Conservative Affairs (10 page)

“Seriously?” Madeline asked.

“Yes, seriously, but when my mother told me that wasn’t possible, I told her I’d settle for being a ninja. Over time, I grew up and wanted to be an author.”

“You could have been a ninja kangaroo who wrote books,” Madeline offered.

“That would be the definition of living the dream, now wouldn’t it?”

Jo loved these moments. She loved sharing her life with Madeline.

Madeline’s face turned serious as she began to ponder her next question. Jo mentally prepared herself to explain everything, but the difficult question didn’t come.

“What’s your favorite color?”

“Red,” Jo answered.

“Why do you want to be an author?”

Jo considered the answer. “I wanted to be an author. Now I’m not so sure.”

“Why not?”

“You’re down to two more questions, but I’ll answer anyway. I’m not sure what I want to do anymore. I’ve spent a lot of time being the dreamer, the optimist, the one who believes it’ll all work out in the end. But I’ve seen enough of life now to know that it doesn’t always. So I don’t know how realistic it is to think that I could write books and make a living. It’s much more practical to have a steady job and use whatever talent I possess at that.”

“It sounds like reality took the dream away from you.” Madeline’s tone suggested she knew what that was like.

“I guess so,” Jo replied.

“Okay, so question number six is…” Madeline trailed off, obviously wanting to make the last two questions count. “Well, you don’t have to answer it if you don’t want to, because it’s a little more personal.”

Jo nodded. She knew what was coming.

“Jo, are you…are you…? Never mind, I’ll think of another question.”

“Go ahead and ask it, on one condition,” Jo said, knowing the extent of the risk she was taking.

“Okay. What’s the condition?” Madeline asked.

“Whatever is said here, stays here. We don’t tell anyone else, and we don’t let it affect work.”

“Deal,” Madeline said. “I mean, after all you’ve seen, I hope the same applies to everything I’ve said.” She glanced away, with a bit of shame coloring her cheeks. “And everything I’ve done,” she added.

“Of course,” Jo reassured her.

“Okay, well, then, my question is…are you a lesbian?”

Answering this question wasn’t easy for Jo. In fact, admitting it to herself had been enough of a challenge. The first time she admitted it to someone else—her college roommate, the only person she’d ever told aside from girls she slept with—it had been excruciatingly painful. Nonetheless, she owed Madeline this much. She took a deep breath and forced herself to exhale, closing her eyes for a moment of stability as her heart hammered in her chest. She meant to answer audibly but couldn’t find the strength to open her mouth. Her entire career—her whole life potentially—was on the line. It came down to trust, and she trusted Madeline. She took another breath and…nodded.

Madeline smiled, much to Jo’s relief. “Why do you work so hard to hide it?”

The question was gentle, but it cut Jo to the core. Why did she hide who she was like she had the plague? She
had
to, damn it! Oklahoma City might have a policy that prohibited discrimination in employment for sexual orientation, but elsewhere in the state discriminating on the basis of orientation was perfectly legal. Hell, the governor had gone so far as to try to institute a local version of “Don’t ask, don’t tell” in the Oklahoma National Guard. And don’t get her started on what she’d heard in local pulpits from childhood until she’d finally stopped attending church several years, pleading the press of her work.

“It’s not that easy, I guess. My parents, friends, co-workers—they wouldn’t understand.” Jo gave a rueful laugh. “Hell, I never thought you would understand, especially after that DOMA stuff.”

“Sometimes we feel like we have to keep secrets. I get that, but I think you should know that who you are is beautiful. In fact, I think you should embrace it and be who you are.”

Jo felt relief flow through her body.

“Also, I’m sorry about the whole DOMA thing. I must have come across as a royal bitch,” Madeline said. “It’s just…You have to do that stuff to get elected on our side of the ticket nowadays. And I have to get reelected. There are still so many issues to tackle, like our continuing problem with corruption. If I can get in for one more term, I can keep working for the greater good of the city. It’s a necessary evil.”

“It doesn’t make it any easier to deal with,” Jo said with a shrug. “But I get it. After all, I was raised in that environment. You say what you have to say to keep people off your trail, to keep people happy.”

