Complete Works of Thomas Hardy (Illustrated) (715 page)

‘And why?’ said the parson.

‘Sam Hobson has asked me to marry him, sir.’

‘Well — do you want to marry?’

‘Not much.  But it would be a home for me.  And we have heard that one of us will have to leave.’

A day or two after she said: ‘I don’t want to leave just yet, sir, if you don’t wish it.  Sam and I have quarrelled.’

He looked up at her.  He had hardly ever observed her before, though he had been frequently conscious of her soft presence in the room.  What a kitten-like, flexuous, tender creature she was!  She was the only one of the servants with whom he came into immediate and continuous relation.  What should he do if Sophy were gone?

Sophy did not go, but one of the others did, and things went on quietly again.

When Mr. Twycott, the vicar, was ill, Sophy brought up his meals to him, and she had no sooner left the room one day than he heard a noise on the stairs.  She had slipped down with the tray, and so twisted her foot that she could not stand.  The village surgeon was called in; the vicar got better, but Sophy was incapacitated for a long time; and she was informed that she must never again walk much or engage in any occupation which required her to stand long on her feet.  As soon as she was comparatively well she spoke to him alone.  Since she was forbidden to walk and bustle about, and, indeed, could not do so, it became her duty to leave.  She could very well work at something sitting down, and she had an aunt a seamstress.

The parson had been very greatly moved by what she had suffered on his account, and he exclaimed, ‘No, Sophy; lame or not lame, I cannot let you go.  You must never leave me again!’

He came close to her, and, though she could never exactly tell how it happened, she became conscious of his lips upon her cheek.  He then asked her to marry him.  Sophy did not exactly love him, but she had a respect for him which almost amounted to veneration.  Even if she had wished to get away from him she hardly dared refuse a personage so reverend and august in her eyes, and she assented forthwith to be his wife.

Thus it happened that one fine morning, when the doors of the church were naturally open for ventilation, and the singing birds fluttered in and alighted on the tie-beams of the roof, there was a marriage-service at the communion-rails, which hardly a soul knew of.  The parson and a neighbouring curate had entered at one door, and Sophy at another, followed by two necessary persons, whereupon in a short time there emerged a newly-made husband and wife.

Mr. Twycott knew perfectly well that he had committed social suicide by this step, despite Sophy’s spotless character, and he had taken his measures accordingly.  An exchange of livings had been arranged with an acquaintance who was incumbent of a church in the south of London, and as soon as possible the couple removed thither, abandoning their pretty country home, with trees and shrubs and glebe, for a narrow, dusty house in a long, straight street, and their fine peal of bells for the wretchedest one-tongued clangour that ever tortured mortal ears.  It was all on her account.  They were, however, away from every one who had known her former position; and also under less observation from without than they would have had to put up with in any country parish.

Sophy the woman was as charming a partner as a man could possess, though Sophy the lady had her deficiencies.  She showed a natural aptitude for little domestic refinements, so far as related to things and manners; but in what is called culture she was less intuitive.  She had now been married more than fourteen years, and her husband had taken much trouble with her education; but she still held confused ideas on the use of ‘was’ and ‘were,’ which did not beget a respect for her among the few acquaintances she made.  Her great grief in this relation was that her only child, on whose education no expense had been and would be spared, was now old enough to perceive these deficiencies in his mother, and not only to see them but to feel irritated at their existence.

Thus she lived on in the city, and wasted hours in braiding her beautiful hair, till her once apple cheeks waned to pink of the very faintest.  Her foot had never regained its natural strength after the accident, and she was mostly obliged to avoid walking altogether.  Her husband had grown to like London for its freedom and its domestic privacy; but he was twenty years his Sophy’s senior, and had latterly been seized with a serious illness.  On this day, however, he had seemed to be well enough to justify her accompanying her son Randolph to the concert.

CHAPTER II

The next time we get a glimpse of her is when she appears in the mournful attire of a widow.

