Courtly Love (5 page)

Serena dipped into a swift curtsy, but when she rose her eyes mocked him. "Thank you, m'lord."

* * *

Serena gave her hair a final pat and walked toward the stairs. She detested mealtimes because they forced the antagonists of the household into direct confrontation. She would have preferred to take her meals in her room, but she refused to give Beda or Gyles the satisfaction of knowing that these gatherings brought her nerves to the breaking point. A tug on the back of her skirt brought Serena up short, and she turned to see Alan watching her solemnly.

"Why aren't you at the table, Alan? I'm sure the meal has already started."

"Father didn't say I could. Will you take me with you?"

Serena considered him for a moment. "Did you eat in the hall before I came, Alan?" He nodded, and Serena sighed inwardly. How many restrictions had been placed on Alan because of her? "Come along then. From now on you and I shall dine together."

Happily, Alan grasped Serena's hand and nearly skipped along beside her through the corridor and down the steps. When they entered the great hall, all conversation abruptly died and Serena noted that Beda half rose from her seat at the sight of them. Recently, Beda had taken to occupying the chair next to Gyles that was rightfully Serena's; tonight was no exception. Serena didn't mind, for it meant she was spared the scathing remarks Gyles usually heaped upon her, and she was only too glad to find a seat elsewhere at the head table. Now Serena gently pulled Alan to the table and into a seat next to her, after which she concentrated on filling first his trencher and then her own. The conversation resumed, but when Serena looked up from her food, she found both Gyles's and Beda's gazes upon her. Gyles's look told her nothing, but Beda's eyes blazed with malevolence. Serena lowered her head to attend to Alan's questions and to her food. As the meal progressed it became increasingly obvious that Beda drank far more than she ate. Her voice became louder and more shrill, until no one in the hall could pretend not to hear her. Beda reviled everything about Camden and when that subject was exhausted she turned her attention to the occupants of the castle, beginning with Lydia. That poor woman flushed under the cutting edge of Beda's tongue and as soon as she had fled from the hall in tears it was Mara's turn. Mara paled, but before Beda could complete her tirade, Mara rose and with great dignity left the table. At their tables, the knights shifted uneasily as they realized Beda could now direct herself to the one person she had meant to insult all along. Serena also realized that fact and sat with her hands tightly clenched in her lap. Alan looked from one adult to another, not understanding why his father didn't make Beda stop shouting; he was not allowed to speak like that in front of Gyles.

"And, of course, there is the fair Lady Serena. Still so pure after four months as a wife. Mayhap 'tis your pallor that disgusts your husband, or perhaps you are too thin. Poor Lady Serena, should I tell you how to attract your own husband? Tis not so difficult as you may think. And once having enticed him to your bed, I could teach you well how to please him."

Serena stared at her trencher, feeling sick and humiliated beyond belief. It had been an open secret that Gyles had not consummated their marriage and that he and Beda had been—and probably still were—lovers. But to have the matter openly bandied about was a different matter entirely. The knights were glancing nervously at each other and would not look at her, while Gyles sat as if he were carved out of stone; his scar had already whitened and a muscle in his jaw had begun to tic.

Why doesn't Serena fight back,
Gyles wondered?
It wasn't like her to remain so silent; her face so drawn that her blue eyes looked twice their normal size.
Alan was nervously plucking at her sleeve and Serena slipped an arm around his small shoulders with a shake of her head to warn him into silence.

"She looks positively maternal, doesn't she, Gyles? Does mothering come naturally to you, Serena, or does it apply only to motherless bas—"

"Enough!" Serena's voice rang through the hall as she rose from her seat with such violence that her chair fell back with a crash. "Alan, go to my room. Do you know where it is? Good, tell Nellwyn that I sent you. Now go," Serena said softly and gave him a gentle push toward the stairs. She watched until the boy was out of sight, then turned back to face Beda.

"So protective of a bastard, Serena! Could it be that you are his mother?" Beda sneered as she advanced upon Serena.

"If I were, Lady Beda, you would now be picking yourself up from the rushes on the floor. Say what you like to me, for I can defend myself, but never let me find you tormenting the boy!" Serena's features relaxed as she brought her temper under control and an amused smile played on her lips. "Is there anything else you had to tell me, Lady Beda?"

The two women stood facing each other with only a small space separating them. Beda was taller than Serena by a full head, yet the smaller woman stood straight and tall before her, apparently completely unafraid, which angered Beda further.

Serena raised an eyebrow at Beda. "Ah, well, as you seem to have lost your tongue. Perhaps we can continue our conversation at some later time." Serena's look encompassed both Gyles and Beda. "Have a pleasant evening, Lady Beda." She turned and mounted the stairs. It was Gyles's shout that warned her, and Serena turned to find Beda, a dagger in her raised hand, only a few feet from her.

