Conscience (The Bellator Saga Book 2) (11 page)

Jen pouted. “You know, I’ve only been engaged for a few weeks and you’re stealing my thunder with your own wedding.”

“I know. Isn’t it romantic? You’ll just have to make it up to yourself by seeking that congressional seat you’ve always wanted.”

Kathleen grinned again. “Is Jack going to be cool with me bringing a woman to your reception?”

If he wasn’t, Caroline would deck him. Kathleen had started dating a PR consultant named Liz over the summer, and it sounded serious. Caroline was impressed, since her press secretary had pulled double duty and been bombarded with work during the recess. Kathleen almost never made time for herself even during a lull in her job.

“Liz is invited, for sure.” Caroline was struck with luscious inspiration. “And please, please make out on the dance floor. Please.”

“With her, or with you?”

Caroline blushed. Even though it was a running joke between the two of them, she got bashful every time it was mentioned. “You need to let go of your crush on me, my dear. I’m taken. Again.”

“I know,” Kathleen said. “I just wanted to see if you’d blush. Nicely done.”

“Do Eric and I get to make out on the dance floor?” Jen asked.

The reception would clear out for sure. “No,” Caroline said. “You’re too mainstream. We want wedding photographs that’ll trend on Twitter.”

“And you’re boring, frankly,” Kathleen said. “It’s much easier to come up with a suitably tasteless hashtag for me and Liz. I’ve got a dress already picked out. I’ll be wearing chartreuse. I believe Liz will be decked out in salmon.”

That sounded terribly inappropriate. Caroline hoped Katie wasn’t bluffing. The pictures would be outstanding. “It might take some effort for this plan to happen,” she said. “Chrissy will probably be patrolling the parquet to make sure there’s enough space for the Holy Spirit in between all the dance partners, regardless of sexual orientation.”

Kathleen smiled impishly. “I forgot about her. Now I’m totally making out with Liz on the dance floor, just to see how she reacts.”

“Maybe we can get Chrissy drunk,” Caroline said.

Jen grinned. “I’m in for that.”

“Do I get to get drunk?” Kathleen asked.

“No,” Jen and Caroline said simultaneously.

“You people are no fun at all.”

“We’ll get drunk at Jen’s wedding,” Caroline said. “I promise.”

“I don’t want my bridesmaids taking sloppy photos,” Jen said. “So behave.”

“I-” Caroline forgot what she was going to say next. Was Jen asking her to stand up in her wedding?

Jen laughed again. “You didn’t think you got to sit on the sidelines, did you?”

“I already accepted,” Kathleen said. “That means you’re morally obligated to stand next to me in some horrible taffeta thing. Hell if I’m doing that shit alone next to Jen’s crazy sister and God knows who else.”

“We’re going with tea length dresses,” Jen said. “Something classy.”

“You want me to be a bridesmaid?” Caroline asked.

“Brides
matron
,” Kathleen corrected. “As long as McIntyre doesn’t chicken out at the last minute and leave you sultry and single.”

“What a foul sounding word,” Jen said. “Of course, Caroline. You’re one of my best friends.”

She now had no hope of getting through the day without crying, and Jen must have sensed something because she rushed over to Caroline’s desk and put her arms around her.

“I’m fine,” Caroline said.

“You’re not. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have sprung that on you the instant you walked into the office.”

She laughed through her tears. “I’m the one who just told you I was retiring and ordered you to take my place.”

“Yes, but my wedding is a much bigger deal.”

Caroline squeezed Jen tightly with her one good arm. “Of course I’ll stand up for you. It would be an honor.”

Kathleen cleared her throat. She seemed put off about something. An unexpected moody turn. “I hate to break up this touching moment, but the boss is going to have to get over to the Capitol soon.”

“Did you want a hug too?” Caroline asked.

“I’ll get mine later.”

Caroline didn’t have time to worry about Kathleen’s personality quirks. “Let’s talk more about the presser.”

“I’ll get it set up in the next couple of days,” Jen said.

“No leaks.”

“Caroline, that’s going to be next to impossible.”

“Try anyway.”

And just like that, they slipped back into their office roles…for a few minutes, anyway. Kathleen remained abnormally silent throughout much of their planning. After they hashed out the details for the press conference, Jen turned to Caroline again, a decidedly non-professional expression on her face.

“What do the girls think of all of this?” Jen asked.

Caroline was going to keep it simple, deciding to fly solo during her statement. Jen vehemently disagreed, saying that Jack and the girls should be there, but it wasn’t her call to make. Caroline wanted to keep Marguerite and Sophie’s press exposure to a minimum before Jack’s campaign started rolling. A Republican campaign that appealed to the more conservative voters in the party inevitably meant plenty of family photo-ops, a concept Caroline dreaded. But now was not the time to dwell on that. She could focus on the positive.

