Conscience (The Bellator Saga Book 2) (10 page)

“Are you going to be a good girl and let me have my way with you?” he asked. “I’ve been very patient with you. Not all boyfriends would wait this long.”

They’d been doing that more often, after he’d tied her to his bed during that hot weekend in July. Role playing, engaging in rougher sex, getting a little kinky. Caroline loved it and hoped their relationship would continue to evolve. She wanted to find out how far Jack was willing to go. He indulged her every fantasy and she was just as excited about his.

She laid down on the bed, pressing her knees together. She could play the virgin. “I don’t know. Good girls aren’t supposed to put out.”

Jack sat down next to her, starting to caress her thighs. “All the girls are doing it, baby. Don’t you want to fit in? Don’t you want the boys to like you?” He attempted to slide his hand between her knees, which were still locked shut.

“I don’t want the boys to think I’m easy,” Caroline said softly.

“They won’t,” he said. “It’ll feel good. You’ll see. I’ll make you feel so damn good.”

She closed her eyes. How long could she play the game before she broke down and begged him to fuck her brains out? “I want you to respect me in the morning.”

Jack kissed his way up her body. “I will always respect you, Caroline.”

She wasn’t the only one having trouble with the game. He was just as horny as she was, maybe more so. “You’re breaking character,” she said.

He laughed. “I thought it might weaken your resolve. I’m not sure how much longer I can wait.”

“My resolve is pretty weak already,” Caroline said.

Jack laughed again as she spread her legs apart. “That’s what I like to see.” He started teasing her with his fingers. “Do you like that?”

Had he meant that as a rhetorical question? Because he was very obviously pleased by her reaction. “Yes,” she whispered.

He kissed her deeply. “I love you, Caroline. You’ll never know how much.” He slid a finger inside her, then two.

“I can take an educated guess,” she gasped.

“I’m going to take advantage of you in so many ways tonight,” Jack said against her lips. “And you’re going to enjoy every minute.”

“Be gentle.” She widened her eyes as he worked up to four fingers. Jesus, he wasn’t playing around. “I’ve never been this far before.”

He lifted his head up. “You’re going back
into
character?”

Since he was getting damn close to putting his entire hand inside her, her previous statement hadn’t exactly been a lie. Caroline smiled at him when he slowly withdrew the fingers and started teasing her again. “I thought it wouldn’t be a bad idea. And that request is also coming from a woman who’s in a slightly vulnerable physical position right now.”

“You’ve got a deadly weapon disguised as a cast and I’ve got a serious case of blue balls that needs to be dealt with immediately. Who’s really at a disadvantage here?”

Feeling aggressive, Caroline yanked him down by the scruff of his neck and kissed him. “Maybe we both are.”

“I will always be gentle with you,” he said. “Unless you request otherwise.”

“I just might,” she said. “Maybe even tonight.”

“Good girls deserve only the best,” Jack murmured. He started kissing his way down her body, reaching the apex of her thighs. “Especially the ones who agree to marry me.”

She sank back into the pillow. “Contain yourself, darling. The girls might still be awake.”

He pulled his head up. “I like when you call me that. You haven’t done it in a while.”

Caroline frowned at him. “I said it with the understanding that you were going to get me off with that tongue trick you have.”

“I can use my tongue.” He slid a finger inside her. “Or I can use my hand. I know which option you prefer.”

Jack loved it when her breath was hot and heavy in his ear as she begged him for more. More friction, more fingers, more everything. And he was always happy to oblige.

“You have big hands,” she whispered.

He pressed two fingers inside her. “You like them.”

“I-” She moaned softly. “Please don’t stop.”

He started stroking her clit with his thumb. “I’m never going to stop. You like it too damn much.”

Caroline writhed against him, whispering his name against her lips when he weaved his fingers through her hair and tugged. She wrapped one arm around his shoulders and he leaned in for a deep kiss to muffle her cries as he finally pushed her over the edge. He pulled away slowly, sweeping her hair out of her face.

