Controlled Burn (15 page)

“I’m sorry.”

“Will you call me tomorrow?”

He was on his feet, but he’d called on his cell phone, so he took it with him. “Isn’t your party tomorrow? Call me when it’s over.”

“It doesn’t usually wrap up until eight. By the time I get home it’ll be almost midnight for you.”

“I’ll
take a nap. I want to hear about your party.”

“Okay, I’ll call you. But you can’t put on your gear one-handed, so you have to hang up now.”

She was right. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

“Good night, Rick.”

After reluctantly shoving the phone in his pocket, he stepped into his boots. Then he pulled up the pants and yanked the suspenders over his shoulders, before grabbing the
coat and his helmet.

He crossed paths with Scott on their way to their respective trucks. “Giving the long-distance thing a shot, huh?”

Rick shrugged. “Since she lives in California, it’s the only shot I’ve got.”

As he climbed up into the cab of L-37, he was a mess of mixed emotions. On the one hand, she’d asked him to call her tomorrow. There was no out of sight, out of mind thing
going on with her.

But on the other, it really sucked that he’d finally met a woman who turned him so inside out she had to be the one, and she was on the other side of the country.

Chapter Fourteen

As usual, the Broussard Financial Services holiday party went off without a hitch. Jessica sipped the cranberry margarita that would be her one and only drink for the night and watched her coworkers mingle. The clients who’d attended had already made their exits and now that it was just the BFS employees, the atmosphere was very relaxed.

“You did a wonderful
job, as usual.”

She turned to face her father, who she hadn’t heard approaching thanks to the expensive carpet. “Thank you.”

“I shouldn’t have doubted you’d pull it off, even from Boston.”

She was surprised he mentioned Boston. Between her arrival at the office late Thursday afternoon and now, he’d managed to avoid the topic, as if she’d simply been on vacation or out sick. “Like
I said before, as long as I have my phone and my laptop, it doesn’t matter where I am.”

He pulled out his phone and started tapping the screen. “I’m texting you a photo.”

“Why? I’m standing right here, so just show it to me.”

“You’ll see.”

When her phone chimed, she pulled up the text to find a picture of her and her father, taken earlier in the night. They’d obviously been
having a discussion, but had turned toward whoever took the picture. They were both smiling and Jessica was surprised to find herself a little choked up. They might not be a picture-frame-selling family, but this was probably the first genuine, happy family photo of them.

“Derek took that and when I saw it, I asked him to text it to me. It’s a nice picture of us.”

“It is.” She saved
it to her phone’s photo album.

“You asked me earlier if you could send a picture to your grandparents—to my mother—and I think she’d like that one.”

Jessica nodded, smiling when she imagined Marie’s reaction to the image. And it was a moment she really wanted to share with her grandparents, and with Rick. David Broussard might not have been a good son and he certainly had some faults
as a parent, but she wanted them to know she and her father did have a good relationship overall. “She’ll love it. Thank you.”

“Let me know. What she says, I mean.”

“I will.” She glanced around and saw that they were almost alone, but not quite. But her father seemed vulnerable tonight—maybe even nostalgic—and she had a question she wanted to ask him. “Can we step into your office for
a minute?”

“Of course.”

His mouth tightened and she knew he was bracing himself for something unpleasant. Maybe he thought she was going to tell him she was leaving the company and heading back to Boston for good.

As he closed the door behind them, she wondered what his response would be. And for a moment, she was actually tempted to say the words. But then her father was staring
at her expectantly, and she lost the nerve to turn her life upside down.

“I have a question for you,” she began, “and I want you to answer it. And not like you’ve answered my questions in the past. I don’t want you to deflect or try to make me feel bad for asking or anything else.”

“I’ll try.”

She took a deep breath. “How come my mother didn’t fight for custody of me? Or at least
visitation?”

Even though he had to know something serious was on her mind, her father still looked taken aback by the question. “I’d rather not discuss this, Jessica. I don’t like talking about that time in my life.”

“Yeah? Well, I didn’t like growing up without a mother and I’d really like to know why I did.”

He blinked, clearly surprised by her tone, but she didn’t apologize for
it or try to make excuses. She simply waited him out.

“It was because of me,” he said finally. She’d already guessed that much and was going to push him for more, but then he spoke again. “I discovered cocaine in college. It brought your mother and I together and, if I’m being honest, is a big part of the wedge between my parents and I, even though I’m quite sure they never knew about the
drugs.”