“They think it sounds like fun,” she said. “They’ve been taking everything so well the past few months. I’m waiting for it to blow up in my face.”

“It won’t,” Jen said. “Those are some damn good kids.”

“I’m a very lucky woman.” Caroline bit her lip. Forget the soft tears, the happy hugs, the joyful reunion. She was going to lose it in front of them and she really didn’t want to do it on her first day back at work.

Jen gave her another concerned look. “Caroline?”

She took a deep breath. “I want you to know how much I’m going to miss you. I don’t want you to think I made this decision lightly.” Her voice caught. “I love you both very much, and this was one of the hardest choices I’ve ever had to make.”

“We know,” Jen said.

Kathleen stared at the wall, her arms wrapped around herself. Something was definitely up. Caroline coughed, pulling herself back together. “We’ve had a good run, though. Wouldn’t you say?”

“We sure have,” Jen said.

They’d avoided the topic during wedding talk and the logistical discussion about her press conference, but Caroline knew she had to mention the issue they’d been skirting all morning. “Will you please think about running, Jenny? Seriously consider it. I’ll help you. I promise.”

Jen stood up. “I will. I just need some time to think. I guess today would be a good day to lunch with Eric, huh?”

“Probably.”

“I’ll go set that up,” she said, and hastily left the room.

Jesus. Maybe she’d unintentionally overwhelmed her, on the first day back from a month long break, no less. Caroline would have to make it up to Jen somehow. Kathleen was still staring at the wall.

“Katie?”

Kathleen turned to her. There were tears in her eyes. She never, ever cried. “If you think you’re getting rid of me too, you’re cracked.”

“Excuse me? Were you going to leave?”

“No, but I’m not spending all my time in this office while you get to have all the fun. Even if you are misguided enough to give me a promotion.”

“Huh?”

The tears were gone. Kathleen recovered quickly, there was no doubt of that. Now she was all business. “You’ll need somebody to keep you in line while you’re tromping all over Pennsylvania, right?”

“I guess so.”

“Did you forget that I grew up in Bucks County?”

“It may have crossed my mind.”

“You know Jenny’s going to run. As soon as you suggested it she got that spark in her eye. And that means I’ll become your chief of staff because God knows no one else will put up with you. And therefore that also means I will be required to accompany you on every major trip to make sure you don’t say anything stupid.”

She had plenty of competent staffers who could keep her out of trouble, but none were as entertaining as Kathleen. “Probably.”

“And you and I both know that I had to mention it first before you worked up the chutzpah to ask me to do it, right?”

Caroline laughed. “Right.”

“You’re stuck with me, Gerard. Sorry to break it to you.”

“I was afraid to ask you to tag along with me. You know how I handle rejection.”

“Poorly. Yes, I know.”

“You don’t have to do this if you don’t want to,” Caroline said. “I’m sure Jack’s campaign can find someone to keep me in check.”

“I want to. No one else can deal with you the way I can. And I can guarantee some Republican lackey won’t be nearly as amusing as me.”

“Katie, I don’t expect anything from you after the election. You’ve got a life here in D.C. and I’m not going to disrupt it.”

Kathleen waved her off. “Don’t even think about that now. Jack has to win first. And I’ll make sure that his wife wins him votes.”

“I’m sure he’ll appreciate that.”

“Speaking of Jack, shouldn’t he get you over to the Capitol building so that all those photographers and reporters can fall all over themselves trying to get to you?”

What a joy. “I guess so.” Caroline stood up and straightened her suit.

Kathleen gave her a big hug. “You’re making the right choice, Caroline. Even if you struggle with it a little. I’m sorry I threw my phone across the room the first time you told me.”

“I knew it,” Caroline said.

“It was more of a toss, really. A love pat to my electronics.”

It was hard to break their embrace. “I do like you, Katie. An awful lot.”

“That’s only because we’re so much alike.” Kathleen grinned at her. The serious moment had passed. “And deep down inside you’re in love with me, I know it. I also know this decision wasn’t easy for you.”

“It
is
hard,” Caroline said. “It’s a lot to give up. I can’t explain it. It’s just something I need to do.”

“That
you and Jack
need to do,” Kathleen emphasized. “Better start tuning up your language. See why you need me around?”

Caroline leaned in for another hug. “I love you. Thanks for forcing me to hire you.”

“You bet. Go knock ‘em dead, boss.”

The Past

The Speaker’s staff asked Caroline to recite the Pledge of Allegiance at the beginning of the day’s session. It was terribly embarrassing. She hadn’t been told beforehand, probably so she wouldn’t be able to back out. Her voice came close to breaking when she got to the end, and she almost stumbled over the last words.
Liberty and justice for all
. Sometimes she was a little too guileless when it came to her ideals.

