Complicated (9 page)

“Sean.” Jonathan drew his lover’s name out on a groan. He tensed and arched his back. His legs trembled.

“Fuck.” Sean curled forward. A thick rope of cum splattered across Jonathan’s chest.

Jonathan’s restraint broke—not that he had much to begin with. He bucked off the bed and filled Sean’s ass with cum. For a moment, he felt as if he were floating. His limbs refused to cooperate, and the room spun. He closed his eyes.

“Babe.” Sean stretched out on top of Jonathan, smearing the jizz between them. “You’re good.”

“Yeah?” Jonathan wrapped his arms around Sean. He couldn’t believe it. He wasn’t a virgin—not a total one—any longer. He couldn’t have picked a more patient, handsome man to have a first time with. His deflating erection slipped from Sean’s ass, allowing Sean to snuggle up beside him.

“Stay with me.” Sean kissed him on the cheek. “We can shower in the morning, but don’t go.”

“I don’t think I can,” Jonathan confessed. The cum on his chest cooled. “I do want to wipe this off.”

Sean grinned. He rolled over long enough to grab a shirt off the floor. “Let me.” He cleaned Jonathan then wiped his own chest clean. “What did you think of your first time?” He tossed the shirt onto the floor again. “Overwhelmed still?”

“I liked it, but yeah, I’m still a little… My brain hasn’t stopped running at max speed.” He rolled onto his side. “I’m glad, though, too.”

“Why?” Sean mirrored Jonathan’s pose. He tucked one hand under the pillow and held hands with Jonathan with the other.

“Because it was with you.” Being honest felt good. The worries on his mind filtered away, replaced by calm. He still hadn’t taken the biggest step, but he’d shed some of his issues.

“I’m honored.” Sean smiled. “Sleep. I don’t have to be anywhere tomorrow, and I’d like to spend the day with you. Will you stay with me?”

“Yes.” Jonathan snuggled up to Sean and closed his eyes. He’d overcome one of his fears by opening his heart to someone else. He’d lost part of his virginity, too. Some of his friends would’ve laughed at him and said virginity only meant taking it up the ass. He’d done something more beautiful because he and Sean had made love. No regrets, no concerns…just sweaty, happy, sex-induced bliss. Part of him hoped the squishy, silly feeling would never end.

Chapter Eight

Sean sighed. He hadn’t slept so well in a long time. He had someone he cared about beside him and a reason to move forward with his life and recovery. How cool was that? He’d been reckless by going to the bar, but he’d been able to see Jonathan in his natural state. He’d also gotten to know Jonathan a little better. Going to the sub shop with him was perfect, too, despite the fans showing up. Sean loved his fans, but he’d begun to feel more than simple animal lust for Jonathan.

“How’d I know this would happen?”

Sean blinked. How did
who
know
what
would happen? A shadow moved over him. He opened his eyes. Shit, fuck, piss. Tyler. Sean palmed the sheet, touching Jonathan’s ass. Great. His ex was there while his current…whatever Jonathan was…slept beside him.

Jonathan rolled over and sighed. He stretched as he opened his eyes. “How’d you sleep?”

“Fine.” Sean squeezed Jonathan’s ass. God help him, he wanted to go another round with the sexy man—with Tyler
not
in the room.

“You don’t seem fine,” Jonathan said. He sat up then must’ve realized they weren’t alone. His jaw slackened and he whimpered. “Oh my God.” He scrambled out of bed, tossing the sheet in the air. “I’m so sorry.” He managed to moon them both while he hunted for his boxer shorts. “I’m sorry.”

“Jonathan, wait. Sit.” Sean rubbed his eyes. Every time he and Tyler split, one of them came back. They’d try again, and the relationship would fall apart—again. The last time they’d parted, Sean hadn’t wanted to replay the past. He’d thought when they’d talked on the phone Tyler had gotten the hint. Apparently not.

“So you’re the Jonathan Sean talked about?” Tyler snorted. “Aren’t you a bit young for him?”

“Shut up,” Sean snapped. He reached for Jonathan to stop him. “You, wait. Please?”

“I’ve…I’ve got to go.” Jonathan fumbled on the floor with his pants then his face reddened. “You two should talk.”

“Jonathan, wait?”

“Don’t stick around on my account,” Tyler said. He laughed. “Actually, no, please go. We need some privacy.”

“Jonathan—no, don’t go.” Sean yanked the sheet around his body to cover his nudity. “Please?”