“They don’t know about that, no.” She wasn’t sure about Marie, but Joe would have mentioned it.

“She managed to clean up a little when she got pregnant with you, but not totally. It’s a miracle you were born so perfect. But it didn’t last and we were destroying ourselves and each other and we were going to destroy you in the process. I lost a great job at a financial firm and
it was a wake-up call. I got clean, but she couldn’t and eventually she took off. It was hard to stay clean but it was easier without her, so I let her go.”

Jessica stared at the liquid in her glass, swirling it a little as tears blurred her eyes. “Why couldn’t you just tell me that?”

“What father wants his daughter to know he was a cocaine addict?”

“I would rather have
known
my
father did drugs in college than spend my entire life wondering why my mother didn’t want me.”

He flinched. “I’m sorry, Jessica. I didn’t...I don’t know what else to say. I’ve done some thinking lately and I’m a self-centered person, I guess.”

She took a sip of her drink to hide the snarky
really?
smile as that thought popped into her head. But then she forced herself to let it go because
it wouldn’t help. “I guess if you’re aware of it now, you can work on it.”

“I’m going to try.”

There was a knock on the door and Sharon poked her head in. “Everybody’s getting ready to leave and they want to say goodbye.”

Her father surprised her by giving her a quick hug, and then they went out to close out the holiday party. She was exhausted, but she smiled and wished everybody
a happy holiday as they trickled toward the door. Once they were gone, she could go home. And then she could talk to Rick.

She managed to lock her door and kick her heels off, but she had her phone in her hand when she sank onto her couch. Even her pajamas could wait. She pulled up the photo of her and her father and sent it in a text to Rick.

Can’t send this to Marie until tomorrow
because it’s late, but it was a nice night. Calling now but wanted to send pic.

He answered on the second ring, and she felt the familiar thrill at hearing his voice. “You look happy in that picture. You had a good time?”

“I did. I always enjoy the party, but it was also great that my father said I could send that picture to Marie and Joe. I thought about having it printed and framed
for them for Christmas, but she was so hopeful I’d get a picture of him at the party that I can’t handle how disappointed she’d be between now and then.”

“I wouldn’t wait, either. And just having it will be a great Christmas gift for her, even if it’s a little early. And, hey, if it’s in a frame, it’s awkward to carry around the neighborhood, showing all her friends.”

Jessica laughed,
turning sideways on the couch to put her feet up. “Did you do anything fun today?”

“I slept. Then I shoveled snow. Did some errands. Basically, no. Until now, of course.”

“I couldn’t wait for everybody to leave so I could get home and send you the picture. And talk to you.”

“I love the picture. I won’t even crop Davey out of it,” he said. She laughed, shaking her head even though
he couldn’t see her. “Anything else happen?”

“My father and I talked a little bit, but that’s not fun stuff. The cranberry margaritas were delicious. I wish I didn’t have a one-drink rule at the company parties.”

“Jess.” The way he said her name cut off her chatter. “You can tell me the not-fun stuff, too. I want to hear about it.”

She smiled and pulled the throw blanket off the
back of her couch to cuddle with. It wasn’t Rick, but at least it would keep her bare legs warm. “I asked him about my mom.”

They talked for a while about her mother, and about her father’s seemingly sudden bout of self-awareness. Then he caught her up on hockey news. The sport still didn’t make a lot of sense to her, but she was learning and she loved hearing him talk about it.

Until
she heard him trying to stifle a yawn and realized it was now the middle of the night in Boston. “You should go to bed.”

“Yeah. You have plans for tomorrow?”

“Not really. I might hit the fitness center for a while in the morning and then I’ll probably hang around here. Go through my mail. Spend some quality time with Netflix.”

“I’ll call you tomorrow, then. Probably late afternoon
your time.”

“I’ll be here. Good night.”

“Sweet dreams, Jess.”

They definitely would be. Sweet, agonizingly sexy dreams that would make her wake in the morning feeling unsettled and longing for him. Long-distance relationships were hell on sleep.

* * *

On Christmas Day, Rick sat on the battered couch in the basement of his parents’ house, once the playroom and then the
teen hangout and finally the man cave. But when John’s boys came along, it had circled back to playroom again.

He usually worked the holiday, but at the last minute the LT from a nearby station had ended up in a bind. Due to a traveling in-law situation, a very pregnant wife and the potential for more family drama than any one guy should have to handle, his family had to celebrate on the
twenty-third. If he couldn’t get the day off, he was probably going to have to run away from home. So Rick had worked his tour, spent Christmas Eve with the Broussards and had landed with his family for the big day itself.

