Convincing Constance (The Blow Hole Boys) (5 page)

The room spun around me from too much alcohol and pills
, and I may have lost consciousness a few times, but it wasn’t long until she was throwing her head back and breathing hard into the room around us.

I lifted her from my lap and grabbed my beer. She went away without a word, but the minute she was out of my view, I saw Constance sitting at the table, sipping her water and staring back at me. She looked disappointed
, and for the first time in many years, I felt like a chastised child.

As soon as our eyes connected, she stood and went to the back of the bus to her room. As the only girl on the bus, it was only right she have her own space.

I felt like shit. Like I’d done something wrong, but I hadn’t. Sure, I shouldn’t have finger-fucked a girl in front of everyone, but that’s what we did. I’d forgotten all about Constance being there, and I still had a little bit of gentleman in me somewhere that knew what I’d done was wrong and disrespectful.

Memories—everything in the Blow
Hole bus brought them crashing down all around me. The worst part was I was stuck. I had no money to leave even if I wanted to. No money to leave meant no money to eat, and there was no way in hell I was going to ask the boys to buy me food. Instead, I nibbled on whatever was on the bus and drank a ton of water.

My pants were already starting to get loose on me, which added to my fears of going on stage. It would be my luck my pants would fall down in the middle of the show.
I’d never played for thousands before. Once, when I was ten, my dad pulled me on stage with him, but nothing like that since.

Thinking of my dad, I reached down and palmed his wedding band in my hand. I kept it on a chain around my neck. It was technically the only thing I had left of my dad, but at least I had something. No matter what, he’d always be close to my heart.

Surprisingly, I’d gotten pretty comfy with the boys. Well, at least with Finn. He was like the big brother I never had. Chet looked at me like I was big piece of steak. It was annoying, but after being around him for a few days, it was more than obvious he was all talk and no bark. Unless, of course, I let on that I was interested, which I wasn’t. It was a game to him. I was a challenge, and he enjoyed messing with me.

And then there was Tiny, who barely said two words to me. It should’ve been Chet who crept me out, but it was the big bass player that struck fear in my heart. Maybe it was my history with bass players. Maybe it was his size. But after the night in the bathroom, I stayed away from him and he stayed away from me.

The only problem was I couldn’t keep my eyes off him. There was something different about him. He was a part of the group, and he socialized with Finn and Chet, but he was shut in. He was closed up like me, and it made me wonder what happened to him to make him that way.

The best thing of all was none of them knew who I was. I was sure they knew who Black Daze was. Daze was an institution for rising rockers. If you listened to or played hardcore music, you knew my dad, his group, and their music. I didn’t need or want favoritism, and if the boys found out my dad was the headman for Black Daze, that’s exactly what I’d get.

“You ready to do this
shit?” Chet asked as he spun a drumstick in his fingers.

I took a deep breath and took in the backstage area. People were running around with headsets on
, calling out orders. Candied Crimson, the band who opened for Blow Hole, ran through the back beside us when their set was over. They were still flying high on adrenaline. I’d met them once before, briefly, during sound check, but they barely acknowledged me.

“I’m good.”

I said the words, but I wasn’t feeling it. My stomach had suddenly decided it was going to give me hell and every few minutes a rush of nausea would sweep over me. I’d had a panic attack before, and I was sure that wasn’t what was happening, but my fingers shook and I had to keep wiping the sweat from my forehead.

Chet turned and starting talking to one of the stage crew and Finn had run to the back to get his lucky cross. I felt so alone, and although I swore I’d never be a whimpering woman who felt dizzy and acted all dramatic, I couldn’t help it. The room was actually beginning to spin.

I was about to turn and run like a scared bitch when I felt a warm hand on my shoulder. Fear left my mind and was instantly replaced with anger. Turning, I grabbed onto the hand and twisted the thick fingers until I was freed.

“Get your fucking hands off of me.” Without thinking
, I turned and threw a punch.

My fist was caught in Tiny’s massive hand as he stared down at me in confusion.

“Did you just throw a punch at me?” he asked with an amused grin.

His grin was smug, like being punched by me was equivalent
to being poked. It pissed me off even more.

“Yes. You shouldn’t touch people who don’t want to be touched
,” I hissed.

“That’s funny. With the way you look at me, I was sure you wanted to be touched
,” he said sarcastically.

Anxiety forgotten, I went crazy on him.

“I’d rather be gangbanged by every inmate in the closest correctional facility than be touched by you.”

After I was done raging on him and I thought my blood pressure couldn’t get any higher, I turned away from him and faced the back of the stage.

“Anger is easier to deal with than nerves, isn’t it?” he said from behind me. “Use that anger on stage.”

With those words, I knew he’d pissed me off on purpose.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I said, since there was no way I was going to admit to being nervous.

“You were pale and I thought you were about to pass out. I felt the same way my first time on stage. Finn pissed me off so bad that I forgot all about my nerves. I didn’t realize until later what he’d done.”

It pissed me off how right he was. I had been nervous, but the anger made it ease off.

“I’m fine
,” I said, hoping the conversation would be over.

“When you get nervous
,” he said, sure that he was right, “just know I’ll be right beside you the entire time, Constance, and my eyes will be all over you.”

I turned around and looked back at him with a look on my face that told him I knew he was full of shit. He grinned and shook his head.

“Fine. I won’t be looking at you, then. Is that better? But at least I’ll be there if you get nervous. We all will be.” He was being friendly and it was weird.

First
, he never talked to me and then he was being supportive and helpful. Him. The biggest, scariest guy on the damn stage.

