Controlled Surrender (5 page)

I chuckled inwardly. I had to fight to hold
back a small smile. I’d discovered my first need. Too bad I could
never admit it.

“What’s going through that head?” His eyes
lit up; his interest peeked.

I shook my head negatively. I wasn’t
answering that.

“Laina.” His tone held authority and advice.
He was advising me to answer him.

I knew my eyes sparkled as a new fire of
defiance blazed within me. He wasn’t my husband. I didn’t have to
answer to him or my family. I was independent for the first time in
my life.

“You really want to test me, don’t you?” He
barked.

I couldn’t contain my laugh. He took himself
so seriously… or perhaps I was becoming a little delirious.

He roared, his wolf flashing in his eyes.

I immediately shut my mouth, swallowing the
rest of my amusement. Fear worked through me in its place. If
Jayson unleashed his wolf, I was done. He was done.

His wolf didn’t care about my excess
stuffing; he only cared about the possession. Nature stated that I
was his and he would stop at nothing until I was his. My limited
offerings meant nothing; my physical differences did nothing to
slow his pursuit.

At the sight of his wolf, my own stirred for
the first time in a while. She peered through my eyes at her mate.
It was like long lost lovers finding each other again. I felt the
emotional tug on my heart. For one moment, just one moment, my
heart overrode my mind. I knew there would never be another Jayson.
There would never be a man I wanted more, never be another wolf my
own connected with on this level.

I closed my eyes, blocking their connection
to regain my control. I couldn’t be pulled under the veil of
longing. I couldn’t surrender to an arranged marriage of sorts. It
wasn’t in me. Not when I knew Jayson didn’t feel the same.

I never smelled his arousal. His desire lived
in his eyes alone, which were merely his wolf’s peepholes when
roused, not a true reflection of his own wants. He wanted to shut
his wolf up, but I knew he didn’t truly want to be mated to me.

That was a sobering reminder. It gave me
enough resistance to rebuild the wall around my heart. It was the
only protection I had in this moment. I was spread naked beneath
him, chained to his bed. I couldn’t physically defend myself. So I
had to mentally and emotionally fortress myself.

I embraced my new resilience as I opened my
eyes, finally ready to face the giant.

He smashed his lips together in an angry
line. “Damn it, Laina. Stop pushing me away.”

“Why?” I didn’t know where the courage to ask
came from, but I was grateful for it.

“Because you’re my mate,” he ground out.

“That’s why I’m pushing.” I waited with
baited breath for his reaction to my admittance.

He put more space between us as he jerked
back. He angled his head, considering me. “I don’t believe you,” he
finally said.

Shit.

“You can fool everyone, Laina, even yourself,
but you can never hide the truth from me.”

He fell upon me, his mouth connecting with my
flesh again.

I shivered as he lightly skimmed his lips
across the channel between my breasts. Awareness rocked my body,
bolts of desire chased through me. His move was so sensual,
required so much control. His emotions were a storm in his eyes
moments ago; his anger had tightened his features before, but now
he was handling me with kid gloves. He was being gentle, treating
me like I was a precious treasure.

My wall of protection trembled as he
continued to soothe my skin with his lips. His hands gently cradled
my curves, sliding around them, framing them as he moved down my
body.

I could hold off the alpha, I could fight off
the desperate wolf, but I couldn’t save myself from the human part
of Jayson, the part that made me feel special for the first time in
my life. He drew more than a physical reaction this time; he caused
my emotions to capsize, to crush my barriers as they rushed to the
exterior.

He kissed my hips, gliding his lips along the
widest part of me, from one side to the other. It was more than the
action that captured me though; it was the look in his eyes. His
eyes sparkled with delight, with, dare I say, love.

I felt the saltiness stinging the basins of
my eyes as he pressed a kiss to my mound. He moved down my inner
thighs. He took his time placing small kisses on my thunder thighs
that looked like they were stuffed with cottage cheese.

“So beautiful.” His whisper was full of
worship.

Damn it, Jayson.
My tears finally overflowed.

