Confessions in the Dark (20 page)

Yet there was still this twisting feeling in her gut.

She swiped at her eyes. Crap, why had she sent Cole away? She'd thought this would be a family moment, and it was, but she suddenly wanted so badly to be sharing it with him. To have someone to turn to, someone to hold her like her mother and her sister were holding on to each other.

She bit down on the inside of her cheek.

In front of her was everything she'd thought she'd ever wanted in this world.

So why did it feel like it was slipping through her hands?

D
on't forget to thank Mr. Cole,” Serena said, shuffling Max toward the door.

Hefting his backpack higher on his shoulders, he twisted around to wave back at Cole. “Thank you, Mr. Cole.”

“You're very welcome.”

Serena glanced over her shoulder at him. He stood in the doorway between the living room and the kitchen, barely leaning on his crutch at all. She gave him an uncertain smile.

It was kind of amazing how fast he was getting better now. He still swore a blue streak at his physical therapy appointments, but he'd been doing all of his exercises, both with her and on his own. The lack of strain—the lack of pain—shone on his face. Who knew? He might not even need the crutch anymore before long.

His brows furrowed, an unspoken question in his eyes, and she worked a little harder at smiling. There was an uneasiness in her chest, but she couldn't quite place it.

Probably just the fact that it was her sister downstairs instead of her mom.

She paused at the door. This was usually where she and Max stopped to do their handshake and get their hug. She hesitated, shifting her weight. This really wasn't necessary, but—

Ugh. Catching Cole's eye again, she gestured down the stairs and ruffled Max's hair. “I'm just going to...”

“I'll be here,” Cole said.

Yeah. He would, wouldn't he? The warmth of that reassurance pushed away a little of the disquiet twisting her up inside.

With a grateful nod, she opened the door and shooed Max through it. He hopped his way down the stairs while Serena took them one at a time. At the base of them, she glanced through the window by the door and frowned. Her mom always did a U-turn while she was waiting for Max to come out, but Penny was still idling on the other side of the street. Max opened the door and spilled out onto the sidewalk.

“Look both ways,” she called.

“Duh.”

Okay, maybe Serena deserved that. Max had been crossing the street on his own for years, and there wasn't even any traffic or anything. That didn't mean she couldn't worry, though.

Penny rolled the window of their mother's car down as Serena approached. “Hey.”

“Hey.” She ducked down to look through the window at her.

About a week had passed since Penny's dramatic return, and on the whole it had been good. She'd gotten back into therapy with her old practice, and they'd started her on some new medications that sure seemed to be helping. Already, it looked like she'd made up for a solid year's worth of sleep—maybe more. The dark circles under her eyes were all but gone, and there was some color in her cheeks again. It was good to see.

Still. Serena hadn't been expecting her to be on car pool duty yet.

Going for casual and probably missing by a mile, she lifted a brow. “Where's Mom?”

“At work. I had an appointment in the burbs, so she let me have the car for the day. We're picking her up next, right, Max?”

Settling himself in the backseat, Max pulled his seat belt across his chest. “Right.”

He didn't seem to see anything amiss with any of this, so Serena wasn't going to, either.

A lump formed in the back of her throat. So many times, she'd wished that Penny would come back, for Max's sake if for no one else's. Still, she hadn't entirely realized how it would feel to see the two of them acting so easy around each other. They'd never tried to keep the kid in the dark about his admittedly unconventional family. His mom had him really young and hadn't been able to give him the life he deserved, so his grandma and his aunt Rena took care of him instead. Penny popped home for the occasional visit, and Max was always happy enough to see her, but he'd never questioned their arrangement or why he was better off with things the way they were.

When Penny had ridden back into their lives, he'd taken that in stride, too, and Serena was so proud of him she could burst.

Smiling more genuinely now, she shifted to the side to peer in at him. “I'll see you tomorrow, okay, buddy?”

“Actually...” Penny waited until Serena darted her gaze back to her. “I was thinking I could pick him up after school tomorrow.”

Serena flinched back. “What?”

“I want to spend some more time with him. And besides”—squirming slightly, she pitched her voice lower, as if that would keep Max from listening in—“all this free time. My therapist thinks it'd be good for me to have some more structure. Responsibilities, you know?”

Of course. Serena had just been thinking how great it was that the two of them would get to bond. This was good.

So why did it leave her with this sinking feeling in her gut?

Pushing it aside, she rifled through her mental calendar. Max had practice the day after, so she probably wouldn't see him, unless her mom ran late and asked her to pick him up last minute again.

Except...with Penny at home, their mom really wouldn't need her to do that anymore, would she?

With a strange numbness settling over her, she said, “So Thursday, then.”

Penny looked guilty. “Max and I were planning to go shopping Thursday. Did you know he's outgrown all his summer clothes already? Mom had him try a bunch of them on the other night. He's growing like a weed these days.” She paused, seeming uncertain. “I mean, you can come along, too, if you want?”

Serena's ears were ringing.

“No.” She took a step back from the car. “No, that's okay.”

Penny's eyebrows drew together, and she tilted her head to the side. “Are you all right?”

“Yeah. Fine. Just—” Just what? Her whole calendar for the week had cleared itself like magic. She wasn't just fine—she was thrilled.

And at the same time, that little pit of uncertainty was threatening to turn into a yawning chasm.

“Just...I talked this through with Mom, and I've got all this free time right now. It's making me a little...restless.” Beneath the steering wheel, her knee bounced up and down. Being at loose ends had never been a good thing for Penny. Serena knew that. “You do so much for him, but Mom told me how busy you are. And I know you're seeing that hot British guy with”—she gestured toward her chest—“the tattoos and all.” An uncertain, hopeful smile ghosted her face. “I thought I could take some of the load.”

