Counselor of the Damned (8 page)

Chapter Six

Tegonni’s cup of tea lay untouched on the polished wood coffee table as she paced the room. Nat sipped his as he watched her from her living room couch. She passed the gas fireplace, positioned where one would normally find a television, and paused at the apartment’s small walk-in kitchen.

Pacing was a habit she’d love to break, but just now she needed to burn off her agitation. With a growl, she turned and stalked back toward the bay windows. Leaning on a bookcase, she absently stared at the tenth floor city-view, then turned around and paced some more.

Nat set down his tea. “Enough already. You suck at holding things in, so talk. You’ll feel better.”

“Jaime pissed me off with her double talk.” She mimicked their boss’s high, brisk voice. “‘People are inherently good.’ But she dismissed Fernando without a thought.”

Nat leaned his head on the couch. “Back to Fernando again? After all that happened to you today? Sure you aren’t avoiding dealing with the attack?”

Tegonni rolled her eyes. “Perhaps, but mostly I’m outraged at Jaime’s hypocrisy.”

“Well, don’t hate me, but I thought Jaime made some sense.”

Tegonni crossed her arms and stared at him.

“I’m not saying I agree with her about Fernando, only that I understand where she’s coming from. She thinks everything—humans, demons, Lephiri, vampires—are good or evil by nature. That they can act the opposite way, but can’t truly change their nature. You believe humans, and possibly vampires, are not inherently good or evil, and must choose their path.”

“Hmm. Yeah, well that would explain why she sees Fernando as a lost cause and not Deveroe. I would have agreed with Jaime’s thinking before I met Fernando. Now I have doubts.”

Nat sipped his tea. After a moment he said, “While you’re searching your soul, you might also ask yourself if you believe all vampires are capable of good or just Fernando.”

She plopped down on the couch. “He is unique.”

“Maybe.”

Before she could ask him to explain himself, he changed topics.

“What happened today?”

She groaned. “I screwed up because I was scared for Melissa. What a shitty thing to happen to an intern.”

Nat shuddered. “No doubt, but I think she’ll be fine. Will you?”

Worry lines creased around his eyes. She could kick herself for not thinking of how scared for her he must have been. “I’m all right, Nat. Thanks for being here with me.”

He smiled. “Of course.”

“And I’m not ignoring my feelings by focusing on Fernando’s problems. I’m terrified by the fact that Deveroe and his pet demon almost snatched my soul.” An outcome worse than death. In all her years as a Lightworker, she’d never worried about being tricked by a demon’s mind games. She was a therapist, trained in psychology, after all. But that hadn’t made a difference. She’d come so close to having her soul imprisoned. A chill ran through her. “And the reason he nearly succeeded—the weakness he used—was my conflicted feelings about Fernando.”

“Wow.” Nat blew out a breath. “Okay, so let me help you sort it out.”

“Thanks.” She dove into the details of the vision. Nat’s eyes got round when she described Father Morgan’s condition and Fernando’s remorse. After she’d finished with the description of being swallowed by the miasma, he set down his cup and gave her a one-armed hug. “That’s awful. He played off your fears. You do realize the vision isn’t the reality of the situation, right?”

“It might be.” Tegonni stood and started pacing again. “His assistant called me yesterday and said the chimp blood isn’t working, and that I’m encouraging Fernando to be something he’s not. Last night he told me he had it under control, though he’s taking some anti-craving potion to help.”

Nat raised an eyebrow.

“Never mind that. Point is, I believed him.”

“He told you this on your ‘not date’?” Nat sipped his tea, his tone casual, but she knew he wanted more details of her outing with the vampire. When she’d mentioned Fernando’s troubling declarations that morning, Nat had seemed torn between concern and delight. That was when he’d dubbed it her ‘not date.’ She really wished he wouldn’t call it that. She sent him her best scathing look.

He did not look apologetic. “Please, continue.”

“I need him off blood before I have a chance of convincing him that Heaven’s approval is a decent stand-in for salvation. But maybe I’m so focused on that, I’m ignoring a big problem here. What if he loses it? Seeing the possible consequences in that vision…” She shook her head as Nat opened his mouth, surely about to protest. “I know it wasn’t real, but I also know demons enjoy taunting with the truth as well as lies. Fernando may think he has control over this thirst but could snap at any moment. That could mean someone’s life. And I’d be equally responsible.”