She embraced him again, curling up against his chest. “I love you.”

“I know.” He massaged her still trembling thighs. “Can we have sex now?”

Poor guy. It
had
been a long month. Caroline rolled over on her back and dutifully spread her legs. “Absolutely.”

The Fed

Her face was wet. Why was her face wet?

Caroline opened her eyes. She’d been crying. And she was on the floor. The cold concrete floor.

Oh, fuck them. Fuck them so hard.

She pushed herself up. Every movement was agonizing. Jesus, had they beaten the crap out of her after they’d knocked her out? Maybe just tossed her in her cell like a bag of potatoes? Anything was possible.

She was momentarily distracted by the image of them trying to carry or even drag her down the hall. Even if she'd lost weight, she was deceptively built and anything but dainty. Did the FBI agents do it, or was Fischer assigned that unfortunate task? Hopefully he threw his back out in the process. Too bad she hadn’t witnessed it.

The lights were off. Of course. She tentatively reached out, fearful of any creepy crawlies she might find. She’d die on the spot if there were rats or bugs skittering all over the place. She trailed her fingers along the floor, finding the metal bed frame. At least now she had a rough idea of where she was.

She crawled onto the bare mattress. No pillow. Not anymore. If she kept messing around with them she’d probably end up sleeping on the floor every night. Could she call it sleeping when the method of putting her to bed consisted of being knocked unconscious?

She wiped the tears from her eyes. She had to stop dreaming about them. About
him
. About the way it felt when he held her close, when he moved inside her, when he whispered her name and told her how much he loved her. It made the separation that much more agonizing. But she still felt…
lighter
somehow. The memories made her happy. Blissfully happy.

Maybe thinking about him wasn’t the worst idea. Especially when faced with the alternative. She tried not to remember the scowl on Bradbury’s face right before he kicked her in the head. Although maybe she should. Focus on the details. On every agent and guard she encountered. Their expressions, their tics, their identifying characteristics. Because when she got out of here, she was going to make sure that someone knew who the hell they were.

You think you’re getting out? Really?

Caroline shook her head. Pollyanna was at war with the forces of reality. And she didn’t like it. Maybe she could think of something positive instead.

They’re not going to kill you. They’re just going to do unspeakably horrible things to you.

Oh yeah. That train of thought was
much
better. Sometimes she wished her inner monologue would shut the fuck up.

She was lucky Bradbury hadn’t accidentally killed her with that blow to the temple. She knew how shit worked. A kid could die instantly getting nailed by an errant pitch at a baseball game. She’d heard about something like that once. But she’d survived the first day. Had it been only a day? Surely she hadn’t been unconscious for longer than that. She had no concept of time. It had been cold outside when they brought her in, with snow piled up outside the entrance to the building. So it was still winter. It couldn’t have been too long. If it had been months and months, she would have withered away to nothing in that hospital bed. But it had to have been at least a week or two. Which meant it was…still February?

Late winter. A depressing season. The least pleasant part of the year. And she now had a rough idea of the time period in which she was inevitably either going to die or be tortured. How comforting. Caroline touched her nose. Broken again. Cheekbone too. Pain was becoming yet another part of whatever routine she had right now. And this routine – whether it lasted one day or ten – sucked.

She smiled despite her aching head. She’d fucked with them. And it had driven them nuts. Howard tried to remain detached but she got Bradbury to lose his temper. She doubted very much that they were supposed to beat the shit out of her on the first day. Not that she knew how these things worked.

She used a trick a friend of hers had taught her. Deflection, avoidance, whatever you wanted to call it. A play on one of the techniques that American prisoners of war used under enemy interrogation. To the best of her knowledge, none of them had trolled their captors using their extensive familiarity with the life and times of Adlai Stevenson. So she got points for originality, even if she ended up fumbling the dismount.

