Conquered: She Who Dares Book Two (12 page)

Her grip tightens on my cock and a small smile pulls at her lips. I groan involuntarily. “Don’t pretend you don’t want me.” She purrs. She’s not here with me. I could be anybody right now. This isn’t the woman I fell in love with, this is the master seductress just looking for a power kick.

“I…I do, but not like this.” I manage to pull away from her grip. “I’m not just some guy for you to fuck your troubles away with Lilly. Don’t check out on me.”

She shoves me away from her and sits up. She grabs her top and jeans and puts them on. “You know where the door is.”

“Lilly.” I stand up and zip my jeans back up.

“Just leave Theo.” She snaps.

“No. What the fuck is going on with you?” I ask.

She stands up and steps close to me, I can smell the vodka on her breath. “You want to know what the fuck is going on with me?” She glares. “You. You ruin everything. You’re poison. You couldn’t just leave me alone could you? You couldn’t even just fuck me and move on. Oh no, you had to screw me over.” She shoves against my chest hard.

“Lilly.” I grasp her wrists to stop her.

“And now, all I want to do is forget, but even that I can’t do.” I tear escapes down her cheek. “You ruin everything you touch, and you’ve ruined me, so just leave.”

“No.” I say quietly. I watch as the strong woman I know falls apart. I don’t know what to do or say. I did this to her. I stroke her face and wipe the stray tear from her cheek, but another quickly follows.

“Lilly.” I whisper.

She wrenches her wrist from my grasp and staggers away from me. “Seriously, do you enjoy this? Does it make you feel like a big man? Do you want to watch me break Theo?” She huffs a laugh. “Well you’re shit out of luck. I’m already broken.”

“You’re not broken Lilly.” I say firmly.

“Fuck you Theo. Just get out!” She yells.

“No, I am done with this shit! You push me away at every opportunity. I’m done letting you. You will fucking talk to me! I’m not going anywhere until you do. I’ve got all night.”

“Please just leave.” She begs. She folds her arms over her chest and looks away from me.

I fold my arms across my chest and lean against the arm of the sofa. “Not until you talk.”

Her furious eyes meet mine. “You want me talk!? Fine. You betrayed me, you got someone pregnant and I left. What part of that situation makes you think that I want anything to do with you?”

“You know I didn’t betray you. Yes, I might have gotten someone pregnant, and that’s a big if. Either way, this situation is just one small part of our story Lilly. It doesn’t have to define us. What we have is bigger than that.”

She laughs humourlessly. “Says the one who got caught with his dick wet. Don’t fucking insult me!”

“No, you do not get to throw that shit in my face! I fucked her before we were together, and if you hadn’t been so hung up on playing fucking games with me it never would have happened. I wanted you and you shut me down. I was in love with you and you walked away. I have always been loyal to you, even when you were just toying with me. You were the one who ran, not me.”

“Yes I ran. I ran away fucking screaming! I should have kept going!” She shouts. She sways slightly and drops back onto the sofa. “Fuck, I can’t do this.” She swipes at another stray tear on her cheek.

“Lilly, I love you.” I say with gritty determination. “You are everything to me.” She grabs the bottle of vodka from the coffee table and takes a swig, before turning to me with a fierce expression on her face.

“Fuck you, Theo, you don’t get to say that to me. It’s not fair.” Her voice breaks.

I move away from the sofa and drop to a crouch in front of her. “I know, but it’s the truth.” I watch her carefully as she tries to avoid eye contact. “You know if the situation were reversed, if you were the one who was pregnant with someone else, I’d stand by you.” It’s the truth, although don’t go thinking it’s out of some superior selfless morale. I would stand by her because I can’t live without her. She’s everything.

“Sure you would.” She says sarcastically. Her eyes flick to my face. I say nothing, just meet her probing gaze. Her expression softens as she seems to see the truth in my statement. “Then you’re a stronger person than me.” She whispers and looks away from me.

“No, I just love you more than anyone or anything. The way I feel about you can’t be put into words.” I reach out and brush my fingers down her cheek. “Explaining my love for you would be like trying to describe colours to a blind man.” I pour my heart out to her, just trying to make her see. “I would stand by you, because for me there is no other option. Only you. You’re the other half of me. You complete me.” She lets out a small broken sob and presses her hand to her mouth, trying to stifle the heart wrenching sound.

