Courage in the Kiss (21 page)

Six Weeks Later

Hadley winced as she pulled on her bra, as that same tenderness and discomfort swept through her right breast. It wasn’t anything Maxx had done, since she hadn’t seen him in six weeks. They’d had a few phone calls and texts over that time, discussing business details and interior tips as he finally got around to visiting the London office during its redecoration.

Most of the time, there was silence. Maxx was too busy with work to call her or visit, so Hadley had to find other ways to spend her time.

Micah was a great help. He had two more weeks off school before he had to go back, and was spending time taking her out to movies and teaching her how to play video games.

The majority of her time was spent with Ronnie and Jay, who had proven to be an adorable couple as well as loyal friends. They kept her secret about her relationship with Maxx, letting her vent and helping her work on their fight against Emerson’s adoption plans. In return, she helped ease the way with Emerson, for the eventual revelation of their relationship.

She had Emerson watching films and TV shows that involved primarily gay characters then talked about her two gay friends, without mentioning names or careers. It seemed to be working, because he no longer used those offensive slang words that he’d been brought up to believe were acceptable. He asked questions and celebrated with her the night that the legalisation of gay marriage became widespread through America.

It was the kind of project that kept her busy. But nothing removed Maxx from her thoughts.

And the tenderness of her breast was one more thing that had been bothering her this past fortnight. Tentatively, she cupped her hand beneath the weight and removed it from her bra, to make sure that both breasts were the same.

There were no odd lumps, no hard areas that shouldn’t be there. The colour and shape was the same as before, with the right side being marginally bigger than the left. The mole on her left breast hadn’t changed at all, so she ruled out an issue there. With no physical changes, that she could see, she also ruled out breast cancer.

But then Hadley stalled and picked up her mobile phone. She’d make an appointment, just to make sure. It couldn’t be a coincidence that she’d put on a few kilos these past few weeks, or that she was also having tenderness in her breast. If there’d been any swelling in the area, she might have panicked, but she was about seventy percent sure there was nothing to worry about.

The appointment would take care of the other thirty percent.

“Hadley!”

Micah’s voice came from behind her closed door, so she carefully put her bra back on and lifted her T-shirt from the bed. It probably wasn’t a good choice, but the material was lighter on her chest than the shirt she’d originally planned on.

Once dressed, she made her way to the door and opened it to find Micah smiling at her. “Phone call for you,” he announced, handing over the upstairs phone.

It had been replaced, four weeks ago, with a wireless handset, due to the amount of calls that Maxx and the investors kept making now that Emerson was retired.

Hadley had picked them out, with Rowan and Micah, during a fun filled shopping trip. This way, Emerson didn’t have to get out of bed, or the study, to answer the phone. But no one she knew ever bothered calling the house; it was always her mobile.

Her suspicion arose as she put the phone to her ear and said hello.

“Hello, gorgeous,” Maxx replied, cheerily. “Did I catch you at a bad time, because your mobile had a busy signal?” he admitted.

Hadley sighed and waved Micah away, as she backed into her room for some privacy. “No. I was making a doctor’s appointment,” she explained, as she began clearing away the multiple clothing options she’d laid out on the bed. “What made you call so early? Normally you wait until your day is done,” she hinted.

Or not at all, she added, silently.

“Yeah, I’ve been rushed off my feet these last few weeks,” Maxx said, with a hint of complaint. “I swear, if I have to repeat myself once more time, I’m going to murder someone. I don’t know how Dad dealt with these investors before, but I want to go back to my old job,” he lamented.

Hadley smiled to herself, wishing the same thing. At least when he’d only been the manager of the Edinburgh office, he lived in his flat, but made regular visits home when he could, especially for big events. Now, he was down in London and the drive was too long for a flying visit, and, although a flight took only an hour and a half, it was a waste of time and effort if he couldn’t stay longer than one night.

“You’ll be fine. Once this transfer is settled, you can go back to your old routine. You’ll just have to do more paperwork and handle more phone calls and e-mails,” Hadley reassured him. This was just a minor adjustment to his routine, but it would get back to normal soon enough.

“Let’s hope so,” Maxx agreed with a deep sigh. “So why are you going to the doctor?” he wondered, with a hint of warning that he wasn’t going to leave this alone.

Hadley took a deep breath and thought about whether to admit the truth or not. “It’s just a check up. I think I’m getting a chest infection,” she lied, sure that it was nothing she had to worry him about.

There was no point saying something now and then having to call him back and admit that it was nothing more than some unusual period pains. She’d gone on some birth control pills not long after she and Maxx ended up in bed together, just to make sure that their ‘fling’ didn’t turn into more. This could easily be a reaction to the pills, or just natural changes to the adjustment of her hormones.