Would they try to interrogate her again? They had to know it wouldn’t accomplish much. In hindsight, she probably should have looked at the papers they claimed she’d stolen. They may have been documents she’d actually obtained. But giving in, mulling them over, showing any sort of reaction…they intended to judge her response. They didn’t need to know whether she’d actually committed any of the acts alleged against her. They wanted to measure her emotions. Hound her into letting something slip. Guilt, innocence, or a complicated blend of the two were irrelevant.

The mattress was hard, but the lack of a pillow wasn’t a terrible development. Her face hurt no matter how much padding was under it. She closed her eyes. Maybe they would leave her alone. Let her sleep in her cell. Such thoughts were foolish, but they were all she had. She just had to stay focused.

God willing, she could keep her damn mouth shut.

The Past

Jack guided her through the throng of cameras until they reached her office door. He’d been fussing over her all morning, kindly failing to mention her trembling hand during the walk from the parking garage into Rayburn. The distance seemed further than she remembered.

He turned to smile at her. “Ready?”

She stared at the door. At the plaque bearing her name, riveted to the wall. At a piece of nonexistent lint on her jacket. Why was she so damn nervous?

“Let’s do this,” she said.

Her left arm was still in a sling and probably would be for another week or two.  She needed to work on repairing the muscle damage but the cast was finally gone.  Given her propensity to gesticulate wildly while speaking, her surgeon thought it was best to play it safe and keep her immobile for a while longer.

Only having one good arm was a pain. She managed to get her thigh highs on that morning with a lot of help from Jack, but most personal tasks were difficult. And she still couldn’t get her contacts in. Jack assured her that her glasses made her look like a sexy librarian, and readily volunteered to keep helping when it came to her undergarments. What a thoughtful guy.

Despite her churning stomach, Caroline was thrilled to return to work. She still had a few misgivings; reporters trailed their car from her house all the way to Capitol Hill. She was chagrined that they were so forward as to hide out near her private residence, and may have complained several times during the commute. Her ability to lead a relatively quiet life was over. Jen and Kathleen repeatedly warned her in the waning days of summer but she failed to listen. She just hoped that the journalists would fade away after a couple of days.

Jack opened the door and guided her inside, where her staff was assembled waiting for her. They started clapping. The gesture was sincere if a bit overdone, and Caroline barely refrained from rolling her eyes.

“Oh, for God’s sake,” she said. “Stop that.” She gave every one of them one-armed hugs until she reached Jen and Kathleen.

“Hi,” Jen said softly. There were tears in her eyes.

Caroline couldn’t handle that. Not first thing in the morning. “Don’t you dare cry. I mean it.”

“Sorry,” she whispered.

She looked so upset that Caroline leaned in for an extra hard hug. “Don’t be sorry. I’m going to be fine. I wouldn’t have come back to work if I wasn’t ready.”

Jen sniffled, pulling herself back together. “I know.”

“Hiya, boss.” Kathleen threw her arm around her. “We have much to talk about. Starting with your new jewelry.”

Caroline gave Jack a hangdog look. She hated kicking him out but he had a job to do as well, including a pile of delayed work waiting in his office. “I think this is the part where they monopolize my time for a while.”

He gave her a kiss. “May I escort you to the House floor later, my lady?”

“Of course,” she said. “I know how much you love the media spotlight.”

Jack chuckled. “I’ll be back in a bit.” He gave Jen and Kathleen his most devastating smile, then winked at Caroline. “Enjoy yourselves.”

Kathleen pushed Jen and Caroline into Caroline’s private office and shut the door behind them. She grasped Caroline’s left hand firmly, leaning in for a closer look at her engagement ring. “Okay, okay. Let’s see this thing.”

“Be careful.” Jen wiped her eyes. “She’s still injured.”

Caroline laughed. “It’s fine.”

Kathleen’s eyes bugged out. “Holy Christ. You made out like a fucking bandit.”

“
Kathleen
,” Jen admonished. “Honestly.”

“I’m serious. Take a look at it.”

