Conscience (The Bellator Saga Book 2) (38 page)

Christine seized Caroline’s hands and held on to them. “Caroline-”

Admitting her own missteps was hard enough. Christine’s tight grasp on her hands should have comforted Caroline but instead only fueled her anxiety. “Promise me. I know I can trust you to take care of them. I know it’s very conceivable that a day will soon come when it’s safer for them to be away from us than it is for all of us to be together. And I know it’s a huge sacrifice for you.”

“It’s not.”

“Let me finish. For you and Tom and Jess to pack up and leave on a moment’s notice. I know what I’m asking you to do. But I know you’ll take care of them. I know you’ll love them. I know you’ll raise them to be good people if I don’t-” Caroline’s voice broke. She still couldn’t look Christine in the eyes. “If something happens,” she corrected in a tremulous voice.

Christine let her grip slip for just a moment before she spoke. “Please don’t do this to yourself,” she whispered. “You don’t need to explain anything to me.”

“I have to. You need to know how important you are to me. How much I trust you. How very much I love you.” Caroline heard a small whimper and saw a tear fall onto their clasped hands, and she reached up to embrace Christine. “You need to know why I’m asking you to do this,” she said. “You and Tom are the best people I’ve ever known and I know you won’t let me down. You have to keep them safe. It’s the only way I can forgive myself for doing this to them, and to you.”

Christine put both arms around Caroline and rested her chin on her shoulder, trying not to weep. She sniffled as tears ran down onto Caroline’s wool sweater. Christine hardly ever cried. She wasn’t all that huggy, either.

“You’re the closest thing to a sister I have,” she said, her voice quavering. “You know you can count on us.”

“I know.” Caroline leaned in closer. “I just wish I didn’t have to.”

*              *              *              *              *

“You know,” Kathleen said. “For a woman who claims to be cutting back, I feel like you’re working me a lot.”

Caroline glanced at the clock on the wall. Almost midnight. “Shit. I’m sorry, Katie. I didn’t mean to keep you here so late.”

All lies, tumbling from her mouth with ease. She was getting good at hiding the truth. Every minute she spent with Katie was another minute that she knew one of her best friends was safe. She didn’t regret thinking of excuses to keep her at the Governor’s Mansion night after night. She was tempted to tell her chief of staff to just move in and be done with it.

Everyone who worked for the governor and first lady had been decreasing their exposure as the winter wore on. Things slowed over the holidays and never picked back up again. Jack pressured Caroline to cull her staff. She refused at first until she realized it was to their benefit for them to cut ties while they could still market themselves to other employers. But Katie stayed on. Out of loyalty, out of friendship, and out of the knowledge that she’d have a hard time finding a job anywhere else. No one in government hired people who were openly gay. The private sector didn’t take risks either. Too dicey. It wasn’t the only form of discrimination. If you had any red flags in your background, even the most benevolent, open-minded employer was reluctant to take a chance.

A red flag could be anything. A letter to the editor. A paper written in college. Extracurriculars on a résumé. Past political activism or the wrong social status or racial background. There was no knowing what retaliation would come or whether a business could survive it. And there were few options when it came to proving bias. The EEOC and most other employment-related agencies had been all but gutted by the Santos Administration. Potential hires had little legal or economic recourse.

“Damn it.” Kathleen scrolled through her phone. “Liz called and I missed it.”

Caroline did feel a twinge of guilt about that. The two of them had done little more than goof around for the past few hours, but it had been enough to distract Katie from anything other than their conversation. Kathleen and Liz spent almost no time together anymore due to the geographic distance between them and the potential danger of being seen together in public. Katie would never admit it, but they were also trying to play it safe. They’d discussed marriage the previous summer but tabled their plans as the year wore on. Kathleen hated it; she’d spent enough time hiding her identity in high school and college, and her parents had taken years to let go of their homophobia.