“Well, make sure you get antibiotics, if they’ll give you them. Use Dad as an excuse if you have to,” he said, sounding unsure of whether to believe her or not. “Knowing that his health is bad, the last thing they’ll want is him getting a chest infection or picking anything up from you,” he continued.

Although Hadley heard concern for his father in Maxx’s voice, she also heard that underlying worry that was all for her. “I promise.”

“Good. Well, I can’t call you back tonight and I’ve got a lot of meetings this week, so text me to let me know what happens at your appointment,” Maxx asked, cementing the belief that she was the one he was really worried about.

She smiled and sat on the edge of the bed, hoping this was progress in their relationship. “I promise I will. It’s not until next week, so I’ll keep you updated,” she said, though that was a lie, too. Her appointment was this afternoon, but lying gave her a week to get any tests back that might need to be done.

“Fine,” Maxx agreed, then let out a sigh that sounded like he was reluctant to hang up, but that he didn’t know what else to say. “Who is Ronnie?” he asked, finally.

Hadley froze and wondered where he’d heard that name and why he sounded so jealous. He shouldn’t even know about her friendship with Ronnie, but since he did, she admitted the truth. “He’s a friend. Your dad introduced us. Apparently, Ronnie’s his lawyer and he thought he could convince me to sign the adoption papers,” she confessed, hoping not to get him riled up again. She knew how angry he was about the adoption process.

“Right. Because everything we say goes in one ear and out the other,” Maxx complained in exasperation. “So why did Dad tell me about Ronnie, as if he’s some secret lover that is harassing you?” he wondered.

She almost laughed, until she realised that the jealousy was real and fading now that he knew there was no real reason for it. “He was probably gloating. When Ronnie refused to force me into signing the papers, your dad tried to set us up. Except that Ronnie is gay and already dating someone,” she explained to ease his mind.

“Of course he is.” Maxx laughed it off, already sounding happier and more relaxed. “Dad’s oblivious to anything that doesn’t fit his plans. He probably thought that if you hooked up with Ronnie, you’d be more likely to sign the papers,” he realised. It made perfect sense, so she didn’t bother arguing.

“Well, Ronnie and I bonded over our secrets. We hang out a lot, so Emerson probably thinks we’re dating,” Hadley confessed, uninterested in changing that perception. As long as he thought she was dating Ronnie, he would keep quiet about the adoption, and that was all she wanted right now.

“Probably,” he agreed. “Well, just let him believe it. It’s probably safer,” he admitted, seemingly in perfect agreement with the decision she’d already made. “Damn it. Sorry, Had, I have to go. I’ll speak to you soon.”

Hadley picked at her fingernails and reluctantly agreed to hang up. “Right. Well, I’m always here, if you need me,” she promised.

“I always will, gorgeous.”

Hadley took her seat at the doctor’s office, wondering what she’d gotten herself in for now. She’d been waiting for nearly an hour, so she’d started talking to the woman sitting next to her. After they’d traded symptoms, the woman had given her a wry smile and told her she’d be fine.

It sent her nerves shattering, wondering how she knew that and what her smile meant. Now, it was time to talk to the doctor.

“So, how have you been?” Dr. Buchan asked.

“Fine, mostly. I mean, I’ve put on some weight since you put me on the pill, but I figured that was normal?” she explained, asking more as a question since she wasn’t sure what was going on with her body right now.

Dr. Buchan hummed and scribbled onto a notepad on her desk.

Hadley kept talking. “I’ve also got some tenderness in my breast, just the right one at the moment, but I checked and I don’t feel anything untoward. But I figured you would know best. And with the weight gain and everything, I figured best to check it out,” she explained.

“What is ‘everything’?” Dr. Buchan asked, looking up at her.

“Well, just stupid things, really,” she confessed, twisting the zip of her jacket between her fingers as she thought through what she’d noticed. “My appetite has changed, I’m feeling tired all the time, and more emotional. It’s like I’ve got constant PMT,” she joked a little at the end, because she was sure it was nothing serious.

Dr. Buchan smiled and made more notes, while keeping silent. It took a few minutes for her to put her pen down and push her seat back. “Let’s get you up on the table to check this tenderness,” she suggested, gesturing to the long table at the side of the room.

Hadley had been expecting this, so she unzipped her jacket and made her way to the table, where she sat on the side edge, facing the wall. She kicked her feet, impatiently, as the doctor stood up and crossed over to her.

“Top off,” she said, nodding at her T-shirt.

With a sigh, she lifted it off and set it beside her. She always hated this part; it wasn’t so much the stripping in front of someone; it was the cold hands and poking around that annoyed her.

