Counselor of the Damned (9 page)

“Just tell me. Can it be done?”

He continued walking, still holding her arm. “No. The controlling effect on a human’s mind is caused by a combination of the venom a vampire’s fangs secrete and their power. Unfortunately, both are necessary during feeding.”

“Why?”

“A…reaction of sorts takes place. Not simply chemical, but bio-energetic. The point is without this reaction, blood is useless to us.”

Tegonni suppressed a growl. This made no sense. “You’ve been on chimp blood for weeks. No bio…energy…whatever there.”

He sighed and raked his fingers through his hair. “Actually, there is. I mix my venom into the packs, then infuse the mixture with my power.”

She mulled this over. He could put the venom in the chimp blood but the blood itself didn’t have enough nourishment.
Hang on
. Excited, she pulled him to a stop. “What about human blood packs? Sustenance without the venom going into anyone’s bloodstream.”

His laugh held a bitter edge. “I doubt you could find an astral mage willing to put a stasis spell on human blood to be served to a vampire. And where would it come from? I doubt they’d trust me to procure it.”

She didn’t believe her mage friend would have any qualms about the spell. However, Fernando was right about the blood source. The mage would want to know exactly where it came from, and “I got it from a vampire” would definitely be the wrong answer. So how could she get some?

I could donate
. She bit her lip, surprised at herself. Helping him find alternative food sources was one thing. Being one would open doors she hadn’t considered and was sure should stay closed. But if it was the easiest way, she would give her blood. Maybe her friend could get some. That led her to the biggest issue. Would he be willing to supply human blood and do the spell, all in secret? It was hardly a standard request.

She’d have to get Lephiri approval to cover her ass, because if Jaime found out… well, the woman would go apeshit. Tegonni would probably have to transfer, but that was doable. “I can try to work something out. I think the benefits are worth struggling through the challenges. Having the Lephiri’s recognition and basking in Heaven’s light.”

He shook his head as his shoulders sagged. “You sound so hopeful. I’m sorry to tell you I cannot survive on any type of packaged blood long-term. The problem lies in the blood being removed from the body. It just doesn’t have enough…kick. Eventually, I’d rot.”

Her throat tightened and tears pushed at the back of her eyes.

They were silent for several long moments. The divine presence within the sanctuary weighed down on her like a brief rush of euphoria. Sweet, but hampered by the bitter reality that it wouldn’t last.

Fernando broke the silence first. “Would you like to see the garden?”

“Garden?”

He offered his arm. “We can continue our talk, or just be soothed by the warm, fragrant night.”

She allowed him to escort her out a side door into the church’s secluded contemplation garden. They walked in silence over the uneven paving stones. She tightened her fingers on his arm as she grasped for alternative solutions.

Fernando placed his hand over hers as they stopped in front of a small fountain. “I know you are trying to come up with another way. Please, don’t torment yourself so. There is no other.”

The vision came crushing back. The image of Fernando hanging, bloody, from a ceiling flashed in her mind.
“There is no other way. There never was.”

She shook her head violently. “No. No!”

He held her forearms as her breathing became short and choppy and her insides chilled. Her head buzzed. Knowing that she was having a panic attack did nothing to stop it from happening.

“Tegonni. What is wrong?”

“I just…need…a minute.” She closed her eyes as she tried to get her breath under control.

Fernando stroked her arms. “Perhaps I can help. Focus on me as I breathe with you.”

She’d done the same for clients. She looked at him while he placed one of her hands over his heart. It beat slower than a human’s. Still, she took comfort in it.

“Follow my inhale and exhale.” He exaggerated his breath. Deep and slow. Focusing on him here and now, safe and unbloodied, did as much to calm her as the deep breathing.

After a few minutes, the dizziness faded.
So unprofessional. I’m supposed to be
his
counselor.

“Your heart has slowed. You feel better?”

Tegonni stepped back. “I do. Thank you. I’m sorry.”

“No need. May I ask what happened?”

“I…” She shouldn’t tell him. Putting her fears on him any more than she had already tonight would not help him deal with his issues. “I’m sorry. We’re here to focus on you.”