Caroline’s guilt grew as she watched the expression on Kathleen’s face change while she listened to the voicemail. She had never, ever seen that kind of look in her friend’s eyes.

“Katie?” she asked.

Kathleen handed her phone to Caroline. “Listen.”

Caroline replayed the voicemail. Liz sounded tense. Tired. Her voice was tight. Forced.

Coerced.

“Katie,” Liz said. “I’m so, so sorry I missed you. I’m – I have to go out of town for a while. Work, you know. Last minute trip. You know how the boss is. I just…I love you. Don’t forget to feed your cat. I’ll see you soon.”

Caroline ended the call. “You don’t have a cat.”

Kathleen sank into a nearby chair and rubbed her eyes. “That’s our signal,” she whispered.

“I don’t understand,” Caroline said, even though she did.

“If one of us got in trouble. That was our signal to each other. Because-” Kathleen’s voice caught, and she cleared her throat. She waved Caroline away when she came over to comfort her. “We hate cats.” She got up and started pacing around. “They have her, Caroline. They-”

Caroline rushed over to her. “You don’t know that.”

Kathleen gave her an annoyed look. “You know damn well they do.”

“Maybe we shouldn’t jump to conclusions.”

“It’s the only reason she would have said it!” Kathleen stepped back, smacking her hand against the wall. “We agreed we would only use it in emergencies. You’ve heard the rumors.”

Roundups. Arrests. It sounded like something out of Nazi Germany. Despite her desire to remain idealistic, Caroline knew the stories she’d been hearing were tinged with truth. She’d learned too much to doubt them. But she couldn’t let Kathleen see her fear. She had enough to dwell on already.

“Sit down.” Caroline marched over to her desk and called the number of one of the few remaining state troopers she could trust. Casey was young, muscular, and bold. A man of few words who always managed a smile whenever Sophie drew him a picture or Caroline baked him cookies. And she knew he was still in the mansion. He hardly ever left, too concerned about the safety of the people he was sworn to protect. Sure enough, as soon as she hung up he appeared in her doorway.

“I need you to escort Ms. Thalberg to her apartment,” Caroline said. “Help her gather up some of her personal items.” She lowered her voice. “I assume you have your service weapon?”

His hand automatically drifted to his hip. “Yes, ma’am.”

Kathleen stared at her. “Caroline-”

“Don’t question me on this,” Caroline said. Thankfully, her voice stayed steady. “Casey will take you to get your things. Pack well. You’re staying here with us.”

Kathleen tapped the back of her phone. Waiting for it to ring. Waiting for another call that would never come. Her hands were still trembling. She knew better than to argue with her boss. And it looked like she didn’t really want to. She sprang over to Caroline and gave her a quick hug, then let Casey guide her out the door.

Caroline put her face in her hands as soon as they were gone. She couldn’t fall apart. Not now. She had to put her plans into action. She picked up her phone and made one of the few calls she hoped she’d never have to make. The woman on the other line picked up right away. She knew there was only one reason the First Lady of Pennsylvania would be calling at such a late hour.

“Jenny,” Caroline whispered. “It’s time.”

*              *              *              *              *

The Governor’s Mansion was quiet in the early morning. Caroline and Kathleen waited in the kitchen for Jen and Eric to arrive. The back entry was safer. Less suspicious. There were very few members of their security around and none of them had eyes on the rear of the house.

Kathleen fought the plan at first. Too risky, she said. Pointless. If people were gunning for her because of who or what she was, she couldn’t do much to stop it. She was a well-known, openly gay staffer for a prominent and still outspoken former member of Congress. And she sure as hell wasn’t going to apologize for any of it. She spent most of her time trying to convince Caroline that if she and Jen were leaving, then Caroline’s family had to get the hell out of Dodge too. An argument that, much to her disappointment, continued to fail.

“It would raise too much suspicion,” Caroline said. “You three need to go on alone.”