Jonathan hiked his jeans up past his hips. He glanced back at Sean, closed his eyes and shook his head then left the bedroom. A moment later, the door clicked as he left the trailer. A piece of Sean’s heart went with him.

“Let him go.” Tyler shrugged. “He’s too young and obviously not strong enough to handle a little competition.”

“Are you fucking serious?” Sean held the sheet tight in his hand. “You really want me to let him go? Why don’t you let me go? Let me make my own decisions.”
I’ve got plenty I want to make right now that have nothing to do with you.

“I’m trying to win back the man I love.”

“Is that what you call this? Jesus.” Sean balled his free fist. Rage as he couldn’t recall ever happening before flowed through his veins. “I call this: showing up like a god-damned stalker. You and I split. You’re—were—my sponsor. I graduated from the program and am officially breaking away from it. I’m done. You’re free to be a sponsor to someone else.”

“You need me.” Tyler stepped into Sean’s personal space. His breath tickled Sean’s nose.

“No, I don’t. You’re like a fix. At the time, it’s freaking awesome. When life kicks in and the high goes away, it’s really bad. I can’t be what you want me to be, and I can’t change for you. I’m tired of the really bad. I need good in my life.”

“He’ll fix you?” Tyler spat. “He’s a kid.”

“He’s more mature than you’ve ever been.” Sean needed some clothes. Where the hell were his boxer briefs or sleep pants…anything?

“Nice comeback, dick head.” Tyler pounded his fist into the doorframe. “Shit. I don’t even rate one last ditch effort?”

“Last summer was our last ditch effort. How…how’d you get back here?” Sean muscled past Tyler and dug around in his dresser for underwear. He hated arguing in little more than a sheet. He nabbed a shirt and sleep pants, too. “Last I knew, I didn’t have anyone on my list of visitors.”

“Besides Jonathan?”

“He’s not on the list.” Sean wanted to add,
we’ve been together the whole time so I didn’t need to add him
, but he thought better of the slight. “How’d you get here?”

“The red-eye flight.” Tyler snorted again. “Oh, you mean back here to your trailer and inside?” He pointed to the floor. “Well, getting in here was pretty easy. I told the guard I’m your sponsor. He let me in right away, seeing as I was your sponsor for the last three years and have accompanied you to all your shoots save for this one. Piece of cake.”

“You need to go.” Sean gritted his teeth. He needed to get his life sorted out. Shit. He’d finally found someone he wanted to spend his time with, someone who wouldn’t encourage his bad habits but had the power to break him inside, and he fucked it up by involving his ex-boyfriend. Maybe, he was the reason his own love life sucked—he wasn’t good enough to have one.

“You want me to go? Yeah, so you can bring baby boy back. I don’t think so.” Tyler braced his arm on the doorframe he’d just punched. “I’m not going anywhere.”

“Because you’re going to be so much better for me.” Sean yanked the shirt down over his head. “Don’t bullshit me. You’re jealous and figure if you get involved you’ll reel me back in. It’s not going to happen.”

“Wait.” Tyler stepped between Sean and the door. “Be honest with me. None of the love we shared is still here between us?”

“Truth?” Like he’d tell a lie.

“I insist.”

Sean rested his hands on his hips. He needed to think through what he wanted to say before he screwed up…again. “The love we had is gone. We were never meant to be long-term. We were a shooting star. We burned real bright for the time we were together then our spark died. It’s gone. No more.”

Being honest like Tyler had wanted freed Sean, but he also noted the pain in Tyler’s eyes. Tyler wasn’t a bad guy, but they didn’t have a future together. Tyler liked structure and order…and his booze. Sean needed the structure and order, but not the booze or the constraints of having to stay in one place. He was an actor…no strings and only commitments to the movies.

What about Jonathan? Yeah, he wanted to be an actor, but could he handle the times apart? There would be time apart. Shit. He hadn’t thought about Jonathan’s feelings at all.

“So this Jonathan is really that important?” Tyler allowed Sean passage into the living room. “He’s that great?”

“I can’t say for sure.” Sean stepped into his sleep pants. “It’s early.”

“Does he know?”

“Know what? That he’s important?” Sean shrugged. “We haven’t discussed the terms of our relationship.” Although he wanted to.

“I meant, does he know he’s got power in your life? The power I once held?” Tyler sat on the couch. “When we were together, you used to bend over backwards for me. I loved and hated it. I loved having someone so devoted that they cared about my feelings, but I hated it because I knew I was holding you back.”