Caroline shifted over to Jen. The ring was a three carat round cut diamond solitaire, set in a Tiffany style six prong setting and surrounded by small round sapphires. Having people stare at it still made her a little uncomfortable. Some blogger asserted it had set Jack back more than a hundred grand, and Caroline had no desire to ask her fiancé whether the claim was accurate. She thought that was a ludicrous amount to spend on a piece of jewelry.

“Wow,” Jen said, clearly at a loss. “That’s pretty impressive.”

Kathleen gave Caroline a playful grin. “You must put out like every night.”

Caroline grinned back at her. “I can’t wait to see what he gives me for my birthday.”

“Or what you’ll have to do in return.”

Jen frowned at them. “Can you maybe behave professionally for just a minute?”

Caroline looked down at the ring. “Do you think it’s too big? I think it’s a bit much.” She’d been obsessing over it ever since Jack had given it to her. It still looked out of place on her finger. Not because she felt she didn’t deserve it, but she wasn’t sure she needed it.

“It’s chump change for him,” Kathleen said. “Enjoy it. No sense in having that kind of wealth without taking some steps to indulge in it a little.”

“I just don’t want to take it, or him, for granted.”

Her press secretary’s grin would probably be permanently attached for most of the day. She and Caroline hadn’t been face to face in over a month and had some catching up to do. Especially as it pertained to their prank pulling. “I get the distinct feeling that you will never do either of those things. Shall we sit down?”

Caroline sank into her office chair and let out a deep breath. “It’s good to be here.”

Kathleen cocked an eyebrow at her. “Really?”

Caroline gave her a hard look. “You know what I mean.”

Jen glanced back and forth between them, following Kathleen’s lead and taking a chair across from Caroline. “I think I’m the only one in the room who has no idea what you’re talking about. Why is that?”

“Because you’re the only one in the room who has no idea what we’re talking about,” Kathleen said.

Caroline cleared her throat. “Okay, Katie. Let’s bring it down a little. I wanted to talk to you two before I went out to face the rest of the world. I have to assume that the throng of reporters is only going to increase as I go over to the House floor. Right?”

“That would be an affirmative,” Jen said.

Caroline stared down at her desk. This was hard. Harder than she thought it would be. The two women sitting in front of her were two of her biggest cheerleaders and most devoted friends. “Do you know why I hired you?”

“Are you talking to Jen, or me?” Kathleen asked.

“Both of you, really.”

Jen laughed. “You hired us because we were the only ones who wanted to work for you.”

Caroline had been picking at table scraps until Jen had come along, towing Kathleen with her. Accidental good fortune, she’d decided. Serendipity, as Jen put it. Kathleen called it dumb luck, with an emphasis on the dumb. Pretty much the same thing, all things considered.

“Well, there’s that,” she said. “But it’s also because I knew I could trust you. I knew you got what I was trying to do. I knew that this was more about doing something meaningful and forming lasting relationships than about career advancement or something less altruistic. Despite our jokes to the contrary, I knew you were committed. That you would take things seriously.” Caroline swallowed the lump rising in her throat. “And I’m so grateful that I got two wonderful friends out of the deal.”

“You could have dumped us once you got elected,” Kathleen said. “But you didn’t.”

Applications had come pouring in, and Caroline hadn’t even advertised for the positions that Jen and Kathleen would eventually fill. When sharks smelled fresh meat they wanted in, especially if they’d alienated other members of Congress. Once you burned bridges in Washington they were theoretically gone for good, but some staffers still tried to put one over on the newbies.

Caroline shook her head. “No. I thought that would be disloyal.”

“Other people do it all the time,” Jen pointed out. “You didn’t.”

Insecurity poked its ugly little head out of its shell. “Is that why you haven’t left me?”

“That’s part of it,” Jen said. “Haven’t you noticed that hardly anyone has left? This is a fun place. Most of the time.”

“I owe you two so much,” Caroline said quietly. “I wouldn’t have gotten through what happened to Nicky without your help. I hope you know what that means to me.”

Jen and Kathleen didn’t say anything. Caroline didn’t expect them to. They’d gone through enough without needing to talk about it. It would be impossible to get through the day without crying, but she wasn’t going down easy.