“You probably get it a little too well,” Madeline said, a mixture of sympathy and embarrassment over her simplistic political stances playing on her face. “I really am sorry.”

Jo nodded, taking the apology to heart. Coming out to Madeline was much easier than Jo could have ever imagined. Madeline still had one question left, though. Jo wasn’t sure she wanted to remind her. Before she could decide, Madeline shocked her again, blurting out, “I’ve slept with a woman.”

Jo’s jaw fell open. This wasn’t the kind of thing one simply said and then moved on to discuss the weather or the prospects of the local pro basketball team. It caught her totally off guard.

“Really?” was the only reply she could manage.

“Yes, really.” Madeline closed her eyes as if trying to relive every detail. “Her name was Natalie. We were roommates our freshman year of college. She was beautiful, and I felt so comfortable sharing my life with her. We would stay up late talking every night, well into the morning hours. We would go to lunch every day in the cafeteria. We were pretty much inseparable.” Madeline paused, smiling at the memory.

“One night, at a party, some guys dared us to make out with each other. We had been drinking heavily, so we did. I don’t remember much about it, but we can blame that on the Wild Turkey. All I remember is feeling incomplete when she pulled her lips from mine. When we got back to our room that night, she shut the door behind us and threw me up against the wall. She kissed me passionately, and when she pulled back, she told me that she had wanted to do that all night.”

Madeline opened her eyes and came back to present day.

“It was what I had wanted too. The rest is history. We dated quietly for two years, and then we went our separate ways. A while later, I met John and decided that being with Natalie was just a phase.”

“Was it?” Jo’s question was daring, but she needed to know.

“I don’t know. It had to have been, I guess. In any case, a Republican who wants to hold elective office in a conservative state doesn’t get to bat for the other team.”

Jo had to wonder at the yearning she heard in Madeline’s voice. Was it because she still wanted to be with a woman? Or was it simply remembering college days?

Chapter Ten

Two miles into it, Gabe decided his evening run was doing nothing to clear his head. Then again, he’d spent most of it replaying everything in his head.

A week ago, Jo had cringed at the sound of Madeline’s name. Now she was willing to drop everything in her personal life to make sure that she was taken care of around the clock.

At least, that’s what he figured she was doing. He had tried to call, text and email. Jo hadn’t responded, so he had been patient. But he couldn’t wait around forever. He needed to know that everything was okay with her, not to mention being kept apprised of his boss’s decisions.

It was Wednesday, and they didn’t know if Madeline would be returning tomorrow, next week or ever. He didn’t even know if Jo planned to come back to work any time soon. No one else did either. Earlier in the evening, he had made the mistake of calling Jacquelyn to ask if she had heard anything. Of course she hadn’t, she had snapped. He should have known. Jacquelyn and Jo appeared to be engaged in a fierce battle for Madeline’s favor, and Jo was clearly winning. That hadn’t stopped Jacquelyn from entering the pissing contest, of course.

He jogged the remaining few yards into the parking lot of his apartment complex. Checking his BlackBerry, he pulled up the calendar function. Okay, so it had only been slightly more than a day—but that was an eternity in political terms. Jo owed him—okay, them—an explanation. She wasn’t allowed to fall off the face of the earth with their boss with never a backward look back or update. They had a city to run. They needed information!

Maybe he would drive over to her apartment, stop in to see how things were going. After all, she had said she would get Madeline to a hotel this afternoon. Now, no doubt, she was recovering and possibly in need of a friend with whom to decompress. He knew where she lived, having driven her home from the bar one of the few times she had gone out with the staff after work.

It was a solid plan as far as he was concerned. Jo would view his visit as a thoughtful gesture, and he would get some answers, find out how everything had gone with Madeline so he could put Jacquelyn’s mind at ease. He showered and got dressed, feeling like a teenager again. Jo had him so wrapped around her little finger; he hoped she’d like whatever shirt he picked.

He tried on three before finally settling on a professional—and slightly pretentious—black and gray pinstripe one. Of course, Jo saw him every day at the office, but this was different. He wanted to show her that he was handsome and charming outside of work too.

