Commitment (51 page)

“Dylan, honey….sit down here; okay?” Cassidy guided her son to the sofa. “Alex and I need to talk to you about something.”

“Are you going away?” Dylan asked Alex.

Alex could see the fear in her son’s eyes. “No, Speed. I’m not going anywhere.”

“It’s not about Alex, Dylan. It’s about Daddy,” Cassidy explained softly.

“Is he in jail again?” Dylan asked.

Cassidy’s skin was tingling with nervousness. This moment was a moment she prayed would never come in her lifetime. The memory of her mother sitting almost exactly as she was right now, telling a ten-year-old Cassidy that her father had died, was seared into her consciousness. Cassidy had worshipped her father. Her heart broke in that moment. A piece of it remained forever lost in that memory. It would be different for Dylan. Cassidy understood that. Dylan had grown increasingly distant from Christopher O’Brien. Her son did not trust the man that he knew as his father, but that did not change the facts. Christopher O’Brien, to Dylan, was still Daddy. Losing a parent was always devastating. Cassidy had thought a great deal about Dylan’s reaction the previous year when his father had been injured in an accident. Dylan’s reluctance to spend time with his father had already made itself known. Even still, she recalled the fear and the sorrow in Dylan’s eyes when he thought his father might die.

“Dylan, sweetheart,” Cassidy’s voice cracked. “Daddy had a….it was very slippery last night in the snow…he had an accident….”

“Is he dead?” Dylan looked directly at his mother.

Cassidy sucked in a ragged breath. “Yes, sweetheart,” was all she could manage.

Dylan sat still for a moment. Cassidy tried to read the emotions as they played across his eyes and lips. He seemed to be thinking very intently and then his tears broke forth. He was not sobbing, but his pain had finally begun to surface. It was not his tears that stabbed her heart. It was the weight of the words he spoke. “He never loved me,” Dylan said. Cassidy was at a complete loss. It was not the reaction she had expected.

Alex intervened. “That is not true, Speed. I know things with your dad have been pretty upsetting, but that is not true.
Your dad loved you,” Alex told him firmly, surprising herself at the conviction in her voice.

“No, he didn’t,” Dylan cried. “He always leaves. Everyone says they will come back. They don’t. Parents aren’t supposed to leave.”

Alex closed her eyes for a brief second. Dylan’s declaration was not lost on her. His tears finally came forth in a wave of uncontrollable sobs. Cassidy pulled him to her and rocked him. Alex watched helplessly, berating herself silently for being away so much the last few months. Finally, she knelt beside Cassidy on the floor and placed herself in between mother and son. “Dylan,” Alex began. Dylan jerked away from her touch. “Dylan,” she called to him again. Alex finally managed to get him to look at her. “I want you to listen to me, okay? I understand. Mom and I understand. We do. When my father died…. well, Dylan, I was very angry with him. I still loved him. He was my dad.” Cassidy wiped away her tears and listened to Alex confess a painful truth to their son.

“But, your dad loved you,” Dylan said.

“I didn’t think so,” Alex said honestly. Dylan looked at her quizzically through his tears. “But, yes, he did. He did love me, even if he didn’t do what I thought he should do.”

“Do you miss him?” Dylan asked.

“Yes,” Alex confessed. “I do. Sometimes, I do.”

Dylan looked at Cassidy and started crying again. He threw himself into his mother’s embrace. Cassidy made her way to the sofa and pulled him onto her lap. “It’s all right, baby. I know it hurts. I know. Alex is right. Your dad loved you. A lot of people love you,” she assured him. “Alex and I love you more than anything.”

“Do you miss your dad?” he asked his mother.

“Every single day,” Cassidy said. “I wish he could be here to see you. You would have loved him. He would have made you laugh,” she told her son.

“But, you never had another dad,” Dylan observed.

“No, that’s true,” Cassidy said.

Dylan looked at Alex and whispered something in Cassidy’s ear. Cassidy pulled back from Dylan’s firm grip and placed him beside her. She directed Alex to sit with them. “Dylan, there is no limit on the people that you are allowed to love. Do you understand that?” Cassidy asked her son cautiously. He did not respond. Alex suddenly realized what was troubling him the most; guilt.

“Hey, Speed…” Alex pulled Dylan onto her lap. “Can I tell you a secret? A secret that hardly anyone knows?” He nodded. “Well, I have two brothers.” Dylan looked at Alex in shock. Cassidy smiled inwardly at Alex’s confession.

“You do?” Dylan asked.

“Yes, I do,” Alex told him. “I didn’t always know my older brother. The truth is, Dylan…Uncle Pip and I have the same father. That means he really is your Uncle Pip.” Alex watched as Dylan’s eyes grew wide. “And, you know what?” Dylan shook his head. “I don’t love Uncle Nick any less because I have Uncle Pip now.” Cassidy listened as Alex continued. “Do you remember when I asked you if I could marry your mom?” Alex asked.

“Yeah.”

