Coming Undone (17 page)

“That’s a wonderful gift.” And it was, Elise couldn’t deny it.

“So she’s just, well she’s just Raven. She’s not perfect. She’s not even likeable half the time. But she stood up for me and my loved ones when we needed it most. She’s been an amazing friend to Erin through all she’s gone through. She’s special to me, but I don’t make the mistake of not knowing exactly what she is and what she’s capable of. She’s not selfish, not really.”

“She’s at the center of her own universe and that’s how it is.”

You can’t hate those people, but you can try to keep them out of your life. She couldn’t hate Raven, not after that story, but Elise didn’t like her, and she didn’t trust her either.

“But you’re not her.” He laughed at her reaction. “No, what I meant is, you’re empathetic. You take care of people—not to your extreme detriment, but you go the last mile for people and you don’t do it on your schedule.”

“I cut my brother from my life, Brody. I didn’t have him over for barbecues or even through my front door for about six months before he died, and even before that things were strained. I’m not Raven, but I’m not you either. I don’t go the last mile. I have limits and it makes me selfish. I can accept that. Like I said, I’m not noble.”

“You take on a lot. You carry a lot of guilt. Raven didn’t steal from me, didn’t put my loved ones in danger. Was he bad? At the end?”

“Yes. He’d burned his bridges, so no one would have hired him even if his voice hadn’t been shot. I hated to hear his voice on the phone when I answered. Hated to see him waiting outside my building. He was a millstone and I resented that.”

“Who wouldn’t? Come on, Elise! Who wouldn’t hate that?”

“If he took a shower and ate a meal with me, I gave him money.

I know, I enabled him. Another mistake in a long line, I’m sure.

But Jesus, he looked horrible and he was
sick
. He was so angry all the time. He said things, hurtful things you only know when you’re close to someone. He heard things from my husband and used them to hurt me.

“And then he’d get clean for a while and be his old self. Silly and shallow in most ways, but he had a good heart. He was so good with Rennie when she was a baby. But he always fell back into drugs. I had to keep him out of my life. Out of Rennie’s life. He ran with my ex, who had been in and out of jail, so that was always there between us. He stole from me. He shot up in my house! With my baby around. I couldn’t do it. Having a junkie in your life is hell. You live in a place of fear all the time. Dread. What will he say or do? Will this ringing phone be the police or my parents telling me he’s dead? Will I be relieved when I hear it?”

“So it’s your fault he overdosed? After being a hard-core addict for years? At some point, you have to let go. You have Rennie to think of.”

“Ugh, you don’t need to know more. It’s all a cliché anyway.

Just turn on
Intervention
on cable and there we are. High-functioning children, artistic, achievers, and one of them ends up shooting up junk and blowing men for twenty dollars.”

“While the other is an international ballet sensation who has danced some of the most challenging and sought-after roles.”

“Right. Why are we talking about my brother again? You were just trying to help me not think Raven was the kind of girl who’d fuck you again because she was lonely and didn’t understand the promise you made to me. Not because she wanted to break us up or anything, but because she wanted to have sex.”

Raven
had
come on to him at Thanksgiving, and no, she hadn’t understood his promise to Elise. Part of him had been very sad that she’d wanted him to break a promise to anyone else. He’d said no, and Raven would be out of Seattle for a while, but Elise Sorenson was a very smart lady. A smart lady with a guilt-trip the size of Rhode Island. “This is very heavy.”

She laughed, but bitterness edged the sound. “Yeah. Maybe it’s easier with a woman who just shows up when she wants sex.”

“Heavy in a
good
way. Raven is my friend in that way you like your eccentric aunt. But you and I are friends on a different level.

More intimate. I’m too old to want easy and I’m glad you shared all that. But I think you take on a lot of things you can’t possibly own.

What were you like as a kid?”

“I liked everything orderly, but it rarely was. My parents are old-school in some ways, but decidedly modern in others. We had a lot of arts education when I grew up. We traveled. We went to mu-seums in every city we visited. I started ballet classes when I was three. I went to very good schools. I got good grades. I rarely got into trouble because I probably would have been more upset than my parents if I had disappointed them. I loved school. I loved music and art and poetry and dancing. We were raised to understand learning came from all directions, and I loved that. We were shel-tered in some ways. We never felt any type of want; though we did have to work for things, we lived well. Matty didn’t start getting into real trouble until he went to college. He had to work really hard, and for a boy who’d been good at everything he ever tried, that was really difficult to accept.”