“I’m distressed that you are upset. If I even partially am the cause, I’d like to know.”

“Fernando, you haven’t done anything.”

“Perhaps not intentionally.”

Giving him something else to feel guilty about was worse than laying the truth on him. “All right. I had a kind of vision today in which you…chose to die. You saying there is no other way reminded me. You said the same thing to me in the vision.”

“A vision. Induced by what?”

“A, uh…” Clasping her elbows, she looked down. “A possessed man.”

He frowned. “A demon?”

“Yes, but—” Meeting his eyes, she saw cold fury.

“What became of it? Did it fully manifest?”

“No. It was exorcised and the man is in custody. Why?”

“I would have destroyed it, had it escaped. How could the Lephiri allow this to happen to you?”

She stared at him. Going after a powerful demon without Lephiri magic, as Jaime had used, was dangerous, potentially lethal. “You’d hunt a demon?”

“Yes.” He cupped her cheek in one hand. “For harming you.”

“I’m okay.”

“Physically you are, but I don’t have to inform you about emotional wounds. Please tell me more of this vision.”

She gave him most of the highlights, skipping Jaime’s threat on her life. Her cowardice in stepping aside and consequently being devoured by guilt and satanic miasma she summed up inaccurately with, “I couldn’t save you.”

His smile looked sad. “No, you can’t. Thank you for sharing this. I needed to know your feelings so I can now assure you, this is not your fault.”

“There must be something. Some exception I haven’t thought of. I’ve never met anyone more deserving of love than you.”

He studied her as if he’d discovered something new. “You truly believe that.” He took her hand, then placed a kiss on the palm. She shivered with the pleasant touch of his cool, dry lips. “Oh, Tegonni. What a compassionate, optimistic soul you are. I don’t want you to think me ungrateful. Your disposition has been a great comfort to me, but, my dear, there is no way to turn a despicable act into behavior sanctioned by Heaven. They cannot love me.”

She didn’t care as tears spilled over and ran down her face. Had she been talking of Heaven’s love? It didn’t matter, because she finally understood his point of view. A person dedicated to good should not have to suffer the need to do evil. She couldn’t prevent, or even argue against his death.

Chilling pain sliced through her, and all decorum dropped as she propelled forward and hugged him. She wished she could grow three feet so she could embrace him and his grief as Matanji had embraced her, but this would have to do.

He froze, and then shuddered. He moved his arms around her waist tentatively.

Tegonni tucked her head into his neck and melted into him. The soft texture of his shirt slid beneath her fingertips as she stroked his back. She rubbed her nose along his skin, taking in his scent—orange faintly mixed with spicy clove.

He gradually relaxed, molding around her and rubbing his cheek over her hair.

She shoved aside her grief to savor the quiet moment pressed against him. This might be her one chance to touch him in this way. Not very professional, but she offered comfort and support as a friend.
Only a friend?

She let the question go unanswered as they stood, holding each other in the silence of the garden. After a while, Fernando eased out of their embrace. He ran his hands up her bare arms to her shoulders and smiled.

He didn’t need to say thank you because the sentiment showed on his face. When he raised a hand and caressed her cheek, his smile faltered. His gaze intensified, and he wrapped his arm around her back.

Tegonni’s breath caught.
He’s going to kiss me.

Heat warmed her body. She tilted her head to receive his lips despite her mind’s protest that she should stop this. The many valid reasons why raced through her thoughts, but ceased when Fernando’s lips touched hers.

His skin was cool, his breath sweet, as he brushed a kiss over her upper lip. She flexed her arms around him.

Fernando’s touch became bolder. His mouth opened, coaxing hers to follow. His hand drifted down her neck and stroked her bare shoulder.

The light touch created tingles over her skin, and she shuddered. All her suppressed feelings for Fernando came rushing up to the surface. Her heart pounded, and her stomach tightened. As she clung to him, a sob escaped, muffled against his lips.

“Tegonni?” Fernando wiped away her tears with the pad of his thumb.

“I don’t want you to die.”

“I must admit, you offer an enticing reason not to.”

“Will you give the substitute more time? At least give me a chance to come up with something else?”

He rested his forehead on hers. “If you wish. I don’t want to upset you.”