She leans forward and closes her eyes as she leans her forehead against mine. Her hands grip my shirt as though trying to keep me there. I hold her face, tracing her bottom lip with my thumb as a tear streaks down her cheek. I cling to this moment with her. “I hate you so much for this. I hate you because you took something perfect and you ruined it. I hate you because I love you. No matter how much I hate it, I do love you, so much, but it’s not enough. I can’t stand by you.” She says in a strangled gasp. How can something this right not be enough? She pulls away and shakes her head. I watch as she takes a moment and steels herself. She closes her eyes and takes a steady breath. When her eyes meet mine, they’re hard and unforgiving. “I’m sorry.”

Then there’s nothing more to say. Defeated, I stand and walk to the door. I take one last look at her tear stained face and wonder how two people can be so miserable apart, can pine for each other, and yet, she would rather be miserable than be with me.

As the door clicks shut behind me, resentment crawls over my skin. It’s not enough. I would give her the world if she asked for it, but it’s not enough. I love her in ways that scare the shit out of me. I want her more than my next breath. I would stand by her. I will always love her. It’s not enough. I’m not enough. She loves me, but not enough.

My heart feels like it’s ripped out and bleeding. Lilly Parker just managed to destroy me with three words.

I haven’t heard a peep out of Lilly since our conversation four days ago. She’s all. I Can. Think. Of!

My head is telling me to give up, to let her go and move on, but my heart, my fucked up, good for nothing heart can’t let her go. She’s it, if I let her go there will be no moving on, because she will always be it. Every woman I meet will forever be compared to her, and how can they possibly compare? They can’t.

I’m not even sure I can let her go, because it means accepting that at some point she will find a guy who is enough for her. The thought makes my chest clench. I can’t picture a time when I will ever be able to watch her be with someone else. Maybe I should just get away from London for a while. Maybe…

My phone rings. Cassie. Fucking hell. Really? I hit reject. That’s just more shit I can’t deal with. I can’t even look at her. She comes to the house and I don’t answer the door. She calls my phone and I don’t pick up. I know I’m burying my head in the sand, but really, a baby!? What kind of woman has a one night stand with a guy like me and then keeps the baby. Do I look like father material? Because seriously I am about as far from the ideal role model as it gets. Poor fucker doesn’t stand a chance. Maybe this is karma coming back to bite me for all the tequila I’ve drunk and women I’ve fucked. In fact I blame tequila for this entire situation.

Then, as if my day couldn’t get any worse, the bitch just walked into my office.

I sigh. “Are you fucking serious? I didn’t want to speak to you, and I sure as shit don’t want to see you. Who let you in here?” I glare at her.

She has long blonde hair and green eyes that are a mere imitation of Lilly’s. She could be pretty I think. I’m not the best judge, seeing as she ruined my fucking life.

“I’ve given you plenty of opportunity to speak to me. You could call.” She waves her phone at me. “You have to talk to me at some point.” She sits in the chair opposite the desk.

“Take a seat why don’t you?” I grumble. I don’t want to have to deal with this shit. Fucking hell.

“You know you don’t have to be a complete arsehole about it.” She says as she stares at her hands awkwardly.

I laugh before I turn what I know is an intimidating glare on her. “You’re the arsehole here. You have a one night stand with me, which by the way I can’t even remember, that’s how drunk I was…in fact, it could probably be classified as rape.” Her eyebrows are pulled together as she looks up at me. “Then, you get knocked up and think….I know, I’ll keep it. Who does that!? You’re fucking crazy.” I need to rein it in, but fucking hell, of all the times to corner me. I’m in the worst mood imaginable. I’m sexually frustrated, I haven’t had a drink today, and I’ve had to come into the office to sort out a load of shit at work. Not to mention I had my fucking heart ripped out. Ninety percent of these problems are due to the woman sat in front of me. Really not a good time.

“It’s still a baby, regardless of how it was brought into this world.” She says quietly. “It’s your child Theo, you could at least acknowledge it.” Her bottom lip trembles and tears fill her eyes. Great, just fucking great.