“I gave you my Saint Alexander medal; remember? I told you I never thought that I would have a son or daughter to give it to, but then I found you and your mom,” Alex reminded him. “Pretty soon we’ll have Mackenzie with us too. I already love Mackenzie, but I will never love you any less. Just like I love Grandma as much as I love YaYa. Each person is different. That means you get to love them all as much as you want to,” Alex said.

Cassidy looked at Alex and mouthed the words, “thank you.”

“I won’t ever see him again,” Dylan said.

Cassidy kissed her son’s forehead. “It’s not the same, sweetie, but you can see Daddy anytime you want to. You just
have to remember him. And you can talk to him too. I talk my dad all the time,” Cassidy said.

“You do?” he looked to his mother hopefully.

“Yes, I do,” Cassidy said.

“Dylan, it’s okay to be sad. It’s even okay to be angry. Just remember that we love you,” Alex said.

“Alex?” he asked hesitantly.

“Yeah, Speed?”

“You won’t leave me, will you?” he asked her.

“Aww, Speed. No one can ever promise you that; not the way you want them to. But, I will do everything I can to make sure I am here for a long time to come. I promise you that,” Alex said. “And, I would never leave if I could help it.”

Alex and Cassidy comforted Dylan the best they could. He had questions. He had fears. They listened to each one until he finally let out a small sigh. “I never said goodbye,” he said.

Cassidy smiled and gave Dylan a kiss. “The thing about loving someone, Dylan, is you never have to say goodbye. You tell Daddy whatever you need to, just in your heart. He’ll hear you,” she said. Dylan accepted his mother’s advice gratefully.

Alex sensed that Dylan was in need of a diversion. It had been an emotional morning for all of them. There would be more to face in the days and weeks that would follow. Grief had no particular timeline. Alex had learned that. Sometimes, the only thing you could do was find something else to think about for a while. “You know, Uncle Pip is in the rec room. Last I saw; he was napping on the couch. Maybe you should go wake him up,” Alex suggested lightly.

Dylan brightened slightly. “He’ll tickle me,” Dylan smiled.

“Huh,” Alex said. “Tickle him back,” she encouraged her son.

“He’s not ticklish,” Dylan pouted.

“No? Hmm….Try his feet. It’s a Toles thing,” Alex whispered conspiratorially. Dylan hopped off the sofa and headed out of the room.

“Hey!” Dylan turned back to his parents. “My feet are ticklish.”

“I know. I told you,” Alex said. “It’s part of being a Toles.” Alex and Cassidy watched Dylan as he left, noting that his step still lacked its usual bounce. “He’ll be all right,” Alex said, partly to convince herself.

“He will,” Cassidy agreed. She placed her head on Alex’s shoulder. “But, I don’t think you realize you just gave away your Kryptonite,” Cassidy winked.

“What are you talking about?” Alex asked.

“Dylan may not have put two and two together that Uncle Pip’s ticklish feet are part of being your brother. I guarantee you when he tries that on Pip; Pip will explain it to him,” Cassidy said.

“I’m bigger than he is,” Alex reminded Cassidy.

Cassidy kissed Alex lightly on the nose. “Yes you are. For now.”

Sunday, February 1
^st

his was not what we prescribed,” Sergei Kabinov reprimanded President Lawrence Strickland through the phone.

“Are you certain of that?” Strickland shot back.

“Of course!” Kabinov retorted.

“The admiral seems to think that you might need to have a conversation with Mr. Ivanov,” Strickland told the Russian prime minister.

“What are you insinuating?” Kabinov demanded.

“Come now, Sergei. We both know that neither Michael Taylor nor Christopher O’Brien dealt in drugs. That is far too small time for either of them; cocaine and heroin to street dealers?” Strickland chuckled. “If my people did not conjure up this lunacy; then who did?” Strickland indirectly pointed the finger.

Sergei Kabinov remained undaunted. “No. We held up our end of this perfectly. All you had to do was toe the line,” Kabinov said.

“Well, the line seems to have changed,” Strickland observed.

“Perhaps you do not know who you have working for you,” Kabinov suggested.

President Strickland looked at the occupant of a chair across from his desk. “Perhaps. I would suggest that you take that under advisement as well,” he offered. “This could work to our advantage,” Strickland said. “If we play this correctly.”

“The international media have begun making Michael Taylor a scapegoat,” Sergei Kabinov said. “That does not play into our plans. It manifests a conclusion where we require an open end,” he told Strickland.

“Let this play out, Sergei.”

“We will do what is necessary,” Kabinov replied.

“Is that a threat?” President Strickland asked.

“No. It is a reality,” Kabinov said.

Cassidy was resting on the couch in the rec room when Rose entered with a cup of tea. “Sorry, I know you’d probably prefer wine,” Rose admitted. Cassidy snickered and accepted the cup with a smile. “How’s he doing?” Rose gestured to her grandson who had fallen asleep in his favorite bean bag chair.