Mr. Twycott had never rallied, and now lay in a well-packed cemetery to the south of the great city, where, if all the dead it contained had stood erect and alive, not one would have known him or recognized his name.  The boy had dutifully followed him to the grave, and was now again at school.

Throughout these changes Sophy had been treated like the child she was in nature though not in years.  She was left with no control over anything that had been her husband’s beyond her modest personal income.  In his anxiety lest her inexperience should be overreached he had safeguarded with trustees all he possibly could.  The completion of the boy’s course at the public school, to be followed in due time by Oxford and ordination, had been all previsioned and arranged, and she really had nothing to occupy her in the world but to eat and drink, and make a business of indolence, and go on weaving and coiling the nut-brown hair, merely keeping a home open for the son whenever he came to her during vacations.

Foreseeing his probable decease long years before her, her husband in his lifetime had purchased for her use a semi-detached villa in the same long, straight road whereon the church and parsonage faced, which was to be hers as long as she chose to live in it.  Here she now resided, looking out upon the fragment of lawn in front, and through the railings at the ever-flowing traffic; or, bending forward over the window-sill on the first floor, stretching her eyes far up and down the vista of sooty trees, hazy air, and drab house-façades, along which echoed the noises common to a suburban main thoroughfare.

Somehow, her boy, with his aristocratic school-knowledge, his grammars, and his aversions, was losing those wide infantine sympathies, extending as far as to the sun and moon themselves, with which he, like other children, had been born, and which his mother, a child of nature herself, had loved in him; he was reducing their compass to a population of a few thousand wealthy and titled people, the mere veneer of a thousand million or so of others who did not interest him at all.  He drifted further and further away from her.  Sophy’s
milieu
being a suburb of minor tradesmen and under-clerks, and her almost only companions the two servants of her own house, it was not surprising that after her husband’s death she soon lost the little artificial tastes she had acquired from him, and became — in her son’s eyes — a mother whose mistakes and origin it was his painful lot as a gentleman to blush for.  As yet he was far from being man enough — if he ever would be — to rate these sins of hers at their true infinitesimal value beside the yearning fondness that welled up and remained penned in her heart till it should be more fully accepted by him, or by some other person or thing.  If he had lived at home with her he would have had all of it; but he seemed to require so very little in present circumstances, and it remained stored.

Her life became insupportably dreary; she could not take walks, and had no interest in going for drives, or, indeed, in travelling anywhere.  Nearly two years passed without an event, and still she looked on that suburban road, thinking of the village in which she had been born, and whither she would have gone back — O how gladly! — even to work in the fields.

Taking no exercise, she often could not sleep, and would rise in the night or early morning and look out upon the then vacant thoroughfare, where the lamps stood like sentinels waiting for some procession to go by.  An approximation to such a procession was indeed made early every morning about one o’clock, when the country vehicles passed up with loads of vegetables for Covent Garden market.  She often saw them creeping along at this silent and dusky hour — waggon after waggon, bearing green bastions of cabbages nodding to their fall, yet never falling, walls of baskets enclosing masses of beans and peas, pyramids of snow-white turnips, swaying howdahs of mixed produce — creeping along behind aged night-horses, who seemed ever patiently wondering between their hollow coughs why they had always to work at that still hour when all other sentient creatures were privileged to rest.  Wrapped in a cloak, it was soothing to watch and sympathize with them when depression and nervousness hindered sleep, and to see how the fresh green-stuff brightened to life as it came opposite the lamp, and how the sweating animals steamed and shone with their miles of travel.

They had an interest, almost a charm, for Sophy, these semirural people and vehicles moving in an urban atmosphere, leading a life quite distinct from that of the daytime toilers on the same road.  One morning a man who accompanied a waggon-load of potatoes gazed rather hard at the house-fronts as he passed, and with a curious emotion she thought his form was familiar to her.  She looked out for him again.  His being an old-fashioned conveyance, with a yellow front, it was easily recognizable, and on the third night after she saw it a second time.  The man alongside was, as she had fancied, Sam Hobson, formerly gardener at Gaymead, who would at one time have married her.