I was past the fact that I was naked before a
golden god. I was beyond the fact that I was bound to his bed. I
was stuck, trapped in his actions. No one had ever handled me with
reverence.

He wrapped his arms around my hips as he
settled before my center. He lifted his gaze to my waterlogged one.
“I’m going to make you feel good, and then you’re going to answer
me. Deal?” His voice was soft. The baritone in it washed over me,
swaddling me in verbal comfort.

Not trusting myself to speak, I nodded my
head in agreement. If he could go to such lengths, if he could
embrace my curves with more love than I had for them, then he
deserved something in return.

Chapter 10

JAYSON

Her scent was intoxicating. It was the most
concentrated, the most potent at her apex, the heart of where I
would connect with her.

My heart broke at the silent tears streaming
down her face. She was in so much emotional pain; it tore me apart.
I wished I could bear it for her. I wished I could drown myself in
the sorrow she felt, in the pool of emotions she was struggling not
to lose herself in.

She deserved so much out of life. She
deserved so much more than she ever got, than she ever gave
herself. She didn’t realize just how wonderful she was.

Every afternoon she worked with the pack
young. They loved her. She was their hero. She helped all
twenty-four elementary aged children with their homework daily. She
guided them through projects and enabled them the way I longed to
embolden her. They were the ones who’d remained quiet at the table.
They never spoke against her because people remembered the way you
made them feel, and she made every single child feel special. They
weren’t even her kin.

She was going to be an amazing mother. My
wolf nearly purred at the thought.

A pang of pain spread through my chest. I
didn’t know what I’d do when she did finally walk away for good. My
wolf scratched my insides, the wounds inflicted in wrath. I’d deal
with it somehow, I’d deal with my wolf somehow, but it wouldn’t
make her absence any less painful, the experience of watching her
leave any less awful. She deserved happiness though. She deserved
whatever she wanted, especially after all she’d been through.

My father had passed away abruptly four years
ago. He and his brother had been killed in a head on car crash. A
semi-truck collided with them, crushing them beyond what their
supernatural bodies could repair. My father’s pack beta, Stephen,
took over our old pack and my brothers, mother and I moved to take
over my uncle’s pack.

The second I crossed the town’s border, I
sensed her. Coming face to face with her for the first time, she’d
taken my breath away. She was so beautiful, her eyes so striking;
capturing me the same way her curvy figure did. I’d been enraptured
with her ever since.

To let go of her was going to be hell, but I
couldn’t hold her down. I didn’t want to hold her back.

Before my emotions could get the best of me,
I refocused on her body.

Using my fingers, I spread her lips, baring
her pretty pink flesh to me. Her breath hitched as I blew on her.
She looked delectable. She smelled so appetizing. I would never get
enough of her.

I met her gaze as I slid my tongue from
bottom to top. Her tears stuttered as her mouth fell open.

I reveled in her reaction. It drove me to
astound her. I shoved my tongue deep inside her. She gasped, trying
to jerk away from me. I tightened my arms around her, holding her
to me.

Finally, after four years of longing, I
smelled her arousal.

Only then did I give in with gusto. She
tasted delicious; the perfect balance of savory and sweet hit my
tongue, increasing my hunger for her even as I ate.

My desire skyrocketed as her new scent
combined with the taste of her. My muscles began to shake as my
wolf thrashed about. My cock ached; my balls drew snug, feeling
like they were being wrapped around a stem of thorns. A fire blazed
in my groin, a potent need that nearly broke me. It took every
ounce of strength within me not to give in, not to just drive into
her and set my wolf free.

I sucked on her tiny nub, and for the first
time, she moaned. Dear God, it was a beautiful sound; so soft, yet
powerful. It could cause politicians to fall to their knees.

I lapped at her sweet spot, never shying away
from her little bundle of nerves. I grazed her sensitive bud with
my teeth as I slid my tongue along her slit, tasting her sweet
cream.

She whimpered. She had her bottom lip between
her teeth. Her expression said it all. I had her where I wanted
her: volleying between pain and pleasure. She was close.