“Damn. You’re right.”

The defeat in his voice paused her steps. She hugged herself, feeling as lost as she had in the vision.

Nat put down his cup. “Don’t go all hopeless yet. You need to get Fernando to be honest about what he’s experiencing with the substitute. Even if he’s having issues, they still might be workable without him having an accident like in the vision. I think it’s safe to assume that was the melodramatic version of possibilities.”

She wiped away her tears and tried to refocus. Nat was right, of course. The demon
would
use the worst-case scenario.

“And if the substitute truly isn’t an option long-term… Well, his assistant may have a point. Perhaps the key is not to change his behavior, but find a way for him to accept drinking human blood as being okay.”

With a bitter laugh, Tegonni shook her head. “But Nat, it’s not. Remember the whole enthrallment problem?” Father Morgan’s face flashed in her mind, expression both anguished and enraptured…and devoid of the man she knew.

“I’m one hundred percent onboard the ‘compulsion is evil’ train. I’m challenging the assumption that it’s inseparable from the feeding process.”

“Matanji said—”

“I know she said it was impossible, but she also said vampires are a blind spot for the Lephiri.”

Matanji
had
said that. There could be a way only the vampires knew about. But wouldn’t Fernando have mentioned it? She rubbed her temples, trying to stave off a headache. Fernando might actually keep such information to himself. From what she’d learned of him in the last several weeks, he’d considered drinking human blood evil, period. “If there is a way for him to feed without compelling, he’d probably consider it an unacceptable loophole. I don’t think he’d be swayed from his death wish.”

Nat picked up his teacup and gave her a wry smile over its rim. “Well then, Dr. Ellis, it will be your job to convince him it is acceptable.”

Tegonni pondered the notion. Theoretically, it made sense. If she could show Fernando a circumstance in which feeding was a good thing, he might be able to let go of the idea that he was evil. But, even without enthrallment, she didn’t think she could come up with such a situation. She struggled with not seeing it as evil. Viewing it as a good thing? That was a stretch.

“I don’t know. I’ll consider it since it’s the only plan B I have, but I’m still hoping the chimp blood will work out. Even if he needs to supplement with human blood. Maybe transition slower. I don’t want Fernando to have to live with what I saw in my vision.”

“Agreed. You sure about meeting him tonight?”

“Yes. Shouldn’t I?” The first thing she’d done when she and Nat walked into her condo was call Hanna Preston and arrange an emergency meeting with Fernando. The woman’s clipped tone had let Tegonni know her criticism had not changed. Whatever. Tegonni had bigger problems.

“Don’t know. When you made the call, you looked terrified something had happened to Fernando. I assume now, you expected to find out he had sucked some poor victim dry. Now you’re calm and things are less urgent. You up to a meeting?”

She collapsed on the couch, considering. “No. However, I need to know how he’s doing with the blood packs.”

“Okay. If you’re sure.”

Tegonni recognized his ‘disapproval’ voice. “What?”

“I know how hard this case has been for you. Especially with it being secret, but…”

“Talk.”

“Okay. I think you’ve lost your professional distance on this one. “

Heat spread across her cheeks. “I’m a bit more emotionally involved than I should be, but boundaries aren’t being crossed.”

“Physical boundaries aren’t all you have to look out for. I’m not judging. I just think you need to be honest with yourself. If you’re falling for him—”

“Stop.” A mirthless laugh escaping her. Her nerves were drawn tight. Nat was a good friend who knew her well. Of course he’d picked up her conflicted feelings about this case. “That’s not happening.”

He shrugged. “Okay.”

“Okay.” She tasted her tea. Lukewarm, the tangy, fruity beverage was far from refreshing.

“So, what are you going to wear?”

She sputtered, sending tea droplets spraying onto the coffee table. “What? I don’t know. Something light. My peach dress maybe. It’s supposed to be pretty warm tonight.”

Wiping the liquid up with a napkin, Nat said, “Uh-huh. I see.”

“You see what?”

He waved a hand, but smirked. “Nothing. Why don’t you take a relaxing bath? I’ll throw us something together to eat. Movie before you leave?”