Suddenly off balance, Serena blinked.

Yeah, she did have a lot going on right now. Her schedule had been packed before Cole had come into her life, and everything was so new with him. She wanted to spend every waking moment with him.

But not at Max's expense. Her time with her nephew was the last thing in the world she would have wanted to give up.

Only...
her
time was just one part of the equation. Between baseball and his social life and the growing mound of homework his teachers had started assigning, Max's schedule was pretty packed, too. Penny deserved a place in it. She came back here with the intent of a fresh start, of being part of their family again.

She was his
mother
. Of course Max should be spending time with her.

Serena just hadn't expected it to hurt so much to be pushed aside.

Swallowing against the tightness in her throat, she waved it all off. “It's fine.” She scrambled. “I guess I'll see you for Sunday dinner, then.”

“Yeah. Absolutely.” Penny grinned, maybe the first real honest-to-goodness
grin
Serena'd seen on her in years.

Serena let out a wavering breath. “Okay. Have a good night, then. Bye, Max.”

“Bye!” Max said distractedly, his tablet already in his hands.

She wanted to scold him. He made himself queasy if he played too much in the car, but it was a short ride. Penny could handle it.

She took another step back from the car, only to be honked at. She scurried out of the way, over to her side of the street, to let a truck go by. Rolling up her window, Penny gave her one last little wave.

By the time Serena realized she hadn't gotten her handshake or her hug, they were gone.

The door slammed just a tad too hard.

Cole glanced away from his mobile. He'd settled himself on Serena's couch while she'd been downstairs seeing Max off, his bad leg resting on the ottoman. Maybe if he made himself comfortable enough, she wouldn't feel like she had to invent some sort of excuse to kick him out.

Not that she'd done that very often. But there'd been something distant to her just of late. She was all wrapped up in her sister's recovery, of course, but frustration still gnawed at him. She was probably trying not to burden him with her problems, but it felt an awful lot like she was keeping him out of her life instead.

She didn't say anything. Didn't so much as step away from the doorway. He glanced at her again, only to find her eyes unfocused, her face pale.

Setting his phone aside, he sat up straighter. “Are you all right?”

She blinked, gaze sweeping the room like she'd forgotten he was there. “Yeah. Fine.”

Her tone was distracted, though, and he half expected her to deflect, to start talking about dinner or any of the hundred things she probably had to do tonight, when all he wanted was to hold her. Miracle of miracles, she blew out a breath instead, deflating before his eyes. Without another word, she trudged across the room to throw herself down on the couch beside him.

Well. He could certainly work with that. Leaning back into the sofa, he draped his arm across her shoulders, pulling her in, and she went, resting her head against his chest. He twisted his neck to press a kiss to the part in her hair.

“Did Max get off all right?”

“Yeah. It was actually...it was Penny who picked him up.”

“Oh.” That didn't sound too terribly strange.

“She's really stepping up.”

“That's...good?” He couldn't tell.

“It's great.”

He held her tighter, waiting for more. When it didn't seem to be on offer, he rubbed at her arm. “Then why do you sound like she killed your dog?”

“Don't have a dog.”

Obviously.

Before he could make another dry remark, she shrugged, slumping farther with the force of her exhalation. “She said she's going to pick Max up the next few days after school.”

“Okay...”

“So.” Her voice stuttered. “So they don't need
me
to.”

Oh.

A low red haze filled his vision, but he pushed it down. Didn't they know?

Loosening his grip, he shifted in his seat, turning them until he could look her in the eye. “You know she can never replace you, right?”

Because that was the issue, he was sure. Serena's kindness had its own sort of rhythm to it. He'd never seen her so upset as she had been when the twits at Upton had told her not to come by anymore. When they told her she couldn't help.

She
needed
to help. With her family and with him, it was the common thread. When someone told her that she couldn't...

It left her like this, limp and listless and sad in a way he didn't know if he could fix.

“It's funny,” she said, looking down, “ever since she left, after Max was born, it's the thing I always worried about, you know? That I would never be able to replace
her
. A kid needs his mom, and I was just...”

She trailed off, but he wasn't having that.

He gave her shoulder a little shake. “Just his aunt who's been there for him every second of every day while his mother was off God even knows where.”

Serena went defensive immediately. “She had her reasons.” But her voice was tinged with doubt.

“I'm sure she did. But she still wasn't here.
You
were. He adores you, Serena. You have to know that.”

“Sure.” She shook her head. “But that doesn't change the fact that she's here now.” Taking a deep breath, she grasped his hand in hers. “It's okay. I'm glad they're going to get to know each other. I know she's just trying to help. Only...I just wish...”

He bit his own tongue, forcing himself to give her the space to finish her thought.

Her gaze darted up to meet his. “I wish she would have
asked
me. Before she and my mom decided to rearrange my schedule for me.”

He squeezed her palm too tightly. “They don't deserve you, love.”

Did anyone?
Could
anyone?

Laughing it off, she brought his hand to her mouth. “I don't know about that.” Kissing his knuckles, she sighed. Then, tone lightening, she said, “Oh well. Look at the bright side.”

“And what's that?”

She raised a brow, all casual flirtation. Letting go of his hand, she draped her arms over his shoulders, easing herself closer to put them nose to nose. “I'll have a little bit more free time this week.”

It didn't take much for him to catch up with her. “Oh? And whatever will we do with that time?”

“Whatever we want to.”

With that, she leaned in. He met her in the middle, covering her mouth with his own. The kiss was as sweet as ever; he didn't think her touch would ever stop being a revelation.

But there was that same distance to it, too. That distraction.

He brushed it off the best he could. But for all she said she'd do whatever she wanted to, he couldn't quite forget that there was someplace else she'd rather be.