After browsing his wine rack for a while, he settled on a nice bottle of pinot noir. He didn’t want to show up empty-handed, and he hoped that Jo might invite him in for a glass. If she didn’t, he would give her the wine and leave, but it was worth a shot.

He was almost out the door when his BlackBerry rang. Jacquelyn’s name showed on the screen, and for a moment he thought about ignoring the call. He really didn’t want to sit and listen to Jacquelyn bitch about the woman he cared so deeply about. As a senior staff member, though, he had to be accessible to his co-workers.

“Hello?” Gabe answered.

“Gabe, you’ll never believe it. Turn on the fucking news.”

“Calm down. Whatever it is, it’ll be okay. I’m actually heading out the door.”

“This can’t wait. There’s footage of the mayor and Jo all over the news. Your little girlfriend didn’t even bother to pick up the damn phone and give me a call. I thought we had a rule about informing the media person when the media picked up a story—especially when they got an on-camera interview.”

Gabe sighed. He wasn’t going to win this argument unless he actually turned on the news. “Okay, Jacquelyn. I’ll check it out. What channel?”

“Fifteen,” she replied curtly.

Madeline’s face appeared on-screen, but she wasn’t saying a word as questions were being hurled at her by reporters who appeared soulless on-screen. Then, suddenly, Jo stepped in between Madeline and the cameras and gave an off-the-cuff, but very professional statement.

Gabe could see why Jacquelyn was upset, but he had to admit, Jo had handled herself nicely. And it was hot.

“It’ll all be okay. Talk with Ian and have him handle it. He can take her into his office and remind her to go through you with all media stuff—and to let you know immediately if there is a camera incident like this one.”

“It’ll all be okay, huh? Is that what you think? Gabe, put your personal feelings for this girl aside. She screwed up today. It is not her job to give statements to the media. She should be fired.” Jacquelyn’s voice was laced with so much hatred, it took Gabe by surprise.

“You want her fired over this?”

“That’s right. She broke protocol. We can’t just have staffers going to the media. She totally went rogue, and if that were anyone else in their first year, they’d be out on their ass right now. But because she’s the mayor’s new buddy, it’ll all be forgiven. It’s bullshit, Gabe. Bullshit!”

Gabe cleared his throat. “We’ll talk to Ian about it, okay? But she didn’t go to the media; they came at her, at Madeline actually. She was acting on instinct. Who’s to say that you or I wouldn’t have reacted in exactly the same way given the circumstances? You saw how vicious the reporters were being. She didn’t really say anything, Jacquelyn. Also, if you watch the end of her statement, she instructs them to contact you.”

“Screw you,” Jacquelyn yelled before hanging up the phone.

“Wow,” Gabe said to himself, scratching his head.

He had no idea how to handle this situation. Even if he weren’t infatuated with Jo, he thought she was damn good at her job, and he had no problem with how she had handled those reporters today.

Even so, he shot Ian an email. It was always best to give the chief a little warning when it came to such situations. After all, he had to deal with twenty-plus employees every single day. If a storm was coming, he deserved to know about it.

Gabe regrouped. He was distracted now and a little less prepared for seeing Jo, but he still wanted to go. He grabbed the bottle of wine and headed to her apartment.

* * *

Madeline and Jo had settled in the living room and were playing a game of
Taboo
. They had amended the rules so that even with only two players, it was a fun game.

It was so easy spending time with Jo. Madeline felt as though she could empty out her heart right here, and Jo would be the only one who cared enough to listen and help her heal.

She could not remember the last time she had had a friend like Jo. They had not really talked much or even spent time together prior to last weekend, but it felt as if she had known her forever. They shared an instant connection—an easy friendship.

Madeline was enjoying it, and given the circumstances, that was totally unexpected. She was thankful that the hotel thing had not worked out tonight. Being here with Jo in her cozy little apartment with long talks, brownies and laughter was much better than being all alone in a stuffy hotel room.

The past day and a half had been an emotional roller coaster. It was far from over, Madeline knew, but she was content at the moment. She was sure she would have times when she needed to cry it out in the future, and she was sure that her life would become increasingly more difficult the next time she had to face John. Still she had made a friend, and she had not had a true friend in years.