Bob stepped down from the podium and hugged her afterwards, which wasn’t embarrassing. Not in the slightest. Neither were all the looks she received when she marched to his office once things started to calm down on the House floor. She had a pressing matter to discuss with him and hoped the conversation would go smoothly. Maybe it would help her forget all the reporters still trailing her every move. Thankfully, his administrative assistant instantly waved her into his office.

He smiled, looking unsurprised to see her. “Don’t you have some representing to do?”

“Don’t you have some speakering to do?” she responded. “I’ve been told your Whip is being an asshole already.”

He laughed. The GOP wasn’t wasting any time in trying to wrangle its moderate members to support some controversial legislation. “Did McIntyre spill the beans?”

He’d bitched about it in the car and her phone still buzzed nonstop with angry texts. “Many emojis were involved. I shall spare you the details.”

“Did you stop in just to criticize the Republican leadership?”

Caroline sank into one of the large leather armchairs facing his desk. “I’d be happy to share my opinion if you really want to hear it, but you’re a busy man and it’ll take too long. I needed to ask you something non-political.”

“Of course.”

Best to get it over with quickly. “Um, did you get our wedding invitation?”

They hadn’t sent out anything terribly fancy, but made sure to let their closest friends know the date so that they could start planning. They were working on short notice anyway.

“Indeed I did. Addie is, as you might imagine, extremely excited to attend.”

“I, uh, hoped you might do me a favor.”

“Name it.”

“Well-” Caroline pulled at a loose string on her sling and decided to spit it out as fast as possible. “I - you probably remember my parents aren’t around anymore. And this is my second wedding so I really don’t need anyone to do this but you mean a lot to me and I was hoping that maybe you’d give me away. You don’t have to do it if you don’t want to,” she added. She looked up to find Bob staring down at his desk, and she blushed. “I’m sorry. I’ve overstepped my bounds. I shouldn’t have asked.”

“You’re a strong woman,” he said. “You don’t need anyone to give you away. Hell, you don’t even believe in any of that crap.”

“I know.”

“Then why?”

Caroline laughed softly. “I think it’s more me being afraid to walk down the aisle by myself more than anything else.”

“I don’t believe that for a second.”

“It’s kind of nerve-racking,” she said. “The last time I did this, both my parents gave me away.” As more of a symbolic gesture than anything else; Nicky’s parents had done the same.

Bob gazed at one of the paintings on the wall. “I’m sure you miss them very much.”

“I do.”

“I know how much you’d want them to be here for this.”

More than just about anything in the entire world. “Yeah.”

He looked her in the eyes. “It broke Addie’s heart that we couldn’t have children.”

Caroline took a deep breath. Bob never talked about that, not unless he’d been drinking heavily. And only if he was in an unshakably melancholic mood. He’d done it once in front of her but she suspected he brooded alone many times, and always with a glass in his hand. He never went into the specifics, never said whether they tried to adopt or attempt other methods…never revealed any of it to anyone. But he and Adeline very quietly took on familial roles for Caroline’s children as the years passed, even though they rarely saw them. Yet another reminder that she was quite lucky to have so many wonderful people in her life.

“You would have been fantastic parents,” she said.

“No one really knows that for sure, but thank you for saying so.” Bob got up from behind his desk and took the seat next to hers. “I spent some time with Jack while we were waiting for you to get out of surgery.”

“Really?” She hadn’t realized he was there.

“Yes,” he said. “He was quite worried about you. We went to the chapel together.”

“I see.”

“We prayed. Silently, of course but….you know. I knew what he was saying.”

“I’m sure that wasn’t very much fun.”

“It wasn’t.” He paused. “He loves you very much.”

“I know.”

Bob focused his gaze on Caroline again. “I was wrong. And when I’m wrong I say I’m wrong.”

“About Jack?”

He smiled. “Yes. About Jack.”

“Well,” she said. “I’ll be damned.”

“Don’t act so surprised. I’ve admitted my mistakes before.”

“Never in public.”

“Do we look like we’re in public?”

“I might be funneling gossip to the papers. Gotta pay off that mortgage somehow. Want to talk about any upcoming legislation?”

“I think you’ll be fine, given your future financial prospects.” Bob gave her a wry look. “Are there any reporters in here?”

“I can probably find one.”

“You’ll be good for McIntyre,” he said, without any irony. “And he’ll be the same for you.” He cleared his throat, taking her hand in his. “It would be my honor to give you away, sunshine.”

“Thank you,” Caroline whispered.

“Don’t you dare cry.” He released her hand and stood up. “Save that shit for your wedding day. And get your ass over here and give me a hug.”

Caroline was never one to disregard a direct order from the Speaker. “Yes, sir.”