.

It was more comfortable than she thought it would be, and she reached up and grabbed the afghan, flipping onto her side as she curled herself into it.

Her body was completely exhausted, but her mind was on overdrive. She wanted so badly to make sense of everything that had just happened. She wanted to know what had caused him to drink so heavily. She wanted to know why he was trying so hard to stay away from her if he was attracted to her. She wanted to analyze his words, his actions, until she could rid herself of the confusion and apprehension coursing through her body.

She wanted to think about all of that, but the only thing her mind would focus on was that kiss, and the look in his eyes as he called her his sweet girl.

And so eventually she stopped trying to think of anything else and surrendered, replaying that moment over and over, letting it lull her to sleep.

Leah opened her eyes to the unnerving, disoriented feeling of waking up in a strange place. As soon as she remembered where she was and why, she bolted upright on the couch, swiping the hair from her eyes as she looked around.

The clock on the cable box said eleven forty-six.

“Jesus,” she mumbled, rubbing her eyes before she stood from the couch and threw the afghan over the back of it again. After placing the throw pillow back where it belonged, she sat on the arm of the couch, chewing on her bottom lip as details of the night came flooding back to her.

Danny, completely wasted and clearly upset in her car. Danny’s lips in her hair.
I lied to you. About so many things.
His hands clasping hers as he told her he couldn’t be with her. That it wouldn’t be fair to either of them.
My sweet girl
. That soft, chaste kiss that once again left her reeling.

Leah ran her hands down her face as she exhaled, and then she stood from the couch and padded over to the doorway of his bedroom. She leaned against the doorframe, folding her arms over her chest as she looked at him.

He was lying on his stomach with his head turned away from her, his arms up at his sides and his hands shoved under the pillow. Leah noticed that the bottle of water on the nightstand was empty, and she tiptoed over to the pail, cringing as she peeked inside.

All clear.

Her shoulders dropped in relief, and she watched the rise and fall of his back for another minute before she left his bedroom.

Leah went to the bathroom and splashed cold water on her face, using some toothpaste on her finger to brush her teeth as best she could.

When she was through, she walked back out to the living room and stood in the center of it.

She didn’t know what she should do.

She didn’t want to just leave without talking to him about everything, but she knew he needed sleep right now. She couldn’t hang around his apartment all day waiting for him to wake up, and even if she could, trying to have a serious conversation with someone who was hung over was just a bad idea, plain and simple.

But she did need to talk to him. She needed to make sense of everything once and for all, because as much as he’d told her last night, so much was still left unsaid. If anything, Leah felt more confused than she was before he confessed his feelings to her.

Go home. Call him tomorrow, after he’s had some time to recover
.

With a plan in place, Leah felt a little better as she stepped into her shoes and scanned the apartment once more. She knew he would be hurting when he woke up, whenever that was, so she tried to anticipate anything he might need. She went to the fridge and got another bottle of water, quietly placing it on his nightstand as she grabbed the empty one.

As Leah tossed the bottle in the trash, her eye landed on his coffee maker, and she decided she would set up a pot of coffee for him before she left.

She opened a few cabinets, finding the coffee on the third try, and just as she brought it to the counter and popped off the lid, she gasped.

Realization washed over her, bringing a rush of nausea with it as the puzzle pieces clicked into place.

How could she not have seen it earlier?

“
I had no right to ask you out.
”

“
I can’t see you. It’s not fair to you.
”

“
I lied to you.
”

And then, something he had said to her a while back:

“
I don’t have a girlfriend, if that’s what you’re getting at
.”

Leah stood there unmoving, the lid of the coffee still in her hand.

It was so
obvious
.

How close had she come to being the other woman? There was some girl out there who was with Danny, who maybe even loved him, completely oblivious to their phone calls, their texting, their kisses.

Oh my God, I kissed him. I kissed another girl’s boyfriend.

Her heart started racing, and she felt as if she might be sick. This was all hitting far too close to home for her, and she knew she needed to get out of there.

Immediately.

With trembling hands Leah snapped the lid back on the coffee and turned, gasping loudly as the can slipped from her fingers and crashed at her feet. The top popped off, spraying coffee grounds across the floor.

Danny stood in the doorway, his arms stretched above his head as he gripped the frame. The way his arms were lifted caused his T-shirt to ride up, revealing the faint trail of hair that disappeared beneath the waistband of the flannel pajama bottoms he had put on. His hair was a rumpled mess, and his eyes were squinted against the light.

He looked at her, the corner of his mouth lifting in a smile as he brought one of his hands down and touched his finger to his nose.

“Not it for cleaning that up,” he said, his voice husky with sleep.

“Do you have a girlfriend?”

Confusion instantly marred the playful look on his face, and he took his finger off his nose and slid his hand up into his hair. She didn’t plan on blurting it out that way, but she couldn’t stand this any longer.

“No,” he said. “I already told you I didn’t.”

“You also told me you lied to me.”

Danny’s eyes fell closed as he shook his head gently, and then he dropped his head back, covering his face with both hands. “Fuck,” he said, his voice muffled behind them. He slid them down his face before he met her eyes again. “What did I tell you last night?”

“Do. You. Have. A. Girlfriend?” she asked, her voice livid. “Yes or no?”

“No. I swear to you, Leah. No, I don’t.”

She stared at him and he stared right back, never breaking eye contact. He seemed completely sincere, which ironically only made things worse, because now she was more confused than ever.

“What did you lie to me about, then?” she asked.

“Nothing.”

She laughed bitterly, shaking her head. “I can’t do this. I can’t play these games.” She walked toward him and twisted her body, squeezing between him and the doorframe before she stormed into the living room and grabbed her purse. She turned and came to an abrupt halt, nearly walking right into his chest. Danny reached out and steadied her, gently grasping the tops of her arms.