Driven past all endurance, Beda saw Serena as the foil to her plans. Her life had been running smoothly until she had allowed Aurelia to talk her into having Gyles marry Serena. Aurelia had sworn the girl would cause no problems at Camden and so far Serena had caused nothing but trouble! Their greater plans be damned, for Beda would rid herself of Serena's presence once and for all.

Serena read the resolve in Beda's drunken stare and tried to sidestep the blow, but her movement was not quick enough, and Beda's dagger buried itself in the fleshy part of Serena's shoulder just above the collarbone. With her good hand, Serena caught Beda full in the face and shoved her backward down the stairs where she sprawled in a drunken heap.

Gyles stood at the foot of the stairs, a horrified look on his face as he stared at his wife. The left side of her bodice was becoming rapidly stained with blood, and she leaned weakly against the cool stone wall. Vaguely, Serena realized that Gyles was beside her, and she forced her eyes open. She despised the sudden weakness in her legs and the way the room seemed to be spinning inside her head. Tentatively she forced her right hand upward until she could touch the hilt of the dagger. Her fingers came away sticky with her own blood and a buzzing began in her ears.

Nellwyn screamed, "Aiyee! Serena, child! What've ye done to me poor lamb?"

Alan's small face appeared from behind the nurse's skirt and his eyes grew round with fear.

"Nellwyn, take Alan back to his room and stop your screeching! I'll be all right, 'tis nothing." Serena's words sounded unconvincing even to her own ears, and to prove the truth of them to her nurse and the boy she reached up and pulled the blade from her flesh, her stomach churning at the sickening, grating sound it made against the bone as it came free. A spurt of blood followed its removal, and Serena felt a pair of strong arms come around her as she swayed dizzily. She looked up into Gyles's concerned green eyes and managed a wan smile. Her tongue felt swollen and it seemed forever before her stiff lips would respond to her wishes.

"I do not wish to swoon here, m'lord. Please . . . would you mind helping me—" The world dimmed and darkened completely, as Gyles felt Serena's legs buckle. She collapsed limply into his arms.

* * *

Consciousness returned slowly to Serena, until at last her eyes focused on the ceiling of her room. She could hear people moving quietly about and talking in hushed voices, and she found herself wondering how many hours she had lost to that sudden blackness that had enveloped her. She must have made some slight movement, for Nellwyn's face was immediately above her.

"So yer back with us, lamb. High time, too, for ye've wasted the better part of a week." As Serena reached up to touch her shoulder, Nellwyn nodded. "Aye, the bleeding's stopped, and 'tis not such a bad wound for all the blood that came out of it. Ye scared me near to death, and Alan, poor little tyke, has been crying since he saw ye. Said ye were going to die like his mother did, and wouldn't listen to Lord Gyles when he said ye wouldn't. Ye'd better see him, lamb, before he floods the castle."

Serena smiled. "Help me up, Nellwyn, so I can get dressed, then get the boy. And get rid of those women, the way they're staring at me makes me nervous. Well, what are you waiting for?"

"Do ye not want to ask about Lord Gyles? 'Twas he who carried ye to yer own bed and saw to the tending of yer wound." Nellwyn looked at her charge slyly. "Aye, well, I can see yer too proud to ask, so I'll tell ye anyway. He's been with ye every minute and he just now left to eat."

"His concern is touching." Serena spat out the words to conceal the wild leaping of her pulse at the mention of her husband. "And you are meddling again. I shall dress myself, since you seem to have forgotten my orders, so you and the others may take your leave. Bring Alan to me and something to eat also."

It took longer to dress than Serena had thought because of the stiffness in her left arm. But it moved easier as she forced herself to use the arm, and she could manage quite well when she combed her hair. Nellwyn returned with a tray of food and Serena fell upon it ravenously while Nellwyn watched approvingly. Just as Serena finished, there was a light rap on the door. "Take the tray away, Nellwyn, and bring Alan in. And there's no need for you to hover about—don't look at me that way, I'm not a baby anymore and I'm perfectly capable of dealing with one small boy!"

"Aye, that ye be, but can ye deal with the lad's father?" Nellwyn asked with a knowing smile.

Serena's eyes widened in anger and Nellwyn beat a hasty retreat, for she knew full well her mistress was quite capable of a harsh rebuke when she felt her old nurse had overstepped the boundaries of familiarity.

Alan entered the room cautiously, as if he were afraid of what he might find. To his child's mind, the beautiful lady with gold streaked hair had been mortally wounded by Beda. Why else would she have lain so still and unmoving with her face as pale as the linens on her bed? His father's repeated assurances had done nothing to quiet the fear that had grown with each hour that passed and Serena had not awakened. Alan's happiness knew no bounds when he saw Serena sitting in a chair by the fire, and he could only stand and stare as he watched a smile spread across Serena's face.

"For shame, Alan! Nellwyn tells me you've been hounding her all day, and now you won't even greet me?"