She had occasionally thought of him, and wondered if life in a cottage with him would not have been a happier lot than the life she had accepted.  She had not thought of him passionately, but her now dismal situation lent an interest to his resurrection — a tender interest which it is impossible to exaggerate.  She went back to bed, and began thinking.  When did these market-gardeners, who travelled up to town so regularly at one or two in the morning, come back?  She dimly recollected seeing their empty waggons, hardly noticeable amid the ordinary day-traffic, passing down at some hour before noon.

It was only April, but that morning, after breakfast, she had the window opened, and sat looking out, the feeble sun shining full upon her.  She affected to sew, but her eyes never left the street.  Between ten and eleven the desired waggon, now unladen, reappeared on its return journey.  But Sam was not looking round him then, and drove on in a reverie.

‘Sam!’ cried she.

Turning with a start, his face lighted up.  He called to him a little boy to hold the horse, alighted, and came and stood under her window.

‘I can’t come down easily, Sam, or I would!’ she said.  ‘Did you know I lived here?’

‘Well, Mrs. Twycott, I knew you lived along here somewhere.  I have often looked out for ‘ee.’

He briefly explained his own presence on the scene.  He had long since given up his gardening in the village near Aldbrickham, and was now manager at a market-gardener’s on the south side of London, it being part of his duty to go up to Covent Garden with waggon-loads of produce two or three times a week.  In answer to her curious inquiry, he admitted that he had come to this particular district because he had seen in the Aldbrickham paper, a year or two before, the announcement of the death in South London of the aforetime vicar of Gaymead, which had revived an interest in her dwelling-place that he could not extinguish, leading him to hover about the locality till his present post had been secured.

They spoke of their native village in dear old North Wessex, the spots in which they had played together as children.  She tried to feel that she was a dignified personage now, that she must not be too confidential with Sam.  But she could not keep it up, and the tears hanging in her eyes were indicated in her voice.

‘You are not happy, Mrs. Twycott, I’m afraid?’ he said.

‘O, of course not!  I lost my husband only the year before last.’

‘Ah!  I meant in another way.  You’d like to be home again?’

‘This is my home — for life.  The house belongs to me.  But I understand’ — She let it out then.  ‘Yes, Sam.  I long for home —
our
home!  I
should
like to be there, and never leave it, and die there.’  But she remembered herself.  ‘That’s only a momentary feeling.  I have a son, you know, a dear boy.  He’s at school now.’

‘Somewhere handy, I suppose?  I see there’s lots on ‘em along this road.’

‘O no!  Not in one of these wretched holes!  At a public school — one of the most distinguished in England.’

‘Chok’ it all! of course!  I forget, ma’am, that you’ve been a lady for so many years.’

‘No, I am not a lady,’ she said sadly.  ‘I never shall be.  But he’s a gentleman, and that — makes it — O how difficult for me!’

CHAPTER III

The acquaintance thus oddly reopened proceeded apace.  She often looked out to get a few words with him, by night or by day.  Her sorrow was that she could not accompany her one old friend on foot a little way, and talk more freely than she could do while he paused before the house.  One night, at the beginning of June, when she was again on the watch after an absence of some days from the window, he entered the gate and said softly, ‘Now, wouldn’t some air do you good?  I’ve only half a load this morning.  Why not ride up to Covent Garden with me?  There’s a nice seat on the cabbages, where I’ve spread a sack.  You can be home again in a cab before anybody is up.’

She refused at first, and then, trembling with excitement, hastily finished her dressing, and wrapped herself up in cloak and veil, afterwards sidling downstairs by the aid of the handrail, in a way she could adopt on an emergency.  When she had opened the door she found Sam on the step, and he lifted her bodily on his strong arm across the little forecourt into his vehicle.  Not a soul was visible or audible in the infinite length of the straight, flat highway, with its ever-waiting lamps converging to points in each direction.  The air was fresh as country air at this hour, and the stars shone, except to the north-eastward, where there was a whitish light — the dawn.  Sam carefully placed her in the seat, and drove on.