She cleared her throat again. “Anyway, there’s something we need to talk about. I’m sorry, Jenny, but Katie and I talked about it a couple of weeks ago. Please don’t be hurt.”

Jen’s unease was apparent. “What is it?”

Caroline leaned forward on the desk, resting her sling on the polished wood. “We need to set up a press conference. Soon.”

“For what?”

“I’m not running for re-election.”

Jen frowned at her. “You have got to be kidding me.” She turned to Kathleen. “This is a joke, right?”

Kathleen shook her head. “See if you can talk her out of it. I sure as hell couldn’t.”

“Why wasn’t I let in on this little secret?”

“Because I want you to run in my place,” Caroline said.

Jen started laughing. “Okay, now I know you’re kidding.”

“I’m not.” Caroline gave her a steady look.

Jen’s face fell. “Oh, shit. You aren’t.”

“No.”

“Is this because of Jack?”

Caroline glanced over at the door. It was still shut. The chances of someone barging in were close to nil, but still. She always worried. “What I’m about to tell you does not leave this room. Understand?”

Jen and Kathleen nodded.

“Jack is going to run for governor of Pennsylvania,” Caroline said.

Kathleen laughed. “You think we didn’t know that?”

Jen smiled. “Everyone knows that.”

Kathleen turned to Jen. “Does she get points for being overly dramatic? Jesus.”

Caroline rolled her eyes. “Fine. But it’s not official. Not until next Friday.”

“Did he ask you not to run again?” Jen asked.

“No. I came to that conclusion on my own. After running it past Katie, I told Jack.”

“Oh, wow. How’d he take that?”

Caroline grinned. “I told him right after he proposed. It threw him off a little.”

Jen looked impressed. “Maybe you do have a good sense of dramatic timing.”

In hindsight, his reaction had been pretty hilarious. “He wasn’t all that upset that I told Katie first. But he understood why I came to that decision. Although it took him about five minutes longer than our dear press secretary over there to figure out that I was serious.”

“I’m going to give him such a hard time about that,” Kathleen said.

Jen was the queen of the piercing gaze, and she always knew the best times to engage it. Caroline shifted in her seat as her chief of staff spoke again.

“Are you sure about this?”

Any doubts had yet to appear, and Caroline assured herself that they never would. “I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life. And I’m even more certain that you should run for my seat.”

Jen shifted in her chair, twisting her own engagement ring. “I don’t know. Eric is going to freak.”

Despite his flaws, Eric loved Jen. He wasn’t a bad guy. He worked for a female Senator. And he wouldn’t feel the least bit emasculated if his fiancée ran for public office.

“No, he won’t,” Caroline said. “He’s spent his entire professional life on the Hill. He knows how things work. Jenny, you grew up in Rockville. You know Maryland better than I do. And you know that it’s your turn. I’ve never been one for that pseudo-monarchial succession crap, but you would probably do a better job representing the people of the First District than I have. Please consider it.”

“I’d have to resign,” Jen said. “If I were hypothetically going to do this, that is.”

Kathleen clapped her hands together. “Jen’s running for Congress.”

“I sure hope so,” Caroline said.

“You could fire her,” Kathleen told Caroline. “In case she’s not quite there yet. Then she’d have to run.”

“The optics on that would be terrible.”

Jen looked slighted. “Must you speak of me as if I am already gone?”

Kathleen gave Jen a puckish look, but her words were for Caroline. “Hey, if she quits do I get a promotion?”

“Maybe,” Caroline said.

“Would you change my job title?”

“No.”

“Would you pay me more?”

“No.”

“Would you be nicer to me?”

“Hell no.”

Kathleen grinned. “I’d still do it anyway.”

“So let me get this straight,” Jen said. “You’re going to give up your House seat so you can be First Lady of Pennsylvania. And I’m just going to slide right in and take your spot.”

It seemed a foolproof political plan from Caroline’s point of view. “Pretty much. Don’t forget the part where you get married right after you win.”