I couldn’t help myself. I started to laugh. When he looked down at me
, confused, I laughed harder.

“Is that supposed to make me feel better? Have you seen yourself lately? You’re not a very approachable guy. You’re a fucking beast, Tiny. Nothing about you screams comfort.”

The minute the words left my mouth, his face dropped. I’d hit a nerve and I felt like shit. Without replying, he walked away, leaving me standing there alone and feeling like a total bitch. Still, there was no way I hurt his feelings. He was Tiny, the big, bad bass player. There was no way he was that sensitive.

When it was time to go on stage, my knees felt stiff. Beads of sweat rushed down the center of my spine and tickled the top of my panties. I swiped at my back and pushed through as I followed the boys out. My guitar felt heavier than usual when I hooked it around my neck. Finn found the mic and address
ed the thousands of people yelling and filling the space with a roar.

“As I’m sure you’ve all heard, our boy Zeke had a bit of an accident.” The crowd filled with sounds of sympathy. “No worries, he’s al
l right, but until he’s fully recovered, everyone welcome Constance to the band.” He held his hand out for me to join him at the front of the stage and again my knees felt weak.

The crowd went wild and the sound was deafening. Thankfully, I wasn’t able to see too far out in the crowd and I could pretend there were only hundreds instead of the thousands I knew it was.

I smiled into the crowd and held up my guitar. Once the bass beat kicked in behind me, I moved back into my spot and waited until it was time for me to come in.

I looked over at Tiny and our eyes met before he turned his back to me.

Finn continued talking to the crowd and getting them ready.

“I can’t hear you! I said are y’all read
y to fucking rock out?”

Again the crowd went wild. Chet started the beat and it blended with Tiny’s bass line. I had seconds to get my shit straight, seconds until I had to play. Then I was strumming the tune and the music began to pour out of me. Finn looked back at me with a smile and the lighting above us changed when the melody picked up.

I closed my eyes and played. Every now and again, I’d grab my bottle of water and down it. Sweat gathered at my hairline and dripped down the back of my neck. My clothes stuck to my damp skin.

The boys weren’t drinking water. In fact, Chet’s eyes were already glazed over
, and every time I looked over at him, he’d be smiling and missing a new piece of clothing. I kept hoping he wasn’t balls-out naked behind his drum set.

Thick clouds of smoke moved in front of the lights before rushing up on stage. I worried about getting a contact high. My fear of drugs wasn’t irrational considering the memory I harbored. Drugs were bad. They took away the ability to move—to fight
—and I swore I’d never be incapable again. People everywhere smoking, drinking, and God knew what else, it was all so familiar to me. But no matter what, I had to push through.

By the end of the show, my hair was soaked and so were my clothes. It didn’t help that people were slinging water bottles around. At one point
, I’d given in and poured my water all over me to help with the heat. The crowd went wild when I did, and embarrassment set in.

“That was on
e hell of a show. You kicked so much ass out there tonight, Constance,” Finn yelled as he ran beside me.

We were making our way back to the car outside waiting for us
, and the crowd was crazy. Topless girls threw themselves at the boys, and some even threw a few devious looks my way. I stayed with the boys, careful not to get too far behind.

Suddenly, my head was jerked back when someone grabbed hold of my hair, and I crashed into the gravel below me. Pain shot up my spine when I landed on my ass.

Disoriented, I jumped onto my knees and was almost standing when I was taken by surprise by a guy who jumped out from the crowd. His lips crashed down onto mine, filling my mouth with the taste of cigarettes and beer. I didn’t think twice as I brought my knee up to his balls, pushed him away from me, and threw a right punch that connected with his nose and knocked him on his ass.

“You bitch!” he slurred through his blood-filled hands.

I went at him again, ready to rip his eyes out with my nails, when I was grabbed from behind and tossed over someone’s shoulder.

“Put me down!” I yelled.

Chet and Finn looked up at me from behind who I could only assume was Tiny and laughed. That did nothing but piss me off even more. I held on while he made his way over to the car that was taking us to the hotel.

I grabbed onto his shirt and pulled and gasped when he smacked my ass.

“Stop that,” he said with a growl.

I could hardly believe it. Tiny spanked my ass like I was an errant child. Sure, I was being stupid, and sure had he not grabbed me
, I would have beaten the hell out of the dude that kissed me, but that still gave him no right to sling me around like a doll or spank my ass.

When we made it to the car
, he set me on my feet.

“Don’t you ever fucking do that again, Tiny. Don’t touch me
,” I yelled in his face.

Finn and Chet stood beside us, both with wide eyes
, as our show unfolded in front of them.

I expected Tiny to back down. I expected him to climb into the car and continue to ignore me, but instead
, he stepped closer and stared down at me with bloodshot, angry eyes.

“Get. In.” His nostrils flared when he breathed out.

It wasn’t often that I backed down from someone, but one look at the crowd around us, and I knew I had to let it go until later.

I hopped into the car, followed by the boys. The door shut behind us, encasing us in darkness. I could hear their breathing, and every now and again
, a light would shine into the car and I could see a glimpse of their faces. Chet and Finn continued to smile like they knew something I didn’t, but Tiny peered across the car at me.

I crossed my arms and turned my head to look out the window for the rest of the ride.

When we pulled up to the hotel, the car door opened and I jumped out and went straight into the lobby. Once we had our keys, I went to my room alone to find my shabby duffle bags on the bed.

Needing to cool off, I went straight to the shower, turned it on, got naked, and got in. I took my time washing the sweat and smoke from my skin, and then I stood in the shower
, letting the water run over me.