As with her last check up, which had been done before prescribing her the pill, Dr. Buchan lifted her right arm and dug her fingers into Hadley’s armpit. Then she continued probing down her side and around the edge of her breast. With that checked and no funny looks of warning, she did the same with her left side and nodded.

“Okay. You want to lie back and undo your jeans for me?” Dr. Buchan suggested.

Hadley felt like saying no. She didn’t know anyone who wanted to do that for a doctor, but she kept her mouth shut and did as she asked.

Fingers drifted over her stomach, digging in at various places, before continuing down to her groin. “Is something wrong?” Hadley asked, concerned that this was a much more intense examination than she’d expected.

Instead of answering, Dr. Buchan stepped back and smiled. “You can fix your clothes, then come have a seat,” she said, while she walked over to the sink at the side of the room. She washed her hands and squeezed soap out twice before washing them again.

Hadley fixed her clothes and returned to her seat as asked, wondering what the hell was going on and why Dr. Buchan smiled at herself the same way the woman in the waiting room did. “Seriously, you’re freaking me out. What’s wrong?” she asked, afraid that she’d have to call Maxx and admit that she’d been wrong. If this was something serious, she’d ask if he could come home. She wasn’t sure she could deal with it alone.

Dr. Buchan returned to her seat, while drying her hands with a few paper towels. “Well, it’s nothing bad. Although, that rather depends on how you look at it,” she said, mostly to herself. “From my examination and from what you’ve told me, I’d say you’re pregnant, but we’ll need a urine sample to confirm.”

Hadley’s world slowed down and her vision got a little hazy. She swayed in her seat and had to catch the edge of the desk to steady herself. “I’m sorry. Pregnant?” she checked, convinced she’d imagined that word. She couldn’t be pregnant. It just wasn’t possible.

“Afraid so,” Dr. Buchan confirmed, with a light hint of laughter and a grin. “Hadley, I’m guessing you’re around seven weeks or so. I won’t be able to tell, definitively, until we get your test back,” she explained, while opening the drawer on the left side of her desk. She extracted a sample pot and handed it over. “Can you pee now? The sooner we get this tested, the quicker I can give you answers,” she continued.

When she handed over the pot, Hadley took it, her hand shaking as she contemplated the possibilities. “Um…” She cleared her throat and thought back to seven weeks ago. “Six weeks ago, Maxx came home and I don’t think we used a condom. And the only other time we haven’t was around ten weeks ago,” she explained, realising that they should have been more careful.

Both times they’d gone without a condom had been spur of the moment or intense encounters, where the very thought of using one hadn’t even popped into her head. She should never have let this happen. She wasn’t ready to be a mother. She hadn’t the first clue how to look after a baby.

Maxx didn’t even love her!

Dr. Buchan nodded and scribbled more notes onto her notepad. “It could be either time, to be honest. Or, not to disappoint you, but condoms rip and sometimes they just don’t work how they’re supposed to. It was three weeks before you were able to get an appointment with me, after your first time,” she pointed out, with a knowing look. “If you’d told reception what it was for, I could have recommended you to someone else, but I do understand why you waited.”

Hadley nodded and didn’t bother thanking her. Dr. Buchan had been taking care of her for nearly eight years and knew that she’d been a virgin until Maxx came along. She’d avoided the disastrous smear tests, because she’d still been a virgin, and now she not only had that horror ahead of her, but all of her careful precautions had failed her.

She was pregnant.

What the hell was she going to do? What would she tell Emerson and Micah?

What would she tell Maxx?

“Hadley,” Dr. Buchan touched her hand and waited until she looked up, before offering a smile, “the bathroom is just down the hall. If you can, try now. I can give you an answer right away, but if you want more confirmation other than the urine test, we can do a blood test and a sonogram,” she offered.

Hadley nodded and thought about what she wanted. She trusted Dr. Buchan, and it seemed that even the woman from the waiting room knew that she was pregnant, so did she really need to question it? “The urine test is fine. I’ll be right back with this,” she promised.

But as she got up and left the room, leaving her jacket and bag behind, since she’d be coming straight back, the thought of running flashed into her mind. If she took off now, she could get away from here, away from life, and have a second to breathe, to process all of this.

Yet, even as she was faced with the fork in the hallway; one leading to the front door and the other leading to the bathrooms, she turned right. She didn’t have time for running away. She was pregnant. This was big, scary, and bloody terrifying. But she couldn’t run from it. She was carrying Maxx’s baby inside her.

Suddenly, all of her dreams seemed more like a nightmare that she couldn’t wake from.

Just what was she going to do?