Concealed - A Hiding From Love Novel #2 (23 page)

Gabe

Mas vale rodear que no ahogar.

Cut your losses.

I
N
the week that follows my night with Carla, I still hear nothing from Alexis, I know she’s fine, Beth has been in touch, but in some ways that makes it worse. I think a lot about what Carla said to me. I think about the idea that I deserve as much say in the ending of our relationship as Alexis does, and little by little it makes me mad. I’m pissed at myself for giving her all the power and pissed at her for abusing it. I’ve done nothing since I came to Austin but lay my heart out on the street and let her drive over it. I’m done.

There was something my favorite History teacher in high school used to say. “You’ll never know until you try.” I’ve tried. I’ve tried being the lovesick fool who begs for the woman’s affection, and all it’s gotten me is being treated like I’m fucking dispensable. I’m done. I promised her everything I know she wants – a home, love, a family someday – and she’s chosen to make it all about the one thing I can’t promise her – her parents’ approval. I’m done.

And because I’m done, I walk into work today, feeling more like myself than I have in a very long time. The sky is a little brighter, the air is a little fresher, and I’m actually ready to enjoy some time putting cars together with Ramon and Mike.

“It’s a beautiful day, gentlemen,” I shout as I walk into the garage.

“He’s back,” Ramon bellows from under the hood of Betty.

“What are you talking about?” I ask Ramon, even though I know exactly what he means.

He stands up and looks around Betty at me. “Glad to see you feeling better,
mijo
. Tina’s been asking about you. Why don’t you come over to the house after work Friday. We’ll do
carne asadas
.”

I nod. “Thanks, man. I’d like that.”

Ramon’s invitation reminds me of some of the thoughts I’ve had about what my life here in Austin will be without Alexis. My first instinct was to pick up and jump ship. Go back to Hawaii where Nick and Lyndsey are. Surf, maybe get a job in a garage there. But then I realized that Austin’s really grown on me. I love my job, I like hanging out with Ramon and Mike, and I love the food and the people. And while I’d never admit it to Ramon, I’ve even developed a taste for
Tejano
music. So while it might be hard to run into Alexis, because sooner or later I will, I think I’m staying here.

“So, Mikey!” I holler over to his bay as I get my tools out and look at the work order for the POS Isuzu Trooper sitting in front of me.

“Yo, bitch,” he replies.

“Let’s get the girls and go out tonight.”

Even from halfway down the length of the garage, I can see his eyebrow rise. “You sure, man? You and C are okay and all?”

“Hell, yeah. We’re great. I told you it’d be fine.”

He mumbles something under his breath but then says, “Yeah, okay. Let’s get some dinner though. I can’t eat pasta from a can one more night. I really need to learn how to cook.”

“All right, but I’ve got an after-hours job lined up, so I won’t be done until seven.” While I know I won’t need the money to help Alexis, I’m keeping the after-hours jobs for now. It keeps my mind off of her, and shit, who doesn’t need extra money?

“Okay. I’ll go home and clean up, grab the girls. Then we’ll pick you up here at seven.”

“Deal.”

The rest of the day flew by. I worked on three different cars, barely getting time to shove some lunch in my face before Ramon was yelling at me to drive Betty around the block and show her to his buddy Dan at the Mexican bakery. Ramon had just installed some new fancy wheels and wanted to get Dave’s opinion. Before I pulled out of the parking lot, I made sure Ramon saw me bouncing Betty up and down on her hydraulics. I knew it would piss him off to no end, and it was also a shitload of fun.

A few minutes after five, Ramon took Betty off to the monthly car club meeting and Mike headed home to get ready for dinner.

It’s close to seven and I’m finishing up the Ford truck I was doing an oil change on when I hear a car door slam in the parking lot. Figuring it’s Mike and the girls coming early because he’s hungry, I walk out from around the front end of the car, wiping my hands.

“Dude, you’re like a little kid who can’t go more than a couple of hours without eating. I’m not done with this…” My voice fades away as I stand looking at Alexis.

Behind her, I see Beth sitting in her car, trying really hard not to look my direction. Alexis is wearing a plain blue t-shirt and an old pair of jeans. Her hair is in a ponytail and her face is free of makeup. She looks beautiful – and tired. Very tired.

“Hey,” she says with a small, awkward wave.

“What can I do for you?” I answer, surprised at how monotone my voice sounds when inside I’m a fucking mess.

I see her smile falter momentarily. Then she pastes it back on. “Can we talk for a minute?”

I gesture to my garage bay. I don’t offer her a chair even though we keep some folding ones out here. I also don’t take her into the office. I can’t have this discussion while looking at the desk where I made love to her.

We walk in and I lean up against the truck I’ve been working on and cross my arms. “So, where’s Marco?” I ask.

“I don’t know.” She looks at me earnestly. “He came back to Austin at the end of that weekend. He and I aren’t together, Gabe. We didn’t… We didn’t get together. He gave us a ride down there and hung out at the hospital for a while with all the neighbors. That’s all, I swear.”