With a glad cry, Alan ran to her side and buried his face in her skirt. Serena felt his tears dampening the material of her gown and although the movement cost her much in the way of pain, she lifted Alan onto her lap to still his sobs.

"There's no need to cry, Alan. Everything is fine. Hush now, little one." She rocked him gently and ruffled his black hair.

Alan raised his head and rubbed the tears from his eyes with his small fists. He touched Serena's shoulder tentatively. "It doesn't hurt anymore?"

Serena smiled down at him. "It hurts, but not badly. I've received worse falling out of trees."

"When I grow up, I'm going to be a knight just like my father, and I'll protect you. I won't let anyone hurt you again," Alan said vehemently.

Alan was suddenly lifted from Serena's lap and swung high in the air by a strong pair of hands before he was set on the hearth. Serena's gasp subsided when she saw Gyles looking down at her, a mocking smile on his lips.

"I did not mean to frighten you, Serena, but Alan should have been abed long before this. Nellwyn is waiting to take you back to your room, Alan, so bid good-night to Lady Serena and be off with you."

With a last smile for Serena, Alan did as he was told and scampered into Nellwyn's waiting arms. Gyles turned back to his wife, who had risen from her chair.

"You need not remain standing, I give you leave to be seated." Gyles folded his long body into a chair and smiled at Serena.

Serena's temper flared. "You give me leave!" She sputtered. "You come in unannounced and have the audacity to—" the words choked in her throat as she remembered Nellwyn's words. She studied Gyles's face from beneath the veil of her lashes. There were circles under his eyes, giving evidence to the fact that he hadn't slept for many days and nights.

Gyles seemed not to notice Serena's abrupt silence. " Tis my home, Serena, and I may go where I wish, when I wish. Do you dispute that?"

"No, m'lord."

"And are you telling me I am not welcome in your chambers?"

"No, m'lord."

"Then sit down!" Gyles roared for Serena was so pale he feared she would swoon. Serena obeyed so quickly that Gyles felt the first true amusement he had experienced in years. "You are feeling better?"

"Yes, m'lord. The shoulder is a bit stiff, but it moves well so I doubt there is any permanent damage. Is . . ." Serena frowned, unsure of her next question. "Lady Beda ... is she ... well?"

"Beda enjoys the best of health," Gyles muttered. "Unfortunately for everyone." Serena looked at him in surprise as he continued, "I am sorry, Serena, for not realizing the extent of Beda's anger. I should have stopped her when she began insulting you. Believe me, I never meant for you to be humiliated in front of others because of me, nor did I think that Beda would do anything as insane as attacking you." Gyles reached out and brushed his fingers lightly over Serena's injured shoulder. "Though I was forced into this marriage—for reasons you do not know and probably would not understand—I would not have you hurt." A small laugh. "My son is better with words than I am. As best I can, I shall see to it you are not hurt again. A word of caution, Serena, avoid Beda as much as possible, her attack on you—"

"I think she has meant to do me harm since I arrived." Serena completed the thought for Gyles. "I do not know what I have done to make her hate me."

"You are young and quite beautiful, I believe that is reason enough. You have usurped her position as lady of the manor, and she finds it impossible to accept that simple fact."

"M'lord," Serena began hesitantly, "was it your desire to wed Beda?" Gyles looked at her so oddly that her eyes slid away from his. "Please ... I do not mean to pry, I only wish to understand my position. It is clear that I am neither wanted nor needed at Camden and—it would be easier for everyone if I were not here. If you desire it, I will retire to my dower estate."

"Alan needs you—he has grown quite fond of you in such a short time and I will not permit you to destroy what happiness he has. You are my wife and you will remain here!"

"Yes, m'lord." She refused to look at Gyles again and she heard him give a snort of disgust before he stormed from the room. Serena caught her bottom lip between her teeth to still its trembling. So things were to continue as they were. Nothing had changed. Nothing! Serena had thought that just for a moment Gyles's eyes had softened when he looked at her. Even if it had only been desire she had seen, Serena would have welcomed it. At least Gyles, her husband, would have wanted her for something. A virgin wife Beda had called her, and it seemed she was to remain so. The thought disturbed her greatly. Gyles's first Mss had awakened strange thoughts and yearnings in her young body; they had frightened and excited her. Serena admitted to herself, at last, that she desired Gyles—the man she had been forced to marry and had detested on sight. He had aroused passions in her that he refused to see to a finish. The devil take him! She was no wife to him nor would she ever be; she was less than nothing in his eyes. Well it would not remain that way, she would see to that! Since he seemed to dislike women with spirit, she would play the gentle wife; where he thought to find anger there would be only tender regard; where before Gyles had encountered stubbornness he would be met with compliance. Serena would weave a net about him so slowly and with so much care that Gyles would find himself ensnared before he realized it!