Consequences (53 page)

“Honey, you heard me. And I am pretty sure you know exactly what I said.” Courtney squeezed Claire’s hand again. “Don’t get me wrong, I love your husband. But let me be honest, sometimes I hate him too.” Claire nodded. She completely understood. “It’s all right. But it’s not all right for you to feel alone.” Claire listened. “Your husband loves you. I see it in his eyes when he looks at you. I’ve never seen him look at another woman the way he looks at you. But he has demons, ones I don’t even begin to understand. And he has serious issues with control. He can drive Brent crazy sometimes.”

“Courtney, I think maybe we shouldn’t be having this conversation.” Claire’s uneasiness returned.

“Tony would say we shouldn’t be having this conversation. What do
you
say?”

Claire didn’t know what to say. Part of her wanted the conversation to end, it made her uncomfortable. The other part of her wanted to talk, open up, and feel connected to someone in this world besides Tony. “I think maybe it would be better not to speak about Tony.”

“All right, Claire, I respect you. I respect you for marrying Tony and for your inability to talk.” Claire tried desperately to maintain her mask. “I have tried my very best to make you comfortable. I want you to feel relaxed with me.”

“I do Courtney. I consider you my friend.”

“Honey, I am your friend. You are my friend. And Tony is a dear friend too. But that doesn’t mean I don’t worry about you.”

“Thank you, but you don’t need to worry about me. I’m fine.”

“Yeah, I recognize fine. And sometimes when you are with us, you are fine. Other times you only seem fine.” Claire didn’t know what to say. “It must be difficult to suddenly be thrust into Tony’s world. He puts a lot of significance on appearances. Well, maybe he hasn’t mentioned that to you.” Courtney started to stand to leave.

Tears started to escape down Claire’s cheeks. Her voice barely an audible whisper, “Courtney, please sit back down.” Courtney did. “If Tony knew we were having this conversation, I wouldn’t be able to have lunch with you again, and perhaps it could affect Brent’s job. I know they’re best friends, but with Tony I’m not sure there are boundaries.” Courtney was at least twenty years Claire’s senior, yet she listened, recognizing the sincerity of the younger woman’s tone.

“So my intuitions aren’t unwarranted.” Claire shook her head
no
. Courtney spoke softly. “Claire, are you all right?”

“Courtney, I think we need to go back to your SUV. I’m uncomfortable having this conversation and I’m definitely uncomfortable having it in a public place.”

They stood, put on their warm coats, gathered their purses, and walked to Courtney’s SUV. The break in the conversation and fresh cool air gave Claire time to regroup. Alarms sounded in her head. If she chose to continue this discussion she would be breaking rules: number one, do as you’re told. She’d been told on multiple occasions the importance of appearances, not divulging private information. This was her first time out alone as Mrs. Anthony Rawlings. She wanted to be involved with the Red Cross and wanted more freedoms. Breaking rules would
not
facilitate those goals. They walked to the car in silence.

Sitting in the passenger seat, Claire buckled her seat belt and straightened her posture. She knew what she would say. “Courtney, thank you for your support. You’re right. I’ve been overwhelmed by the responsibility of becoming Tony’s wife. He has been supportive and understanding and is helping me recognize the significance of and the obligations that accompany that title. I’m sure he’ll be happy to know you’re willing to help me too.”

Courtney understood, Claire had just ended the conversation. She didn’t want to push, only to let Claire know she was there. “I am glad you’re feeling better about it. Just know that sometimes women pick up on things men don’t, even
very
observant
men. I hope it’ll help you to know that I’m quite perceptive and I’m here for you whenever you need me.”

Claire thanked her again and asked her a question about the Red Cross.

While driving, Courtney asked if they had special plans for Tony’s birthday this weekend. Claire was taken aback. She didn’t know it was her husband’s birthday. However, he hadn’t known when it was her birthday either.

“I don’t believe we do. Tony seems to be very low-key about birthdays.”

Courtney declared that it was settled, they would do something together. She told Claire about a bar in Rock Island with live music, good food, and a fun atmosphere. Courtney thought that would be good for all of them. Claire promised to discuss it with Tony and let her know. They debated the best day, Tony’s birthday was on Saturday. Either Friday or Saturday would work for the Simmonses. When Claire got out of the car she invited Courtney inside, Courtney declined. Claire leaned over and hugged her. “Thank you for everything.” She looked directly into Courtney’s caring blue eyes. “I’m looking forward to helping you and you helping me.” She grabbed her Prada handbag and the charity information.

Catherine let her know that Mr. Rawlings would be home for dinner in her suite at seven.
Suite
meant casual, but Claire decided she wanted to make the night special. She wanted him to know how grateful she was for the small freedom. She also knew that she’d experienced an excellent opportunity to upset him and avoided it. She wouldn’t share that information, but in her mind it gave them more reason for celebration.

Tony was pleasantly surprised by Claire’s appreciation and enthusiasm. When she showed him the schedule of committee meetings he said it would be a week-by-week decision. Circumstances can change. However, he didn’t anticipate any glitches. She didn’t either.

During dinner she mentioned that she learned a secret about him. Intrigued, he said, “I wasn’t aware I had any secrets from you.”

Claire smiled. “I learned that Saturday is your birthday.”

His eyes darkened and his jaw clenched. “I thought since I missed your special day, we could miss mine.”

“Well, Courtney thinks we should all go to the Rock Island Brew Company.” He knew the place, he’d been there. She waited for him to agree to the celebration. Finally, she asked, “I promised Courtney I would get back to her about it, would you like to go Friday or Saturday night?” His agitated expression made her uncomfortable. “Or would you rather I told her we will celebrate on our own?” She realized that this was a subject he didn’t want to continue.