Presents had been opened and there was wrapping paper everywhere. And Rick had managed to get himself on the family shit list by gifting his nephews big superhero Lego
sets. They’d been opened over their mother’s objection and were now strewn from one end of their grandparents’ house to the other. Now he, his brother and the kids were banished to the basement to digest dinner while their dad napped in his recliner and the women relaxed before dessert.

“When are you going to settle down, Rick?” John waved a hand at his sons. “It’s time for my boys to have
some cousins with the same last name as them because they are
seriously
outnumbered by my in-law’s kids right now.”

He laughed. “I’m not getting married just so there can be even teams in backyard football games.”

“Are you at least seeing anybody?” John took a sip of his soda. “I was pretty surprised you and Karen broke up, to be honest.”

“We’re just good friends. And I’ve been
seeing somebody for a few weeks. Kind of. Right now I’m not seeing much of her in the literal sense.” John frowned and made a hand motion for him to continue. “She’s Joe and Marie’s granddaughter and she came out from San Diego to meet them and help them with some financial stuff.”

“Ah. And now she’s back in San Diego, so you’re seeing her, but not literally. Got it.”

Rick pulled out
his phone and checked the time. “I’ll be seeing her literally in a few minutes. I sent a note with her Christmas present that she couldn’t open it until we were in a video chat so I can see it. She should be calling anytime.”

“You sent her a Christmas present?”

“I would have sent it home with her, but I’m surprised her suitcase didn’t explode at the seams as it was.”

“Did she send
you a Christmas present?”

“She left one with Joe and Marie and sent me the other.” He smiled at the memory of the awkwardly wrapped snow shovel, with the bent handle that was supposedly better for the back.

That had made him laugh, but the book that came in the mail had touched him. His favorite mystery series was in hardcover on the top shelf of his bookcase, except for the first book,
which he’d picked up in paperback on a whim at a yard sale his mom had dragged him to. He’d bought the rest in hardcover but never got around to hunting down the hard-to-find first one. Jessica must have noticed, because she’d sent it to him.

“Did you open them already?”

“Yeah. There was no note with mine saying not to.”

“You would have anyway. Growing up, you always found your
presents and peeked because you couldn’t stand waiting.”

Rick laughed, and then his phone rang. He saw that it was Jess. He tried to get to the steps so he could go up and find a private spot, but the boys were blocking the way and then he stepped on a Lego. That hurt like a son of a bitch in stocking feet and he wasted a few precious seconds trying not to swear in front of the kids. Rather
than risk missing her call, he answered it where he stood.

“Merry Christmas,” she said, and he could tell she was on her laptop, sitting at her table.

“Merry Christmas, Jess. I’m trying to find a quiet spot, but my brother and my nephews are in the room at the moment.”

“Hi, Jess,” John called out, so Rick had to turn his phone so Jess could “meet” him. And then the boys each had
to talk to the pretty lady, including telling her every single thing they got for Christmas. He cut them off when they started gearing up to tell her everything they’d eaten, though.

“Okay, it’s my turn to talk to her.”

“Upstairs,” John said. “It must be almost time for you two to top off your sugar highs.”

“Sorry about that,” he said once he was finally alone in the basement. He
sat back on the couch, trying to find a comfortable spot. It was a little awkward holding the phone at the right angle, but he didn’t care.

“They’re so cute. And very excited about their gifts.”

“They can be a handful, but they’re not usually this wound up. Christmas does that to them, I guess.” He shifted so his knee was helping to support his hand. If he’d been thinking, he would have
brought his laptop. “John’s after me to have some kids. He says it’s so they’re not outnumbered by the cousins on my sister-in-law’s side, but I think he just wants me to suffer with him.”

“Do you want kids?”

He could tell by the way she didn’t look directly at the camera that it wasn’t just a polite question. “Yeah, I want to be a dad. I’ve always assumed I would be someday, though
I guess I should start watching the clock pretty soon.”

She laughed. “You’re not
that
old.”

“What about you?”

“I’m not that old, either.” He arched his eyebrow at her, making her smile. “I think I want kids. For a long time I guess I’ve been afraid of being a parent because I don’t really have stellar role models and I used my career as an excuse, but now I feel like the person
I am matters more than the people my parents are.”