He took her wineglass and refilled it. “Why did you really stop dancing?”

“I’d been wavering on quitting for a while. The divorce had been complicated. Rennie was getting older and it was harder to work around my touring schedule. Then I got hurt. My leg was broken in two places, the femur was shattered. I can’t dance the way I have to. I don’t have the strength or endurance I did before. So it was time. And while I miss the stage, I don’t regret my choice.”

“Still, must have been hard to deal with. The injury and knowing you had to stop doing something you loved so much. I have all this back pain I didn’t have before. I have to take more time away from doing tats so I don’t get all bunched up. I hate that. Makes me feel old.”

“And yet, I’ve driven by your shop when Rennie and I go to Woodland Park Zoo and it’s always packed. You’re in demand. I searched for you on the Internet, I’ve seen all the articles. Talk about a kid who was good at everything he tried. How many times do you think the word ‘genius’ has been applied to your work?”

He burst out laughing. “Enough that it makes me happier when I’m having a shitty day. I’m lucky. I’m good at something I love to do. It’s something special to have that.”

“Yeah. I won’t dance
Giselle
again, or
Swan Lake
, but I can still dance and I do every day. My studio is growing so well, I’m thrilled.

I took a chance and it’s been wonderful. If I had to do something like run an athletic club or teach dance theory at a local college, I don’t know if I’d be as at ease with my choice.”

“I’m glad you didn’t have to go that way, then. What are your plans for next Friday? Your mother informed me that you needed to get out more with friends and that they were quite happy to sit with Rennie while I made that happen. We do pool, barbecue and beer at the tavern. I thought I could see just how good a pool player you really were.”

“Like a date?”

“Yeah, why not? I mean, about ten people will be around, but everyone knows we’re sleeping together, and Adrian said I make cow eyes at you, so it’s not like people would be surprised. Plus, everyone likes you, and I like you.”

“Okay then. I’ll talk with my mother to work something out.”

“I think we have time for some smooching at the very least.” He grinned, putting his wineglass down.

She placed hers next to his and clambered up into his lap.

“Probably just a bit.”

14

“Hey there!” Erin called out as Elise opened her front door the following Friday. “Ready to play pool?”

Elise smiled at the sight of her new friend. The woman was like rainbow sherbet or a sundae with sprinkles. Today her hair was a fairly normal shade, brunette, but with streaks of pink here and there.

“Were you lying in wait over there? Looking through Brody’s windows to see when I got home?” She opened the door wider and motioned her inside.

“Totally. I think the boys got a little jealous that I was more interested in when you got home than them.” Erin laughed and hugged her.

“I haven’t been on a date in a very, very long time,” she told Erin as they started to walk across the street to Brody’s house. “I know it’s not a romantic candlelit event or anything. It’s a group thing with beer and pool. God.” She stopped and grabbed Erin’s hand. Erin squeezed. “What am I doing? I don’t know what I’m doing. I should go home. I’m not young. I’m not hip. I’m thinking this is a date, but he doesn’t!”

Erin hugged her when they stopped at the mailbox. “Listen here, of course you’re nervous. You’re taking all these new steps in your life. You can do this. This is life and you’re meant to live it.

You’re starting over. I know, Elise, I
know
what that’s like. I came back to Seattle and I was a mess. Empty. Brody and Adrian stuck by me when I was a zombie.”

Elise knew it had to have been hard. It turned her cold just thinking about not having Rennie, imagining the hell of watching a child die.

“I admire you so much for who you are. You have two wonderful men who love you so much. It’s so clear to anyone who looks at you that you’re so strong.”