“
I
will think about it and get back to Courtney.” The discussion was done and Claire didn’t know their plans.

The next evening Claire sat surrounded by papers when Tony entered her suite. Dressed and ready for dinner, she was completely absorbed in the financial information of the Iowa Red Cross. He looked at her mess and placed two large leather-bound photo albums on top of her papers. Claire looked at the albums and then at her husband. “Good evening, what are these?”

He bent to kiss her and the tips of his lips moved upward. “They are the proofs of the most beautiful bride I have ever seen.” Quickly forgetting the mounds of paper she began looking through the albums. The only pictures she’d seen were the ones on New Year’s Eve.

The first album began with prewedding poses. The estate, the men, the women, everything and everyone looked beautiful. Then Claire and John prior to the walking down the aisle. Tony watched as she turned each page, she was afraid to linger too long on the photos of John and Emily, she would look at them later. The next were a series of Claire approaching Tony and him waiting. She had to admit she looked beautiful. Tony added adjectives: stunning, amazing, gorgeous, and striking. They both appeared to be brimming with love and adoration. There were photos from multiple directions, some very artsy.

Their food arrived and they still had a full album to view. After dinner they spent the entire evening on the sofa in front of the fire, going over and over each photo. They talked about the people, the decorations, the wedding. Claire had been more nervous than she thought, because there were photos she didn’t remember being taken. There were numerous posed photos of the two of them in the grand hall and at the base of the stairs. She laughed at ones where the photographer put her up a few steps, trying to make her taller. “You know, if you had married one of those models you dated they wouldn’t have had to do that.”

He kissed her tenderly and gazed at her with milk chocolate eyes. “I didn’t want to marry any of those women. I have never wanted to marry anyone but you.” He could melt her heart so easily.

The next photos were of the reception. They both agreed that the guests seemed to enjoy themselves. Then pictures of them dancing, Claire remembered her overwhelming desire as Tony directed her around the floor. “I love watching your emerald eyes sparkle as you look at these photos.” She told him how much she enjoyed their reception, especially the dancing. “Well, it won’t be the same, but we can try to relive that dancing on Saturday for my birthday.” Claire smiled, they were going to celebrate.

“I don’t know how I can possibly choose which pictures I like best.”

“Then don’t. Get them all.” Placing one arm around her and flipping the pages back, he added, “But this one of you on the stairs with your gown all around you, I want that one. I want it enlarged over the grand fireplace in the sitting room.”

Claire wrinkled her nose. “That’s silly. I don’t want to see me great-big every day.” Tony told her he didn’t care. He wanted to and he would. Actually, he said he would hire an artist to paint it. Claire just shook her head, stopping him from doing something he wanted to do was beyond her ability.

Next she saw the
family
shot of her, Tony, and the Vandersols. “Tony, can we have copies of some of these made for Emily and sent to them?” She only said Emily on purpose, but the
them
should have been
her
. He sighed and conceded. She knew to drop the subject, but sometimes she couldn’t stop herself. “Has Emily tried to contact me anymore?”

“Yes.”

Claire didn’t say any more. He knew what she wanted. If she persisted it would be arguing or pleading. If he changed his mind, he would let her know. Besides, they were having a nice evening with the wedding pictures, she directed the conversation back to the album. “Look at this shot of MaryAnn and Eli, they are hilarious.” The Vandersol conversation ended.

Trust
not
too
much
to
appearance.

—Virgil

 Chapter 36

The birthday was a success. Tony and Brent joked that late-night partying would mean they shouldn’t drive an hour home, so everyone rode together in the limousine. The Brew Company was alive with music resonating from multiple sections of the large warehouse style building.

The main stage had a “Tribute to Jazz” performance. Courtney reserved a premium table and told the restaurant that they were celebrating a birthday. The people at the Brew Company didn’t know his name, only that Tony was the guest of honor. Claire, Courtney, and Brent laughed as the singer acknowledged him with a rendition of “Hey Big Spender” and wrapped him in her feather boa. Watching Tony’s tolerance, Claire decided she could learn a lot from Courtney. He seemed to accept things from her that Claire wouldn’t dare to attempt.

A week later, Tony invited Claire to Chicago for two nights. Even though she needed to cancel a committee meeting, she wanted to go. It was even her idea to go to the spa and lighten her dark roots. Brent and David Field, whom Claire had met what seemed like a lifetime ago on her first trip to New York, were with them as they flew to Chicago. Claire sat on the sofa while the three men discussed their impending meetings. To pass the time, she looked through her purse and was pleased to have her new ID and credit card. Claire didn’t care about their money, but shopping was one of the few pass times Tony granted without hesitation.

Her old driver’s license had been a Georgia-issued ID. She thought it was interesting to see how different states IDs looked. However, the variances didn’t stop with the issuing state; the new one contained her name, Claire Rawlings, and printed at the top was
VALID
IDENTIFICATION
. Her Georgia ID had said
VALID
DRIVER’S
LICENSE
. She hadn’t noticed it before. It wasn’t something she should bring up with Brent and David present, but decided it was worth discussing when they were alone.

Claire spent the afternoon at the spa lightening her hair and receiving a manicure and pedicure. When she arrived back at the apartment, Charles informed Mrs. Rawlings that Mr. Rawlings would be detained until after nine. He could happily serve her dinner at a more appropriate hour; she declined. “Thank you, Charles, I’ll wait for Mr. Rawlings.”