“Yeah. We have plenty of time. Thanks.”

“No problem.”

She started toward the hall and then turned around. She wanted to know what that smirk was about. “Should I not wear the peach dress?”

“You absolutely should wear it. I think it’s perfect.”

She narrowed her eyes at his benign smile but didn’t harass him further.

As she continued to the bathroom, she heard his amused murmur, “Perfect for a date.”

Chapter Seven

That evening, Tegonni brushed invisible lint off her dress as she walked through the muggy summer night toward the church’s grand two-door entrance. She paused at the top of the steps and patted her riot of tiny windblown curls back into shape. “I am
not
nervous.”

The fluttering in her stomach said different. She wanted to attribute it to the stressful day, but she knew better. She was giddy and weak-kneed.
It’s the dress. Darn Nat for making me self-conscious
. The peach chiffon and eyelet lace was appropriate for church, but she couldn’t deny it was also alluring, if in a virginal way.
Just the type of look that a Catholic vampire might find attractive
. “Get a grip.” She yanked open a door.

Fernando stood near the back pew and walked toward her as she went inside. Giddy relief washed through her at seeing him calm and relaxed. Not on the verge of a violent breakdown. In fact, he was in full charmer mode.

“Senhorita,” he said over her hand before brushing his lips across her fingers. He wore another of his many expensive suits, this one a charcoal gray, but he had taken off the jacket, leaving his chest covered by a thin silk shirt, unbuttoned at the top. As he bent in his formal greeting, she took in the rich honey skin and sparse hairs hiding beneath the shirt. From what she could see, he’d be toned and delicious shirtless. She shook herself.
Whoa
. Today had taken a toll on her if her boundaries were slipping.

The air-conditioning sent a welcome chill against her heating skin. She hoped it would cool her head as well. “Fernando. Good evening.” She wasn’t at all happy with the breathlessness of her voice. She hoped he would attribute her increased nervousness to being surprised, but he was too observant for that.

He raised an eyebrow as he looked her over, his gaze pausing briefly on her chest. Her nipples betrayed her by tightening. His gaze meeting hers, he gave her a smile a bit too warm just to be friendly. “A pleasure, as always, to see you.”

He appraised her again, from her sandaled feet to her lips colored with a pinkish burnt-sienna gloss. She flustered under his gaze.

“A dress? And lip color.
Muito bonita
. You look quite charming in peach.”

A blush warmed her face. His smile turned a touch wicked, dashing her hope that her dark skin hid her reddening cheeks. “Thank you.”

He took her arm and at a slow stroll guided her around the church’s circumference. He studied the stained glass and beautifully crafted arches, his casual perusal akin to a tourist come to see the historic architecture. “You are well? Hanna said you sounded anxious on the phone.”

She winced. She had probably sounded spastic after her ordeal with the soul-stealer. But she hadn’t come to discuss that disaster. “I might have been overexcited earlier, but I’m fine. I just couldn’t wait a week to revisit last night’s discussion.”

“Ah yes, the consolation prize, Heaven’s admiration.” He turned his head from the their surroundings to her. “I noticed though, you didn’t say that they currently see me as worthy. Is there a clause I should be aware of?”

“The issue is human enthrallment. If you refrain from that, the Lephiri will find you worthy. If you can survive on the substitute—”

“
Deus
. That stuff tastes horrible.”

She sympathized. Eating your least favorite food every day had to be a kind of torture. “It’s a sacrifice on your part, but can you use it long-term?”

“I’m afraid not. It doesn’t have the sustenance of human blood.”

His tone was so casual. Did he have any idea his words were like a knife in her gut? No substitute, no compulsion-free feeding, and no plan to keep him from killing himself. She felt nauseated. How could she change his mind now? There was Nat’s suggestion. “What about feeding on a human without enthralling them?”

He stopped walking and stared at her. “I’m surprised the Lephiri—or you—would accept me drinking blood under any circumstances.”

She stared back. “Matanji specifically said compulsion was the problem.”

“And you agree?”

She hesitated. Her disdain was for the act of robbing people of their free will. Despite her conversations with Matanji and Nat the last couple of days, Tegonni had trouble separating the two. “It doesn’t matter what I think. Only what they think, and what you think.”

“I care about your opinion.”