“I made it through and you can too. Scratch that, you
are
making it through. Just let it happen. You’re fine. You look gorgeous and effortless as usual. Everyone likes you, including and most especially Brody. He’s a genuine person, a man who cares about the people in his life. You’re in his life. We all know you two are together, no matter what you two call it. Of course this is a date. I think you and I need a girls-only evening. When your parents go back to get their stuff next week, let’s get together, okay? I’ll come over, we can make dinner and hang out. Maybe paint some nails and do hair with Rennie and then you and I can talk. I’ll tell you my story, you tell me yours. Deal?”

Could she? What would that be like? For so long she didn’t have close friends because of Ken. She was embarrassed by him, by what her life had turned into, so she just did her thing, and those friendships with the other dancers in the company only went so deep. The allure of having a friend she could share it all with was a heady thing. She already had such intimacy with Brody, but even at that, she hadn’t told him everything. She hadn’t wanted him to be disgusted with her or her past.

“That sounds so good. Thanks, you know? For being . . .” Elise swallowed hard.

“Your friend. And you’re mine.”

“Are you hogging Elise, Erin?” Brody called out from his front porch. “Should I be worried?”

Erin laughed and kissed Elise’s cheek. “She’s pretty hot, but she seems to like you better.”

“If you both change your minds, can we watch?” Ben asked, coming out on the porch to join Brody.

“Ew. That’s my sister, dude.” Brody wrinkled his nose at Ben, who laughed.

“Well, then don’t look. She’s not
my
sister.”

“Don’t make me hurt you,” Brody said, whacking Ben’s arm.

“Pervs, the whole lot of them.” Erin grinned, looking over her shoulder at the men on the porch before turning back to Elise. “You okay now?” Erin asked quietly.

“Yeah. Thanks for the pep talk, Coach.”

“Let’s roll, ladies. We’ve got a table, a few pitchers and some wings waiting for us.” Ben took one of Erin’s hands, Todd the other.

Brody let them go ahead, strolling slowly up to Elise until he reached her, pulling her in for a kiss. “Hey you. You look pretty.”

“Thank you. Rennie reminded me that you like my hair down.”

He laughed, putting an arm around her shoulders before they began to walk the several blocks toward the tavern. It was one of the big draws of this neighborhood that everything was within walking distance. The air was chilly, but they were all bundled up, and Brody knew that having grown up in Albany, Elise knew how to deal with the cold.

“Excited for the showcase?”

She looked up and smiled. “I am. I think they’re ready. It’s pretty much out of my hands at this point. They’re in charge of themselves. Hopefully they’ll do well. If not, I’ll have to deal with high-strung dancers and their parents come morning.”

Her mother had invited him to the after party she and Paul had planned, and he’d accepted. He liked being included in that part of her world. Wanted to be there for her big night as well. It was a surprise party, but he’d nearly mentioned it twice, so he reminded himself to shut up.

The tavern wasn’t fancy. At first glance one might even call it a dive. But it was a family-owned place, the food was great and the beer was cheap. The pool tables were kept in excellent condition, and all was right with the world when he walked in and saw their group already assembled and ready to go.

And it wasn’t like he was going to complain each time Elise blew the chalk from the cue or when she bent to take a shot. True to her word earlier that year, she was an excellent pool player, cleaning the floor with Ben, Adrian and Arvin.

“How hot is that?” Todd murmured as they watched Erin, Maggie and Elise play against Adrian.

“Yeah. I can’t complain. That’s a whole lot of very pretty, very capable woman there.” Arvin grabbed a wing as he settled in at the table.

They watched as Elise won again and it was Brody’s turn to play.

Elise’s skin broke out in gooseflesh every time he walked behind her, taking care to get extra close. He brushed against her, bringing the line of his cock against her ass or thigh each time he moved around the table.

“If you think you can distract me with sex, you’re totally right,”

she murmured as he leaned in beside her to take his shot. And missed.

She grinned and he gave her a hard kiss. “You did that on purpose.”

“Totally. But I wasn’t lying.”

He laughed and she let Todd win because she wanted to sit down, drink a beer and eat some wings.

Brody’s body next to hers in the booth was warm and reassuring, even as he set off hormonal earthquakes within her every time he touched her.

“I’m glad you could come out tonight.” He leaned back and she rested her head against his shoulder. She was utterly relaxed, enjoying herself with her friends, having a moment with the man she liked; all was well in the world.