“You don’t upset me. Your situation upsets me.”

He rubbed her back. “I know, but I had not intended to act on my attraction to you and add to your stress.”

When he pulled away, Tegonni locked her arms around him. “This stress I like.” She smiled, and then kissed him. He started, giving a soft grunt before returning her kiss.

He licked her lips, then stretched his tongue between them. Cool and sweet, it played along hers, tasting and exploring.

She curled her fingers around his neck and into the short locks of hair. “Mmm.” She lost herself in the feel of him and shut down all thoughts of the difficulties facing them or possible fallout from their current activity.

He captured her bottom lip, and sucked the plump flesh into his mouth. She ran her hands up his broad back and caressed his shoulders. He pulled away, drawing her lip out of his mouth with a soft pop.

Tegonni licked her swollen flesh, hoping it wasn’t possible to get a hickey on her mouth. Nat would tease her to no end. Inwardly, she laughed. Finally, he’d have something to tease her about.

Fernando traced her lips with a gentle fingertip, making her shiver. When he pressed his mouth to hers again, his kiss was firmer, more demanding. His hands molded over her hips, his finger pads squeezing her buttocks through the thin chiffon of her dress.

Tegonni moaned into his mouth, enjoying the heated clenching going on low in her belly. Still, the small part of her that clung to reason warned it was past time to put a stop to this.

Fernando returned to sucking on her bottom lip.

“Mmmm.”
In a minute
. She did love the sucking.

She pressed her hips into his. His erection, snuggled tight against the top of her thigh, encouraged further wriggling. He leisurely drew out her lip, but he didn’t let it pop out of his mouth this time.

He nipped the delicate skin with a sharp fang.

She didn’t so much as flinch at the small pain. She was too lost in his taste and the feel of his hands. He sucked at the little wound. His hands tightened on her ass. When he let out a long, satisfied groan, her inner muscles pulsed at the sound.
Oh, my. Yes
.

Fernando released her lip with a parting lick. His voice husky and dazed, he said, “Your blood is rich.” His words doused her carnal trance. They froze in each other’s arms.

Blood.
He just drank my blood
. Shaking, Tegonni shoved away from Fernando. She waited for enthrallment to cloud her mind. What would it feel like? A drug-induced high? Nothing happened.

Fernando stood with his head bowed, hands covering his face. It had only been a nip, probably not enough for her to get a full dose of serum. But he’d tasted her blood. Without a thought. Without asking. Pain gripped her chest. Fernando would never do that. She thought of the vision again.
“I lost control.”
Was his willpower so tenuous?

She backed away, peering at him. He didn’t look on the verge of a meltdown. Just remorseful.

“Forgive me. I didn’t mean…” He stretched one hand out to her and then dropped it. “This is the nature I can’t escape. The desire to have that small taste of your essence is tied up with my affection for you. What, to my kind, is a sweet intimacy must revolt you.”

She shifted uneasily. He’d taken her reaction for disgust. And wasn’t that what she felt? No, not exactly. The act, which she’d always accepted as repugnant, didn’t mesh with the pleasure that had coursed through her body. The experience had been…erotic. She didn’t want to admit the truth aloud. She needed time to think about what she was doing. She shook her head to clear it.

“It’s all right, Tegonni. I would expect no less from you. Curious, though. Tasting you did not feel abhorrent to me.”

She bristled. “Well, thanks.”

“I seem to be stepping wrong with you tonight. I apologize. I did not mean I should find you unpleasant, but that I usually find the experience of tasting a human’s blood unpleasant. At least after the fact.”

“Oh. But you don’t now?”

“No. You are different.”

She looked away. She wouldn’t allow this to go any further. Wouldn’t give in to the happy thrill that went through her at his last words. And she wouldn’t bother to sort out her feelings because they didn’t matter.
He’s a client. Off-limits
. “Fernando. I should be apologizing. Allowing you to kiss me and kissing you back were out of line.”

He crossed his arms. “Why is that?”

“You’re my client, and I was wrong to let things turn…intimate.”

“Of course. I see.” He walked to the edge of the rose bed. “If I were not your client, what would your feelings be?”