“You could’ve said something.” Sean sat beside him. “You’re not a bad guy. You’ll find someone else.”

“Does he love you?” Tyler stared at him with tears shimmering in his eyes.

“I don’t know.” Sean leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees. “Tyler, I don’t know what to do. What I do know is that I’m stronger and more stable because of you. Were we supposed to be lovers? No. That was against the rules in so many ways. We should’ve been friends, but the rest happened. I don’t regret being with you. I don’t regret learning from you. I’m better because of what you and I shared, and I cherish that.”

“But you don’t love me.” Tyler reached for Sean, forcing him to look at Tyler. “Tell me the truth.”

“I don’t love you any longer. I’ll always care about you, and you’ll always be my friend, but lovers…that’s not going to happen.”
Not any longer.

Tyler nodded. “Do you think he’ll come back? I kind of fucked it all up for you.”

“Not now.” Christ. If he were Jonathan, he wouldn’t come back at all. Sean would have to do a lot to make things up to Jonathan—like making sure the damn lock on the trailer door was engaged and adding a chain. “You are right. He’s young, but you’ve got to remember, I’m only twenty-four. I’ve got three years on him. I only seem like I’m old as fuck because I’ve been acting for so long. If I went away awhile, people might accept my actual age.” He stood and scrubbed the back of his hand across his mouth. “I wish we hadn’t spooked him, though.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.” Kind of. If chasing out the guy he wanted to sleep with then practically begging for a second chance while acting like a stalker was acceptable, then yeah, things were okay. He made a mental note to get extra security for his trailer and all his other places of residence.

“No, really. You know me. I don’t apologize for anything. I hate it, but in this instance, I have to get on my knees. I fucked this up for you. The Sean I knew deserved a fucked up asshole because he was a fucked up asshole. This new Sean, with feelings and tenderness I didn’t think were possible, deserves a good guy who can treat him the right way.”

“Thanks.” The softer side of Tyler was a welcome change. He appreciated how they’d both grown up since the last time they’d been lovers. They weren’t the same guys and really wouldn’t work out together.

“But remember. If he screws you over, I’m here for you.” Tyler stood then yanked Sean into a hug. “I’m here for you.”

“Thanks.”
Here’s hoping I don’t need to lean on you again.
Sean embraced his former boyfriend.

Calling Tyler hadn’t been his brightest move. He’d involved the guy in stuff he didn’t need to deal with. He’d been selfish to think he could have a former lover as a confidante. He’d learned his lesson. Never mix lovers and friends when the lover is from the past.

“I’d be willing to bet the guard has or can find Jonathan’s address.” Tyler let go of Sean. “You should call him.”

“I will. I think I’ll give him some time and space, first.” Mostly because he needed the time to hunt down Jonathan’s information. Getting his phone number would’ve been smart, but then they hadn’t been thinking about phones the night before.

“Why don’t you walk me to the taxi?” Tyler slung his bag over his shoulder. Sean hadn’t even noticed he had a bag.

“You’ve got a taxi waiting?” He slid his keys into his sleep pants pocket then stepped into his flip-flops. “All this time?”

“Nah, but I’m sure I can hail one.” Tyler walked beside him in silence until they reached the main gate. He leaned in the window of the guard station. “Can you get me a ride?”

“Right away,” the guard replied.

Tyler turned his attention back to Sean. For a split second, Sean worried about what his ex might do. The big bag could conceal a gun or a knife. Would Tyler be nutsy enough to try to hurt him?

“Truly, I’m sorry about this.” Tyler took a step towards Sean, causing Sean to retreat a step. Tyler’s eyes widened then he dipped his head. “Shit. I’m sorry.” He sighed. “Looks bad, doesn’t it? Me with my clothes and stuff… Looks like I’m armed. I’m sorry I was a dick, and that you’re afraid of me.” Hurt resonated in his eyes. “I never meant to scare you or to come on like this.”

“Apology accepted. You’ve seen me through some pretty rocky times and accepted me.” Sean didn’t come any closer, but he relaxed a bit.

A car with green letters and a yellow light on top pulled to a stop beside the gate. Tyler nodded. “That’s my ride. Call me sometime, and I promise I won’t be a jerk.” He climbed into the backseat of the car.

“Be safe.” Sean waved. “Take it easy.”

Tyler rolled down the window. “I’ll have to get used to that—us not…you know.”