Complete Poems and Plays (78 page)

When I was sent out. I’ve been locked in a cupboard!

I was only eight years old

When she died of an ‘accidental overdose’.

Then Claude took me over. That was lucky.

But I was old enough to remember … too much.

C
OLBY
.
You are Claude’s daughter!

L
UCASTA
.
                                            Oh, there’s no doubt of that.

I’m sure he wished there had been. He’s been good to me

In his way. But I’m always a reminder to him

Of something he would prefer to forget.

[
A
pause
]

But why don’t you say something? Are you shocked?

C
OLBY
.
Shocked? No. Yes. You don’t understand.

I want to explain. But I can’t, just yet.

Oh, why did I ever come into this house!

Lucasta …

L
UCASTA
.
              I can see well enough you
are
shocked.

You ought to see your face! I’m disappointed.

I suppose that’s all. I believe you’re more shocked

Than if I’d told you I
was
Claude’s mistress.

Claude has always been ashamed of me:

Now
you’
re
ashamed of me. I thought you’d understand.

Little you know what it’s like to be a bastard

And wanted by nobody. I know why you’re shocked:

Claude has just accepted me like a debit item

Always in his cash account. I don’t like myself.

I don’t like the person I’ve forced myself to be;

And I liked you because you didn’t like that person either,

And I thought you’d come to see me as the real kind of person

That I want to be. That I know I am.

That was new to me. I suppose I was flattered.

And I thought, now, perhaps, if someone else sees me

As I really am, I might become myself.

C
OLBY
.
Oh Lucasta, I’m not shocked. Not by you,

Not by anything you think. It’s to do with myself.

L
UCASTA
.
Yourself, indeed! Your precious self!

Why don’t you shut yourself up in that garden

Where you like to be alone with yourself?

Or perhaps you think it would be bad for your prospects

Now that you’re Claude’s white-headed boy.

Perhaps he’ll adopt you, and make you his heir

And you’ll marry another Lady Elizabeth.

But in that event, Colby, you’ll have to accept me

As your sister! Even if I am a guttersnipe …

C
OLBY
.
You mustn’t use such words! You don’t know how it’s hurting.

L
UCASTA
.
I could use words much stronger than that,

And I will, if I choose. Oh, I’m sorry:

I suppose it’s my mother coming out in me.

You know, Colby, I’m truly disappointed.

I was sure, when I told you all I did,

That you wouldn’t mind at all. That you might be sorry for me.

But now I don’t want you to be sorry, thank you.

Why, I’d actually thought of telling you before,

And I postponed telling you, just for the fun of it:

I thought, when I tell him, it will be so wonderful

All in a moment. And now there’s nothing,

Nothing at all. It’s far worse than ever.

Just when you think you’re on the point of release

From loneliness, then loneliness swoops down upon you;

When you think you’re getting out, you’re getting further in,

And you know at last that there’s no escape.

Well, I’ll be going.

C
OLBY
.
                       You mustn’t go yet!

There’s something else that I want to explain,

And now I’m going to. I’m breaking a promise. But …

L
UCASTA
.
I don’t believe there’s anything to explain

That could explain anything away. I shall never

Never forget that look on your face

When I told you about Claude and my mother.

I may be a bastard, but I have some self-respect.

Well, there’s always B. I think that now

I’m just beginning to appreciate B.

C
OLBY
.
Lucasta, wait!

[
Enter
B. K
AGHAN
]

K
AGHAN
.
                          Enter B. Kaghan.

To see the new flat. And here’s Lucasta.

I knew I should find she’d got in first!

Trust Kaghan’s intuitions! I’m your guardian angel,

Colby, to protect you from Lucasta.

L
UCASTA.
You’re
my
guardian angel at the moment, B.

You’re to take me out to dinner. And I’m dying for a drink.

K
AGHAN
.
I told Colby, never learn to mix cocktails,

If you don’t want women always dropping in on you.

And between a couple of man-eating tigers

Like you and Lizzie, he’s got to have protection.

L
UCASTA
.
Colby doesn’t need your protection racket

So far as I’m concerned, B. And as for Lizzie,

You’d better not get in
her
way when she’s hunting.

But all that matters now is, that I’m hungry,

And you’ve got to give me a very good dinner.

K
AGHAN
.
You shall be fed. All in good time.

I’ve come to inspect the new bachelor quarters,

And to wish Colby luck. I’ve always been lucky,

And I always bring luck to other people.

C
OLBY
.
Will you have a glass of sherry?

K
AGHAN
.
                                                     Yes, I’ll have a glass of sherry,

To drink success to the flat. Lucasta too:

Much better for you than cocktails, Lucasta.

L
UCASTA
.
You know I don’t like sherry.

K
AGHAN
.
                                                   You’ve got to drink it,

To Colby, and a happy bachelor life!

Which depends, of course, on preventing Lizzie

From always interfering. Be firm with her, Colby;

Assert your right to a little privacy.

Now’s the moment for firmness. Don’t let her cross the threshold.

L
UCASTA
.
As if you weren’t as afraid of her as anybody!

K
AGHAN
.
Well, at least, I’ve always managed to escape her.

L
UCASTA
.
Only because she’s never wanted to pursue you.

K
AGHAN
.
Yes, I made a bad impression at the start:

I saw that it was necessary. I’m afraid Colby

Has made a good impression; which he’ll have to live down.

— I must say, I like the way you’ve bad the place done up.

C
OLBY
.
It was Lady Elizabeth chose the decorations.

K
AGHAN
.
Then I’m not sure I like them. You must change the colours.

It’s all a bit too dim. You need something brighter.

But otherwise, it looks pretty comfortable.

If I was as snug as Colby is, Lucasta,

I’d never have thought of changing my condition.

L
UCASTA
.
You’re always free to think again.

K
AGHAN.
Marriage is a gamble. But I’m a born gambler

And I’ve put my shirt … no, not quite the right expression —

Lucasta’s the most exciting speculation

I’ve ever thought of investing in.

Colby’s more cautious. You know, Colby,

You and I ought to be in business together.

I’m a good guesser. But I sometimes guess wrong.

I make decisions on the spur of the moment,

But you’d never take a leap in the dark;

You’d keep me on the rails.

C
OLBY
.
                                         That’s just nonsense.

You only pretend that you’re a gambler.

You’ve got as level a head as anyone,

And you never get involved in anything risky.

You like to pretend to other people

That you’re a gambler. I don’t believe you ever gamble

On anything that isn’t a certainty.

K
AGHAN
.
Well, there’s something in that. You know, Lucasta,

Colby is a good judge of character.

L
UCASTA
.
You’d need to be a better judge of character

Yourself, before you said that of Colby.

K
AGHAN
.
Oh, I’m a good judge. Now, I’ll tell you the difference

Between ourselves and Colby. You and me —

The one thing
we
want is security

And respectability! Now Colby

Doesn’t really care about being respectable —

He was born and bred to it. I wasn’t, Colby.

Do you know, I was a foundling? You didn’t know that!

Never had any parents. Just adopted, from nowhere.

That’s why I want to be a power in the City,

On the boards of all the solidest companies:

Because I’ve no background — no background at all.

That’s one thing I like about Lucasta:

She doesn’t despise me.

L
UCASTA
.
                            Nobody could despise you.

And what’s more important, you don’t despise
me.

K
AGHAN
.
Nobody could despise
you
,
Lucasta;

And we want the same things. But as for Colby,

He’s the sort of fellow who might chuck it all

And go to live on a desert island.

But I hope you won’t do that. We need you where you are.

C
OLBY
.
I’m beginning to believe you’ve a pretty shrewd insight