I nod, my jaw tense as I look at the floor. “Yeah, well, that’s a privilege I didn’t get, so kudos to him.” I see her face fall, but I’m not backing down on this – no way. “Did you need something?”

She looks like she’s about to cry. I refuse to give in to what that does to me.

“I, um, I wanted to tell you how sorry I am. I handled the whole thing with my mom really badly. I panicked, and I know I fucked up. I’m just so sorry. I never meant to hurt you and –”

I cut her off. “You didn’t mean to hurt me? You’ve got to be fucking kidding me, Alexis. You ripped my goddamned heart out and tore it into pieces. I gave you everything, I offered you the rest of my life, and you threw it back in my face like it was garbage.”

She starts to sob, putting her hands over her face. “I’m so sorry,” she cries as she tries to wipe the tears away long enough to look at me. I can’t watch her, so I turn to the workbench and start organizing tools.

“Gabe,” she whispers, “please.”

I keep my back to her as I answer quietly. “I can’t, Alexis. I can’t risk it anymore. It hurts too fucking much.”

I take a deep breath and finally turn back to her.

“Was there anything else? I’ve got to finish this job before Mike gets back to go to dinner.”

She looks at me and the hurt in her eyes is palpable. But I can’t give in to it. Not anymore. We had something really incredible, and she tore it apart. I can’t fix that.

“No,” she answers quietly, continuing to wipe tears away. “I guess not. Just that I’m sorry, and I love you, Gabe. I will always love you.”

“Thanks for stopping by,” I tell her as I walk around to the front end of the truck, where I start working again.

I hear her footsteps receding and I swallow down bitter bile. It takes everything I’ve got not to run after her. But I can’t. I can’t subject myself to her anymore. She’ll fucking kill me if I do. She’s like some sort of poison in my veins and there are only two choices: detox or OD.

I’m choosing life.

A few minutes later, Mike and the girls pull up. I close up the shop and head out to his car. Carla gets out of the back seat and greets me.

“Hey there. How was your day?” she asks as I lean down and hug her.

“Better now,” I tell her. She smiles at me and I breathe for the first time since I saw Alexis standing there. “Come on.” I take her hand and we slide into the back seat together. “I’ll buy you dinner.”

Alexis

Estoy desesperadamente enamorado de tí.

Hopelessly in love with you.

I
make it to Beth’s car and then break down completely. She sits and holds me for a few minutes while my heart bursts all over her upholstery. When I finally get it together enough to quit sobbing, she sits back without saying a word and puts the car in gear to pull out of the parking lot at Ramon’s. Just as we turn onto the street, I see Mike’s car driving in. I notice more than one person inside.

“Pull over for a minute,” I tell Beth. She looks at me questioningly but does it.

I watch as Mike parks and Gabe comes out. A blonde I recognize as the one he was bumping and grinding with at Margie’s that night gets out of the car and gives him a big hug. My stomach churns to the point that I think I might vomit. The shock spreads through my body and I start to shake as I watch him take her hand and climb in the back of the car with her, smiling the whole time.

I turn to look at Beth and see pure, unadulterated pity on her face. “Go. Please,” I whisper. She nods and pulls away from the curb, heading toward home.

After Gabe tells me I won’t be getting a third chance, I go to my apartment and spend the next few days trying to catch up on all the schoolwork I’ve missed from being gone. It helps take my mind off of the shredded piece of flesh that used to be my heart. I keep my blinds closed all day and all night, but I can’t help but listen for the sound of his bike as he starts it up to go to work in the mornings or comes home in the evenings. I notice he never uses his truck, and I realize I still have a set of keys to it. I can’t bear to give them back though. Not yet.

It’s been about two weeks after our conversation at the garage, and I’m schlepping my laundry up the stairs late at night when I hear the Harley pulling into the parking lot. I stop midway up the flight to look down toward his apartment. I see him park and turn off the bike. Sitting on the back, wearing his helmet, is the blonde. My heart lurches in my chest. I figured he was dating her, but that’s a far cry from actually seeing them together. The pain is so sharp that I nearly drop the laundry basket I’m carrying. I didn’t know it was possible to be in this much pain, honestly. If I had, I would never, ever have gotten in that car with Marco.

The girl arcs her leg off the bike, looking like she’s done it a million times. As she takes the helmet off and swings her long blond hair free, Gabe grabs her around the waist and pulls her toward him. She laughs, head thrown back, as he says something while he nuzzles her neck. Then he gives her a hard peck on the lips and she shrieks before she tosses the helmet at him and races for the door of his apartment. He jumps off the bike and follows her, laughing.

I’m frozen, absolutely unable to move. I’m not sure I’ve breathed since they pulled up, and I feel something very bad washing through my body. It’s toxic.

As he gets the key into the door and ushers the girl inside, Gabe looks behind him, up toward my apartment. His eyes land on me standing on the stairs. I see something like regret wash over his face. Then his eyes drop. He shakes his head softly and goes inside, closing the door after him.