I flicked my tongue over her clit once more
before gliding it from top to bottom one last time, relishing the
taste of her.

I moved up to the small triangle of hair
above her jewel. I pressed a soft kiss against the soft curls. “Why
don’t you stand up for yourself?” I met her gaze, not allowing her
to hide.

She flushed. I knew she had to feel exposed.
I’d taken her to the brink of pleasure, to a point that bordered
pain for a bit, a place that required all her barriers to be
demolished to reach, before it thrust her deep into unfathomable
pleasure. I didn’t allow her to be pushed though. I left her on the
border with her defenses down so when I pulled away she was sharply
aware of her position, acutely alert to her vulnerability and the
care I was taking to expose it. She needed that part of her exposed
so she could sort through it.

She looked stricken as she stared down at me.
I kept my expression neutral as I watched her, taking in every
emotion that crossed her face.

“It’s easier not to.” Her voice was barely
above a whisper. Her guilt already had her looking away.

I narrowed my eyes. “Don’t make me spank you
again.”

She fidgeted, her features drawing down. “I
know you deserve the truth, but-“

“No buts. Tell me,” I commanded.

“Because they’re right! Because I believe
them, that’s why.” Her tears were back, hanging in the shadows,
ready to spill over at any moment.

My chest tightened at her admission. I
softened towards her. The need to comfort her overcame me, but I
held back. She needed tough love right now, not coddling. “Tell me
one good thing about yourself.”

She remained silent. After a minute, she
pushed her face into her upper right arm and closed her eyes.

My wolf roared. His patience was long gone,
but luckily mine wasn’t. My soul was rooting for her; my heart was
swelling as she finally opened up to me, as she finally shared a
part of herself with me.

“Laina.” Her name was a call to
attention.

She went limp in my arms, giving in to
defeat.

She wasn’t allowed to ignore things any
more.

I released her right hip.
Angling back, I thrust a single finger into her depths. Her folds
encircled my finger, swallowing it deeper into her hot, wet
center.
Fuck!

She cried out, shooting up and tugging on the
restraints. Her eyes tore open meeting my angry glint before she
fell back down onto the bed.

“Name one good thing about yourself,” I
demanded. Focusing on my mission rather than how perfect she felt
around my finger was difficult. I felt beads of sweat dot my brow
as the pressure in my groin intensified unbearably.

She shivered beneath me.

Damn. She was a testament to my
determination.

I released her other hip and moved up and
over her. I swirled my finger around inside her as I came face to
face with her.

She bit back a moan.

“Answer me.” I pressed my lips together to
keep from kissing her, to distract myself from how close my cock
was to exploding.

When she didn’t immediately respond, I slid
my finger to the hilt and thrust back inside her at the same time
that I swept my thumb across her clit.

She moaned, tilting her head back. Her chest
rose and fell in labored breaths. She was fighting it. She had to
know the truth inside, but didn’t think others would agree.

“One. Good. Thing. Now.” I bent my head and
nipped her breast.

“I care about the kids,” she blurted as she
lifted her hips into my movements below.

Unable to hold back anymore, I captured her
lips. My entire body melted beneath the touch of her lips. They
were soft and pliable, easily molding to my own. Delight sprouted
from within at the fact that she was kissing me back.

I shook with pleasure, with excitement. My
wolf behaved for the first time in forever, sitting back
quietly.

I abandoned her pussy, cupping her face with
my hands. My thumbs spread across her cheeks. I was so damn proud
of her. I wanted to hold her; I wanted to kiss her, to love her
passionately forever.

My lungs struggled to expand, even as I
inhaled her with every intake. My heart pounded in my chest; my
pulse skipped about as my own needs flared to a new high.

I bunched my muscles, trying to hold back my
desire to claim her as I enjoyed the caress of her lips. There was
a delicate urgency to our connection. I pushed my tongue beyond her
lips, tasting her higher depth. The moment she swept her tongue
along my own, a fission of my tight control cracked.