“Fuck me, are you delusional!?” I shout. “What did you think, that I’d play happy families with you?” I laugh.

“I thought you’d be mature about it. It’s not an ideal situation for me either.” Tears spill down her cheeks as she looks at her hands. I should probably feel bad about the fact that she’s crying. I don’t. I’m a heartless bastard.

I stand and lean over the desk. “Well then get rid of it!” I roar. I turn and walk to the windows, taking deep breaths. I do not have the patience for this shit.

“I can’t.” She says quietly. “It’s a baby.” Oh fucking hell, shoot me now. I get that some women feel this way, but surely if that’s how you feel, you make sure you are using contraceptive. There is no fucking excuse. Yes, I should have bagged it up, but in the state I was in, I was just as likely to put it on my fucking head as my dick. Christ. I don’t even remember it, and trust me…no matter how drunk a guy gets, he always remembers getting some. Me and my cock need a serious conversation as to how it managed to get hard after that much tequila.

“It is not a baby, it is a…” I search for the words, but I really don’t want to have to talk about this. “…a thing. Just get rid of it.”

“It is a life, and I will not be a murderer!” She snaps.

“How much money do you want?” I ask.

“What?”

I turn back around to look at her. “Money. How much do you want? I thought my people had already spoken to you about this.”

Her face goes bright red. “I don’t want your money.”

I smirk. “Sweetheart, there’s only one reason a chick gets knocked up with a millionaire. I sure as shit am not going to make daddy of the year, so how much?”

“I don’t want your money. I just want you to be a father to your child.” She won’t look at me, and it just pisses me off, I don’t know why, most people won’t look directly at me. She’s hardly alone in that, and I am seriously angry to boot.

I laugh humourlessly. “You have ruined my life. Lilly, that girl you so kindly involved in this shit storm, she was the whole shebang, the girl you marry and have kids with. Well she walked. So I’ll be blunt with you Cassie, no I do not fucking want a baby with you.” I drag my hands through my hair. Holy shit did I actually just say I would marry and have kids with Lilly?

“You owe it to this child to let her go.” She says almost frantically. “Give us a chance. I could make you happy.” Her eyes search mine. This bitch is a whole can of crazy.

“Did you not hear anything I just said? Fucking hell, I’d rather go celibate than fuck you again.” I say sternly. “Now seriously name your price, and before you turn me down again I suggest you think through your options carefully. You can keep that baby and bring it up on your own, or you can take the money, go and meet a guy who actually wants to have kids with you, and live happily and wealthily ever after. There really is only one intelligent option here.” I would never leave my kid out there in the world, but I’m calling her bluff.

It may seem harsh, but the way I see it is at this stage it’s just a ball of cells. Yes, I Googled it. A termination is akin to a miscarriage. If she has that baby, it will be born to parents who hate each other. She’s hardly the ideal mother candidate. I had my people run a background search on her, more for leverage purposes than anything else. Turns out she’s a former drug addict and a stripper. As for me…well, I don’t think that needs to be said.

At this stage, she’s pregnant and that’s a problem that can be solved. If she has the baby and it proves to be mine then it’s a whole different ball game. It’s no longer a problem. It’s my child. I will take custody of it. I may not be the ideal father, but I take care of what’s mine. She doesn’t stand a chance against my solicitors. They will dig up every sordid detail about her and present it to the court. Of course I don’t exactly have a stellar reputation, but I do have money, and have never had a history of drug abuse.

My mother never wanted me. I would never want any child of mine to feel that kind of pain. I know I’ll be a crap father, but what else can I do? It’s times like this when I really wish that Lilly were in this with me. I could do with some of that fierce strength of hers. It’s a ridiculous fantasy though.

I can’t tell what Cassie’s motives are yet. If she’s after money then she would take the deal. My people have offered her five million. People would do a lot worse for that kind of money. She may just genuinely want that baby, but if that’s the case then why me? I’m not stupid enough to think that our one night stand was just by chance, that she had no idea who I am. If she does just want the baby though, then my threatening to take custody may just make her run. I can’t risk it.

For now though, I need her to think she’ll be alone in this. I’m pushing for an abortion if possible.

“You disgust me!” She says as tears stream down her face. I’ve heard worse.