Kathleen wasn’t pleased about having to travel with Eric. She loved Jen but Eric hit some of the very few nerves she had. “You don’t think that the three of us disappearing at the same time will raise suspicion?”

“It probably will. But you need to take that chance. Jenny and Eric know what they’re doing.”

“Eric couldn’t think his way out of a paper bag. Does Ellen know he’s bailing?”

Hopefully not until they were long gone. “I don’t think so.”

“Great. Just great. One more fucking brick to add to the pile.”

The past couple of days had been hard. Neither one of them had slept, even though the plan appeared simple. Jen, Eric, and Kathleen would travel to Minnesota to stay with Eric’s uncle. They would take their time driving across the country, switching their routes and redirecting until they arrived in International Falls. They’d settle in there for as long as needed before crossing the border. Jen thought it would be less likely that they would be recognized at a Midwestern outpost as opposed to one in the Northeast.

Caroline still didn’t want to let them go, even if they were doing the necessary thing. “I need you to trust me on this, Katie.”

Kathleen turned to her. “You think I don’t know what they’d do to me if they caught me? What they probably did to Liz?”

Caroline leaned in to hug her. “I want to keep you safe.”

Kathleen waved her off. “You can’t make those guarantees, boss. No one can.”

“I’d like to try.”

“You can’t save everyone, Caroline. That’s what you’re trying to do. You’ve tried to do it your entire political career.”

That one stung, just a little. “Can you blame me for it?” she whispered.

Kathleen pressed her knuckles to her lips. If she’d shed any tears during the last forty-eight hours, she’d done it in private. “No,” she said, her voice as low as Caroline’s. “Because I know you too well.”

Caroline cleared her throat. “I don’t want you to leave. You know that.”

“I know.” Kathleen finally leaned in for the hug she denied Caroline a moment before. “I don’t want to leave you either.”

They’d been through so much, the three of them. Kathleen and Jen knew her better than she knew herself. And Caroline loved them desperately. Knowing that they would soon be gone made her feel like she’d been stabbed in the gut.

“We’ll see each other soon,” she said, her voice a bit too emphatic.

“Of course we will.” Kathleen hugged Caroline tighter. “I really love you,” she whispered.

Her chief of staff was never one for serious declarations, and the sincerity in her voice was too much for Caroline to handle. “Let’s not do this quite yet.”

Kathleen wiped her eyes. “Yeah, let’s wait until we can get Jen involved in the waterworks.”

“I don’t have enough Kleenex for that.”

Kathleen winked at her. “Is now the time to tell you that you’re my soulmate?”

Jokester Katie was the one she loved best. Much better. Caroline smiled. “Seems as good a time as any.”

“And it’s totally not about being attracted to you, either. Because I’m really not.”

Caroline made a sad face. “You don’t think I’m maybe just a little hot?”

“Objectively, yes. Subjectively, the fact that you aren’t attracted to women kind of knocks you out of the running. Sorry.”

“I am devastated,” Caroline said. “If I was ever going to have an affair with another woman, it would have totally been you.”

Kathleen started to laugh. “You can’t say that. Not when I’m about to leave.”

“It’s true.”

“Bullshit. You would have slept with Christine first. She’s gorgeous.”

“Now you’re being ridiculous.”

Kathleen stared down at the floor, gnawing on her lip. “I’m going to miss you. A lot. More than I can express.”

They were both going to be a disaster before Jen even walked through the door. “Don’t do that,” Caroline said.

“Do what?”

“Get all serious on me.” She threw her arms around Kathleen again. “That’s my job. You’re supposed to make fun of me for it.”

Kathleen let out a tiny sob. “Keep doing good. Then get your ass out of here.”

As if she had any idea when that might be. “I’ll keep fighting the good fight, but it’s going to be a hell of a lot easier if I know you’re someplace safe.”

The knock at the door made them both jump. Caroline recovered first. “I think that’s your ride,” she said. “I’ll go get Jack and the girls. I know they want to say goodbye.”